Ron's Worst Nightmares
Mirror Images
By Pat Squared
Kim awoke in a small, strange bed three-quarters of the way around the world from her home. Her clothes were gone, replaced by a thick bathrobe.
The room was painted in a yellowing white and was quite small.
By the door was a chest. On top of the chest was a small basin, a hand towel, and a pitcher of water.
Looking around, Kim spotted a battered, antique writing desk and a sitting stool. On the desk where two pens, a shelf of blank papers, and a small black book.
Slowly getting up to avoid triggering another round of nausea, Kim made her way to the book. Opening it, Kim glanced down.
Kim's German skills were limited to quotes she picked up from the anti-Nazi propaganda films made in the nineteen-forties. She tried mouthing some of the text, but she could only manage to figure out every other word.
"Good morning Mrs. Possible."
The voice caused Kim's heart jump out of her chest.
Turning around only compounded the nightmare.
The speaker was Ron's doppelganger. The only differences were the accent, the clerical vestments, the glasses, the blue eyes, and thirty years of age. If it was not for the eye color and the fact that she was still pregnant, Kim Possible would have wondered if she feel asleep for thirty years.
"I am sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Possible. I am Wolfgang Arnsberg-Schlosser, the pastor of this church. However, my wife, Anna, insisted that I came by to tell you that breakfast is ready."
Schlosser's accent did not sound like the archetypical German accents the actors used in the movies. He sounded more American Midwestern than European.
Sick and Wrong!
Fate seemed to torment her. Every time she tried to make things right, fate would slap her in the face. Steeling herself, Kim followed Father Schlosser to the kitchen.
For Kim, seeing Anna Schlosser was like starting at her mom, no like at herself thirty years into the future.
Kim looked around and saw family photos lining the walls. They showed everything from marriages, kids, grandkids, and graduations. The photos show Kim the life that she would have had if she did not thrown Ron away in an attempt to preserve her self-image.
Looking at the happily married couple interacting was like watching the Twilight Zone play out in real life.
Then the nausea hit and Kim hit the floor.
Kim woke up the room. Anna Schlosser was staring at her. Kim did not want to see anymore of the Schlosser family. They represented a life that Kim did not deserve.
"Frau Doktor Mueller told me to tell you that your child is okay, but that you are to stay in bed until it's time to deliver. Bed rest, no excuses."
"But ..."
"No buts. I moved your things from the car into the closet. However, do not get out of bed. If you need to use the loo or the water closets, call out for me."
Anna's accent was closer to an English accent than the stereotypical German accent heard on the movies.
Anna continued, "I found you in the church asleep on one of the pews. You were ... troubled, yelling and screaming in you sleep. Although it's spring, it's still winter weather. The church is not warm ... too cold for a mother to be. Do you have someone I could call - The baby's father perhaps."
Kim could only shake her head no. How could she explain to a total stranger about her shame? How could she?
However, Anna slowly dragged out the story from the expectant mother. Even the little bits and pieces that Kim could not believe that resided in her memories were shared with a woman that Kim only met a few hours ago.
After Kim's confession, Anna jutted out her lower lip and let out half a breath to blow a stray auburn bang out of her eyes. To Kim, it was scary to see two women from opposite sides of the globe act like twins.
"Mein Gott en Himmel. I can not promise you a specific day, but we will get you in to see your lover. How can those Schweinehunds tell a mother to be thather daughter is unauthorized? Unauthorized Erzaehle mir nicht so einen mist.
"God himself authorized your child at the moment of conception. My husband, he is the de facto head if the Evangelical community in Landshut. The last time those Korinthenkackers dare jerks us around ... Dummkopf. Der Teufel wird los sein. The bodies had to be stacked like wood."
Kim knew that she would not find any of those German phrases in a tourist travel guide. Anna was on the verge of a full blow temper tantrum. Then Anna stopped and smiled at Kim.
"After this, I am going to teach you how to curse properly. English is good for a lot of things, but German is best for cursing. To English ears, they think we are going to behead them every time we ask for a fag. Those Dussel are weak. You start swearing in German and doors will open."
Kim could only imagine the little middle age woman bossing around all those big orderlies in the hospital. Anna's right eyebrow lifted in an all too familiar poker tell. Kim knew that Anna had a sneaky ploy.
"Your man ... How do you get him to ... do what you want? Without cursing, I mean."
Kim just could not resist the invitation. For the first time in generations, Kim broke the family rule and showed someone she had just met how to pull off the trademarked puppy dog pout.
"Mein Gott. No man stands a chance. I have to practice. Wolfgang, he keeps on forgetting to pick up my stuff from the store. Thanks to you, I don't have to swear, curse, and kick him anymore. Let us start with my favorite curse. I used this one a lot when I was your age. Repeat after me. Dir hat wohl einer in's Hirn geschissen und vergessen zu ziehen!"
"Dir hat wohl einer in's Hirn geschissen und vergessen zu ziehen! May I ask what that means?"
Anna Schlosser smiled at her new friend and said, "Apparently someone shit in your skull and forgot to flush!"
"Dir hat wohl einer in's Hirn geschissen und vergessen zu ziehen! I wished I knew that one back in high school. Long story, but Bonnie was always a class 'A' toilet head. Where did you master swearing?"
"Mein Vatter was Kreigsmarine, Navy. Also I spent twenty years in the Bundeskrimminalalt. Kind of like your FBI. Too bad the vermin are Dummkopf. They can't make up a decent curse, but they sure do appreciate a good one. One you get them laughing, getting answers is all too easy.
Kim, once the girl who could do anything, smiled for the first time since the day she destroyed Ron.
The two women started on the road to friendship.