I spent a good while on Alice's lap just crying. My life was over, what would Charlie say? Oh what am I going to tell Jake? What to do. I was pondering over the massive train wreck that was my life when I felt Alice stiffen and push me away. "What?" I asked, still holding on to her midriff. She hugged me extra tight. And leaned in toward me.

"Bella, I can smell them coming, its best if I leave." And she kissed my forehead, and I had such and over powering feeling of loss I nearly started crying all over again. Because she was gone again. I knew she had avoided me this past week to calm down, and I wanted her back, holding me. I felt safe, comforted and loved, she was a safe haven for me, so much like her brother used to be, and never would be again, how could he? I had betrayed him on the most basic level. But he left me? He doesn't want me. But I still felt so dirty as I rose to answer the door to the stony eyes of three young Quilettote (I think I spelled it right?) men, they could smell her.

"She's gone" I said as the door swung open behind me, answering the question they wanted to know, "she's not coming back." I knew it to be true as soon as the words left my mouth. Alice was lost to me, like her beautiful marble brother is, I miss him, I miss the simplicity of us just sitting on my bed when Charlie thought I was sleeping, and the lullaby he would sing in my ear.

Jacob surveyed the wreck that the living room was in (from Alice's and I movie night ) and my puffy swollen eyes, I looked just as bad as the living room. "We have to talk." He said coldly.

"Of course we do. But what about?" I said, very much done with jakes tantrums about Alice.

"Victoria, she got… " his voice broke, oh no, God no, "While the men were in the woods hunting for the… wolves. Victoria found Charlie." I sobbed, I was done, my life was broken more than a smashed piece of crystal, un-repairable. At first, Jake stood a little awkwardly, near me, the other men looked away. And then finally Jake sort of inched over and held me, and I sobbed my little heart out. There was no way, my father was, no he couldn't be, not Charlie, not Saturday fishing, not baseball watching, not my over protective father. Not Charlie. Jake whispered in my ear. "You can come and live on the reserve with us if you need to…" he paused and said a little more stiffly "unless you have somewhere else?" He knew very well I had no where else to go. Rene was off in Arizona somewhere with her husband, and the Cullen's. Ha. Like they would come anywhere nears me. Well all of a sudden I found my self in a large car with three large men, my bags in the bag, and Rags, my stuffed rabbit, in my arms. I held the rabbit, the sole survivor of my childhood.

I was rushed into the kitchen and Emily was there giving orders like a drill sergeant. I just kind of stood there. I was only slightly aware that they were doing this to protect me from Victoria, but my mind could only think of one thing. Charlie. The kitchen was loud and filled with people and the hustle and bustle was getting to me. I finally just said plainly and without inflection "Can I see him?" The whole kitchen stopped moving, and was deadly silent, and my quiet request. "Well?" I said meeting their eyes. Defiant and full of self loathing. Finally some one spoke, but it wasn't who I thought it would be.

Sam Ully, he was the one to say something, "Bella, there's." he was carefully delicate about his words as if I mind just combust if he said the wrong thing. "there's nothing left, Victoria made sure of it. And the little that is left…" he cleared his throat "isn't much." I looked at him square in the face, thinking.

I finally spoke into the vast silence that had ensued. "Thank you for telling me, I'm sure you did everything you could, but I would like to be alone now." I turned and walked out of the kitchen, I heard in the back round "should she do that?" but I had reached the stairs and was climbing them before the answer was made. I sat in a room, not caring whose it was, it didn't really matter. It was just a room. Smallish, square, a twin bed with a kitted blanket on it, and pillows. I noticed pictures on the walls and went to examine them to keep my mind off of Charlie. A small boy and girl hugging, Sam and Em maybe? They were so tiny, but looked so happy. Could I ever be that happy? I don't deserve to be that happy. Look at what I did. I wasn't good enough for Romeo, and then betrayed him with Paris, what kind of Juliet am I? Not a very good kind, I patted my belly, and just held myself. It was obvious that I couldn't live here, Em was a testament to everything that I wasn't, and I don't think I could live with my self and that constant reminder. But where would I go? I could leave before Rene gets the news, and run off, have my baby, and live happily, no one would ever have to know, and I would be safe from the failure that is my life.

I didn't even hear the door open, but the hand did startle me, and as Emily spoke I listened probably more closely because as of right now she was just a voice, and I needed comfort. "We were eight, it was my birthday, he said that one day he would marry me." I nodded; it seemed reasonable, I once thought that me and Edward were the same. Then the question that scared me more then Victoria ever would "How far are you along?" I jumped. And spun around, all the comfort that the voice had was gone, she was once more a really person.

I looked at her closely, "wh-wha-what do you me-mean?" I was stuttering again. Shaking actually, how did she know? Did I gain weight? Did it show… it couldn't I was only like two weeks, thinking back to health class, I shouldn't even know for another week, at least humans aren't supposed to know, I guess non-humans are different.

"I see the way you smile, and carry your self, to any mother its obvious." She stated plainly, then the left half of her face smiled, and the scaring stretched evilly, "I had a child you know." Looked at, sympathetic, she looked sad, the smile that wasn't a smile, it was full of bitter longing, " I lost her before she was three months, the miscarriage was really hard on Sam." I gave her a hug, and we just embraced "Does Jake know?" she asked looking at me, measuring me. Of course she knows its Jake's.

I finally managed words, "please, don't, please don't tell, any one, I wasn't planning on sticking around, and it would only be harder." I said silent tears washing my face clean of the previous ones.

She looked a long while at me before answering …..

Sorry, I've got school tomorrow, I'll update tomorrow! Chao!