NoV: Thanks to the overwhelming giggling reviews, I shall march on with the random insanity! Thanks for reviewing, minna! . I don't own lifesavers, by the way, thank God! Or Rent either….(is suddenly depressed)

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Quote of the day:

"Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.
And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"
-Panic at the Disco

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Mimi couldn't understand Angel's fascination with the hats. They looked like really tacky, poorly designed, thrown together at the last minute hats. There were only six and each one was more hideous than the last. But God help her if she should say any such thing to Angel, who at the moment was having an out of body experience, and twirling around like a hypnotized fool.

"Oh, I never thought this moment would come!" Angel suddenly cried, startling Mimi. She walked over to the row of hats, her eyes sparkling and full of wonder.

"Yeah, how about that?" Mimi said, very bored.

"I think," Angel said, tears in her eyes, "that my life is complete now….." She continued to stare at the hats when a delightfully evil plan popped into her giddy head. "No wait! I know what'll make it complete once and for all." She turned around to give Mimi a devilish look. "Help me steal one." She moved to open up her purse to slide one of the hats inside.

"Angel!" Mimi yelled, taking the purse away from her. "You cannot steal a hat from the museum."

"But they're so pretty," Angel said dazedly.

"Well….maybe the museum has souvenir hats," Mimi suggested. "Exact replicas!"

"But it wouldn't be the same!"

"If you get caught stealing a hat, it'll be confiscated. And just think how disappointed Margo would be in you," Mimi said, hoping that this day wouldn't end with them both in jail….or a psych ward.

"Hmm…..you're right….let's go get souvenirs!" she exclaimed, changing her mood suddenly. Mimi didn't question it. She was glad to just get out of there, never to see one of those ugly hats ever again!

On the way out of the exhibit, Angel glanced at a pink flier that caught her attention. She froze, scanned the words on the paper several times. It couldn't be. No way…..could it?

Mimi noticed that Angel wasn't moving, and went back to wave her hand in front of the drag queen's face. "Angel, are you okay?" she wondered.

Angel gasped. "Mimi!" she cried. "Margo Fletcher is going to be here! She's going to be here at five o'clock to talk about the hats!"

Mimi looked at the clock on the wall. "But it's only eleven. Don't tell me we have to stay here for six more hours…."

The look on Angel's face told Mimi that she was going to be very bored for a very long time.

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Roger, Mark and Collins met up with Maureen and Joanne at the Renaissance. Maureen was intently staring at a painting of a voluptuous and undressed woman, while Joanne read a tablet explaining its origin.

"Hey, you ladies enjoying yourselves?" Collins wondered, as they strolled up to the two women.

Maureen turned around and waved at them. "Yeah, this is like dirty magazines, but free and really peaceful."

"Yeah, well, I guess that's one way to look at it," Mark said, shaking his head. He found a packet of lifesavers in his pocket and popped one into his mouth.

"Oh, I want one!" Maureen exclaimed, holding her hand out. Mark plopped a red one into her hand. Maureen sucked on the candy, and turned back to the paintings.

"I wonder where Mimi and Angel are," Roger said, looking around the room.

"Knowing them, they're probably in trouble with the museum security for trying on those hats," Collins muttered.

"I'm getting hungry," Roger mentioned. "Hopefully we'll meet up with them in the deli for lunch."

"It's almost lunchtime now," Joanne said, glancing at her watch. "Why don't we go on down to the cafeteria and see if they're waiting. Ready to go Maureen?" she asked, patting Maureen on the back.

"Yeah, let's go," Maureen agreed. "But after lunch, I want to go visit the naked statues!"

"Why does that not surprise me?" Joanne sarcastically said.

Maureen giggled and unfortunately swallowed the lifesaver in the process. At the same moment she breathed in air, the lifesaver went down, decidedly following the wrong tube. The others turned to stare at her as she made gagging sounds, trying to force the candy out of her windpipe.

"What's wrong?" Mark wondered.

Maureen made the universal choking sign by wrapping her hands around her throat and trying to cough. She flailed her arms around incessantly as she couldn't breathe and was starting to feel lightheaded.

"Oh my god, she's choking!" Joanne cried. She made several attempts to wrap her arms around her choking girlfriend to try to do something to alleviate her suffering. But, not knowing quite how to dislodge the foreign candy, stepped back and frantically waved her arms at the others. "Somebody, help her!"

"What's she choking on?" Roger asked.

"A lifesaver!" Mark replied.

"Man, you can't choke on a lifesaver," Collins said, calmly. "Just like the hole in the inflatable lifesaver saves you from drowning, the hole in the candy gives you enough air so you can breathe through it until it melts."

"Well, that's all quite philosophical and intellectual," Joanne said, annoyed, "but still," she gestured toward Maureen, who was now prone to fainting, "she's choking!"

"I think I can do the heimlich maneuver," Mark offered, shrugging.

"Don't just stand there!" Joanne yelled. "Do it!"

Mark went over to Maureen, who was now clutching the wall to save herself from falling. He tried to subtly move behind her and wrap his arms around his waist. God, this is awkward, he thought. With a fist over her bellybutton, and another hand on top of that, he thrust with all his might into her stomach. Maureen convulsed, but continued to choke. Mark glanced at Roger, Collins and Joanne and then tried again to force the candy out of Maureen. This time it worked and the candy flew across the room, landing on a bench.

Mark immediately let go of Maureen and she staggered away, going to Joanne. Joanne held the quickly inhaling girl up, as Maureen struggled to get her breathing back to normal. Once she was back to normal, Maureen turned on the group. "What the hell, people?" she yelled. "You guys stood around forever before trying to help me!"

"We were shocked," Roger offered.

"I didn't think it was possible," Collins said.

"Hey, I helped!" Mark exclaimed.

"You're the one that gave me the thing!" Maureen reminded him.

"You asked for it!" Mark said.

Maureen huffed and was about to berate them all again, but Joanne impeded her efforts by saying, "Come along, honeydew, and I'll buy you a slice of pizza."

"With mushrooms?" Maureen asked, her anger suddenly forgotten.

"Of course," Joanne agreed. This seemed to pacify Maureen, so the two laced fingers and went to the stairwell in the middle of the room that led down to the cafeteria.

Collins, Mark and Roger exchanged a look and followed them.

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Down in the modest food court, the gang sure enough met up with Mimi and Angel, who was still going on about Margo's upcoming hat lecture. Mimi was mildly attentive to the discussion and apathetically chewing some kind of fruit snacks.

"Hello my pretty one," Collins said, sitting onto the bench next to Angel.

Without skipping a beat, Angel stopped the hat conversation with Mimi and began it with Collins. The peppy monologue went something like, "Mimi, can you even believe it? The most incredible, fabulous hat designer in the world is coming to speak! Collins, this is the day I've been waiting for! Ahhh! I'm so excited!"

Fearing that Angel might go into a coma if she continued to chatter with this much excitement, Collins said, "Baby, let's save that excitement for the day that actually happens, okay?"

Mimi cut it, "Oh, it's today. Make no mistake."

Collins began to sweat. He prayed that it wasn't true.

Angel looked into his eyes, her poorly contained enthusiasm greatly enhancing her face. "Couldn't you just die?" she asked.

Collins replied, truthfully, "Yes, I could."

While Maureen and Joanne were in line for pizza, Roger sat next to Mimi, trying to bum a few of her fruit snacks. He had a very low budget, what with having no job and no income whatsoever. Collins, with a laugh began to tell Mimi and Angel the story of Mark and the caveman. Mark put his head down on the table, embarrassed to no end. Roger was about to join in the retelling when from afar, he heard the words, "Free samples!" and was immediately drawn to the source. Whatever it was, he was going to eat it.

He followed the voice to a young woman with a modest vending cart. Her hair was tied back, hidden by a plain bandana. She looked to Roger very much like a gypsy. But no matter. She had free food.

"Would you like to try one, Mister?" she asked him, her voice silvery and hypnotic.

"Yeah," he said, as if to say "Duh!" With a smile, the girl handed him a small, pink, spherical piece of candy.

Regarding her with a nod, Roger popped the candy into his mouth and chewed it. With a knowing look, the gypsy-like woman watched as the sensations the candy could induce overcame the messy-haired young man before her. To Roger, this was the most incredible thing he had ever experienced! It was like until the moment that candy hit his tongue, he had not been living at all! It was better than drugs, it was better than money, it was better than sex! God, it was better than seeing Mark make out with a caveman against his will! Roger was hooked and the conniving tigress knew it, and was going to profit from it.

Roger nervously looked into the girl's eyes. "Um…" he said, sadly as the last of the candy melted away. "Can I have another?"

"Sure!" she replied, happily offering him a green one. As he reached for it, ecstatic that there would be more of the absolute pleasure, she said, "That'll be twenty dollars please."

Kill joy…. "What?" Roger demanded. "That's insane!" He looked for some indication that the girl was joking. No such luck. "Twenty dollars for one piece of candy?" he cried, although he was searching for money in his pocket as he said these words.

"Inflation," she shrugged.

Roger muttered something about "fucking inflation," and tragically only produced ten dollars, even counting all the change he could pry from his pockets. He glanced over at his friends, still enjoying the story of Mark's caveman boyfriend and turned back to the gypsy. "Wait right here!" he ordered.

She watched as he ran off. "Don't worry," she said. "I'm not going anywhere….."

Back at the table, Collins was saying, hardly able to control his laughter, "We didn't know whether to leave the happy couple alone or take pictures!"

Angel and Mimi roared with laughter, as Mark wished to every god in the universe to make him disappear.

Everyone jumped when Roger suddenly appeared at the table. "Guys, ten dollars, please give me!"

Angel pulled a $10 bill from presumably nowhere and handed it to him, saying, "Here you go. What's it for?" But Roger was already dashing across the room back to the cart.

Collins shook his head. "Anyway…."

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NoV: Yay! Chapter two, chapter two! (dances; then gets sick because she just ate) Eww….anyway, whatdya thunk? Guess what, today's my birthday! (dances some more) YAYY!

Next time (!): Collins hears a very eerie message from a scary, insane person. Mimi sits in something sticky. Angel breaks something.