5 months later
"Renee? Could you fetch me some new candlesticks? These ones are nearly used up," I call to Renee as I finish my reading late at night.
"Of course, your highness," she says, quickly doing as I ask. The past five months have been...well, empty. My heart is empty without Jesse.
I see him now and then when I go to Jake's chambers for our weekly card game, but it's only for a moment or two at a time.
"Anything else tonight, Miss?" Renee asks and I shake my head. "No, that's all, thank you," I tell her, smiling.
I quickly finish the last pages of my book, sighing as I set it down next to me and stare up at my canopy until sleep starts to take over my body and I lean over, blowing out my candle.
I wake up the next morning to find my blanket pulled even tighter around me and my window shut. I let a small smile creep on to my face as I think of the person who fills my dreams: Jesse.
I let out a soft sigh and roll onto my side. He may not have been talking to me, or making eye contact with me lately, but every night for the past 4 months or so I have woken up with my window closed; I usually open it at night because I am warm, and the blankets up around my chin.
I just wish he could talk to me, look at me...hold me in his arms. I miss the feeling of completeness he gave me,
I miss feeling like someone actually loved me in this brick prison I live in. I mean, sure my mother loves me, but Jesse's love...it was different.
So during the day, I have my lessons and meetings and meals and such but at night, when I'm alone at night, all I can think about is Jesse.
One evening, after I had gone out horseback riding for the entire day with Paul, something I have my mother to blame, I come into my room and change into my sleeping gown, opening the window to cool off my warm room.
The whole time I was with Paul, I couldn't stop thinking of Jesse and I came up with an idea. I'm going to wait until Jesse comes to close the window, so that I can see him again. Hear him again...feel him touching me.
I smile a little bit as I look out across the gardens and I see the villiage surrounding the palace, feeling less stressed than I had in a while.
It's a few hours before I hear the servant's door opening and see Jesse standing before me. He seems surprised that I'm awake.
I sit up a little more in my bed, where I had been lying down, and smile up at him softly.
"Querida," he whispers and I let out a soft sigh. I had missed him calling me that.
"Jesse," I reply, looking into his dark eyes, the only light in my room being the light of the moon outside my window.
He slowly walks over to the bed, as if he's being drawn to it, to me. I crawl to the edge and he takes my face in his hand, standing beside the bed, looking down at me.
"I've missed you Jesse," I say softly, opening my mouth to say something else to him when he leans down and kisses me softly.
"You have no idea, querida," he mumbles against my lips before kissing me passionately, joining me on the bed.
"Why have you been ignoring me?" I ask him, frowning as he kneels on the bed in front of me.
"If they find us again...it will be bad for the both of us," he replies, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
I nod, knowing that what he was saying was true, "Especially for you," I whisper. The only thing they would end up doing with me was maybe make me go visit some relatives, in another town, away from Jesse...but him, he wouldn't get away that easily, not at all.
He nods in understanding and I let out a sigh. "Then why do you come here, every night, closing my window?" I ask.
Unless the moonlight is casting wrong shadows, I can swear I see a blush arise on his perfect face at my words.
I smile a little and reach my hand up to stroke his cheek. "I've been empty without you, Jesse," I whisper.
He sighs and leans into my caress, saying something softly in Spanish, which frustrates me slightly.
But my frustration is wiped away when he gently brushes his lips against mine in a sweet, simple kiss.
"I have been also, Querida. Why do you think everynight I come in here? I need to see you, and even though you're asleep, it still helps." he whispers.
"It is not enough to just see you," I tell him. "I need your lips, your touch, your eyes, your smile...I need you, Jesse."
At this his breathing starts to become faster and he swallows, slowly, still gazing at me, though I could tell his resistance was wavering.
"Hold me, Jesse," I say softly, my emerald eyes gazing into his deep brown ones.
Again, he mutters something in Spanish, and this time I frown, taking his jaw in my hand, "I can't understand you when you're talking in Spanish, Jesse," I tell him.
"How can I resist those eyes?" he whispers before wrapping his arms around me.
I pull the sheets off of myself before getting up on my knees as well, moving my arm to circle around Jesse's neck.
I don't think I've ever known completeness like being here, wrapped in the warmth of him...loving every breath, every sigh, everything about him.
"I love you, Susannah," Jesse whispers and I smile, playing with the hair on the back of his neck.
"You don't know how many times I've dreamed about you saying that to me again," I whisper, leaning in so that our faces are inches apart. "And I love you too."
"Do you love...him?" Jesse asks me and I can trace a hint of jealousy in his voice.
I almost let out a laugh as I shake my head. "No, Jesse...not even a little," I tell him, smiling.
"You do not know how much that relieves me. I have seen you out with him, these past months, and I couldn't help but dread that he would take my place in your heart," Jesse says.
"No one could ever take your place in my heart, Jesse," I tell him, bringing his hand down to my chest. "Because it's all yours."
He blushes for a moment and I realize how close his hand is to my breast, and I know I should be blushing also, but I'm not embarrassed. When he does nothing I move myself a little bit closer to him, causing his hand to slide.
"Susannah...this isn't," he begins but I cut him off. "If the word proper escapes you lips, Jesse, I swear I'll smack you," I say playfully.
He smiles and once again I lean against him, wanting him to do more than he was doing now. I missed him these last 5 months, and I wanted to make up for what we had missed.
"Querida," he whispers, his breath hot against my cheek as he gently pushes my back so that I'm laying down.
Shortly after he's lying down beside me, looking deep into my eyes, and I give him a small kiss.
He slowly wraps his arm around me, pulling me closer to him as he deepens the kiss.
A soft moan escapes my mouth at the feeling and Jesse takes this chance to slip his tongue into my oh so willing mouth.
In a moment, he is hovering over me, now attacking my lips from above as I slide my arms around him.
I have never felt this good in my life, let me tell you. Sure Jesse and I have gotten this far before, but never with this intensity and this much passion.
It's like every pent up emotion and desire from the past five months were pouring out in this single kiss.
Jesse slowly moves his hand from where it rests next to me, and brings it to my waist, where it sits for a moment, his other hand keeping him from squashing me, until it slowly starts to slide up over my nightgown.
I let out a soft moan and kiss him even more intensity. His touch is driving me crazy with desire.
A strangled cry of pleasure escapes my lips as his hand finally touches my breast through the thin fabric, and I have to kiss Jesse even more intensely to keep from waking anyone.
"Sit up, querida," he whispers hoarsely and I nod, doing as he asked.
He leans forward, kissing me just as intensely as before, but this time it was a different type of intense.
This kiss gives me a warm feeling all over. I wrap my arms around him, needing to be as close to him as possible.
Jesse lets out an urgent moan as I do this and I realize why when I feel his hardness pressed against my belly through the nightgown.
I let out a moan as well and slide my hands up under his shirt, his skin firey hot beneath my fingers.
"Querida..." he moans, his breath making my skin tingle in a very good way. His hands find their way to the hem of my long nightgown, slipping his hand underneath and slipping it steadily up until he reaches my thighs.
I raise my arms so that he can slide it up over my head, our fingers entwining in the air once it's gone. I guess I should feel nervous; I'm nearly naked in front of him. But I'm not.
Jesse, on the other hand, is. Nervous, I mean. I can tell by the way his fingers are slightly shaking against mine and how his breath is rapid against my now warm skin.
"Querida, I..." he begins, but I place a finger on his lips, silencing him. "I need you, Jesse," I whisper.
He bites his lip softly, and this makes me smile. I have never seen him this nervous before, and it amuses me how cute he looks.
"What is it?" he asks and I let out a small laugh. "Nothing...just admiring how cute you are," I tell him.
He blushes even more than he's blushing now, and I take this opportunity to kiss him fervently, my hand caressing his cheek.
He slowly wraps his arms around me, pressing our bodies together.
I can feel his heartbeat against my bear chest and it makes me smile, realizing how close we are. I softly nuzzle my nose against his neck and place a few kisses there, "Jesse...touch me," I whisper so softly I thought he didn't hear me at first.
But I realize that he did hear me when I feel his hand slowly massage my breast. "Ohhh, Jesse," I moan, my eyes fluttering close.
"You don't know what you do to me, querida," Jesse whispers in my ear, his free hand moving up to my other breast.
"Mmmm, you better know what you do to me, by now," I say in a moan a little too loud as his thumbs brush over my nipples over and over again and he leans down, kissing me softly.
"You are far too overdressed," I whisper playfully, grinning at him before moving to take his shirt off.
I lean forward kissing his right nipple then his left before leaning up and seizing his lips in a passionate kiss.
"You are so beautiful, Querida," he says in my ear as his hands move up and down over my back, his mouth then leaving a trail of kisses across my jaw.
I have to stop myself from crying out in pleasure as he begins to massage my breasts again. His touches feel so, sooo good.
I can't keep my hands still, so I reach out and pull him closer to me, my nails digging into his back, but instead of him wincing in pain, he hisses in pleasure.
His hands slide down to my panties and he looks deep into my eyes, silently asking if I'm ready, if this is what I want.
I look into his eyes for a few moments, my mouth opening and closing over and over again as I think of something to say, but when nothing really fits, I simply nod, placing my hands on top of his.
He kisses me softly as he slides my panties down my legs. This is when I start to get a little nervous.
What I'm about to do...what we're about to do, it big. I can't take it back once it's done.
But as I look into his eyes, I know that there is no one else I'd rather do it with. I lean forward and kiss him with all of the passion I can muster.
Once again, I feel him shaking slightly against my completely bare skin and I look up at him.
"Are you sure this is what you want, Jesse?" I ask, making sure he doesn't have any second thoughts.
"Of course, Querida. There is nothing else in the world I want more than to make love with you...I just, well..." He says, blushing profusely.
"I'm nervous too, Jesse," I tell him, placing my hand on his cheek.
"It's not that...I just...I don't want to hurt you, I want to make this moment amazing for you," Jesse says softly.
My heart swells with love for him and I feel tears gather in my eyes. "Anything with you is amazing, Jesse," I whisper.
"I...I am inexperienced in the ways of, of pleasure," he says in a whisper and I take a deep breath. "I know...I don't care. I want to be with you Jesse, you," I tell him.
He smiles down at him and kisses me softly before removing his pants. "I love you so much, Susannah," he says softly.
"I love you more than I could have ever thought possible, Jesse," I reply, and I am not able to resist looking down at him.
...And I like what I see. No, I LOVE what I see. I smile a little and look up at him, blushing slightly.
Jesse is blushing much more profusely, though, probably thinking the worst at the moment.
I cannot find words so I simply kiss him intensely before lying back down and pulling him down with me.
Jesse reaches down to his erection and leads it to my center and I stop breathing for a moment when I feel it prod against my entrance.
"No turning back, querida," he says and I nod in understanding as he takes us both past the point of no return.