Incomplete
- Chapter Twenty-Eight -
It was bliss, absolute, mind numbing bliss, and she had no desire to return to earth just yet. With her body still wrapped up in his, throbbing and tingling in every good place, her thoughts were far from coherent. The best she could manage was a sigh of utter contentment and a smile. He smirked, looking rather pleased with himself, and sampled the sweat off her neck.
"Satisfied?" he asked, tucking her body in closer to his. She nodded and lightly skimmed her fingers across his chest.
"You?"
"For now," he teased, catching her chin and pulling her in for a lingering kiss.
She was content to lay there and do nothing more than listen to him breathe. If such a thing was possible, he even breathed gracefully; each breath was perfectly timed, never gasping or erratic. Beneath her hand his heart beat in time - ba-dump, inhale, ba-dump, exhale, ba-dump, inhale, ba-dump, exhale... Perfection.
A glance spoke of the affection he felt for her. She could feel it, too, in the softness of his touch against her skin; this perfect, graceful, proud being cared for her more than any other ever had. It should've been a simple equation, but she was still a long way from understanding it.
Perfect Demon + Imperfect Girl = Happily Ever After?
In what reality did that make sense? Her own, apparently. It was improbable, impractical and unbelievable, yet here they were with limbs entwined and breaths evenly matched snuggled beneath the downy warmth of his futon covers. Reality truly was stranger than fiction, especially when it came to her love life.
She took her time studying his finely chiselled features before fixing him with a thoughtful look.
"I've been wondering about something..."
He nodded for her to go on and she hesitated, not quite sure how to approach the topic.
"When you told me about Minako, you said she was your mate. What does that mean exactly?"
He breathed a quiet sigh and his hand stilled on her back. "It is a contract of sorts."
"That doesn't sound very romantic," she pouted. His face lifted in a brief look of amusement before turning serious again.
"Often it is not. In the demon world mates are arranged, not chosen."
"So your relationship with Minako was...?"
"Unconventional."
She looked up to find that the far away look had returned to his eyes. It was the same one that was always there when he thought of his first wife. Eager to bring him back to the present, she ran her fingertips down his torso and flashed him a coy smile.
"Maybe someday you'll decide to be unconventional again?"
The languid atmosphere was abruptly cut short when he picked up her hands and held them away from him, all playfulness forgotten.
"You will not be a part of any of that," he answered coolly.
"Why not?"
Kagome sat up, pulling the sheets around her body. "Am I not good enough to be your mate or something?"
"Don't be such a child," he snapped. Seeing the hurt look that crossed her features he resigned himself and gently took her by the arm.
"Minako became my mate and it killed her."
It was easy to pity him for what he'd lost but he'd never accept her pity. Gently tracing the indigo markings that cut across his cheek she answered, "I'm stronger than Minako was."
He sighed in frustration and turned his back to her. Silent, he pulled his hakama up over his hips.
"Did I misunderstand what this was?" she blurted out, angry and hurt that he wasn't even going to consider it. "Is this just about sex to-"
A powerful growl silenced the rest of her words. He turned on her then, his expression fierce, "This Sesshomaru does not entice humans into his bed for sex."
She cringed and lowered her eyes to the floor, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
The sharp sound of their bedroom door snapping shut ricocheted through the room and when she looked up he was gone.
oOo
Despite the rage that pulsed through him, his footsteps were silent atop the wooden floorboards. He paced up and down the length of the veranda in an attempt to reign in his emotions but was having little success.
What she was asking of him was impossible! Had she no understanding of the situation they were in? No clue how dangerous it was for her to wear his mark?
No, of course she didn't, and he had no one to blame for her ignorance but himself.
He'd hidden it from her - all of the in-fighting and the threats his advisors had made against her life; his silence had been for her own protection, but now it was causing problems. What good was his protection if she didn't trust him? There was no right action - tell her and she lived in fear, keep her ignorant and she questioned his devotion.
It wasn't long ago that he'd given her the choice to leave. The promise that he'd bring her to the well had slipped from his lips even as every possessive bone in his body cried out in objection. She'd convinced him then to give her more time and he'd acquiesced with little argument, but he'd lost count of the number of days since when he'd questioned the logic of that decision.
Each day she stayed by his side was another day he put her life in danger. And for what purpose? To assuage his selfish desire for her? It was reckless and irrational, but he couldn't stop. He had fashioned every excuse for why he should be permitted to keep her, and yet none were acceptable because none guaranteed her safety.
Frustrated, he rounded the corner and came to a stop.
"Rin, it is late."
The mischievous girl turned and smiled up at him from her perch along the railing.
"I know. I was just looking at the moon. It's beautiful tonight, isn't it Lord Sesshomaru?"
He followed her gaze to the swollen winter moon hovering on the horizon and felt the tension slowly ebb from his body like the receding tide. Even amidst chaos, something so simple could bring relief. His eyes lingered on it before returning to the small, dark-haired creature at his side.
"Lord Sesshomaru, do you think Kagome will stay with us?"
His expression lifted faintly in surprise, "Why do you ask such a thing?"
"She left all those other times..." she muttered, trailing off with a frown.
"Do you wish her to stay?"
"Of course! She makes Lord Sesshomaru happy."
"Is that so?" he replied, mildly amused by her certainty.
"Since Kagome came to stay with us you don't scold Jaken as often, and I've noticed that you don't spend as much time sitting under your special tree."
He'd forgotten how observant she could be. A good opportunity to explain the miko's extended stay hadn't yet presented itself, but it seemed explanations were unnecessary. Rin understood far more than he'd expected her to and had inferred the rest.
Though he felt no obligation to ask the child for permission, her whole-hearted approval set his conscience somewhat at ease. He wasn't the only one who benefitted from Kagome's presence and he wouldn't be the only one to suffer the loss of it should she leave.
Breathing out a quiet sigh he stepped back from the railing, thankful for the change in perspective.
"Rin, it is time for bed," he instructed, nodding in the direction of her room.
"Yes, my lord."
Ever obedient, she jumped down from the railing and called out a jubilant "Good night!"
Once she'd skipped out of sight, he took up her spot against the railing. It was a cool night and the air was calm. The winter snows would soon be bearing down upon them in full force, but not quite yet.
He watched impassively as the moon rose into the night sky while his mind went to work analyzing, debating, and working in hypotheticals. Before sunrise he would have his answer but for the sake of the girl waiting for him atop his futon, he hoped it was long before then.
oOo
It was late by the time he returned, almost dawn judging by the lightness of the sky outside their window. She hadn't slept, not even close. Instead, she'd lain awake all night staring at the ceiling and wondering how to make amends.
She hadn't meant what she'd said. She wanted to be his mate, but not if it meant driving a wedge between them. Things were finally happy, life was good, and being impatient like she always was she'd gone and ruined it.
With a soft rustle of silk, he sat quietly on the futon next to her and took his time disrobing.
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "When you said you didn't want to make me your mate it was like you were rejecting me all over again. I don't want to go back to that."
He folded his kimono neatly and set it aside before facing her.
"There are things you must understand," he began, his tone giving nothing away. "My kind mate for life. Once you bear the mark, no other demon can have you."
"I don't want anyone else," she answered sincerely.
A brief flicker of some emotion, perhaps relief, crossed his features. Just as quickly it was gone and she was left staring at a stone-faced taiyoukai.
"Please don't push me away," she pleaded. "I want to be with you. I know you can protect me and you said yourself that your mark will keep me safe if anyone tries to..."
She trailed off but the meaning of her words reached him. His claws fisted and his expression turned dark.
"You should not have to fear such things."
"I don't when I'm with you," she said simply, wrapping her arms around him.
He breathed out a quiet sigh and shook his head, "You are not ready."
"To be your mate? I think-"
"To be a mother," he interjected, cutting her off. "You cannot understand the gravity of what it is you are asking for."
She sat back on her heels and gave herself a moment to process his words. It was true, she wasn't ready to be a mother yet, but who said such things had to be synonymous? Surely they could put off the motherhood part for a few years until she was ready. There were ways... There had to be a better solution!
"I understand that I love you and that I want to be with you. Isn't that enough?" she pressed.
He turned his head at her admission and held her gaze. It was the first time she'd said it out loud and she was glad to see how her words softened his expression, if only a little. Leaning in he kissed her, his touch slow and deliberate.
He wanted this too. She could feel it in his kiss and the quiet possessiveness of his touch. In his mind, she already belonged to him so why not make it official? There was truth behind her words that he couldn't ignore - she was stronger than Minako and she wasn't powerless. Things would be different for them. Somehow, she had to make him believe that.
"We can wait," she suggested, hiding her disappointment behind a smile. "I'd love to have your children some day but you're right, I'm not ready now. Besides, war could break out at any minute and that's no environment to raise a happy family in. So we'll wait until we're both ready, okay?"
It was difficult to get the words out but in the end she knew it was for the best. Maybe more time was a good thing. It would give them a chance to learn and grow, to really come to understand each other as partners first. And there was still the Sacred Jewel to take care of. Yes, it was definitely for the best, but that didn't stop her from wanting to be his mate with all her heart.
He was quiet as his claws slid through her dark hair. He pressed a soft kiss against her temple before admitting, "I am not interested in waiting, Kagome."
With a light touch of this thumb beneath her chin, he turned her face towards his. His eyes travelled slowly over her features, drinking them in one by one, before finally settling on her lips.
"I want you for myself," he confessed and she knew in that moment she'd won him over.
He motioned for her to lay down on her stomach and then slowly moved her hair to the side to reveal the smooth skin of her naked back. "The rest will come in time, when you are ready, but for now..."
He paused to give her a chance to change her mind, one last opportunity to say 'No'. The thought briefly crossed her mind but was quickly shoved aside. She wanted this more than she'd ever wanted anything. Instead she pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"I'm ready," she answered, offering him an encouraging smile. He lightly stroked the skin of her back and pressed a tender kiss against her shoulder on the spot he intended to mark.
"I should warn you," he cautioned, "this is going to hurt."
No sooner had he spoken than his claws sank into the skin above her shoulder blade. She buried her face into the pillow to muffle her scream but the pain was blinding, almost unbearable. Mercifully it didn't last long before subsiding into a dull ache.
Using his canines, Sesshomaru bit open his finger enough to draw blood and then smoothed it across the spot where he'd scarred her. Its cooling touch sunk deep below the surface, smoothing away all traces of pain.
His expression was heavy as he handed her two mirrors so she could see the mark for herself. From the pain she'd expected a large heinous scar, but was pleasantly surprised to see that it was a only a small white crescent moon barely larger than a silver dollar.
Setting the mirrors aside she threw her arms around him and laughed with delight.
He held her close, eager to breathe in her new scent. It was the same as before, uniquely hers, but now it mingled with his as well. There would be no doubt that she belonged to him. Any demon with a nose would know it. He wanted to rejoice but could already feel the guilt slowly starting to creep in.
She doesn't know what she's asked this Sesshomaru to do.