Chapter Two
A few periods after the mental Ibiki disaster, it was time for lunch. Naruto walked to the lunchroom with Sakura. Occasionally he began hitting on her, but this eventually led to a right cross to the back of his head, smashing his face into the ground.
"Ah! Sasuke!" she yelled with glee, seeing her number one emo pushing himself around in a wheelchair and full body cast. He rolled over Naruto's neck, snickering to himself which just sounded like muffled breathing problems. Naruto on the other hand WAS having breathing problems, as well as his esophagus was collapsing.
"Sasuke, Sasuke! Are you ok? Are you hurt!?" asked a panicked Sakura.
"That's…. it…" Naruto said, continuing to choke. He grabbed Sasuke's wheel, rolled it past his throat, got to his feet then kicked Sasuke square in the ass down a flight of steps. He went tumbling down the steps screaming until he came to a halt, which was the wall. A large splatter was heard and everyone within a 30-yard radius cringed.
"Wanna go get a sandwich?" Naruto asked Sakura
"…Yeah lets get a sandwich"
Getting a Sandwich
"Would you MOVE YOUR ASS FATTY!?" Naruto yelled to Chouji on the lunch line. Chouji was drooling over all the meats, eventually the meat got up, bitch slapped him, and said "Just pick a fucking meat for god sake!" Chouji actually cried.
"I AM NOT FAAAAAAT!!!" he yelled, flailing and running his juggling fatass into the bathroom.
Naruto began putting the filth on his plate, one by one, until he reached the ramen noodles. Apparently his entire family was addicted to this shit like cocaine. He held out his hand to grab a bowl, but it was immediately smacked down by a spatula onto the sizzling stove.
"YOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!"
"Dammit Uzumaki, you know your not allowed to have any!!" said an old bald man, the light literally reflected off his head, burning a hole in the ceiling.
"My hand is BURNING!!"
"This is the first time you've tried to take one this year, so only 3 minutes on the stove."
The smell of burnt flesh lingered around the cafeteria as Naruto's eyes twitched.
After lunch had ended and Shikamaru ended pulling Chouji's head out of the toilet, as well as Naruto getting a large bandage wrapped around his sizzling hand, the crew began walking (with the exception of Sasuke, he crawled) to their next class, health. This was by far the worst class of the day. Naruto noticed Hinata in the giant hoodie, but she immediately passed out during eye contact. He shrugged and walked into the classroom to see he had gotten the pedo, Orochimaru.
"Hello children…" he said, tongue slithering, making Naruto, Shikamaru, Sasuke, and Chouji shiver. Sakura and Hinata didn't budge; they knew damn well they weren't in any danger.
"Let's begin shall weeeee" he said, tongue slithering in a creepy cold voice. "Let me just get the props…"
Orochimaru walked over to the closet and opened it. Inside was a chained up, and whip-marked Kabuto
"Ohh Orchimaru-sama!"
Orochimaru immediately slammed the door
"None of you saw anything"
"Was that a naked man tied up and bound in the closet-" Chouji asked, being cut off by Orochimaru.
"YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!" he yelled, spitting snakes out at Chouji, they latched onto his face and began eating his cheeks while he flailed and screamed.
"Did any of you see anything!?" asked the pissed off pedo.
Everyone shook their head no quickly.
"Good…now…" Orochimaru said, regaining his cool and grabbing his props from the OTHER closet. One shaped like a penis, the other a vagina. Orochimaru picked up the vagina prop and said "This is a vagina…yes that's all you need to know…now for the peeeeeeeeenis" he grinned, tongue slithering as he threw the vagina prop away. He picked up the penis prop then said
"I'll need a volunteer…." Nobody dare raised their hand.
"Fine then…you'll do," he said, his tounge wrapping around Sasuke's leg and pulling him off his seat. Sasuke, lacking the ability to use his fingers because of the casts, merely screamed in the full body cast as Orochimaru pulled him into the closet with Kabuto.
Yet another normal day in Konoha City…