Ninja Academy. Part 2- An Eventful First Day
Four AM, the next day at the Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy, and the students are fast asleep. Dreaming pleasant dreams, with Mai Shiranui starring in many male student's dreams doing things I'm not allowed to describe here. So they are completely unprepared for the ear splittingly loud blast of bagpipes blaring from speakers fitted over each bed. "Highland Bagpipe Favourites Volume 5" proves to be a most unpleasant wake up call to tired ninjas.
Students- Zzzzzzzzz... AAAAAAAAHHHH! NOOOOOOOO!
Galford- What the... Fuck off, I'm sleeping!
Guy- Oh no! Bagpipes! Make it stop, they're horrible!
Shiki- At least have the decency to wake me up with some Nine Inch Nails!
Kyo- No, Mai come back... aw I was just dreaming again.
Poppy- Awooooooooh!
Hanzo- (through speaker) Wakey wakey rise and shine my trainees! You have exactly five minutes to get dressed and meet me outside to begin our morning warm up routine! Stragglers will be hosed down with Sub Zero's finest arctic chilled, refreshing ice cold water.
Raven- It's too early for this crap. Let us sleep some more.
Nanzo- Ninjas must be ready at all times! No excuses!
Four minutes and fifty nine seconds later, they are huddled together outside in the courtyard. Half asleep, it gets worse for them when the heavens open and it rains heavily. Not that rain will stop what Hanzo has in mind for them.
Hanzo- Good morning young people. To begin our event filled day, I thought we'd have a pleasant ten mile trek through the forest before breakfast.
Fuuma- TEN MILES? I can't even count that far!
Ibuki- But it's still dark. We might get lost, injured, or eaten by Blanka.
Galford- Besides, it's raining. My hair'll lose it's shape out here. Look, it's getting wet already.
Kyo- Bad luck guys. Now, I'll wait for my KTV limo, and cruise along beside you, giving world class narration... OWW! (gets the shuriken treatment from the trainer)
Hanzo- All of you. Now move, MOVE! I'll make honourable ninja warriors outta the whole damn lot of ya!
Half a mile outside the facility, trekking slowly through dense, hostile woodland, and it's already proving to be tough going. Pretty much every student has hurt themselves at least once so far. The KTV film crew follow them in an off road vehicle, recording their endurance for viewers at home.
Eiji- ARGH! Who put that stupid tree there? I hate trees, the bastards! Standing there growing with no respect for humanity!
Guy- This is the trees turf man, we're in their world. Whoaah! (slips and falls in a puddle)
Hanzo- Come on you babies, no time to... MAI! You put that umbrella away this instant young lady! I don't care if you use it in KOF winposes, you will endure the rain like everyone else!
Mai- But my outfit will shrink in all this wetness. (male students stare at her with great interest) Hey, why's everyone looking like... YOU PERVERTS!
Galford- Purely out of fairness sir, I demand you make Mai lose the umbrella. It's only fair, right?
Fuuma- Yeah, then we can see some big juicy boobies bouncing about, as she runs in slow motion, Baywatch style... Oops. Wasn't supposed to admit that, was I?
Mai is made to lose the umbrella, and the ninja master decides enough time has been wasted. The trek carries on, but the guys are much more enthusiastic, running while watching Mai's outfit, waiting for it to finally burst. Kyo is too distracted by this, and fails to notice a large hole in the ground, until he falls in. The others, failing to notice Kyo had fallen, ran ahead without him. The top rated presenter of KTV climbs out of the hole.
Kyo- Guys. GUYS! Is Mai naked yet? Hey, they're gone. They've forgotten me, YES! I'm off back to the camp, and going to bed with cocoa, food and my latest copy of "Orochi Babes Uncovered".
Voice- Hand over your valuables, this is a raid!
Kyo- Get a job, beggar! Oh I see, I'm being mugged (feels a hook shaped blade poke him) Gulp!
Four threatening looking individuals surruond him, the leader of who pushes Kyo forward using a pair of hookswords. This is Mavado, trenchcoated Mad Max tribute, and self proclaimed bandit king of wherever he happens to be at any given time. His fellow bandits are huge American football goon Brian Battler, World Heroes's unconvincing Jack the Ripper and stone pillar weilding madman Wan Fu. Now wishing he was still with the class, Kyo is very scared.
Kyo- Do you know who I am? I'm Kyo Kusanagi, top presenter of KTV, and well loved celebrity. I'd just like to inform you that I am part of a ninja academy. I hang out with real life ninjas who love me as a person, and respect me as a presenter.
Mavado- Great, we've got a retard here. Well I'm a top rated evil bandit king, with a regular lifestyle column in "Thug News Weekly". Come on, empty those pockets. Give generously to the "Bandits get loot, to save idiot victim from extinction" fund.
Jack- HEY! I don't remember us becoming a bloody charity... Oh wait, my bad. Boss was being clever again.
Brian- You're the guy from all those shows on KTV? You must have plenty of money for us.
Kyo- Can we get this over with? I'm supposed to be trekking, and Mai Shiranui's losing her clothes right now.
Mavado- WOW, really? In that case we'll make this quick, and go have a look for ourselves. Tell me Kyo, does your cell phone have a camera?
Kyo- Of course it does, it's the best model I'll have you know. Paid good money for this. Why do you ask?
Kyo begins emptying all his pockets for the gang. They make off with his cash, his phone, his jacket, a bag of M&M's, and a photo of Athena Asamiya he secretly keeps in his wallet. After beating him up for the hell of it, they then disappear into the forest, to try and get a sighting of a nude, running Mai. Back with the class, Hanzo is amazed at how fast everyone is going. Not only are the men all running enthusiastically, but Mai has sped off some distance ahead of them, trying to outrun the pervs. Ibuki has hitched a ride on Galford's pet dog Poppy, who easily carries the petite kid. Only Shiki is dragging behind, having stopped.
Hanzo- Come on, almost done, then back for breakfast. Who'd have thought it only took the prospect of an accidental striptease to motivate... SHIKI! If you've stopped to sulk under a tree again I swear...
Shiki- It's not that sir. Where's that stupid TV presenter you made join the class. You know, the self obsessed idiot?
Hanzo- You do have a point, I haven't heard his inane narration to the cameras in a while.
Guy- Let's leave him, we want to complete the excercise. Mai's gone now and her outfit was... uh I mean, we want to keep going to make us better ninjas.
Raven- Yeah sir, we can't leave Mai, we have to watch her. Erm, watch over her, that is. Like good ninja warriors should, in case she gets in trouble. We don't mind about Kyo so much.
Galford- We were doing so well. You wouldn't want us to lose our enthusiasm for the task, would you?
Hanzo decides that they have no choice but to search for Kyo, as he doesn't want legal trouble with KTV president Saisyu Kusanagi. Plus he figures it would make a decent improvised lesson in ninjitsu tracking techniques. When everybody else is out of sight looking for the presenter, a completely naked Mai Shiranui emerges from behind a bush. Blushing, and trying to hide her nudity, her outfit has shrunk in the rain to the size of a serviette, which she has tied pathetically over her crotch, using a vine from the trees.
Mai- Whew, they're gone. Now I've got to get back to camp without anyone (sees a flash from a camera phone) WHAT THE FUCK? Wait, it's Kyo! He's the only one here with a camera phone! Ooh I'm gonna...
Mavado- (hidden in another bush with the gang) Yes! I knew there was a good reason for going out on a raid at this stupid time, in the rain. Even better, she thinks it's the moron we mugged.
Wan Fu- She's turning around, quick! get a butt shot.
After unwittingly modelling for a few more photos, Mai realises there's someone in the bushes spying on her nakedness. She approaches the bush, but the peeping tom bandits step out ready to make her their next victim this morning. Trying to hide her bare breasts and everything else, Mai is really in no position to fight. Fortunately, Guy has found her, and is ready to help her, even if he was only here originally to be the first student to see her naked.
Mavado- Look, no offence Guy, but could you just fuck off. You can wait your turn to be mugged, Mai Shiranui's a far more appealing subject. Especially since she's lost her clothes, so we might be a while.
Guy- Right you degenerate bastards! I'm gonna give you a beating Metro City style! You'll be dropped just like Sodom, Rolento, and all the clone henchmen I had to fight through!
Brian- Yeah right, what do you think we are, generic non boss thugs? Pile in!
With expertise that comes from saving a city from evil, Guy is fighting expertly against Mavado's henchmen, even though it's three to one. After losing individual brawls, the trio attack him together, but the ninja hero uses his Bushin Tornado Kick, spinning into the air booting all three into submission. Unfortunately as he comes down, the leader himself attacks using his hookswords. Not seeing this coming, Guy is caught out, and badly wounded. Mavado is about to kill his helpless opponent, but gets an unpleasant (though also very pleasant) surprise when Mai, in all her naked, perfect bodied glory attacks him.
Mai- DIE! (boots him in the head) Perverted Mel Gibson lookalike! (uses her Ryu En Bu move to engulf the criminal in flames) Now, go away, curl up and die... AAAHH! I'm still naked! (blushes, and tries to hide it)
Guy- Owww! (in his mind) WOW! I got to see Mai naked, this is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Well worth nearly dying for. Aaahhh... it hurts!
Mai- Guy! Thank you for coming to save me! You're so cool, oh my god, you're hurt bad! Let me get you fixed up, then I'll bring you back to camp! I even got the camera phone, you helped save me from international shame, I bet they'd have posted my photos on the internet! (smashes the camera phone)
Guy- (in his mind) The guys will hate me for not having the photos, but I don't care. Mai said I was so cool. She really likes me, who knows where this could go?
Mai- Right, I've found Jack's cloak he wore in pre match intros. I can use strips of this to bangade your wounds, and the rest would cover me up well. Come on. (in her mind) That was so cool what he did, and he seems like a nice guy. But can he replace Andy? (cries uncontrollably remembering Andy) Why did he ignore me? Sob! What's wrong with me? WAAAH!
Back at the Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy, the class all gather in the canteen for breakfast, having found Kyo cowering scared behind a tree. The mood is relaxed, and they talk amongst themselves. Mai and Guy are coming in now, Mai carrying her wounded bleeding classmate.
Kyo- So there I was, faced with a hundred or so bandits. I was fighting them off, actually killed plenty, but then they blasted me with a laser sattelite weapon, and like cowards robbed me while I was unconcious. Hey, it's the others.
Fuuma- God, Guy's so lucky, having her carry him like that, her arms all around him, held so close to that body, those tits... (Mai gives him a threatening look) I'll shut up.
Kyo- I see somebody did a real number on you boy. You should have been like me and just surrendered to the four... Oops! (goes bright red) I mean, bravely fight them off like me.
Everyone else knows that Kyo surrendered to the gang, and are laughing at him. Hanzo comes to inspect the damage, along with another member of his staff. A ninja woman, a bit older than the female students, but incredibly sexy, with a body to rival Mai's, and a skintight red outfit showing off every curve. It is Taki from Soul Calibur, who works as the first aider and therapist for the "Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy". Male students stare admiringly, Mai has decided she doesn't like the nurse.
Taki- Jesus, it's amazing you've survived! You're cut up pretty badly. Hanzo, he's going to need full rest in the first aid room to recover. I'll get you healed up good as new kid, just you wait.
Hanzo- If you really have to Taki, you know I hate students missing lessons. (to Guy) Don't worry, she's a top first aider. Very good with her hands. And so gentle too.
Taki- HEY! (slaps the head)
Mai- (whispering in Taki's ear) Listen slut. I know what you nurses are like, seducing the men, then moving on to your next target when you've had your fun. Just see that you don't get too close to him, and keep your hands where they should be. Or I'll have Shiki murder you, OK? Not that me and him are an item, you know.
Kyo- Look, I'm cut up pretty bad too. It's my finger, I might not make it. You'll have to give me some tender loving care too Taki. (his finger is slightly grazed)
Taking only the genuinely wounded Guy, Taki leaves to begin his treatment program. The rest of the class then get back to their breakfast and small talk, continuing to get to know their fellow ninjas.
Ibuki- Hey Eiji. So tell me, what did you do to go to jail?
Eiji- Well, let's see, I've spat into the wind, written a very dirty fanfic featuring me and King, set fire to Bao's hat, fooled around with someone named Benimaru. Oh, and the attempted murder of the Sakazaki family, are those bad?
Ibuki- Yeah, but that's OK. So, wanna be my friend? We'll have so much fun, we'd make a great team you and me, what do you say?
Eiji- You seem like the persistent type, and it wouldn't hurt to have a friend. So yeah.
Ibuki- YAAY! This is so cool, I've got a real life felon as my buddy!
Everyone else watches amazed at the unlikely friendship that has formed between an innocent, bubbly teenage girl, and a maniac who hates most people. He's even sharing a bag of sweets with her, not poisoned or anything, just normal, friendly type stuff.
Shiki- Is that girl right in the head? He's a killer.
Fuuma- Since they have an unlikely friendship, do you think us two could go further. You're so sexy when you're miserable, which is pretty much all the time. I could... (Shiki punches him) AIIIEEEEE!
Galford- So Raven, Fuuma, tell us your stories. Why did you sign up for ninja school? Since you didn't arrive with us.
Raven- I got stoned one night, and had the munchies. As usual in these situations, I went for a nice bowl of cereal, this one had a competition to win a place here. For a joke, I entered.
Mai- What did you have to do to win?
Raven- Write, in not more than 2000 words, why you want to be in ninja academy. So I wrote, "Because it looks quite good". Don't ask me how, but that turned out to be the winning entrant. So here I am.
Fuuma- I'm sick of people seeing me and thinking "Shotoclone". I will show the world there's more to me than ripping off stupid karate fighters! I'm a ninja, my Dragon Punch comes with an actual Dragon aura, that move should be mine! Plus the women here are hot. Mai, Shiki, Taki, (looking at Ibuki) Thingy...
Later that day, after their rest, the class, with the exception of Guy, is taken outside again, to another area of the camp. At the far end, are wooden firing range targets, each with a photo of dull, worthless shotoclone Ryu as the bullseye. Each student is handed a small bag of shuriken throwing stars by Hanzo.
Hanzo- Alright you fuck ups! Now, you learn one of the most famous and important skills in ninjitsu! The ancient art of shuriken throwing. Oh yes, used correctly, these tiny little stars can be fatal. Assuming you morons get it right. A silent and deadly way to take out an enemy.
Galford- What, you mean like a really eggy fart, an SBD... OWW! (gets a shuriken in the leg)
Hanzo- This is an aquirred skill, and I fully expect each of you to aquirre it here. Even the airheaded TV presenter. Now get going!
Kyo- Which airhead TV presenter? Am I getting a co star? Is she cute? Anyway, (to the camera) this is Kyo Kusanagi, ready to show these guys what projectile throwing's all about. Gonna nail that "I have the purpose and personality of a digestive biscuit" shotoclone who always gets billed as my rival.
Mai- Shurikens suck. I prefer throwing ninja fans. Guy and Cody used to throw knives. Now those are real ways to take someone down.
The throwing star session begins, and no student comes near to hitting the mark on their first shots. A disappointed Hanzo berates the most hopeless of his charges.
Hanzo- Raven, that was crap! You missed by about eight feet. If that Ryu was real, and he had any sort of personality, he'd laugh at you! (sees Ibuki throwing underarm, causing her shuriken to fly into the sky) You throw like a girl!
Ibuki- I am a girl! (her shuriken hits a passing light aircraft's vital components, bringing it down) Oopsie.
Hanzo- Well I believe in equality for the sexes! SHIKI! What in the name of Orochi are you doing? This is shuriken practice, you're not supposed to teleport to the target and knife it to death!
Shiki- (Stab! Slash!) That is what I think of you, boring personality vacuum and unworthy main hero! The only man more wooden and dull than this target! (Skewer! Slice! Surgically Mutilate!)... Oh, right. Sorry sir, got carried away.
Hanzo- Uh, moving on... What the? EIJI! No throwing shuriken into Kyo's back at point blank range!
Eiji- What, I'm hitting my fucking target, aren't I?
Hanzo- The target's over there. The wooden thing with Ryu's picture on it.
Eiji- Sir, you misunderstand. I hit MY target.
Hanzo- Listen here, any more out of you, and you'll be back doing life, picking up soap for Ignis in the prison showers! Though that said, I must compliement your flawless throwing technique.
The lesson continues, and the students are now getting the hang of it. Partly inspired by the idea of murdering photographs of Capcom's cardboard poster boy. Even Kyo hits him right between the eyes, the man he is ashamed to have constantly pushed as his SNK VS Capcom rival. Having their limelight, and in some cases deserved spots in crossover games taken up by such a joke of a creation gives their shuriken throwing a real killer instinct.
Hanzo- YES! You're learning, by God, you're getting there! Teach that blank slate template of a man that his Shotoclone karate is worthless against your ninjitsu, and most other styles for that matter!
Galford- Bullseye! Now Poppy, you know what to do? GO!
Poppy- GRRRR! ROWWWL! (charges at the target, and rips at the Ryu picture with teeth and claws)
Shiki- Hey, nice touch Galford. You're pretty good blondie. Tear him apart Poppy!
Fuuma- I'll show everyone I'm more than you've ever been! All these years, and you still suck Ryu!
Kyo- I am your superior Ryu! You are not worthy to be my rival, not even worthy of licking Iori's shoes!
Ibuki- This is for hogging the limelight in the SF3 series, so us new characters didn't get the exposure we deserved! And reducing my buddy Sean to becoming a Dan style joke in 3rd Impact!
The ninja star lesson ends in a success, and the Ryu pictures are in shreds from the bladed little stars being thrown enthusiastically into them. Now inside the building and doing their own thing, Mai comes across the first aid room. Relaxing chill out music plays, and through the window, the silhoette of Taki's perfectly rounded arse can be seen as she bends over tending to Guy. Getting the wrong idea, Mai kicks the door and storms in.
Mai- Right! Caught you at it you shameless hussy! Oh, he's still got his clothes on, nothing going on. My bad, sorry, I'm going now, carry on. (whispers) But I still hate you, and I bet your boobs are fake.
Taki- Mai. I'm trying to get your friend all healed up, not seduce him. I'm giving him anasthetic, see? Besides, I always thought Andy Bogard was your obsession.
Mai- There's nothing going on between me and Guy, I'm just concerned for... ANDY? Oh why couldn't he love me? Am I ugly? BOO HOO!
Taki- Calm down Mai. I'm also a therapist if you want to talk about that. Come in later and tell me all your problems. I won't laugh or tell you to pull yourself together. I'm listening.
Mai- Really? OK, hey maybe you're not a scheming seductress after all. Friends?
Guy- (in his head) Damn, I was hoping for a catfight... (anasthetic kicks in) Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...
With Mai calmed down, we end another day at the Aya Uteo Ninjitsu Academy. Hanzo is busy in his office coming up with more tests of endurance for his students to make them real ninja warriors. The students meanwhile are busy with the important task of hanging out and chilling with each other.
What difficult tests will our students face next in their quest to become the greatest ninjitsu fighters? What else will stand in their way to ninja greatness? Will Mai ever get over her Andy obsession?
I'd like to thank both Ninjitsuwolf and Shura, for their nice comments about the work so far, and also their suggestions. I am sure we will, between me and my fellow Captain that more students based on your suggestions will be added. Captain Vulcan will be doing the next chapter, take it away Vulcan!