oOo
He looked tired, grey smudges under his eyes, his hair its usual mess. He looked as if he'd come spontaneously. His coat was open, and he was wearing jeans with splodges of paint and a flannel shirt.
"Bella."
His eyes were wide and alive, and full of uncertainty.
She crossed her arms in front of her chest, wishing she were dressed in something prettier than her grimy yoga pants and shirt she'd worn cleaning.
"Bella. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know… My behaviour was unforgivable."
"Come on in."
He followed her and she gestured to the loveseat. Never taking off his coat, he sat down.
Bella didn't sit.
"I don't know how I can help you, Edward."
The words left a bitter aftertaste, but she didn't know what else to say.
"Please say I haven't ruined it," he whispered. "Please. I couldn't take that."
"I don't even know what you want from me, Edward. Friendship?" She shook her head. It hurt to say it, and it hurt to look at him. "I don't know…" She swallowed. "To be serious, I don't know if I can do that."
His eyes shot up, devastated.
"Because… because of my drinking?"
"No, not because of that. I was getting the impression that you were doing better. Weren't you?"
He avoided her eyes, but nodded.
"I was," he murmured.
They were silent for a moment.
"Then what is it?" he finally asked. "Why can't you be friends with me, Bella?"
"Because… Because I don't think that it would be enough. For me."
She bit her lip and looked away.
"Bella," he whispered. He stretched out his pinkie finger and touched hers, and that gesture broke her heart.
A big tear rolled down her cheek.
She told herself to be strong. She was a big girl.
"Bella, Bella…"
He wrapped his pinkie around hers and pulled her closer, until she sat down next to him. The warmth from his body was unbearably comforting.
"Bella, I don't just want friendship from you," he murmured in a thick voice. "I thought that was clear?"
"I guess so," she shrugged, staring down at their entwined fingers. She looked up at him. "But what do you want, Edward? Because I'm not the right person for an affair, or a no-strings-attached thing." She shook her head. "I did that once, and that sort of thing just won't work for me." She wiped away another tear with her free hand. "Of course I realize that you're physically attracted to me on some level, and that you want something more than friendship. But –"
"But?"
"But I need more than that, Edward. I need commitment."
"There's no one else," he started saying passionately. "Is that what you're thinking?"
"No! No, you're not that type, are you?"
He shook his head, a deep crease between his eyebrows. His expression was tender, and lost, and made her chest ache.
"But you… you're not letting me in," she finally said. "Not ever. Not one bit."
"I know," he whispered tonelessly. "I know."
He gave her hand a little squeeze.
A tear landed on it, and this time, it did not come from her eyes.
oOo
Thank you for reading.