Chapter Six-

Alex had fled the living room after Ryan rang, trying to gain control of her emotions. She knew that Marissa had seen the hurt look on her face when she lied to Ryan about who she was with. Deep down Alex knew that it was for the best, she knew that Ryan was just as jealous as she was and he would fly off the handle at both girls if he found out who Marissa was really hanging out with.

She lent against the island and took a deep breath closing her eyes, trying to think about what she was doing. She knew that she was punishing herself, she loved Marissa, and nothing was going to change that, especially not hanging out with her. She was sickened with herself about how jealous she got when Marissa started hanging out with Ryan when they were together, she was almost violent. That was the real reason she stopped drinking, she remembered the night of Marissa's school bonfire, how violent she got, what she was about to do when she was completely off her face, that scared her.

She was afraid that being friends with Marissa and watching her with Ryan would sooner or later stir up those feelings of jealousy. She didn't know if she could handle that feeling of complete loss of control, and if Ryan lashed out at her because he found out that she and Marissa were hanging out behind his back, then that would just give her the incentive to fight back, to become that person she feared to be.

She knew that she couldn't walk away from Marissa again, she'd hurt so much the first time, wondering if she made the right decision, that if maybe they'd just fought for their relationship to work, maybe it could've all worked out for them, they could've lived happily ever after.

"Hey, are you… Alex did I upset you?" Marissa's voice startled her out of her thoughts and she looked up, opening her eyes, "Alex… I know something's wrong, I know you. Tell me."

Alex sighed deeply, looking back at the black tiles of the kitchen floor, "I remember that night, it haunts me, the bonfire," she started at the beginning, intending to tell Marissa why she was so scared, "I got scared of myself, that's why I stopped drinking, I just couldn't stand what I'd become, a jealous bitch, sending goons to beat up Ryan like a gang member or something."

Marissa walked forward, sitting on a kitchen stool and continuing to look at Alex, encouraging her to continue.

"I'm scared that being around you, watching you with Ryan, or even hearing about it, I'm scared that it's going to send me on another jealous rampage like it did before. It's what ruined our relationship in the first place. I'm scared that I'll get angry and lash out, and I'm scared that if Ryan finds out that we've been hanging out when you didn't tell him, that he's going to get angry and I'll want to protect you, and I'll lash out and become that horrible person. I just don't want to scare you away again."

Marissa stood from the stool and slowly walked over to Alex, placing her hands on Alex's hips. The action sent shock waves through Alex's body that she hadn't felt in quite a while, goose bumps rising on the skin of her arms and her heart rate increasing to almost double, "Look, you're not going to snap, you're not dangerous, trust me. You were always so gentle, so loving; you never even came close to hurting me. And our relationship problems, they didn't come from you, that was me, I should've spent more time with you, I shouldn't have lied, that's all on me, not you."

Alex smiled again and nodded, "Thanks, but not really convincing. I broke up with you remember, and I did it because I was scared, it had nothing to do with you, it was Ryan, I was scared of losing you. You were all that was keeping me going, my job sucked, my apartment was a heap of crap, my parents hated me, the only thing I had going for me was you, and when I saw you and him together, it was the last straw, I just snapped, that's on me."

"I don't think so. We'll have to agree to disagree here," she smiled, "And about Ryan, I'll talk to him, see if I should tell him, I just think that it'll make things more complicated, but I'll see what happens. Now, come on, episode 2:02 Honor, one of my favorites, and then closure part two, that is my favorite of all time."

Alex smiled and followed Alex into the living room, settling into the couch and grinning slightly as Marissa rested her head on Alex's shoulder, sighing.

They watched the other three episodes on the disc, making the rare comment on the obvious tension between the blonde ADA and the butch female detective, "I'd really love to see them together, I really think they'd make the cutest couple," said Alex as episode 2:04 finished.

"You and me both," Marissa replied, lifting her head from it's resting point, somehow ending up in Alex's lap, "Plus, I've got a real thing for blondes, if you haven't noticed. Luke, Ryan, you, the only one that wasn't Blonde was DJ and… that was just sex."

"Ok," said Alex, raising a hand and standing, grabbing the chip packet that they had finished off, "I really didn't need that information."

Marissa stood up too and instantly followed her into the kitchen, watching as Alex put the empty bag into the trash, "So you did learn the meaning of housework while you were away huh?"

"Well, I've changed, hang around long enough, and you'll figure that out," she smiled briefly at Marissa and then glanced at her watch, "Guess I should probably start thinking about food, you want me to make you something too or…?"

Marissa stopped her, running towards the sound of her buzzing phone that was sitting on the coffee table in the living room, "Hi mom… Yeah, I made some friends, I'm hanging out… Oh really?… Summer's? I guess I could… Yeah, I'll come by later to get some stuff…" she entered the kitchen, a confused look on her face as she concentrated on the conversation going on, "Mom, are you okay? You sound… Yeah, all right, I'll see you later… Bye mom."

Alex raised an eyebrow at Marissa , questioning the civil tone that she spoke to her mother in, last time she checked, Julie and Marissa Copper fought on principle. "Everything all right?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, well, my mom said that something's up with the house, something about the Newport group after Caleb's death, she asked me to come by and get my stuff, move in with Summer for a while," Marissa looked worried, thinking deeply according to the glazed look in her eyes.

"Well… I mean… if you want, you can stay here tonight, I can take you over to get your stuff, and there's plenty of spare rooms," Alex was desperate, she didn't really want to part with the tall girl and this was a way to delay the inevitable. She was expecting a rejection, expecting Marissa to kindly decline to take her up on her offer, explaining that it would be to awkward, so she was genuinely surprised when Marissa smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds great, I don't really enjoy sharing a bed with Summer anyway, she kicks and constantly talks about Seth in her sleep, it's…disturbing."

Alex laughed, grinning, "Great. So dinner and then we'll go get your things?" she asked, thinking of all the things that they could catch up on. She remembered their 'sleepovers' from before they got together, they were some of the greatest times she'd had in Newport.

"Sounds great," she smiled, sitting down again on the kitchen stool, "So you learned how to cook too?"

Alex laughed, pulling opening the fridge door and pulling out some fresh crumbed chicken schnitzel, "I'm an excellent cook Cooper, watch and learn."