The shift was uneventful for once. It seemed that everyone in Las Vegas had something better to do than kill one another tonight so the graveyard shift all found themselves sat in the breakroom playing poker. Even Grissom had left the safety of his office to join in.

They couldn't help but notice that Nick seemed to be having trouble staying awake. He looked as if he hadn't slept properly in days but they knew better than to say something. Nick was a private person. He would talk when he was ready. They just sat and watched him drink countless amounts of coffee, trying to stay awake and alert.

Nick couldn't concentrate. He could feel everyone looking at him and he hated it. He hated it because he knew they knew what he was thinking about. He hated it because he knew they knew he was still having the nightmares and woke up screaming. He knew they thought he was weak.

After six hours of painful silence he couldn't cipe with it anymore.

"Grissom, i'm off, i've got an apointment in an hour."

"Okay Nicky, call if you need anything."

"Right." and with that Nick quickly exited the room and headed towards his car.

As soon as Nick was out of sight Grissom turned to the others.

"Right guys i've talked to the councillor that Nick is going to see and she has agreed to allow us watch the first session from the observant room."

"Wait Griss, is that legal? Don't we need Nick's permisson to do that?"

"Technically yes, but Ms Smith owes me and has agreed to do this once to help us get an insight into Nicks state of mind so we can help him. I'm setting off on 10 minutes. Those of you who want to come, meet me at my car in 10. The rest of you i'll see you next shift."

Grissom stood and swiftly exited the room. The others exchanged looks for a few seconds before standing and following Grissom out of the room.

(Authors note: Yea i know you cant do this in real life but it saves me having to repeat myself in later chapters. Sorry if it annoys you.)

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Nick was sat outside the shrinks building thinking. When he had first found out about having to do 12 hours with a shrink if he wanted to keep his job he had been more than happy to quit. There was no way he was sharing his deepest darkest secrets with a complete stranger he thought. However after two days of his sick leave he realised he needed his job. He needed to be able to lose himself in the cases, to help others that could not speak for themselves. So he had agreed to see the shrink. He just wouldn't tell her anything.

However now that he was here he wasn't so sure. he knew he needed help. he couldn't even sleep properly anymore. Maybe he should open up see if she had any answers. See if she could help him be himself again.

Slowly he exited the car and made his way to the reception area.

"Hello, ho wmay i help you?" Said the perky receptionist.

"Erm Nick Stokes to see Ms Smith at 8am."

"Ok Sir, if yoiu could take a seat over there. Ms Smith will be with you shortly."

"Kay"

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Fifteen minutes later Grissom and Co entered the building. They explained the situation to the receptionist who led them to the observant room. They entered the room just in time to see Ms Smith introduce herself.

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"Hello Mr Stokes, I'm Ms Smith."

"Hi" Nick said while shaking her hand.

"Would you prefer to be called Nick or Mr Stokes during our sessions.?"

"Nick's fine"

"Okay then Nick lets get started. You may Call me Mary by the way."

"Okay."

"I've read your file and i am impressed. You do a very hard job Nick, you seem to cope very well. Your colleagues have nothing but good things to day about you."

"You've spoken to my colleagues?" Nick asked, making it clear he was pissed off.

"Yes, I've spoken to your boss Mr Grissom."

"Right"

"So i hear you are a country boy Nick."

"Yeah"

"So you listen to alot of country music then?"

"I used to"

"Used to?"

"Yeah"

"When did you stop listening to country music Nick?"

"After the kidnapping i guess, why?"

"Just a hunch Nick, what type of music do you listen to now?"

"Rock mainly."

"Uh huh, why rock music Nick?

Nick sighed. This woman was good. Too good. "It helps me with my fustration. It calms me down. How did you know anyway?"

"Certain people noticed when you drove to scenes and your Mother mentioned that you would put it on after an argument."

"You've spoken to my Mum?"

"Yes, can you tell me in your own words what you and your family argued about?"

Nick sighed again. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell her but there was something about her that made him want to tell her everything. "They wouldn't give me space. They would check on me every few minutes to make sure i hadn't killed myself, hell i couldn't even take a shower without them thinking i was drowning myself."

"Ok and how did you feel while they were doing this?"

"Suffocated, they were driving me to suicide by doing that, i just needed some space to sort my mind out, you know?"

"Yes, how many times have you considered suicide Nick?"

"I dunno, a couple"

"Have you thought about it recently?"

"On and off i guess"

"Where are you when you consider suicide Nick?"

"I dunno at the house u guess."

"The house? Whick house is that?"

"Mine."

"Okay, how long have you referred to it as 'the' house Nick?"

"Dunno, since the Nigel Crane thing i guess."

"Okay Nick. Why didn't you move afterwards? Why did you stay somewhere you couldnt call home?"

"I couldn't let him win. I couldn't let him control me."

"Moving house after an ordeal like that isn't being Weak Nick. It's a process that you need to do to allow yourself to move on. I suggest you look for a new place. A place you can call home."

"Uh huh, i guess your right."

Mary smiled at him. "Do you still get nightmares Nick?"

"Uh huh"

"What happens in the nightmares?"

"I relive every bad thing thats happened to me. The stalker, the kidnapping, the gun bein pointed at me the-" Nick stopped himself just in time.

"The?"

"Nothing"

"Does this have something to do with your parents house in Dallas?"

"W-What, how did you know, i mean-" Nick stared at Mary with a look of shock and fear.

"When i spoke to your Mother she mentioned that since the age of nine you refused to sleep in your old room. Infact she said you would sneak out to the barn and sleep there everynight until she managed to get your sister to trade rooms. What happened in that room Nick?"

"I uh I nothing."

"I'm here to help you Nick, I can't do that if you won't let me."

Nick buried his head in his hands. He was amazed that this woman had picked up on it. No one knew about 'it' except Catherine, yet he knew this woman knew. Damn he thought. "I was nine, she was a last minute babysitter."

"Good, keep going."

"She was supposed to be someone i could trust. She came to my room, asked if i wanted to play a game. At first i said yes. Thinking she meant Twister or something but then - then she pinned my down on the bed. I tried to get her off. I tried everything. I kicked, i punched i even bit her but she was to strong. I couldn't get her off. Afterwards she got dreesed and told me not to saty anything to anyone, then went down to watch tv. I just sat on my floor watching the door, waiting for my Mum to get home." A lone tear slipped down his face.

Mary didn't say anything for a few minutes giving him a chance to regain composure. After a while she asked "Have you ever told anyone this before?"

"Only Catherine. No Details. We were on a case. I jumped to conclusions, she asked me why."

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Everyone in the next room turned to Catherine.

"You knew?"

"Like Nick said no details, but yes, look it wasn't my place to say. Sorry."

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"Okay Nick your doing really well."

Nick snapped. He couldn't cope with all this. It was too much, he couldn't take anymore today.

"No i'm not doing ok. Im sick of this. Im to scared to sit in fucking silence for more than 5 minutes. I have to have music on at all times. I see a bug and i freak out. I sit in a room with the door closed and i have a panic attack. I see a woman down town that looks like the babysitter and i run off. When i get home i get my gun out and check and re-check everyroom. I'm to scared to even go to fucking sleep 'cause i relive everything in my dreams and i know there was someoe else involved in my kidnapping, i know it! Someone out there has it in for me and i don't know who. Hell it could be my best mate for all i know. I can't take this anymore." He shouted.

"Calm down Nick" Mary said, getting worried.

"No, you know what fuck this." Nick shouted getting up and walking outt. Leaving a lot of shocked people behind.

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As the team entered the room Nick had just left they saw Mary jotting down notes on a clipboard.

"Hello, one moment please." She asked.

When she had finished writing she turned off the video camera that she had used to record the meeting and looked up.

"Well that went quite well actually. He opened up but people can only cope with so much at a time. He talked more than i expected. On the first meeting i like to push them as far as possible. i find that they open up more that way. After a few sessions they seem to close off a little. Well some anyway."

"Look how can we help him? He's my best mate i can't stand to see him like this." Warrick asked

"Well i'd try inviting him out more, you know cinema, bar , sports activities. Stuff to help relax him. Try not to leave him alone for to long."

"Yeah ok we can do that."

"Good well i think that's all. Please don't have a go at him for not telling you about the baby sitter inncident. He was very brave in telling me today."

"No course not, okay Cya"

"Goodbye everyone."

Grissom, Sara, Warrick, Greg Catherine and Brass left the room deep in thought. All worried about there friend

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