Beka nervously flicked her knuckle-rings, trying to occupy herself with something else than her fear. She was about to have her compulsary session with Rommie.
"I don't need a counsellour," Beka mumbled to herself, "I'm fine on my own, I don't need this."
"Oh, but I think you do," a voice said from above her. Beka looked up and managed a strained smile.
"Oh, Rommie," she said, trying to stop her voice from trembling. "I didn't see you there." Rommie smiled at her.
"I see," she said, "well, shall we get started?" Beka looked at her.
"No?" she said hopefully. Rommie laughed.
"Well, at least you've still got your sense of humour." She shifted in her seat and put a notepad in her lap. "So, how are you feeling today Beka?" Beka smiled at her.
"I'm just fine, thank you." She flicked and scraped her knucklerings some more, praying Rommie would be happy with that answer. Rommie tilted her head.
"Those are really nice rings, you know." Beka frowned. "I really think you should leave them alone. Wouldn't want to ruin them, would you?" Beka rolled her eyes, but let go of the rings. "So," Rommie continued, "how are you feeling about life, in general?" Beka gave her a fake smile.
"Oh, just fine thank you Rommie. Life is brilliant." Rommie smirked.
"I'm not sure I can believe that Beka. I think you're saying that just so I'll let you out." Beka looked down.
"Won't you?" she asked. Rommie looked serious.
"If I do, what'll happen?" she asked.
"Everything will go back to normal." Rommie shook her head.
"Beka, you know what I'm asking. If I did recommend to Dylan that he let you go, which I doubt he would anyway, would you just try to kill yourself again?" Beka had tears in her eyes.
"Doesn't the fact that I told you about the overdose count for anything?"
"It does," Rommie assured her, "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. It helps me believe that you're feeling better, and not just pretending so we'll let you go. However, the fact remains that you attempted suicide twice. It's not something I can just forget about." Beka tried to casually wipe her tears away. She didn't want Rommie to see her crying.
"I don't need to talk to you about it," she mumbled. "I didn't talk to anyone when my mum left, I didn't talk to anyone when my dad took flash, I didn't talk to anyone when Rafe left me with a flash-fried dad, I didn't talk to anyone when dad died and left me all alone, and I'm not starting now." Rommie listened with an interested look on her face.
"That's very interesting Beka," she said as she took notes on her pad. Beka frowned.
"What are you doing?" Rommie finished writing and looked up.
"Your childhood can affect your decisions in adult life more than you may think. Now, I know this is a sensitive subject, but I need to ask you; why did you do this?" Beka looked away, biting her lip.
"I'm surprised Dylan didn't tell you already," she mumbled. Rommie looked guilty.
"He did," she admitted, "but I wanted to hear it from you." Beka smirked.
"Well, no point really if you already know, is there?" Rommie sighed.
"I suppose not," she said. "So, you felt that we all hated you?" she said brutally. Beka nodded. Rommie looked at her notes.
"That's interesting," she said, "because what you just told me about your past shows that in your childhood you were abandoned a lot. Did you feel like you were being abandoned all over again?" Beka looked up at her.
"I don't have to answer that Rommie! I might have to sit here with you, but you can't make me talk." Rommie rolled her eyes.
"I'll take that as a yes then," she mumbled, scribbling on her notepad. Beka wanted to scream with frustration.
"Just leave me alone," she sobbed, turning around. "I've coped before and I'll cope again! I don't want to talk to you anymore." Rommie sighed and stood up.
"I suppose we can leave it here for today," she said softly, "I'll see you tomorrow Beka." And she left the room, making a mental note on talking to Dylan about this.