Incomplete
- Chapter Forty-One -
It was well past dark when the doctors finally permitted them to see her.
He lingered in the hall, a lone sentry standing guard outside her door. A nurse pushed through the doors at the end of hall and rushed past him with scarcely a passing glance. He watched her enter one of the rooms several doors down and closed his eyes.
No matter where he turned, he couldn't escape the stench of death and loss within the walls of this building. It left him feeling restless. He was anxious to be gone, preferably with his mate at his side, but he had other considerations now. Her family, for one, and her welfare.
As much as he'd like to carry her back to the well and return them to his own time, he was bound by the laws of this world. There was too much he didn't recognize or understand, too many ways he'd been left ignorant. And so his only option was to concede defeat and bow to those things he could not control.
It went against every element of his nature, but now was not the time to pander to his sense of pride. He'd done that before and seen exactly where it'd gotten him.
Resting a hand atop Tenseiga's weathered hilt, he listened to the conversation going on inside the room. Her mother's soft, sincere tones broke up the doctor's smooth arrogance as he explained that the surgery had been successful. His reassurances that it was common for women to miscarry in their first and second trimesters, especially during a first pregnancy, brought him little comfort.
What'd happened to her was no accident. He'd abandoned her and she'd come after him. She'd over-exerted herself, forcing the child from her womb before it was ready, and almost bled to death in the process. He couldn't blame nature, fate, or even his mongrel half-brother for that - not when it was so obviously his fault.
In her absence his guilt had become crippling. He couldn't bring himself to cross the threshold and enter her room, not when he was the one responsible for putting her there. And so he remained stranded in the hall, torn between his desire to be close to her and the hard realization that he had no right to be.
The doctor exited and offered him a parting nod before disappearing down the hall. Inside her family spoke in hushed tones, their voices filled with concern. It was some time before they emerged from the room. The boy and old man fixed him with matching looks of contempt before passing by him on their way to the exit. They hadn't reacted well to his recounting of what'd happened to Kagome. They blamed him for it all and given the circumstances he hadn't seen fit to correct them.
Kagome's mother had been more understanding than the rest. She stood before him now, wearing the same curious expression she'd been giving him all day.
"They fit, I see," she said with a kind smile and gestured to the black haori and hakama he was wearing.
She'd borrowed them from a neighbour down the street whose husband was unusually tall. They reeked of human scent and restricted his movements, but they were better than the alternative. He nodded appreciatively and cast an uncertain glance at the empty doorway.
"She's fine," Kagome's mother assured him. "The doctor says she'll make a full recovery."
Perhaps sensing his hesitation, she led him to the door and urged him to follow her inside. Nothing could have prepared him for what he found there.
They'd laid her out atop an elevated bed and covered her with a soft pink blanket. It looked as though it did little to keep her warm and even less to reduce the stark paleness of her features. The colour had yet to return to her skin so she retained the ashen appearance of one near death. But that was only the beginning.
Surrounding her were things he could not describe, lights that flickered and sounds he could not understand. Some were connected to her, some inside of her and others were simply there. Were they a barrier of some kind? Was this how humans in her world protected their sick?
Perhaps sensing his confusion, Kagome's mother took her time going from machine to machine telling him its name and what it did. This eased the tension running through him, if only slightly. He wouldn't be satisfied until she was free of them and back to her usual self, shooting arrows across his practice field and verbal barbs at him over her shoulder.
"Do these "IV"s and "heart monitors" cause her pain?" he asked grimly.
Mrs. Higurashi gently caressed her daughter's face and shook her head.
"No, they don't. I don't think she's in any pain now."
Kagome's mother righted herself and informed him that she and the rest of the family would return again in the morning. He nodded and listened patiently as her feet retreated softly from the room and down the hall.
In her absence, the silence that filled the room took on a life of its own, ebbing and flowing with each hammered pulse of his heart. It was the first time since they'd come through the well that he'd had the chance to be alone with her, his first opportunity to say what he needed to say.
Instead he stood at the foot of her bed for what felt like hours, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest rise. A machine counted her heartbeats but he had no need for it. He could hear for himself that her heart beat was strong and steady within the walls of her chest.
The breath he hadn't realized he was holding slowly left his lungs and his shoulders sagged with it. Temporary relief flooded through him, turning his knees weak so he was forced to grip the bed rail for support. His eyes travelled slowly down the length of her body. He wanted to reassure himself that this was real, that she was actually alive and breathing, but he hesitated to touch her. Would she even permit it after what he'd put her through?
Tentatively, he lowered his claws to her leg and felt its hard, reassuring length beneath the soft blanket. He followed it up her body to her hand, which lay limp atop her stomach, and took it in his. There was a faint glimmer of hope that she would respond to his touch and awaken, but her features remained frozen in sleep.
"This Sesshomaru will not leave your side again," he promised before bringing her hand to his lips. It was a vow he intended to keep, and it was what he should have done from the beginning.
Lowering himself onto the chair placed next to her bed, he patiently waited for her to awaken. Perhaps it was selfish of him to want to be the first person she saw when she opened her eyes, but there was nothing on earth that could have convinced him to leave in that moment.
And so he waited, for dawn or for her - whichever came first.
oOo
What came first was her.
It was 3:07 AM according to the small digital clock on the bedside table. She stirred ever so slightly in her sleep, letting out a soft moan. Sesshomaru leaned forward in the chair, his breath frozen in anticipation.
Grasping her hand a little tighter he silently commanded her to open her eyes. Obediently they fluttered open and she blinked slowly as her eyes moved sluggishly about the room. When they finally settled on his face, recognition registered in their clear, brown depths. He felt elation and relief, but it was fleeting. Almost as soon as she recognized him she shrank from his touch.
He'd been prepared for this sort of reaction, but it did little to lessen the sting. Reluctantly he released her hand and moved back to give her space. If he was going to have any chance of mending what he'd broken it would have to be on her terms, not his.
"Sesshomaru..." she whispered, her voice hoarse from lack of use. "It's not...it's not what you think. Inuyasha isn't..He didn't..."
His lips pressed together to keep from cursing aloud and he hid his fist, clenched tight enough to crush stone, beneath the edge of the bed.
"I know," he answered in the most reassuring tone he could manage. "To think that I ever could have doubted you..."
Her body heaved a great sigh of relief as she wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks, "I thought I'd never see you again."
Moving slowly, as one would with a timid animal, he gently traced the back of a finger down the length of her cheek. She closed her eyes at his touch and a soft smile warmed her lips. Encouraged, he bent over the bed and offered her a long overdue kiss.
Though it was hard to resist temptation, he kept it slow and gentle and familiarized himself once more with the feel and taste of her on his lips. When he was finished he reluctantly pulled away and rested his forehead against hers.
"Promise you will never do that again," he instructed.
"What? Kiss you?" she retorted with a faint laugh.
"Nearly die," he answered with a stern look.
The words evaporated on her lips and she went quiet. The heart monitor counted her beats, echoing the reassuring rhythm throughout the room. Eventually her hand found his cheek and she stroked it gently, almost apologetically.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry."
He kissed the flesh of her palm before pulling away and lowering himself onto the chair next to her bed. He caught her staring at the beads around his neck and anticipated her next question. Fingering the smooth, wooden orbs he offered a half shrug and let them fall back against his chest.
"Courtesy of the miko," he explained and watched her brows lift in surprise.
Her eyes glanced once more about the room then suddenly grew wide in astonishment, "They let you travel through the well?"
"It would seem so," he replied with a half-hearted smirk.
She narrowed her eyes in a playful glare and he felt his heart squeeze in his chest. He'd thought they would never get back to this - this space where conversation was easy and everything was as it should be. She was practically her old self again. He would have been happy simply with a slow and steady recovery on her part, but this was far beyond any of his expectations. She had a habit of doing that, cunning creature that she was.
"So what happened after I left the village? I don't really remember much," Kagome wondered as she poked at the scratches that crisscrossed her forearms.
He'd wanted to avoid this conversation, at least until she was stronger, but he didn't have a choice in the matter. She deserved to know the truth and would figure it out eventually on her own given enough time. Better now than later he reasoned.
Remembering the doctor's curt dismissal of the entire ordeal made his jaw clench in frustration. Yes, definitely better she find out now from him. It was impossible to know how the news of the miscarriage would affect her. Would she hate him for telling her? Would she blame him for being the cause?
Blowing out a low sigh, he reluctantly told her about the child they had lost. She listened in silence, her expression awash in disbelief. Her hands slowly drifted to her abdomen where they rested as tears welled up in her eyes. Eventually she turned away from him to face the wall.
He stared as her shoulders shook with silent sobs and clenched his fist at his side. Determined to offer comfort any way he could, he reached out only to have his hand suddenly engulfed in the painful glow of her spiritual energy.
Uttering a pained hiss, he ripped it back and stared in awe at the steaming flesh of his fingertips. The realization that his mate had tried to purify him was slow to sink in, but once it took hold it spread like poison through his veins. It took effort to quash the bitterness and resentment that threatened to rise up within him. He'd wondered if she would blame him - at least now he had his answer.
Clenching his jaw shut tight, he stared out the open door into the overly bright hallway and pondered what to do next. He finally resigned himself to doing nothing. Closing his eyes he rested his head against the wall and listened helplessly to the sound of her soft sobs. He'd lost her nearly twice before and wasn't prepared to do so a third time. However long it took, he would wait until she could find it within her heart to forgive him.
oOo
Mrs. Higurashi arrived alone the next morning and was surprised to see the proud demon she'd met the day before seated on the floor looking utterly defeated. He had his back against the wall and from the drawn look of his features she surmised that things hadn't gone well the night before.
Stepping fully into the room, she offered him a sympathetic smile and moved to her daughter's side. Kagome had her back to them both, feigning sleep while she stared out the window. Thinking it best if they had some time alone, she suggested that Sesshomaru join Gramps and Sota in the waiting room.
He was reticent, wearing a look that suggested exactly what he thought of the idea. In the end, however, he reluctantly stood and slipped out the door. His footsteps had barely faded into the hall when Kagome opened her eyes.
"Is he gone?" she asked, sounding both eager and disappointed.
"Yes."
Her back heaved with a momentary sigh but she didn't turn over.
"I don't think he'll ever forgive me."
With a soft cluck of her tongue Mrs. Higurashi sat atop the bed alongside her daughter and rubbed her back.
"Kagome, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. These things happen sometimes and there's nothing you or anyone can do to prevent them."
Kagome shook her head and pulled away.
"No, not about that. Mama, I tried to purify him."
"Well, I'm sure it's not so bad," she said in an attempt to reassure her. "It seems like you two have been through a lot together. He'll come around in time."
Her daughter made a noise of frustration and wiped a tear from her cheek.
"You don't understand," she muttered bitterly. "Last night I could have killed him! I don't think he'll forgive me for that."
oOo
The boy and the old man were seated next to one another in the waiting room, looking equally bored and restless. They eyed him down suspiciously as he entered. Exhausted and emotionally drained, he had little patience left to deal with their questions and accusations.
Taking the only available seat across from them, he sat down without a word and stared out the closest window. The boy was the first to intrude upon his thoughts.
"So how come you have two swords? Inuyasha only has one. Is that because your swords aren't as powerful as his?"
Closing his eyes, he pulled in a long, slow breath and let it out again. He needed some of Kagome's patience right now – a virtue he was sorely lacking. Keeping his eyes on the building across the street he answered coolly –
"One was a gift from my father and the other I fashioned myself. Both are powerful."
"But not as powerful as Inuyasha's right?"
Sesshomaru didn't give him the satisfaction of answering his snide remark and remained stubbornly silent. He went back to ignoring the boy and his aging grandfather until his thoughts were interrupted once more. This time however, the circumstances were different.
"Gramps? What's wrong? Gramps?!"
The panic in the boy's tone was evident and the scent of fear on him was palpable. Turning to the old man Sesshomaru watched him clutch his chest as beads of sweat dripped down his brow. With a strangled cry he fell to the floor, forcing the boy out of his seat.
The boy frantically grabbed hold of his grandfather's shoulders and looked around in wide-eyed panic for help. Their eyes met – tepid amber and wide, fearful chestnut.
"Please, you have to help him!" the boy pleaded with tears springing to his eyes.
"I am no doctor," Sesshomaru answered, even as he got out of his chair.
The old man was dead, most likely from a failure of the heart. It was a mystery how he'd lived to become the stooped, wrinkled, cantankerous creature that he was. The average human in the feudal era survived roughly 40 years, this human had to be at least twice that age.
As he knelt next to the old man's body Tenseiga began to pulse at his side. He stared curiously down at the blade as its pulses became ever more demanding.
You wish to be drawn? Very well.
He withdrew the fang from its sheath and sliced through the minions of the Underworld that only his eyes could see. Re-sheathing it, he watched dispassionately while the old man stirred and began to breathe once more. To the shock of every human in the waiting room, the old man sat up off the floor and looked around confused.
"Sota?" he questioned dazedly. The boy didn't answer. He was preoccupied with staring wide-eyed at the demon lord that stood over them, his mouth hanging open in awe.
"Whoa! Did that sword just bring Gramps back to life?" he exclaimed, excitedly hopping to his feet.
Sesshomaru's eyes fell to Tenseiga's hilt and he briefly nodded. Deciding he'd had enough of the humans and their questions, he retreated back down the hall toward Kagome's room. Perhaps now that her mother had had time to speak with her he'd have a better chance of doing so himself without being purified within an inch of his life.
He didn't notice the boy had run after him until he felt an unwelcome tug at his sleeve.
"So your sword brings people back from the dead? Why didn't you say that in the first place? Inuyasha's sword can't do THAT!"
Sesshomaru said nothing. He hadn't used Tenseiga to win the acceptance of a child, even if that child was Kagome's brother. Given what his mate had already been through, the last thing she needed was another death to overcome. He'd brought back the old man for her sake alone.
Suddenly the boy darted out in front of him with his arms outstretched to stop him in his tracks.
"You are the most selfish person I've ever met!"
Several nurses turned curious glances in their direction. Sesshomaru simply stared at the boy, uncertain what he'd done to warrant this new round of hostilities.
"We're in a HOSPITAL," Sota explained, emphasizing the word as if it should have special meaning to him.
Seeing the blank look he gave him in return the boy began waving his hands emphatically, gesturing at the dozens of open doorways lining the hall.
"There are people on every floor who are dead or dying and you haven't used that thing to save anyone except Gramps!"
Having no inclination to explain himself to a child, he side-stepped the boy and continue down the hall. Unfortunately, Sota was just as stubborn as his sister. Trotting behind him, he said what he thought would push the right buttons. Unfortunately, he wasn't far from the truth.
"If you really want to impress Kagome you'd use that thing to save some lives around here. What good is a sword that heals people if you never use it? You might as well store it away in a museum for all the good you're doing with it! I bet if Inuyasha had a sword like that he'd use it to save people all the time."
"Enough!" Sesshomaru cut the boy off sharply. Something in his expression must have implied he meant business because the boy's response was to promptly snap his mouth shut with an audible gulp.
Thankful for the brief reprieve, Sesshomaru took a moment to study the signs labelling the different wings of the hospital. Making a sudden change in course, he turned down an adjacent hall and the boy promptly followed.
oOo
Sota was surprised to find himself a few moments later standing atop the hospital's roof. The wind was rough - it tossed his hair into his eyes and whipped his clothes around his narrow frame. Shielding his eyes from the dust and debris, he watched the demon draw his sword once more.
He stood motionless in the middle of the roof, looking unbothered by the raging wind all around him. Wearing the jet black kimono his mother had borrowed from a neighbour, he resembled a shinigami, like one of the characters in of his favourite manga.
Sota watched him lift his sword high above his head. The blade had become engulfed in a faint blue light. In one swift motion he plunged the sword, flame and all, into the roof. A flood of blue light burst outwards from it in a turbulent shockwave.
Not sure what'd happened, Sota watched the light fade from the blade with a hint of disappointment. Was that it? A big light show and then nothing?
Suddenly the demon wavered on his feet and collapsed to one knee. By the time he arrived at his side, he was already pushing himself upright with the help of his sword.
"Hey, are you okay?"
"My body is not used to the climate of your world," the demon explained, pulling in several deep breaths. He rested his weight heavily against his sword and used it to steady himself once he was on his feet.
Sesshomaru glanced thoughtfully at the fang in his clutches before adding, "Never have I used this blade to restore more than one human soul at a time."
This comment was directed more to himself than to Sota, who was still in awe over the true extent of the sword's power. After re-sheathing Tenseiga Sesshomaru walked slowly to the door that lead back into the hospital with Sota following closely at his heels.
oOo
From inside her room, Kagome could hear the disbelief in the nurses' voices as they raced up and down the hall. Calls of "It's a miracle!" and "We've got him back!" reached her ears and brought an understanding smile to her lips.
Crawling out of bed, she pushed away her mother's helping hand and shuffled into the hall. Her eyes peered curiously into every room she passed. The people inside were crying with relief, rejoicing and laughing.
He'd done this for her. She'd felt the warmth of Tenseiga's power flowing through her body and knew instantly what he'd done. He'd saved a hundred lives to make up for the one life he couldn't save.
Her feet slowed to a stop when he appeared at the end of the hall. Though to the rest he must have looked imposing, she could see the subtle way his body sagged with exhaustion. Her heart clenched tight in her chest as she slowly made her way to him.
On some level she'd known all along that it wasn't his fault, but that hadn't stopped her from trying to purify him. It'd been so much easier to blame him for her pain than to deal with the loss of their child.
Her Mom had explained patiently just moments earlier, that sometimes things happen that we can't control. Kagome took her words to heart. Her mother had gone through a lot with losing her husband and raising two children alone. It was no small burden for anyone to bear, yet she'd never given up.
Sesshomaru already blamed himself for what'd happened. Not just with the baby, but with everything else as well. Her mother had explained in great detail how he'd brought her through the well, the concern he'd shown for her and his all-night vigil at her bedside. After so many months of wanting nothing but his arms around her, when he'd offered himself to her she'd childishly pushed him away. She was determined not to make the same mistake again.
Every step she took towards him hurt like hell, but she refused to give up. Without a word he reached for her and she fell into him, thankful for the solid weight of his arm wrapped tight around her back. Then, in a move that surprised even her, he bent his head to kiss her not caring in the slightest that the entire hall was staring.