oOo
"Bella… beautiful Bella…"
Another kiss, passionate and tender.
She sighed. At the back of her mind, she was wondering where this was going, and if they were moving too fast, but then Edward pulled her even closer, and any thought she'd had went flying out the window.
Her fingers moved into his hair and Edward responded with a happy little growl. His hands were splayed over her back, gentle fingertips moving now and then, but never straying.
She was floating on warmth and endorphins, her heart beating so heavily against her ribs that she wondered if Edward would feel it as well. Never had a kiss induced such euphoria in her.
"Bella…" His breath was hot against her lips, his eyes almost black this close.
"Mmm?"
"I… Can we take this slow?" He kissed her forehead, her eyelids.
"Yes," she whispered.
Edward sighed and placed another succession of kisses on her lips before he pulled her with him and lay on his back so she could put her face on his chest. He was wearing a cosy black jumper, softness covering his hard chest.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, "I don't know how to do this anymore."
"Oh, I think you do," Bella responded softly and kissed his neck and chin, stubbly with two days' worth of beard.
"I don't…"
He fell silent again, and Bella didn't push him. She ran her fingers up and down his chest and listened to his heartbeat.
"I don't know how much I can offer you," he said after a couple of minutes, his voice thick. "I'm not exactly a blank sheet…"
"I like the writing you have on you," she completed the metaphor, and put another kiss on his neck.
"There are things… I'm difficult."
"I don't think so." She moved so she could look into his eyes. "You're a wonderful person, Edward. We all have a past. Even I, though I'm younger, have a history. But it's not what defines me. What defines me is today. Who I want to be today, and tomorrow."
She kissed his lips, and Edward closed his eyes. She felt him relax.
"I don't want to hurt you, Bella."
"Why would you hurt me?"
"By fucking things up. The way I usually do."
She kissed his nose.
"I won't let you."
He wrapped both arms around her.
"How can you be so marvellous?"
She shrugged.
"Everything feels better with you, Edward. Everyone's afraid of getting hurt. I am, too."
She placed her head back on its spot on Edward's chest.
They were silent for quite a long time, and there was no sound but their breathing and occasionally, a neighbourhood dog barking somewhere. At one point, she could hear church bells chime in the distance.
"Have you been hurt?" he asked.
"Not the way you have been. But yes, I have."
"What happened?" His voice was low and gentle.
"I fell in love with a boy, Alec. He was my first love. We were a couple for about a year, and then he cheated on me with another girl. It broke my heart."
"What a fucker."
Edward's body became slightly rigid.
"I kept blaming myself."
"What?" he said incredulously.
"Yeah, you see, I was having problems back then. I was actually getting better, and he was a big help in that process. But apparently, I wasn't getting well soon enough for him."
"Bella?"
She could feel him swallow.
Maybe, if she opened up for him, it would make it easier for him to do the same? She wanted him to know her, the real her.
Or was it too much, too soon?
Edward kissed her forehead.
"Will you tell me, Bella?"
oOo