Incomplete
- Chapter Thirty-Six -
Author's Note: I don't normally put author's notes at the beginning of my chapters, but in this case I felt it was necessary. I've felt conflicted about this chapter for years. Please know that sexual assault is not an issue I take lightly. I've read your messages and understand your concerns and the harm the initial versions of this chapter caused. If I were to write this fic today I would have written many parts differently, but most especially this scene. I've done my best to make it right and hope you will be able to see this fic with fresh eyes.
Kagome sat alone in the meadow just outside of Kaede's village with a light jacket thrown over her shoulders. The frost had just begun to melt in the weeks prior and though the ground was still barren, she could see the tiny buds of flowers beginning to sprout up through the soil. In another month the meadow would be filled to the brim with yellow and purple wildflowers. She smiled at the thought.
Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, Shippo and Kaede, had done their best to help her heal since her unexpected arrival. Without them she knew she would've been lost. The well remained closed, barring her from returning to the modern world. She was slowly coming to terms with that too. This was her life now, and the friends who loved her were her future.
She was finally, reluctantly, also starting to accept the other part of this new reality she was living. Sesshomaru was gone. Her mind said it was time to move on, but her heart...her heart wasn't ready to let him go. It stubbornly clung to the faint hope he would one day appear, as if out of thin air, ready to take her home.
She closed her eyes to feel the gentle breeze against her face and when she opened them again two figures appeared on the horizon.
Her first instinct was that the two figures were Rin and Jaken, but she quickly corrected herself. It didn't do any good to get her hopes up with fantasies. Shielding her eyes against the sun, she tried to blink them into focus.
It didn't seem possible. No, it definitely wasn't possible. But as they drew closer her heart began to race. How many human children traveled with petite, rotund green demons?
No, it can't be! she thought, but when Rin's voice called out to her she leapt to her feet and broke into a dead run. She wasn't thinking about anything except for how badly her arms ached to wrap around that last link she had left to Sesshomaru.
All this time she'd thought they were dead, but somehow they'd survived the horror of that night so many months ago. With tears blinding her she dropped to her knees in front of Rin and wrapped her arms around her.
"I'm so happy you're safe!" she cried, holding her tight. "And you too, Jaken. I'm so glad you're both all right!"
To her surprise, the little demon had tears in his eyes as well.
"We were certain you were dead as well, My Lady!" he confessed with a bow.
Rin's body suddenly went limp in her arms. She expected the worst, but a careful inspection revealed the cause to be nothing more than exhaustion. With the help of Jaken, she hoisted the sleeping girl onto her back and carried her towards the village.
"Where did you two travel from?"
"The Northern Lands, my lady."
Kagome stopped in her tracks and stared down at the imp incredulously.
"You mean you walked all the way from the Northern Lands to here?"
At Jaken's nod she tightened her hold on Rin and felt pride swell in her chest. The girl was still just a child, only a few years older than Sota, but she hadn't let that stop her. With her heart in her throat and her arms wrapped firmly around Rin's legs, Kagome finally accepted this wasn't a dream after all. Rin and Jaken really were alive and they'd found their way back to her!
Her footsteps slowed a second time as another possibility dawned on her. If Rin and Jaken had survived then maybe…
"Jaken, where is Sesshomaru?"
"I do not know, My Lady. He instructed Rin and I to join Inuyasha's group. I must admit, we had no idea you would be here. We thought you were dead as well, killed by those traitorous advisors!"
Sesshomaru is…alive?
The breath in her lungs stalled and the ground swayed before her eyes. She looked up at the sound of Inuyasha's voice calling her. He waved and she noticed the look of surprise that crossed his features when he saw who was walking at her side.
Like a wave crashing against the shore, he brought her back to reality and her internal dam of emotions came crashing down. Collapsing to her knees she sobbed uncontrollably until she felt Inuyasha pick her up. He wordlessly carried her and Rin both to Kaede's hut.
oOo
Kagome came around to the feeling of a cold compress being placed against her forehead. Opening her eyes, she looked up to see Kaede's weathered face hovering above hers. Moving the cloth away, she slowly sat up and looked around.
Inuyasha was watching her intently from a few feet away and she found she couldn't meet his gaze. Ignoring Kaede's advice that she take it easy, she made her way over to the futon Rin was sleeping on and knelt next to it. Jaken was acting as her dutiful sentinel, watching over her from his spot next to her feet.
"Thank you for taking such good care of her," she said, feeling for the first time genuinely glad for the imp's presence. Jaken dismissed her gratitude with an indifferent shrug of his shoulders.
"Lord Sesshomaru would have my head if anything ever happened to her! Or you for that matter, My Lady."
"I know he appreciates your services, even though he doesn't always tell you so," Kagome told him with a reassuring smile.
"Can you tell me what happened to Sesshomaru? Where is he?"
The imp sighed and reluctantly confessed that Sesshomaru was a prisoner of the Northern Tribes. Her mind moved quickly, already churning out possible plans of action.
If Jaken can show us how to sneak into the Northern Lands, and if we use the others to create a diversion...
After a quick mental calculation, she inquired as to the number of guards in the palace. The imp understood at once what she was getting at. Promptly getting to his feet he crossed his arms and shook his head.
"No, no, no! Don't even think about trying to rescue him! Lord Sesshomaru gave me specific instructions-"
"Damn his instructions! I won't let him rot in some prison because he's too proud to accept help!" she shouted back.
"Kagome! Are you nuts? You're not going there to rescue him!"
It was Inuyasha who was shouting at her now. She scowled and waved him off.
"You stay out of this!"
"My Lady, I insist! Rin and I already tried to free Lord Sesshomaru but he insisted that he would free himself when the time was right. He's planning something good, I can feel it!" The imp chortled with glee and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "He's going to slaughter those miserable traitors and mongrels! Just the thought of it gives me goosebumps!"
Heaving a frustrated sigh, Kagome drew her knees up into her chest and rested her chin atop them. What could he possibly be planning?
He better not get himself killed, she thought as her stomach tightened into knots.
Hearing an undignified snort from across the room she looked up to find Inuyasha scowling at her.
"What?" she demanded.
"They should leave that bastard there, chained up like the dog he is," he answered coolly. "I hope they kill him."
"You don't mean that."
"I do. You're better off without him, Kagome. We all are."
She was on her feet before she could even register that her body was moving.
"ENOUGH ALREADY!" she exploded, as every ounce of her frustration and worry suddenly came pouring out. "You don't know anything about your brother. You keep telling me you want me to be happy. Well, he makes me happy. I love him! Why is that so hard for you to accept?"
Inuyasha's expression darkened into a scowl.
"If he cares about you so much, why isn't he here?" he shot back.
The silence in the hut was deafening. Three sets of eyes danced back and forth between them, eager to see what would happen next. Inuyasha stubbornly stared past her, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he mulled over his next words.
"Look, I've spent a lot more time with Sesshomaru than you have. If you knew anything about him you'd know that the only thing he cares about is becoming a great ruler. He doesn't care who he has to hurt or sacrifice to reach that goal. Even you, Kagome. If he hasn't come for you by now, he doesn't plan to."
Turning her back on him, she angrily stormed out of the hut. Everyone's eyes fixed on Inuyasha in silent judgement. He did nothing for a moment, then muttered a curse under his breath and followed her.
Kaede sighed deeply and shook her head, exchanging a sympathetic glance with Shippo. The young kit shook his head in disgust and tossed a pile of sticks onto the fire.
"Idiot," he muttered under his breath.
After a moment of tense silence, Jaken turned to Kaede.
"Old woman, since when has Inuyasha become a human? I sense no demonic presence from him at all!"
The old miko's grey head nodded and she occupied herself with tending to the fire.
"Aye, Inuyasha is human. He used the Shikon Jewel in the hopes that it would bring Kagome back to him."
Jaken thought this over for a moment. Rubbing his chin, he looked towards the door.
"Was he successful?"
Kaede's shoulders rose in a tired sort of shrug and she cast a long look at the door.
"I cannot say for sure, but I am certain of one thing - Kagome's heart is strong and true. She would never betray those she loves and those who love her. She may have loved Inuyasha at one time, but these days her heart belongs to Sesshomaru."
Satisfied, Jaken rested his back against the wall and resumed his dutiful watch over Rin.
oOo
He caught up to her in a small clearing far from the hut. She was angrily kicking at the dirt with her arms folded in front of her chest. He was thankful, for the moment, to be without his demonic hearing. He was fairly certain he didn't want to hear whatever curses she was muttering about him under her breath.
"I-I'm sorry," he muttered once he was within hearing range. She turned on him and he was surprised to see tears running down her cheeks.
"Are you?" Her tone and the look in her eyes told him she doubted the sincerity of his words, which was only fair since he doubted them himself.
He'd meant what he'd said earlier about Sesshomaru. She was better off here in the village with her friends. She was starting to be happy again, too. He hadn't imagined that. But one mention of Sesshomaru and she was ready to drop everything and run off to be with him again. Had he become so disposable to her? Had they all?
It was hard to keep the anger from his voice when he spoke next.
"So you're just gonna leave us and go back to him then? He abandoned you Kagome! Being with him nearly got you killed! You're willing to give up the safety you have here and all of your friends just for him?"
"What kind of question is that? You, Kaede, Shippo, Sango and Miroku, you guys mean everything to me but he's my mate! I want to be with him. Why can't you accept that?"
She let out a groan of frustration and stormed away further into the trees. He caught up quickly and fell in step behind her.
"Kagome, stop running away."
She actually listened for a change and stopped in her tracks.
"Why do you have to make this so hard?" she pleaded, turning to face him.
She wanted to discard him like a used rag and go back to Sesshomaru as if these past months hadn't changed things between them. She might as well have told him that he meant nothing to her.
A possessive, uncontrollable anger gathered strength inside of him. She was leaving him behind. His months of pining, longing and doting didn't matter to her. She didn't care what happened to him, didn't care what he'd sacrificed to be with her. None of it mattered to her!
In his near panic he actually began to question if she'd ever truly loved him. His eyes narrowed at her pained expression. He didn't want her pity or her guilt, he wanted her to be his.
Grabbing her roughly by the wrist, he pinned her against the nearest tree. She winced as the bark bit into her back and pushed against him.
"Ouch! Inuyasha! Let me go!"
"You were supposed to be mine!" he screamed at her, no longer in control. "You were always supposed to be mine, Kagome. I won't let you go back to him!"
She struggled against him but he held her fast. The anger inside of him festered and grew as he saw the fear and aversion in her eyes. She didn't want him, she'd never wanted him, and it hurt more than he could handle.
"Inuyasha, stop or I'll-"
"You'll what?" he demanded. "Purify me? Sit me into oblivion?"
She gaped at him speechless and he cut off any further protests with a bruising kiss. He heard her muffled cries of outrage and tried to block them out. If he didn't have to hear her say she was leaving then perhaps he could convince himself that the inevitable wasn't about to happen. If he had things his way Kagome would never leave his side again…especially not for his bastard brother!
The knot of anxiety in her gut told her where this confrontation was headed unless she could put a stop to it. She bit his lip hard, hard enough to draw blood, and he hastily pulled back.
He glowered as he licked the blood from his lip, "I can't believe you bit me."
"This isn't you," she pleaded the moment her lips were free of his bruising hold. "You're better than this! Let me go!"
"Maybe I'm not," he challenged, his tone holding a hint of warning. His hands tightened around her wrists, enough to make her wince in pain. "Maybe I-"
Whatever he'd planned to say, the words died a quick death on his lips. Jaken brought his wooden staff down hard against the back of Inuyasha's head. One moment he was standing in front of her, eyes blazing, and the next he was laying unconscious at her feet.
"Are you all right My Lady?" Jaken asked as he prodded Inuyasha's unconscious form with the end of his staff. "I heard your cries and came running as quick as I could!"
Kagome breathed a shaky exhale and rubbed at the tender skin of her wrists, "I'm fine... Thank you, Jaken."
"Shall I incinerate him?" the imp asked, looking positively delighted by the prospect at burning Inuyasha to a crisp.
Kagome stared at Inuyasha's prone form a long moment to assure herself he was no longer a threat. Eventually she shook her head 'No'.
"Will you walk me back to the village?" she asked and Jaken bristled with excitement at being personally entrusted with her safety.
"Of course, My Lady! Right this way..." he said, and led her back down the well worn path to the safety of the village and Kaede's hut.
She spared a glance back over her shoulder and saw that Inuyasha hadn't stirred. He would likely be unconscious for some time, but that suited her just fine. She needed time away from him, time to collect her thoughts and decide what she wanted to do next. What he'd done...what he'd tried to do was unforgivable. If Jaken hadn't intervened when he did... A shudder of revulsion shivered down her spine and she turned her eyes back towards the village.
How could she ever trust him again? Feel safe alone with him again? She felt sick and shaken, but mostly angry that he'd put her in this position. She'd never seen him like that before, so enraged, so completely out of control with jealousy. In a single, selfish moment he'd nearly ruined years of trust and friendship between them. Maybe she could find it in herself to forgive him in time, but for now there wasn't any going back to how things had been between them. Not now, maybe not ever again.