Chapter 4

I couldn't help staring at Cacey's father. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resist. I tried looking at people's faces and singing songs in my head, but no matter what I tried, my eyes always came back to his neck. I wanted just to reach over and squeeze. Squeeze until froth came from his lips and his eyes bulged out, but I had to, I had to resist.

One Sunday, it had become too much for me. I remember that a sudden urge to fufill what I had long since dreamt came all over me. My hands had begun to claw at my pants as blood had begun to form on my fingertips. Then, I had begun to pant, as droplets of sweat had accumulated on my forehead. My first reaction had been to walk towards the back, but my feet had taken me closer to him. They had had a mind of their own. I remember that I had been so close to him that I could have reached over and touched his gold buttons that had lined the side of his back. I remember I had felt the congregation's eyes burning holes through me. They had all murmured amongst themselves and had shaken their heads. I remember I had begun to curse at my useless legs, so that they would obey and slowly, they had made their way to the back.

I remember not being able to face Cacey that day in fear of her realizing what I had done. I remember rushing out of church once it was over. I remember the faces all a blur as I had ran past them. And I remember rejoicing later that I had won, that I did have control even when temptation had been so close. So close… Even now I tremble at what I could have done.

It was a lovely evening for Cacey. She was going to see her father, whom she hadn't seen in three weeks, and just the thought of him made her smile. She loved helping at the hospital and doing all the rest, but her favorite part of the day was to see him. She had phoned him earlier that day and they had a date, just the two of them.

Cacey spread a red satin cover for the table and dreamily lighted the candles. She paused as she watched the flame flicker across the smooth surface. Something about the flame didn't seem quite right, what was it? Cacey placed her forefinger on her chin and thought. What was bothering her? Slowly, she brought her finger down. "Well…" Cacey said silently, "Time's running out and I still needed to defrost the veggies and steam the rice. But… what is it that's so, so different tonight? No, no, I halfta think about this later… later, when I have time… When I have time."

Cacey nervously watched the spaghetti bubble over. She couldn't think or function without her mind bringing her back to that eerie feeling that something bad was going to happen. But nothing bad was going to happen, she reassured herself, infact, something good was going to happen, her dear and beloved father was coming. What more did I want? Cacey said angrily to herself. Cacey came out from her trance when the phone rang. Probably dad, Cacey whispered. She numbly picked up the receiver and in a small voice said, "Hello, Northignton residence." Cacey paused as she heard a wheezy breath flow through the phone.

"Hey Cace."

"Hey, who is this?"

"This is Jason."

"Hi Jason... um... how did you get this number? I barely moved here and... nobody know's it except dad."

"Never mind that, can I come over? I know your father is coming to your apartment and I haven't been able to spend quality time with him lately. I've been so busy and all and I really miss him. Seeing him at church is not enough… if you know what I mean."

Cacey gasped as thoughts raced through her mind. How did he know her father was coming? That eerie feeling began to churn inside of her again. Uh, I am gonna be sick. Cacey held her stomach as she tried to hold onto the counter.

"Cace, are you still there?"

"Um... yeah... " Cacey breathed rapidly, "Did you... how did...?" Cacey's voice trailed off as she saw her feet slip out beneath her. She franticly began to search for anything to hold on to. As her vision became hazy, she took hold of the pots and heard them crash to the floor.

"Cace, Cace, are you alright?" Jason's worried voice brought her back to reality.

After catching her breath, "Yes fine, thank you, but how did you know my father was coming to my apartment?"

Jason chuckled, "Why do you sound so worried Cacey? You sound as if you've seen a ghost, let me reassure you, this is no ghost. It's your friend, Jason. You've known me forever..."

"Jason!" Cacey quickly cut him off.

"Oh yeah, how clumsy of me..." Jason fumbled with the receiver, "Oh, sorry Cace, someone is on the other line. I am going to have to go, but see ya in about fifteen minutes."

"Alright, it's apartment 56..."

"5678, I know, chow!"

Cacey held the phone until the dial tone buzzed in her ear. Three weeks, just three weeks, she told nobody, she'd been cautious, then how? She didn't feel that Jason was one to snoop around and follow her, then who? Cacey decided that she would ask him as soon as he arrived. Pulling at her bruised limbs, she got up from the floor and wiped the steamed rice off her jeans. "Aw man!" Cacey sighed as she saw all the food strewn on the floor, "I wanted this night to be special, but I guess I am gonna have to call take out." Cacey glumly pulled out the phone book and dialed panda express.