People have been saying that Raven would never fall for a jerk like that. Or why didn't she leave him right when he started abusing her. I hope this chapter clears up some of your questions and complaints. If you have any others, review, and ask me, I'll reply to you and explain…if you want…
Chapter 8
I feel so wonderful, yet so betrayed. Why is this? Oh, yes, I remember now, I'm with Beastboy. He saved me, at least I think he did. He's probably going to take me back to the tower…so he can watch me more. But I can't just leave Daniel. I love him, our relationship was just taking a turn.
I open my eyes slowly and realize my head is in Beastboy's lap. He draped a small blanket over my body and he's sleeping. No, he's not sleeping, he couldn't be. His hand is running though my hair. His eyes are open, our eyes meet, and he gives me his famous fang showing grin.
"Hey Rae. Feeling better?"
"No……..well, a little." I barely manage to mutter. I still feel as if someone punched me in the stomach. My body is throbbing and my throat is dry. I can't believe that I gave it away to HIM…
"Are you ready to talk about it?"
"Yeah, I think so." My voice is a raspy whisper. "Water…..you have some?"
"Here." He pulls out a little canteen. "I come here a lot, there's food, water, and some other things. Its my special place to think."
I take a long drink of the water, "Yeah, I have one of those places."
"We all need it."
"Yeah we do." I wipe the water off my lips and struggle to sit up.
"Don't sit. Just relax. Let's talk." So he positions himself so he's leaning against the wall, sitting cross-legged, and I'm in front of him, laying down with my head in his lap. He's now looking down at me, leaning over my head and gently touching my scarred arm. "Why?" He gently asks.
"I don't know…it takes it away. Makes me feel better. Gives me relief."
"From what?"
"The loneliness, then pain."
"You realize there is now pain in your arm though, Raven?"
"Yeah…"
"How long?"
"Only about a month." I try not to look him in the eyes. I feel so ashamed. But if I can tell anyone, it'd be Beastboy.
"Only?" he mocks, "That's a long time, Raven. Enough for you to become addicted."
"But I only sometimes do it every other day."
"Raven." His look is serious. He leans his head back against the wall behind him. "I'm worried for you. Can you go without cutting, if you wanted to stop, could you?"
I thought about this question for a long time. "But I don't want to stop."
"Why wouldn't you?"
"I'm not going back Beastboy. You still don't have any proof against Daniel."
"Are you really that oblivious, Raven?"
"nooo" I say softly, "I…I"
'You what?" his voice is still soft, sincere, and so kind.
"I don't want to believe it. Our relationship is going to make a turn for the better?"
"Why?" he asks, "Why is it all of a sudden going to get better?"
"Just cause…" cause I gave the guy my virginity. He can't hold anything against me now; he can't get mad, because if he hurts me, I won't give him anything! HAHA! Wait, good, I didn't say that allowed.
"Because you gave him your virginity?" man, he's good… "It's because you think that if he ever hurts you again, you can just refuse him from sex? He can just beat you into submission. You realize this? He's on the road, have you heard of rape, Raven, he could do that to you."
What can I say to that! "I know…" I mean, I really do know…my father…I definitely know what rape is…maybe it's just cause, well, I'm used to it.
"Why do you let him treat you this way, Rae?" Beastboy is looking me strait in the eyes and I don't know what to say. "I mean, I really want to be able to talk to you about this, and I want you to be able to tell me anything, Raven. I love you, and you can tell me anything."
"I don't know…" I say.
"I think you do." He sighed, "If you didn't know, you probably wouldn't still be in there. Why do you let him treat you that way, before you wouldn't ever let me say simple jokes. Now you're letting him beat you."
"I know."
"So…"
I give a long sigh, "How do I explain this…" I think for a second, "I've been abused all my life, and by people I love. I loved him, and I guess I let myself become vulnerable to him. I opened myself up, let my guard down, would you say. I know you noticed how alone I was there for a while."
"Yeah, I did, but it was because of your father. He kept you from showing emotion, so you didn't want to get attached to anyone."
"Yeah, so, I figured, he's gone, so I can finally have a life. I spent about two years with my father, so I got a good look at his life and the way 'men are supposed to treat women'. It surprised me when I came here that the men were so kind." I put my hands up, making quotes with my fingers, mocking my father. "Yeah, there were men on Azarath, where I grew up, but I mostly stayed with the virgin ladies. I hardly ever met the men of the world. They were afraid I would become attached to one."
"Oh…you've thought about this for a long time, huh?"
"Yeah when I was waiting for Daniel to come back from dinner and such, I would sit and wonder why I let myself become so vulnerable. It was my fault... So when I came here, Robin, Cyborg and you were all so nice to me, it threw me off. But I still didn't grow attached because I was afraid of you. I guess…because of my father. You see, when I lived with him, he abused me. He hit me, and let's just say what Dan did to me was minor compared to my father. Not to mention that I was only born to act as a pawn."
"So you were so used to it, that you didn't mind as much."
"I did mind, it's just…I don't know. I guess I thought it wasn't a huge deal, until he started ignoring me, then using gifts to win me back and keep me with him. It felt all wrong, but I ignored my judgment, of course, as you see."
"Yeah. Raven, I'm so sorry." Now he's got his head back on the wall, stroking my shoulders and it's quite comforting being there in his arms. "I can't say I know what you're going through, cause, well, my parents were great people. They cared for me, and they used their only sample of medicine they were creating to treat my animal bite and save me. They helped me, made sure I was home schooled so I wasn't made fun of. They really loved me, so I don't know how you feel. But I do feel for you. I'm really sorry."
"They sound like nice people. Where are they?"
"Heaven."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Beastboy."
"No, don't be. They're in a better place now. I was the mischievous little kid in elementary school though. My foster parents would always send me to school and stuff, it's funny looking back on it, I was a little punk, willing to fight anyone who tried to bully me for my differences. I always lost, but it didn't stop me. I was bounced around between different foster parents for a while, and then I just ran away to the Doom Patrol."
"Wow, looks like you also had a tough childhood." I say.
"We all did. You, me, Starfire, Robin, Cyborg. We all had a tough time, and that's why we got to stick together. Please, Raven, come back. You don't even have to fight. You can just crash there for a while. Stay safe from Daniel."
I thought for a while. I don't know. I mean, that means leaving Dan…but I thought I loved him. Do I love Dan….or don't I? Should I go back to the life I had before this whole stealing nonsense? What would it hurt? "I guess….but just to crash…"
"Great!" Beastboy's mouth turns into a huge smile, "If you wanted, you could stay with me."
"Don't press your luck."
"Well, I have to go back and talk to Robin about this." He sighs, "I'm so glad you're coming back." Then he turns into a pterridactle and grabs me by the shoulders, flying us back to the tower. I just rest in his claws, relaxing, trusting him with my life.
Now I'm in my room, staring once again out at the careless waves, wishing my life was just like them. But my life was complicated.
They've been in there for a long time. Beastboy has been trying to convince the rest of the team to let me stay with them. He says he'll be able to, but I'm not too sure. You know Robin…and he can be…persuasive.
I'm so sick of this. I hate waiting, I'm done with it! I stand up and float over to where my so called friends are chatting about ME!
I stick my ear to the door, and I hear voices, this is what I can make out.
Beastboy: So just because she made one wrong decision, we should just kick her out!
Robin: No, that's not what I'm saying at all.
Beastboy: Then what are you saying?
Robin: That I don't want her in here. I'm not entirely sure that she's innocent.
Cyborg: But Beastboy was with her, it couldn't have been Raven
Robin: Raven is a very powerful girl,
BB: I know, and she's hurting.
Cyborg: What do you mean she's hurting?
BB: I can't say
Robin: Why not?
BB: If she wanted you to know, she'd tell you herself.
Starfire: She still deserves the right to privacy. Maybe her Daniel hurt her in some ways. It's not up to us to but into her life.
I am so happy Star is speaking up!
Starfire: If she wants to come back, it's not up to us to deny her of that. She was one of the people who started this group, yes? She should be allowed to come back no matter what, on any circumstance. We are supposed to stick up for our friends.
I hear footsteps, and everything is quiet. I lean up against the door, all my weight on it. Trying so hard to listen.
I hear a little click and a swoosh, and I'm on the floor, in front of all my old friends.
"Raven!" Starfire runs up and hugs me tight.
"Hi, Starfire." I manage to breathe out.
"Hey girl, what's up?" Cyborg smiles, patting me on the back, "Haven't seen you in a while. You are looking different."
"Thanks?" I'm not sure what to say.
"So you were listening in!" Robin snaps.
"Please don't snap at my friend, Robin…" Starfire is leaning up against his arm, nudging him with her body.
"Sorry, Raven. I've decided you can stay…just to relax. But in a month, you have to decide which it is you want. To stay and fight crime, or go back to Daniel. The choice is yours."
"Thank you." I say politely then I walk away to my room. I hate when all the attention is on me.
I listen to the door swoosh behind me as I enter my dark room. I hate it when people hate me, when all the attention is on me. I can't stand it anymore. I reach down my bra, where I store my extra razor, kinda like a back-up, and walk to the bathroom, pulling off my shirt at the same time.
I guess I am addicted…