Shadow's of a dark dream
By Natta
Summary: Post IMALL. After recovering from flash, Beka notices she might have lost her friends' confidence and her world turns dark. Deals with depression as well as other dark themes.
Beka was walking down the corridors of the Andromeda, sad, tired and lonely. She had had to spend a few days in med bay to recover after the flash incident, but now she could finally get out of there. She felt guilt of course, lots of guilt and she didn't understand why Dylan hadn't thrown her off the ship.
"He's just too damn nice," she thought as she entered the Maru. "He would have wanted to get rid of me, but his morale wouldn't let him. Or maybe he thought the others wouldn't co-operate with him if he threw me off." She snorted. "As if that is gonna happen," she said loudly to herself. They had been visiting her, all of them, but they had been different when they were. None of them had been their usual cheerful selves, (except for Tyr who was never cheerful) and they didn't really seem to know how to behave around her.
"Well," she thought, "they don't trust me anymore. Which isn't that weird at all, after...what I did. Oh well, I'll be fine without them, I can take care of myself," she tried to convince herself. "I can...I can..." Then she fell down on the bed, hysterically crying and wrecking in sobs.
****
Even though Dylan had given her a few days off, she still showed up at Command, taking her usual station, first trying a cheerful good morning even though she still felt really bad. Everyone looked at her as she stood there and after a while she looked up.
"What?" she said at all the weird looks. Dylan walked up to her, standing close and speaking in a low voice.
"Beka," he said, "you're supposed to be resting. Recovering." She took a step back and gave him an uncertain smile.
"I feel recovered enough." Dylan sighed and shook his head.
"Go to bed Beka," he said, "you're back on duty when I deem you fit, understand?" Beka's eyes went wide and she turned on her heel, not wanting the others to see the tears that were quickly running down her cheeks.
"I'm not going back to bed," she thought, "I've already slept for over twelve hours." Her steps led her to the obs deck where she sat down on a chair and stared out at the stars. She soon became restless of not doing anything, a bit like when she was on the flash, but this time was different. Suddenly the doors opened and Harper entered. He flinched when he saw her and a sad feeling came over her.
"Hi," she said softly and he gave her a strained smile. She wanted to apologize for what she had said to him, but she found it extremely hard to talk about. She just couldn't make the words come out of her mouth, it hurt too much.
"Hi," Harper answered quickly. "Weren't you supposed to be in bed?" Beka shrugged.
"I just...I don't know, I've slept for so long, I just feel like doing something. All this time not doing anything, it just makes it come back to me. I wanna have other stuff on my mind, see what I mean?" He nodded quickly.
"Yeah, I do. Look, I got to go now but I'll talk to ya later, ok?" She nodded as he rushed out of the room.
"Now what do I do?" she thought. "Maybe I could go to the gym for some work- out."
Not much to her surprise, Tyr was there working out. He gave her a glance over his shoulder and turned to face her.
"I thought Captain Hunt specifically ordered you to bed." Beka shrugged, irritated with all this talk about bed.
"I don't want to go to bed. I want to do something, distract my mind." She took up some weights and started to furiously lift at them. Tyr walked up to her and took them away. She started snatching at them but he kept them out of her reach.
"Come on," he said softly, "we're going to get you to bed."
"No!" she said, a little too loud. "No...no..." she fell to her knees and started to cry again. Tyr sat down and took her on his lap, rocking her gently. When her sobs had subsided, he gently lifted her up. This time she didn't protest, but let him carry her to her quarters and putting her between the covers. Sleep overtook her quickly and soon the room was quiet again.
****
Beka woke up several hours later and felt much more rested. "Rommie, lights," she yawned and sat up in bed. The lights were on and Beka got out of bed, heading for the shower. Before she turned it on, a flash went through her and she let out a pained sound before she hit the floor, curling up in a little ball.
The cravings for flash had returned and she hugged herself tightly, trying to rip her skin off in pain. She knew all the stuff you needed for making flash had been removed from her quarters so all she could do was to lie there and cry softly. And that was how Trance found her one hour later.
~TBC~
PurpleEnigma: YAY, this is so cool! You gotta get the rest up Natta, the ppl have to read it, cos it ROX!
Natta: Thank you! You are my bestest friend in the whole world (not to mention my first reviewer)
Ccabello: Good start. Write more soon.
Natta: Thanx
MaryRose: O! Beka angst. Lovely. Hope there's lot's of it. Yes I am a very twisted individual. More. And longer chapters.
Natta: That was a prolouge so the other chaps are longer, lol
Iara: This is fantastic! What's going to happen next?
Natta: Hey, I'm not telling ya!
By Natta
Summary: Post IMALL. After recovering from flash, Beka notices she might have lost her friends' confidence and her world turns dark. Deals with depression as well as other dark themes.
Beka was walking down the corridors of the Andromeda, sad, tired and lonely. She had had to spend a few days in med bay to recover after the flash incident, but now she could finally get out of there. She felt guilt of course, lots of guilt and she didn't understand why Dylan hadn't thrown her off the ship.
"He's just too damn nice," she thought as she entered the Maru. "He would have wanted to get rid of me, but his morale wouldn't let him. Or maybe he thought the others wouldn't co-operate with him if he threw me off." She snorted. "As if that is gonna happen," she said loudly to herself. They had been visiting her, all of them, but they had been different when they were. None of them had been their usual cheerful selves, (except for Tyr who was never cheerful) and they didn't really seem to know how to behave around her.
"Well," she thought, "they don't trust me anymore. Which isn't that weird at all, after...what I did. Oh well, I'll be fine without them, I can take care of myself," she tried to convince herself. "I can...I can..." Then she fell down on the bed, hysterically crying and wrecking in sobs.
****
Even though Dylan had given her a few days off, she still showed up at Command, taking her usual station, first trying a cheerful good morning even though she still felt really bad. Everyone looked at her as she stood there and after a while she looked up.
"What?" she said at all the weird looks. Dylan walked up to her, standing close and speaking in a low voice.
"Beka," he said, "you're supposed to be resting. Recovering." She took a step back and gave him an uncertain smile.
"I feel recovered enough." Dylan sighed and shook his head.
"Go to bed Beka," he said, "you're back on duty when I deem you fit, understand?" Beka's eyes went wide and she turned on her heel, not wanting the others to see the tears that were quickly running down her cheeks.
"I'm not going back to bed," she thought, "I've already slept for over twelve hours." Her steps led her to the obs deck where she sat down on a chair and stared out at the stars. She soon became restless of not doing anything, a bit like when she was on the flash, but this time was different. Suddenly the doors opened and Harper entered. He flinched when he saw her and a sad feeling came over her.
"Hi," she said softly and he gave her a strained smile. She wanted to apologize for what she had said to him, but she found it extremely hard to talk about. She just couldn't make the words come out of her mouth, it hurt too much.
"Hi," Harper answered quickly. "Weren't you supposed to be in bed?" Beka shrugged.
"I just...I don't know, I've slept for so long, I just feel like doing something. All this time not doing anything, it just makes it come back to me. I wanna have other stuff on my mind, see what I mean?" He nodded quickly.
"Yeah, I do. Look, I got to go now but I'll talk to ya later, ok?" She nodded as he rushed out of the room.
"Now what do I do?" she thought. "Maybe I could go to the gym for some work- out."
Not much to her surprise, Tyr was there working out. He gave her a glance over his shoulder and turned to face her.
"I thought Captain Hunt specifically ordered you to bed." Beka shrugged, irritated with all this talk about bed.
"I don't want to go to bed. I want to do something, distract my mind." She took up some weights and started to furiously lift at them. Tyr walked up to her and took them away. She started snatching at them but he kept them out of her reach.
"Come on," he said softly, "we're going to get you to bed."
"No!" she said, a little too loud. "No...no..." she fell to her knees and started to cry again. Tyr sat down and took her on his lap, rocking her gently. When her sobs had subsided, he gently lifted her up. This time she didn't protest, but let him carry her to her quarters and putting her between the covers. Sleep overtook her quickly and soon the room was quiet again.
****
Beka woke up several hours later and felt much more rested. "Rommie, lights," she yawned and sat up in bed. The lights were on and Beka got out of bed, heading for the shower. Before she turned it on, a flash went through her and she let out a pained sound before she hit the floor, curling up in a little ball.
The cravings for flash had returned and she hugged herself tightly, trying to rip her skin off in pain. She knew all the stuff you needed for making flash had been removed from her quarters so all she could do was to lie there and cry softly. And that was how Trance found her one hour later.
~TBC~
PurpleEnigma: YAY, this is so cool! You gotta get the rest up Natta, the ppl have to read it, cos it ROX!
Natta: Thank you! You are my bestest friend in the whole world (not to mention my first reviewer)
Ccabello: Good start. Write more soon.
Natta: Thanx
MaryRose: O! Beka angst. Lovely. Hope there's lot's of it. Yes I am a very twisted individual. More. And longer chapters.
Natta: That was a prolouge so the other chaps are longer, lol
Iara: This is fantastic! What's going to happen next?
Natta: Hey, I'm not telling ya!