Jayne stared intently at the wall in front of him as he tried to gain control over himself, in some ways the night shift was easier, it meant less mothering and fussing, in other ways it was far worse, turning the girl, feeling the soft warmth of her skin against his rough hands, made his blood pressure rise, that he was attracted to a crippled girl spooked him more than a little and there's two more hours to go until he could get back to his bunk.
"Gorram it". Jayne swore quietly as Mist murmured and stirred in her sleep. She wheezed a little and her eyes shot open. Jayne panicked, Simon had explained to them all that Mist had trouble coughing and shown them how to help her cough, it never occurred to Jayne that he might have to actually help her.
Another wheeze brought Jayne to his senses, Jayne looked own and seeing the fear in Mists eyes he lifted her against him, struggling to remember what Simon had demonstrated, he cupped his hand and pressed beneath her ribcage, Mist coughed and spluttered and then her breathing seemed to become easier. Jayne laid her back against the pillows and as he did so Mist started to cry. "Gorram it girl what the ruttin hell is wrong now?" Jayne demanded.
In response, Mist turned her head away from him so her face was hidden but continued to cry, Jayne sat down heavily on the bed next to her and sighed, he wasn't kitted out to deal with all this girly emotional stuff.
"You aughta talk about it, I ain't sitting here listening to you getting all tore up" Jayne told her.
"I hate it" Mist started, her voice little more than an angry whisper. "I hate lying here in this bed and having other people take care of me, I want to dance like River or fight like Zoë, I want to be normal and have a normal life, have a boyfriend like Kaylee, I want to have someone love me, someone want me". Mist started to cry again.
"There's men who would want you, I ain't saying you're gonna be like other girls cos the doc says you ain't, but you're real pretty, shiny even if you ain't normal like".
Mist shook her head in disbelief. "You tie my guts up in knots every time I so much as look at you". Jayne almost yelled at her. He grabbed her hand and pressed it hard against the swelling in his trousers. "I ain't gonna love you, I'm too old, too ugly"… Jayne began the lack of fear in Mists expression spooking him once more.
"I want to feel" she told him honestly her voice pleading, shredding the last thread of common sense Jayne had managed to keep a hold of . "I don't want to be a girl forever".
Jayne watched frozen as she moved her other arm towards him, this must be a dream, he thought, he must have hit his ruttin head. Tiny shards of electric shot through him as her fingers brushed against his chest, he seized her small hand in his own and looked down at it, at the fingers that could feel but were unable to curl around his and at that moment he knew that he was going to go to a special kind of hell.
"I can't be all gentle like, I how know how". He told her.
"I don't want you to be, I want to feel what other women feel, not be treated like a china doll". She replied softly.
He looked down at her hands, one still resting against his groin, the other lying limply in his strong grip and swallowed a large gulp of air. He hesitantly pushed back the duvets and blankets, staring at her feminine curves for an instant before he bent forward help her lift her arms around his neck, with one arm he lifted her off of the pillows, his free hand cupping her face as he leant in and kissed her, his lips skimming hers, then kissing more firmly, his tongue exploring the dark cavern of her mouth as her lips parted and she responded, all his remaining control over himself instantly fled from his mind.
His hand began to caress her neck and then knead her breast, he paused to check he wasn't hurting her as she cried out a little, before he lay her back against the pillows so he could quickly shed his clothes. He lifted her against him, his expert hands caress her as he undressed her casting her nightdress and diaper to one side with practiced ease. He held her, moved her body against his and kissed her and stroked her until he was sure she was relaxed enough for him to enter her silky warmth, they moved as one Jayne guiding her body, stroking, and kisses her, his flesh rubbing against hers until she thought stars were going to explode inside of her head and she cried out, a tingling wave spread over her body that she had never experienced before. Jayne held her close and carried on kissing her until both of their hearts had stop pounding. Slowly, unwillingly he untangled their bodies and lay Mist reluctantly back against the pillows, his hands were shaking as he cleaned her and helped her dress before he dressed himself, he felt strange, kind or warm inside but oddly sad, at what he didn't know, as he re-arranged the bedding around her.
Mist smiled up at him, still light-headed, her expression a little dazed as he sat down next to her. He took her hand in his own once more holding it in his strong grip until Mist drifted off into a peaceful slumber.