Ron's Worst Nightmares
Éstaler la Merde (To Spread the Sh...)
By Pat Squared
To say Drakken was upset was an understatement.
When word got out how his once-time side kick planned to bring a nation to its knees... Drew Lipsky would be the laughing stock of the super-villain community.
All Shego told him was one word ... merde.
Drakken had to go to in one of those free translations websites order to find out what it meant.
It took him half an hour before he found the right language to have to make the online automatic translator work. How was he supposed to know that the French speak French and what Americans speak is called English.
Stoopid website. Don't they know that the world speaks American?
Why can't they accept that theworld speak American?
MTV™, Nickelodeon™, Cartoon Network™, and Disney™ taught all the little boys and girls around the globe how to speak perfect American.
The stuff did sure stink, but how was merde gonna make the French government his toy.
Shego was rapidly draining Drakken's bank accounts buying up small and midsized French and Dutch companies that specialized in waste management and chemical and petroleum processing. She was also paying some French labor unions leaders to wait before declaring the next general strike.
How did merde, waste management, chemicals, petroleum and French labor unions play together?
Every time he asked her a question, he had to duck one of Shego's green plasma blasts. She told him to shut up and wait in his room with his Coco-Moo and teddy bear. Worse yet the other henchmen overheard it and started playing the game of hiding Dr. D's loyal companion Teddy.
It was too much. He was the great Doctor Drakken. It did not matter that he dropped out one semester into Middleton University. It did not matter that Shego had to steal all his doomsday devices from other villains. He was the great Doctor Drakken.
One of the henchmen ran in, grabbed Teddy, smiled, and ran out.
Now I gonna spend another day trying to find Teddy. It's not fair. Why can't have have a mega-cannon, lasers, and a gigantic robot? All Shego does is let me play find Teddy with the henchmen.
Dr. Drakken found himself sucking his thumb.
Note to self – I gotta stop that. If one of the hench-crew see this, I cannot figure out what they will do.
At that instant, there was a web-cam recording Dr. D sucking his thumb and placing the image out on the world wide web. There would be one point seven million hits on the website in the next twelve hours. It bacame one of the world's most popular screen savers and an overdone joke on Saterday Night Live™.