Chapter Seven-

The night turned out just like Marissa had hoped, they made dinner together, ending up having a food fight with frozen peas and the carrots that Alex had spent half an hour chopping into perfect circles. They ate together at the dining table, chatting about their lives over the past 8 months, skipping the depressing bits and ultimately enjoying each other's company. They quickly raced over to Marissa's house, Alex staying in the car as Marissa quickly packed up most of her clothes and essentials into two bags. They finally ended up on the couch, curled up under a patchwork quilt, watching Law and Order: SVU again.

Marissa had her head resting once again on Alex's lap, burying her face against Alex's knee every time a dead body came onto the screen, "You do realize that they're not actually dead, they're acting, playing dead," said Alex, chuckling once again as she watched Marissa's face disappear as a body fell out from behind a dumpster on the screen, "It's not real 'Riss."

Marissa looked up at her, "But it's gross, I can't believe I like this show, it's so graphic," she grimaced and rested her head once again against Alex's thigh, "Hey!" she yelled, noticing that there was still a body on screen and burying her face again.

Alex chuckled again, absented mindedly raising her hand to stroke Marissa's hair.

Marissa stiffened at the touch, feeling Alex instantly abandon her touch, pulling back and sighing deeply. Marissa closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, trying desperately to control her breathing. She was scared of her feelings, she'd admitted to herself that her feelings for Alex hadn't gone away, but that didn't mean that she didn't have a boyfriend, a great guy, just… Marissa was beginning to wonder if they were right together, she never felt with Ryan what she felt when Alex touched her, so innocently and yet so intimate at the same time. "Alex… I need to tell you something."

Alex looked down at her, a worried expression crossing her face, "Ok, hang on." She pressed pause on the DVD remote and looked back down at Marissa who sat up, trying to make it less awkward, "What is it?"

"I'm not in love with Ryan," she confessed, not looking into Alex's eyes but instead at her hands fiddling with the blanket they were under, "I love him, but we're missing that special something that we used to have, he used to take my breath away, this time around, I feel as though I'm looking for ways to stuff up so I don't have to admit to him that it's just not like it used to be."

Alex looked at her and Marissa looked up briefly before returning her gaze to her hands, "Is that what this is? You looking for a way to stuff up?'

Marissa's head snapped up, looking at the hurt in Alex's eyes, "No, that's not what I meant… look… just listen to me… 8 months ago, you assumed that I had feelings for Ryan, you said that it was only a matter of time before we got back together, and you were right, I did have feelings for him, I loved him, I still love him, just not in the way that you thought I did. Now it's my fault, I was scared, coming out, being with you out in the open , telling everyone, that scared me, I thought that it would be easy, but it wasn't, so I avoided you, and like I always do, I fled to Ryan. So when you left, without even saying goodbye, I convinced myself that I was in love with him, I tried to go back to the way we used to be, but then all these things happened, Trey showing up, the attempted rape, the shooting, and they all put a strain on our already strained relationship. Seeing you made me realize that my heart wasn't in it, that's why we weren't working. Alex, I've been lost ever since you left, I've forced myself into things that I didn't really want because I was hurting, hurting because you didn't want to give us a chance. I need you to know why Ryan and I are together, he's like my rock, he's stable, he's a really good guy and he loves me, he protects me, so I went to him when I was an emotional wreck, not because I was in love with him, but because I was in love with you and you were gone. You've got my heart, Alex."

Marissa was surprised how easily the words rolled off her tongue, she felt slightly proud of herself, proud that she came clean about her feelings. It was like a sudden weight was lifted off her chest, like she could breath easily for the first time in 8 months. The words had just come to her in a rush, spilling from her mouth, but she meant every word.

She watched for Alex's reaction, seeing her mouth open and close like a goldfish, like she was searching for the right words. When she finally regained her composure, she didn't speak, instead leaning forward and locking lips with Marissa, their tongues meeting instantly in an explosion of emotion.

Alex quickly pulled back, "We can't do this. Ryan, he's still your boyfriend, no matter what you say to me, it doesn't change that. I'm sorry, I just can't do this until you end it with him, I'm not going to let you cheat on him, like you said, he's a good guy, he was trying to protect you, he doesn't deserve to be lied to."

Marissa nodded, knowing that Alex was right, "Okay. Tomorrow morning, I'll end it with him. I'm serious about this Alex, I don't care if you didn't fit into my world back then, we've both changed, we can make this work."

Alex nodded, "I agree. Come on, I'll show you to your room." She stood up from the couch, extending a hand to Marissa, which she took with a smile, letting Alex lead her upstairs, picking up Marissa's bags on the way and showing her into a average size room, complete with double bed, side tables, wardrobe and dresser.

They said goodnight with a meaningful hug, Marissa burying her head in Alex's neck.

Once Alex left, Marissa changed into her pajamas and crawled under the covers, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her, drifting off to sleep with thoughts of the future and it's possibilities on her mind.