Incomplete
- Chapter Ten –
Sesshomaru's room was dark but for the faint glow cast off by the fire in the hearth. It was quiet, too, and Kagome was acutely aware of the rustle of her clothes as she knelt beside the futon they'd lain him on. Pressing her lips together, she methodically studied each of the slashes across his chest and noted that his demon blood had already begun to heal the worst of the injuries. When it came to healing, there wasn't much she could do that his body couldn't, but she couldn't sit idly by feeling helpless either.
Taking up the fresh cloths that'd been laid out, she soaked them in a bowl of lavender water and twisted out the excess. She had a very limited knowledge of medicines, just scraps and tidbits she'd gained here and there from Kaede, but she seemed to remember hearing something about lavender having the ability to ease pain and speed healing.
Every little bit helps,she thought, laying the first damp cloth across his wounds. As soon as it touched his skin, claws wrapped dangerously around her throat. It was a purely instinctual reaction, self-preservation at its very best, but she didn't have time to appreciate the awesomeness of his senses. While his conscious mind remained unresponsive, he was slowly squeezing the life from her and she had no way of stopping him.
A sudden violent snarl cut through the silence in the room and his eyes snapped open. Shining deep crimson, they fixed on her with no signs of awareness or recognition. Despite her frantic clawing at his wrists, it was a long, drawn out moment, before he released her.
She gasped noisily and collapsed to the floor in a coughing fit. He looked away, offering no word of apology.
"I was only trying to help," she croaked. "You didn't have to try and kill me."
"What gives you the impression I want or need your help, Miko?"
Standing to her full height, she stared him down with her hands on her hips.
"Look, I'm not going anywhere so unless you actually plan on killing me you better get used to me being around. At least until you're healed, anyway."
"Don't tempt me," he warned, his tone serious.
She pulled away just to be on the safe side and grabbed another damp bandage from her pile. Hazarding a cautious glance at his claws, she gingerly laid it across his chest. When he didn't react she continued with the rest, methodically placing them across his wounds until they were completely covered. She could feel the tension in his body every time she touched him but he made no more attempts to stop her.
Sesshomaru brooded in silence while the priestess went about her 'healing'. A burning wave of pain spread out from one of the deeper wounds on his chest and faded into an uncomfortable, constant pulse. His body may heal quickly, but that didn't mean there was no pain associated with the process.
Tightening his hand into a fist, he silently cursed his father for ever having begot a half-demon bastard son, and his own weakness, too, for allowing himself to be so easily distracted in battle. Foolish.
He waited impatiently for the Miko to finish applying bandages to the various slashes and stabs wounds that covered his body. The sooner she finished, the sooner he could be rid of her presence.
She was in the middle of bandaging a particularly nasty gash on his arm when her hands slowed and she looked up at him with a curious expression.
"Who is Minako?"
He remained silent for a long while. The Miko's question had caught him off guard, bringing with it far too many buried memories he had no desire to be reacquainted with. He had no reason to tell her anything, so perhaps it was merely out of boredom then that he deigned to answer.
"Minako was...my mate."
The sound of his own voice speaking those words was unsettling. It'd been centuries since he'd uttered her name, much less spoken of her at all. A sudden heaviness filled his chest and he instantly regretting opening the door to the past, even if it was only a crack.
He groaned inwardly when the Miko set down her bowl of herbal water and gave him her full attention.
"Is she...?" she asked hesitantly, sounding just as surprised by his admission as he was.
He focused his attention on the far wall in the hopes that if he ignored her long enough she'd make herself scarce. Apparently she took his silence as an answer. She uttered a soft 'Oh...' and dropped her gaze to the floor.
"How did she die?"
His mouth twisted into a bitter frown. This was the part he didn't want to remember. The memory of that night was one he would gladly banish into oblivion if given the chance, but it stubbornly lingered in his thoughts like an unwanted leech. The guilt had never subsided and neither had the hollowness her death left inside of him. That day had forever changed him. Her death had made him into who and what he was, but he couldn't thank her for it. He hated the bitch for dying and taking his child with her.
"Childbirth," he answered, his voice hard.
The Miko looked upon him with eyes that were filled with pity. The sight of it made his insides recoil. He didn't want her pity. He wanted...
A thoughtful look crossed the Miko's face before she asked, "Does Inuyasha know?"
He aimed a scornful look at her and sneered. "Inuyasha is an ignorant half breed."
Her mouth pursed at his words, but she wisely chose not to contradict him.
"If Minako was a demon, how did something like childbirth kill her? I thought you demons were almost invincible?"
He said nothing for a long while, then pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"She was...human."
For the first time in centuries the word didn't leave his lips with a tone of disgust trailing off of it, only disappointment.
"Tell me what she was like," she pleaded. Her curiosity and incessant prodding knew no bounds. Pity for her, he was no longer in an indulgent mood.
Annoyed and eager to be alone, he fixed the Miko with a look that promised pain and death. She made quick work of grabbing her things and disappeared silently out the door.
oOo
"He's been there all day like that. Do you think we should stop him?"
Miroku peered through the thick foliage, his face betraying the worries that were plaguing his thoughts. He turned at Sango's words and slowly pulled her into him just to feel her warmth. Truthfully, he didn't know what to do. He'd never handled a situation quite like this one. How do you console someone after they've done something so horrific?
Resting his chin thoughtfully on her head, he tried to imagine what he would do if it were him. In the end he gave up; to think that he could ever intentionally harm the woman he loved was unfathomable. Sango rested her head trustingly against his chest and he closed his arms tighter around her.
The news of what'd happened between Inuyasha and Kagome had rocked their group to its very foundations. The campsite had been quiet and sullen ever since he'd returned with the light of dawn, his claws still covered in her blood.
Though they were angry with him for using a jewel shard to become a demon, every single one of them pitied him. They understood the reason for his recklessness and they'd been with him long enough to know the kind of pain and self-loathing he was going through. They'd been there before, every single one of them, and it was for that reason that they could never hold it against him. But even so, they couldn't find the right words to console him.
"Come, let's go back to the camp. We'll check up on him later."
Sango nodded silently in agreement and took his arm as he led her back to the village.
oOo
Beyond the trees, the clearing held no life except for Inuyasha. The forest animals could smell the scent of blood on him and wisely kept their distance. He stood waist deep in a shallow pond, one that Kagome frequently bathed in when she stayed in the village.
Upon returning from Sesshomaru's palace he'd immediately gone to the pond to scrub the scent of her blood from his claws. The smell of it made his stomach churn with every breath. He couldn't get it off fast enough! But no matter how hard he scrubbed the scent lingered, tormenting him with what he'd done.
The worst part was he couldn't remember any of it. No matter how hard he tried it was all blank, except for the moment when he'd seen that look of betrayal in her eyes. He would never forget that look. Inuyasha shut his eyes tight against the memory and smashed his fist into a nearby rock. He beat it over and over again, refusing to stop even when blood seeped from his knuckles.
He wanted to make it go away. He needed the sick feeling in his gut to subside so he could go on without wanting to tear himself to pieces for what he'd done to her.
Exhausted, he managed to drag himself to the water's edge and collapsed into the wet reeds.
If Kagome never returned what would he do? He didn't even know what life was without her any more. So much of what he did revolved around her and their search for the jewel shards that anything else just didn't feel normal.
He didn't notice his eyes drifting closed until he awoke with a start some time later. The sunny, cloudless sky had long since disappeared and been replaced with a clear, starry night. Inuyasha stared up at the constellations overhead and for the first time in a long while he took a moment to appreciate them.
Kagome always told him how beautiful the stars in the feudal era were compared to those in the modern world. He'd never bothered to listen before, but now he clung to her words as if they were a life line.
The quiet moment was disturbed by a subtle change in the wind that brought with it a new and troubling scent. He turned toward the forest and felt his heart drop when Kikyo emerged from the tree line. She regarded him impassively before stepping forward into the clearing. Inuyasha was on his feet in a moment, anger contorting his features.
She was the cause of all of this. If it weren't for her, everything would be normal. Kagome would be at his side, they'd still be hunting Naraku together, and he wouldn't have the stench of her blood on his claws. He growled softly at the dead miko as she continued toward him.
"What do you want?" he demanded harshly. "Come back to finish the job?"
His tone was razor sharp. He was in no mood to play her games tonight. Her mouth pressed into a frown as she regarded him in the moonlight.
"You still think me capable of such things?"
"I know what I saw," he retorted with a growl.
"What you think you saw," she corrected calmly. "My target was Naraku. I only had one shot so I had to make it look believable. It would have worked too if that girl hadn't jumped in the way."
"She saved my life."
Kikyo closed her eyes at the tangible pain in his tone as he said those words. When she opened them again, they shone with pity.
"Poor Inuyasha," she soothed. "Are you doomed to repeat the same fate for all eternity?"
Inuyasha's scowled at her, but his claws slowly lowered to his sides.
"I thought it would be enough," he confessed softly. "How I felt about her... I thought it was stronger than my demon side but I was wrong. I tried to kill her today. How do you ask someone to forgive you after something like that?"
Inuyasha paused and pulled in a shuddering breath. The walls he'd so carefully constructed around his heart were slowly breaking down.
Closing the space between them, Kikyo pulled him into her arms and held him tight. He remained stiff at first, not wanting to trust that this unusual show of emotion from her was genuine, but eventually need outweighed pride and he returned her tender embrace.
She kissed him gently on the lips, a comforting gesture for an old friend. The touch of her skin was cool and soft against his own and her tenderness reached some hidden need buried deep within his heart. Holding her tight, he kissed back.
Kikyo knew the monster that resided inside of him. She'd seen firsthand what it could do, but still she'd come to him anyway. A dead priestess was all he had left.
Reaching his hands into her hair, he slowly loosened the crimson sash that bound her raven locks together and freed them. He took his time running his fingers through the strands, enjoying the silkiness of their touch against his chaffed skin. He needed this - a distraction - anything to keep from thinking about what he'd done...
When their kiss finally broke, Kikyo stared solemnly into his amber eyes.
"Inuyasha-"
His lips found hers once more, silencing whatever objections she might have had. He needed this, almost as much as he needed Kagome's forgiveness. His hands tangled in her hair and he pressed his forehead to hers.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, swallowing down the tightness in his throat.
Her hands found his cheeks, their touch cool and soft against his skin.
"I forgive you."