A/N: Okay, first of all I want to apologise to you all for taking forever to update. RL, has been crazy, and this chapter was an absolute nightmare to write. But hey, it's finally done, and I hope you enjoy.

Carson hated this, more than any other part of his job, he hated having to look into the eyes of patients families, or in this case the closest thing John had to a family, and deliver bad news.

He walked into the briefing room to find that they were all there. Rodney, Ford, Teyla, and Elizabeth, all turned expectantly towards him as he took his place at the table. He really, really hated this part of his job.

"Carson, how is he?" Elizabeth asked, her voice wavering slightly as she spoke. Johns attempted attempted suicide had shaken them all, more than anyone would care to admit.

"I know we were all hoping that there would be a physical reason for the Colonel's recent behaviour, but I'm afraid there isn't. I've run every test that I could think of, and aside from his still healing injuries from his time with the Branalians, there's nothing physically wrong with him. The Colonel has simply had a breakdown."

"Simply a breakdown, simply a breakdown." Rodney was on his feet, practically screaming at Carson. "He jumps off a balcony, telling me he's doing his job, and you come out with, simply a breakdown, what kind of voodoo crap is that!"

As Rodney's rant deceased a stunned silence filled the room, since John's attempted suicide, a little over three hours ago Rodney had been subdued, barely speaking unless spoken too, even then it had only been one word answers.

"What did he mean by, he was doing his job?" Teyla's calm voice cut through the eerie and uncomfortable silence that had filled the room.

Rodney glared at her, before snapping, "Oh yes, because we had a nice cosy chat in between him telling me he was a danger to Atlantis, and him begging me to let him die, after he decided to take a trip off the balcony. How am I supposed to know?"

"Dr McKay," Teyla was slightly taken aback by the harshness of his words, however anyone who knew Rodney well enough could tell that he was trying to hide his concern for Sheppard. "I was only asking in the hopes that the Colonel may have elaborated on his thinking."

"Oh, well, yes," Rodney blustered, "I don't think there was too much thinking going on at the time. While we were in the chair room he kept saying something about it being dangerous, and that he had to take the crystals out, but he was acting totally irrationally, obviously, demonstrated by his near fatal dive into the ocean. Although he did say one thing that I have to agree with." He turned, this time to glare at Beckett, he added in a quiet but dangerous tone, "He blamed you for all this, and quite frankly so do I."

"Rodney!" Elizabeth exclaimed, shock written all over her face, before turning towards Beckett. Expecting to see shock, anger, hurt, churning in the depths of his blue eyes, instead what she saw shocked her even more, he seemed resigned, accepting. "Carson?"

"Rodney's right lass, I should have seen this coming, it really is my fault for letting it get this far.

"Carson, this is as much my fault as it is yours, I knew how much pressure he was under, he always seemed so strong, I guess I made the mistake of assuming he could handle it."

"I guess we all did."

"Yes, well, as much fun as this little blame game is, what are we going to do to help Colonel Sheppard."

"He should be asleep for a few hours yet. I know that he wont like it, but he's going to have to talk to Kate Heightmeyer. The best we can do for him right now is be there for him, if and when he's ready to talk. It's going to hard, on both him and us, but we're just going to have to be patient, you don't just recover from something like this overnight."

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John watched in horror as the Wraith invaded Atlantis. It had been his fault. He had been captured on a mission, they had tortured him, and once again he had cracked, giving up his IDC.

The Wraith had attacked on mass, taking out the gate room personnel before they had a chance to react, and raise the gate shield. He had watched horrified, unable to move, petrified with fear as one by one every member of the expedition had the life sucked from them, until he was the only one left. He knew his time would come, and when it finally did he welcomed it, longed for the numbing oblivion death would bring. That's why as the Wraith converged upon him, he almost pleaded with him to get it over with, but nothing had prepared him for the searing pain that engulfed his body, and unable to hold back. He screamed, and screamed.

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Carson had been working in his office when he heard him, John was screaming, in agony, fear, both, Carson couldn't tell, as he bolted from his office, over to Johns bed where, despite the restraints, he was thrashing around in the bed.

"Bloody hell!" Carson exclaimed, "Colonel! John! Wake up, it's just a nightmare." Getting no response from the still sleeping Colonel, he placed his hands on Johns shoulders, shook him slightly, whilst adding a little more forcefully, "Colonel! Wake up!"

That did it, John's eyes flew open as he sat up as far as the restraints would allow, breathing heavily. Beckett watched silently as John stared down at the restraints, before looking up at Beckett, his look of confusion quickly changing to that of realisation, and was that, yes, anger. John flopped back down onto the pillow, his breathing more even, and closed his eyes.

"Oh no you don't Colonel, we need to talk," it was Beckett's turn to angry, if Sheppard thought he could just ignore him, he was sorely mistaken.

"No, we don't," Sheppard snapped without opening his eyes, "You need to leave me alone."

"Colonel, you tried to kill yourself, you scared us witless. I know that a lot of things have happened since we came here, and you've been under an enormous amount of pressure. We know what you're going through, and we just want to help you."

"Ha" Sheppard spat, "You have no bloody idea about what I'm going through, none at all, so don't patronise me. And I don't want, or need, your help, I think you've done enough already.

Carson was stunned by John's harsh words. John had never spoken to him like that before, and he didn't quite know how to react, although his words had struck an already raw nerve. In all honesty no one, even here on Atlantis truly knew about all of John's demons, there were so many. So much had happened to this man since stepping through the Stargate almost a year ago, more than anyone else, and they still didn't know all the facts of his three week stay on Branalia. Carson found himself wondering that maybe the Colonel had remembered, and whatever had happened, had finally pushed him over the edge.

"Very well Colonel, if that's how you feel, I'll leave you alone a while. I'll just go and let Elizabeth know you're awake, I'm sure her and Rodney will be along shortly, and you have an appointment with Dr Heightmeyer this afternoon." Carson waited for the argument that didn't come, John hated seeing the base psychiatrist, and usually avoided her at all costs. The fact that John had no objections, unnerved him even more.

John didn't want to see Elizabeth, he really didn't want to see Rodney, and he certainly didn't want to see Kate Heightmeyer, he just couldn't be bothered to fight anymore, knew they would come, even if he did object, although it didn't mean that he would have to talk to them.

A/N: As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!