Chapter Eighteen
Dean raised his eyes to the opening door, straightening a little as Sam walked in the room. Sam looked calmer. Well, at least a little. Dean hesitated a moment, and then decided to give Sam the lead on this one.
Sam closed the door behind him, leaning against it. He took a long look at Dean, still sitting on the bed, a water bottle in hand, the TV remote within reach. Dean quickly turned the TV off, looking expectantly at Sam. Sam gave a slight nod, noting the two new bottles of pills. He hadn't seen those before. He clenched his jaw, forcing himself to relax, and pushed away from the door towards his brother.
"So," Sam said, sitting across from Dean. "These your pills?" he asked, jutting his chin towards the new bottles standing on the nightstand between the beds. They didn't seem new. In fact, they seemed very well worn. Dean's eyes shot to the bottles, and then back to Sam. He nodded slowly, his eyes on Sam as Sam reached for the bottles, studying them carefully. He was definitely going to look those up later, see if there was something more his brother was keeping from him. "Are there any more?" Sam asked coolly.
"No." Dean said. Sam gave him a long look, not really convinced. "No, Sam. That's it. All of it." Dean repeated. Sam looked back at the bottles in his hand, setting them back on the nightstand. He studied Dean carefully. Dean was quiet, which usually meant something was up. But then Sam noticed the way Dean was holding himself, the way he was fighting to keep his eyes open. And one of those bottles did have a warning on it, saying it causes drowsiness. If he were taking these, it would explain why he's been so tired all the time. And if Dean had them hidden in the car, it would explain the long rides alone, and why he fell asleep in the car the night before. He must have taken them now, too. Sam let out a breath.
"So now what?" he asked. Dean shrugged.
"Now nothing." He said.
"And you're okay?" Sam asked, making sure. Dean raised a brow. "I mean, other than that?" Sam clarified. Dean nodded.
"Yeah. I'm fine." He said, making Sam smile bitterly, rolling his eyes. Dean reached out, touching Sam's arm. "I'm fine, Sam. As long as I keep taking the pills, I'm fine." He promised.
"And you're taking them? You're… you know, doing what the doctor ordered and stuff?" Sam pushed.
"Yes." Dean said seriously. He wasn't trying to change the subject or joke around, which, on one hand, was good – because this wasn't a joking matter and Sam was tired and pissed of being left out of this. On the other hand, Dean being serious… it just wasn't Dean.
Dean cleared his throat. "I… Actually, I've gone to see my doctor a few weeks ago." He said in a tone that tried to say 'this is under control, Sammy'. Sam's eyebrows disappeared in his hairline. Dean went to see a doctor? When? And then he remembered the little trip up to Colorado. He did say he was in a hospital, and Sam just knew there was no kid with pneumonia involved. Well, at least he was taking care of himself, Sam figured. It's more than he would have expected from Dean.
"I just need to slow down a little, Sam, take everything down a notch and I'll be good as new." Dean promised. "Let this handsome body heal a little before I kick some more supernatural ass…" he smirked, making Sam smile. Now, that was so Dean, that it actually helped Sam feel a little better. But only a little. Sam's eyes went to Dean's pills once more.
"Look, Sammy," Dean sighed, "I'm not going away, okay?" he said, waiting just long enough to make sure he had Sam's attention before he went on. "I'm gonna be here for you for as long as you need me to be, okay little brother?" he asked seriously. Sam swallowed, nodding lightly.
"And you're gonna tell me when something's wrong?" he asked, looking intently at the older hunter, "You're gonna let me help?" Dean looked away and Sam narrowed his eyes.
"Um, sure." Dean said, nodding lightly. And Sam knew he was lying.
Later, when Dean's body finally succumbed to the affect of the pills and his brother fell asleep, Sam opened the laptop and started to work. By morning, he knew everything there was to know.
It was almost six in the morning, but the sun hasn't made its appearance just yet. Sam sat in the dark, the only light coming from the computer screen, and watched his older brother sleep. Dean seemed to be sleeping peacefully, on the most part. Sam's mind raced as he looked at his sleeping sibling. There was still anger, still disappointment and frustration about having to find out this way, about the fact that Dean didn't trust him enough to tell him everything there was to know, still didn't trust him enough to tell him everything. Sam knew that, had the shoe been on the other foot, Dean would have had him admitted to the hospital by now, whether he wanted it or not.
And then, there was concern, fear even. Dean wasn't okay. He shouldn't be hunting. He shouldn't be sleeping in a crappy bed in a crummy motel. He should rest long enough to actually get better. If anyone had earned it, it was Dean.
Sam grimaced as he looked at the wrinkled notebook in his hand, where he'd written down everything he could find. It took him a long time, and several phone calls, but he finally got his hands on Dean's hospital records from after the accident. He looked up the symptoms, the suggested treatment, the pills, possible complications – everything he could think of. And then he had found out something more. Something he wasn't sure he wanted to find out.
Sam pursed his lip, his hand going to his cell phone for the nth time that night, and still, he hesitated.
Dean never told Sam, nor their dad, for that matter, about his heart condition and the resulting blood pressure problem. Sam didn't approve of that, but he knew his brother well enough to try and understand. He'd known Dean long enough to know Dean would do anything to protect him, even mask his own injuries. And Sam could forgive that, he really could. Yes, it had rattled him, but it wasn't what was still making him want to throw up, what was still nagging him, forcing him to keep watching his brother, make sure he was still breathing.
AMA. Dean had signed himself out of the hospital against medical advice after the accident, but he had told both Sam and John that he had been released. Even made a whole show of it, when both Sam and John came to take him from the hospital. Sam remembered thinking Dean still looked sick when they brought him over to the apartment, but back then, just seeing Dean breathing and joking and alive made Sam so grateful that he didn't question his brother.
He should have. He should have pushed Dean back then, but he didn't. He was so relieved to have Dean back, that it didn't even occur to him that Dean might just be sick of laying around in a hospital. Sam cursed himself for that. He knew Dean hated hospitals. He hated them even more than Sam did, and Sam hated hospitals with a passion.
How could Dean hide this? Why would he hide this? Why hide it from me? Sam thought bitterly, taking his cell in his hand. He hesitated. Should he tell dad? Dean obviously didn't want dad to know, he obviously had some issues with their dad, but didn't dad have a right to know? Didn't Sam have a right to know? And before he knew it, Sam heard the ringing tone. Well, what's done's done, he figured and put the phone to his ear. With any luck, he'll get dad's voicemail and just hang up.
"Yeah? Hello?" a very sleepy, raspy voice slurred from the other line. And that's when Sam's mind froze. What was he going to say? Dean obviously didn't want their dad to know, does Sam? And what good will that do? No. Calling was a mistake. Sam nearly ended the call when he heard his father from the other side of the line, now much more alert, and even a little worried. "Sammy? That you? Are you okay?" his father asked. Sam gave Dean another long look and exhaled loudly, getting to his feet and walking over to the window.
"Yes, dad. I'm… I'm fine." He said as he pushed the curtain aside with his finger, looking out the window at the slow drizzle outside. The skies were showing no signs of brightening up.
"What's wrong?" John asked so suddenly, that, for a moment, Sam wondered if his father had read his mind.
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong, sir. I…" Sam tripped over his tongue, trying to think of a way to get out of this. "Uh, I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you, I meant to call someone else." Sam lied quickly.
"You boys alright?" John asked, concern evident in his voice, making Sam hesitate again. Doesn't his father have a right to know something's wrong? Sam glanced at Dean. And if he told his father, then what? It wasn't like dad'll just drop everything and come down here. Sam doubted his dad will even tell Dean to take a couple of weeks off of hunting to recuperate properly. Maybe, if things were better between Dean and dad, but as they were now… No, Sam couldn't do it. Nothing good could come of it.
"Yes, sir." Sam said eventually.
"Sammy?"
"Yes, sir?"
"It took you too long to answer." John noted.
"We're fine, dad." Sam sighed.
"And your brother?" John asked. Sam glanced over his shoulder at Dean, who started turning in bed, his face crumpled in a frown.
"He'll be okay." Sam said. He wasn't lying, Dean will be okay, Sam will make damn sure of it. He's watched his brother dying in that hospital, twice now. There wasn't going to be a third time, not if he could help it.
"You boys got the job done?" John inquired.
"We're working on it." Sam said, noticing Dean kept tossing and turning. "Look, dad, I'm sorry I woke you, I actually really meant to call someone else. I really need to go." Sam said quickly.
"Sammy?"
"Yes, sir?"
"You take care of your brother." Sam nodded. That, he could do.
"Yes, sir."
It wasn't long after that, that Dean woke up. He pushed himself off the bed, and Sam realized he's been doing that a lot lately. Not just jump out of bed like he'd used to, but push himself up, like he really didn't want or didn't have the strength to get up. Dean closed the door behind him as he went to the bathroom, and soon Sam could hear the toilet flushing and the sound of running water.
Dean looked better this morning, Sam noticed. Not all well, but better than he did last night.
"Hey, how long have you been up?"
"A while." Sam answered.
"You feel like grabbing some breakfast?" Dean offered.
"I don't know, should you be out of bed?" Sam asked, raising a brow. Dean scowled.
"Dude, I'm not sick or anything, I was just tired." He shot, "I'm fine now, or, will be after a big breakfast. You up for it?" Dean asked, putting his jacket on. Sam hesitated.
"I don't know, Dean. Maybe you should just rest for a while? I could go get us breakfast." Sam offered.
"Sam, I'm going. You can come, or you can stay here." Sam hesitated a moment longer, but only until he saw Dean reaching for the car keys.
"I'm coming, I'm coming…" he grunted, grabbing his jacket on the way out.
Sam practically grabbed both menus as soon as the waitress handed them out, completely ignoring Dean's 'what the hell?' look. He ordered for the both of them; ham and eggs for him, toast, egg white omelet and orange juice for Dean. He made sure the omelet came with a side of fresh vegetables before he ordered some coffee for the both of them.
"Sam!" Dean glowered at him as the waitress left their table, "I am old enough to order my own freaking breakfast, thank you very much! And I wanted bacon and hash browns!"
"Well, tough." Sam said coolly. Ignoring the deadly glower Dean shot his way.
"I can still kick your ass, you know." He gritted through his teeth. Sam's lip quirked up as Dean slouched in his seat. Sam raised a brow. Was he pouting? Sam quickly looked away, hiding his grin from Dean's narrowing eyes.
The waitress came by not long after, carrying their orders. Sam dug right in as Dean forked unhappily at his omelet and vegetables. Sam studied his brother for a couple of seconds, before shaking his head.
"Look, I know you like your greasy, high cholesterol, heart stopping food, but just give it a chance, alright?" Sam asked. He tried to keep a straight face as Dean stuffed a couple of tomatoes in his mouth, buttering his toast. He looked so much like a spoiled five year old who'd just been scolded, that Sam was finding it hard not to laugh.
"I hate rabbit food." Dean muttered into his plate as he started on his toast, looking longingly at Sam's plate. He reached over, trying to snag a bite, only to be slapped on the hand by his baby brother. Dean scowled at him, rubbing his hand. He pushed his plate away, still hungry but determined not to eat anymore girly food, and opted for his coffee instead.
"I thought you said you were hungry." Sam said as he paid the bill.
"I am." Dean said, pushing the door open and heading for the car, at least until he noticed Sam was no longer behind him. He turned, looking questioningly at the younger hunter.
"Well, why didn't you eat anything?" Sam demanded.
"I didn't want to eat that, I want real food!" Dean protested, earning himself an angry glare.
"This is real food, Dean! It's just healthier food!" Sam snapped, "And you'd better get used to it!" he said, walking past Dean towards the car, shoving him as he did.
The ride back to the motel was spent in tense silence, and again Sam wondered why Dean didn't put on one of the CDs he's bought him. It only made Sam angrier. If Dean still had a problem, why couldn't he just say so like a normal person? But no. Dean hated normal. Dean would go out of his way to avoid normal, and then die of a freaking heart attack!
"You know, we could go over to the house." Dean suggested, breaking the silence. Sam turned to look at him. "The Jefferson's house." Dean clarified. Oh, so all of a sudden it was okay to go over there? All of a sudden he wasn't feeling sick? Sam snorted. "What?"
"You're kidding me, right?" Sam demanded. Dean looked quizzically at him, and Sam clenched his jaw. "You're sick, Dean!"
"I'm not sick!" Dean protested quickly. "I was feeling a little off last night, that's all." He added assertively.
"You should be in a hospital!" at that, Dean huffed.
"Look, we'll stop at the motel, get our stuff, go to the house, finish the job, and then you could be with your girlfriend by tonight." Dean said, all business like, and turned the car over to the motel parking lot.
"You're unbelievable, you know that?" Sam burst at him. And then Dean gave him that innocent 'what did I do now?' look. "First you tell me you don't want to hunt because you're sick, and then you go to sleep and all of a sudden you're better?" Dean kept looking at him with that same look on his face. "You're not alright, Dean, and a few hours of sleep aren't going to fix it!" Sam all but yelled.
"Well, what do you want me to do, Sam?" Dean demanded. "You're the one that keeps telling me how important it is to get this job finished! You're the one that can't wait to leave this place!" Dean said, his tone quickly becoming angrier, more accusing. God, can't he see that Sam's just worried about him? No, scratch that, Sam was worried about him. Before. Before he knew. Now Sam was scared. Reading Dean's medical records, seeing how close he was to actually losing his brother, and finding out that Dean never completed his treatment… Yes, Sam was suddenly less than comfortable with the prospect of getting the job done quickly and rushing back to possibly face the Demon again.
Dean rolled his eyes, shaking his head and opened the car door, getting out. Sam was quick to follow him. It was weird, in a way, he was still expecting to hear the creaking sound of the door closing. They had the Impala for so long, that Sam actually missed it.
"Sam, stop it!" Dean said, opening the door to their room.
"Stop it?" Sam frowned, "Stop what?"
"Just… stop it! Stop giving me that look!" Dean snapped angrily, reaching under his bed for the weapons duffle and hoisting it up on his bed.
"What look?" Dean cried out in frustration.
"That! That look! That 'oh, my poor, sick, helpless brother' look!" he cried, "I'm not sick, and I don't need your pity, Sam!" Sam's jaw dropped. He blinked. There was such animosity in Dean's tone that it took Sam completely off guard. He didn't get it. Didn't get why Dean was being so guarded all the time, why Dean was being so… distant. He wasn't speaking to their father, he wasn't joking around, and he wasn't talking to Sam. It couldn't be just the physical thing. So what is it? Sam shook his head. A shrink would have a field day treating his brother.
"I'm just worried about you, Dean." Sam said softly.
"Well, don't be. I'm fine. Now you want to toast that spirit or what?" Dean snapped. Sam scratched his head, sitting on his bed.
"No." he said. At that, Dean stopped his fussing with the guns and turned to look at him.
"Come again?"
"It can wait. The Jeffersons can afford another day in that hotel." Sam shrugged. For a moment, it seemed like Dean was lost for words. Just for a moment.
"Get your gear and get your ass in the car, Sam." He said.
"No." Sam said simply. Dean stared at him.
"Fine." He said, shouldering the duffle. "Then I'll go without you."
"No, you're not!" Sam jumped to his feet, getting in Dean's way.
"Move, Sam!" Dean ordered.
"No!"
"Sam!" Dean warned, but Sam wouldn't move. Dean narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong with you?" he demanded. "You are the one that can't wait to leave… To go to your girlfriend," Dean quickly amended. And there it is again. Sam thought, he does think I want to leave him.
"That can wait." Sam said softly.
"Oh, so now all of a sudden it can wait? Now your girlfriend doesn't matter? Now you don't want to hunt down the demon?" Dean demanded.
"No, not if it means you getting hurt!" Sam cried. He couldn't read the look on Dean's face, and he hated that. There was a time he could read every look on his brother's face, a time he could tell what Dean was thinking just by reading his body language. But not anymore. "Dean, you were right, man. It's not worth it. None of it." He said slowly, "I don't care about the hunt, and I don't care about letting the Demon get away, not if it means I still have you around." He added softly. Dean studied his face for ages, it seemed, but at last he relented, shrugging the duffle off to the floor.
Sam breathed a silent sigh of relief. He guessed Dean wasn't feeling all that much better, he knew his brother well enough to recognize the act, to recognize the need to seem invulnerable, invincible. It's just that, after being told that your brother's chances of recovery are not as good as the doctors had hoped, you don't buy into that crap as much as you used to.
"Fine." Dean said in a small voice, flopping on his bed. "So, what do you want to do now?" he said, not looking up at Sam.
"I don't know." Sam shrugged. "Movie marathon?" he suggested. They used to love doing that when they were little. A ghost of a smile crossed Dean's lips. "Or, you know, I can kick your ass at pool." Sam suggested, a huge grin on his lips at the look on Dean's face.
"Sure, in your dreams!" he said, getting to his feet. "Grab your coat, grasshopper, I'm gonna teach you a thing or two!"
"I'm still gonna be watching what you eat from now on." Sam said as they walked back out to the car.
"If that's what gonna make you stop looking at me like that all the time, knock yourself out, just don't bother me while I'm eating." Dean quipped.
"I mean I am going to make sure you eat healthier!" Sam clarified, getting in the car, and practically grinning like crazy when Dean put on the AC/DC CD, turning the volume up.
"Yeah, whatever. Just don't mess with my coffee." Dean said, heading out of the parking lot, making Sam smile. The hunt can wait. Everything can wait. He's been so close to losing Dean, he wasn't going to take that chance again. Not if he could help it. They'll wait another day, so Sam can be sure Dean wasn't faking it just because he's Dean.
They played pool for a while, Dean kicking Sam's ass without even trying really hard, which kind of irritated Sam because he had been practicing his game. Around lunchtime they came back to their room and Sam offered to go get lunch along with the movies. It took him over an hour to get back, and he just thanked whatever deity was watching over him that Dean had been asleep. The splitting headache from the vision was killing him. He popped one of Dean's painkillers and went to bed himself.
TBC
A/N: Next chapter the boys will finally go ghost hunting, and we'll have us a little toy surprise... Please review, your reviews really help me keep going!