A Fight for the Light
The Pain of Free Will
It was a hot day on Hanging Neck Island. The black cloak surrounding my entirety and the guilt that grew with every fateful step only served to make me hotter. As we met up with the other three, I began to sweat a bit and the remorse sent a weakening rush though my body. My knees buckled and I tripped over the bottom of my cloak. I believed it was Touya who caught me, though I could barely see and the face was covered anyway. I just had a sense that it had to be Touya.
"You should be more careful. Women are always so delicate," Gama said in his usual odd tone as he helped me regain my balance. His sexist remark annoyed me but I was too surprised at him being the one who caught me to rebuke him for it. I was always quite indifferent toward Gama but he gave off what I felt was a rather clear impression that he hated me. I was amazed that he wasted the effort in catching me.
"Thanks," I murmured timidly, choosing to ignore the comment in gratitude of the good deed that had come before it.
"I never liked women," he admitted to me quietly as we walked on, "nor did I like humans."
"Your point?" I asked, raising an eyebrow though it was a wasted effort.
"But I don't mind you," he stated bluntly. "I think I might even like you a little."
"Then why do you always side against me?"
"Well, I may like you but my strongest virtue is my loyalty, which belongs to Risho."
"Gama?" I stopped.
"Yes?" he turned back to face me.
"I… I'd like to apologize. Since you always sided with Risho, I never really gave a damn about you. I'm sorry."
"Come now. Even those of us who side with Risho have our good points."
"Only you," I shook my head in protest. I didn't have his face to judge by but a soft sound escaped his lips and it seemed like a sound of surprise. "Come on. We've fallen behind," I started walking again. My conversation with Gama was over and it left me feeling happy and sad. I felt happy knowing that he liked me and possibly even trusted me, since Gama had a history of avoiding people due to his extensive history of being shunned. I felt sad because I knew he was going to die. As we spoke, I received flashes in my head - distinct flashes of Gama fighting Kurama and Gama eventually falling to bloody pieces on the tournament floor. "Purple blood," I mistakenly let the words slip past my lips. My eyes widened when I realized what I had said. Gama stopped again and turned to me.
"What did you say?" the tone in his voice was either anger or shock. It was hard to tell his emotions through his tone.
"Nothing. Just my guilt getting to me again," I falsely admitted. It was partly true, actually. Seeing Gama die in a psychic vision did make me feel guilty. Perhaps even more so than what I had seen him do to Kurama. The thought surprised me. Certainly Gama was going to lose more in the match but I used to be so indifferent toward Gama and Kurama may as well have been my father, since I barely knew of my real parents.
"The pain of free will is sweet yet sorrowful. Men of true honor never have real free will. They always do what they know they must and yet they still know the pain of free will. I don't claim to be a good man but I do claim to be an honorable one. I assume that is the one common thread we two share."
"I'm sure it is not," I insisted.
The ring was in view now and I was barely an inch away from the sunlight falling in the entryway as Koto shouted into her microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, Team Masho and their alternate!"