Stepping closer
By the time Tyr was in the lead 14:2 Dylan decided that he had enough. This was as much of a soccer game as he could handle in one day. A couple of months ago the Kodiak had come up with this game for the two of them, in addition to the meanwhile traditional basketball. Panting and with a slight limp he made his way across hydroponics to where he had left his towel.
„Things have not improved much in the past couple of weeks, my Captain." The Nietzschean's distant, polite voice seemed void of all criticism.
„Indeed, Tyr is right, boss." His head, bent down to pick up the towel, came up just in time to see the rest of his crew: Harper, Beka, Trance, disappearing through the door. Great, they all had seen Tyr winning the day. At least Rommie wasn't there.
„Captain, I do suggest that you drop by med deck to finish this physical the Derivas so rudely interrupted three weeks ago." Right, she didn't have to be there in order to know. Dylan Hunt sighed quietly and turned to bid his weapons' officer a good night, falling almost flat on his back upon discovering him not under the basketball hoop, as expected, but only three steps away from him.
„Tyr, dear God, Tyr! You could have caused me a heart attack."
The taller man mustered him coldly, arms crossed on his chest.
„I might have," he admitted, his shoulders shrugging dismissively. „You, Sir, are out of shape."
„I didn't know you cared," the captain joked with a tired grin. It didn't trigger so much as a smile from the impressive Nietzschean.
„I care about survival, I care about being able to rely on each and everyone in this crew to save my life if need be," he answered in his usual crisp, precise tone.
The High Guard nodded wearily. Of course, Tyr Anasazi was worried about how this crew's members performances affected his well-being. And truth be told, he wasn't quite up to his tasks lately, Dylan admitted with annoyance, well not physically anyway, and he hadn't been in top shape for some while now. Still, he didn't need this. Not right now, not tonight.
„You are all heart," he stated in a voice dripping sarcasm and turned away to leave, his hand waving a last ironic „Good bye" to his opponent.
„Let Andromeda check you," he heard on his way out.
-
It hadn't cheered her up. Trance and Harper had practically dragged her over to hydroponics, telling Beka Valentine that Tyr and Dylan were at it, playing soccer again, and that it would be fun to see the Nietzschean beating the crap out of the captain. Well, it was, as long as it lasted, but now that it was over, the ache was there again.
„You two go on without me," Beka urged her two crew mates headed for the mess to pick up some ice cream.
„But, boss, I thought we were..." Harper began protesting.
„Harper, no, I'm tired. You two run off. Good night!"
„Beka, are you alright?"
„I'm fine, Trance, I just need a good sleep, that is all."
As soon as her friends disappeared from sight, she took off running towards the Eureka Maru, desperate to reach it before the tears she was trying to fight back got the better of her, like it had happened so often during the past few days.
She made it, if only just, collapsing on her bunk and curling up into a foetal position, now crying openly and sobbing with the sorrow of a small, abandoned child. Hugging herself firmly she was rocking back and forth, trying to fight away the pain. Since Abel left she had felt more lonely than ever since the days right after her father's untimely death. She understood his motives, she hoped that things would work out for him the way he wanted, still: she had been more in love with him than she cared to admit, her former school-girl crush on him merging with her desperate search for a father figure, her attachment to Rev and her love for her big brother. All those long silenced needs had been reawakened by Abel's sudden appearance and returned in full force. And although she knew right from the start that for him to stay was out of the question, this didn't diminish the pain she felt now that he had left.
She couldn't take this any longer. There had to be a way out of this nightmare of troubled feelings, of ache and pain and sorrow. Wiping her tears away, she suddenly sat up straight. No, she wouldn't do it, she had promised Dylan, promised herself, the others to not do it again. But it helped. It helped! Just one drop, one only, would drive away the sorrow. Tomorrow she would leave it alone again. But now... Now she wanted it, needed it, just one drop, just one, to make it all go away.
-
She bumped right into him, turning around the corner.
„Dylan!"
„Beka! Sorry! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be asleep?"
„I... I was... I couldn't sleep, so I thought I might go to Trance and ask her for some sleeping pill. How about you?" she asked him, knowing from experience that attack was often an effective defense.
„I couldn't sleep either." He rubbed his left thigh lightly, grimacing a little. „I seem to have damaged a muscle during the game with Tyr," he joked.
She gave him a more attentive look. Come to think of it, he really looked like crap. His week off hadn't helped him much, apparently. Either Infinity or Erin had obviously not been as relaxing as he would have expected.
„Trance isn't on med deck, though," he informed her, his voice showing a hint of regret. „So I guess I'll have to get by without a massage. Come on," he then said warmly, his hand reaching under her elbow and gently turning her around. „I'll walk you back. The Maru? Your quarters?"
Beka sighed. No med deck, no drops, nothing... Just her... Just her and Dylan... Again she would have to make it on her own through the night.
„My quarters," she said quietly. The walked the decks in silence and reached them in no time.
„It's late, I should be going," Dylan said once she opened her doors. Beka nodded, seemingly lost in thought. „Good night." He bent down to her and planted a light kiss on her cheek, turned around and started to limp away slowly.
„Dylan, I was wondering..."
„Yes?"
„This massage... I could give it to you," Beka heard herself offer. Anything to just not be alone with her ache for Abel!
He seemed a bit taken aback by her offer, his eyes scrutinizing her face a little bit inquiring. She walked over to him.
„Come on, I won't bite you." She lightly pushed him in and marched him to her couch, forcing him to sit down.
„Do you want a drink?"
„What do you have?"
„Umm, water. And then there is," she said peering into a cupboard, „some... water?!"
„Water sounds great, thanks," Dylan graciously accepted.
She poured them two glasses full of water and got back to him.
„Cheers," she sounded sad, handing him his glass and taking a sip. Placing her own drink on the small table left of the couch, she tentatively rubbed a hand across his thigh. The contraction spasm in his femur muscle was evident – and luckily on his outer thigh.
„Ouch, that must hurt you. Lie down and let me see."
Awkwardly he lowered himself on his back. Gently Beka started to loosen up the muscle, carefully avoiding to cause any further pain. It was relaxing – and under her strong fingers, he felt the pain subsiding and drifted off to sleep. Picking up a plaid, she placed it over him, took her glass and walked over to her bedroom.
„Andromeda, lower the lights, please." For a short instant she stood there in darkness, briefly thinking about sneaking out to med deck. But as she heard Dylan stirring on her couch, Beka quietly left for her bedroom, throwing a last look at his shadowed frame.
As the doors closed behind her, his eyes opened wide, staring into the darkness as she had done before.
-
„Andromeda."
„Yes, Beka?"
„Is Dylan still asleep?" She sat up in her bed, lazily stretching herself.
„No, he left your quarters about half an hour ago."
„He didn't look too good last night," Beka said thoughtfully. „Why is he so exhausted?"
„I don't know. There is nothing out of the ordinary, as far as I can tell."
„As far as you can tell?" Beka lifted her eyebrows. „Why can't you tell everything?"
„During the last months he is often unaccounted for."
„How can this be?"
„He's often engaging privacy mode."
„When he is in his quarters?"
„No, actually he does so almost as soon as his shifts are over," the ship informed her, sounding as annoyed as possible for an AI.
„I thought you could override privacy mode."
„Not if it's the captain's."
„How long has this been going on?" Beka enquired, in a way quite happy to focus on this problem and not being forced to deal with her own thoughts.
„For a while, now," Andromeda admitted.
„Define ‚a while'."
„The tunnel," the ship said reluctantly.
Beka's eyes went wide. The tunnel opening up into another universe had been a dreadful experience for all of them. It had left even Tyr scared and without his boneblades, Rommie at her wits' end, Trance without an answer. Beka it had left angry and hurt and weary, with nightmares often waking her in the middle of the night and plunging her into cravings for flash like she hadn't experienced since her attempt to reach Tarn Vedra more than a year ago. Whenever something disturbing happened to her lately – and life on the Andromeda Ascendant was as a general rule more often than not disturbing – her need for flash had threatened to overwhelm her time and again. It happened right after the Tunnel had released them, after her encounter with Sid and again after their latest brush with the Derivas. And even now, since Abel had left it was back in force.
„That was more than 12 weeks ago. Don't tell that in all this time you have Dylan unaccounted for several hours a day."
The hologram of the Andromeda Ascendant flickered up next to her bed.
„There were some times, when I had him... covered," the AI informed her.
„When?"
„Last night, for instance."
„Great," Beka muttered. „When else?"
„One night, 10 weeks ago. You were with him, the two of you sat the whole night in the mess talking over some cheesecake and chocolate..."
„I remember." It had been the first time in months when the cravings for flash had seemed to gain the better of her. They had met accidentally, and he had gotten her to go with him for some ‚late snack', as he called it...
„And then, right after your Uncle Sid left us, there was that night the two of you spent watching holodramas."
„Ah, yes." Just like the first time, they had come across each other, wandering at night through the ship's vast spaces. She was trying to silence the doubts and fears Sid had awakened in her; he was... there, why exactly she couldn't recall. Dylan had suggested to finally get to watch some of those silly comedy holodramas Harper enjoyed so much. They had ended up laughing themselves silly.
„The last time you were with him after the Tunnel reopened and the Derivas took me and Tyr and Dylan..."
„Yes." Again their last encounter had proven a frightful experience, and her terror from the first time around was back in full force. For days after that happened she couldn't find some peace. And thought again of flash.
They ran into each other, on her way to med deck.
„Beka!"
„Dylan! Hi!"
„Don't tell me... Sleeping troubles?"
She sighed.
„Nightmares, really."
„The Derivas?"
She nodded.
„Me too. Trance isn't in there, though. I wanted her to give me some pills."
„Same here," Beka hurriedly agreed.
„Come on, maybe we'll find her up in hydroponics."
„Dylan.."
„Well, it's better than staying awake all night."
He draped his arm across her shoulders and gently forced her away. Beka gave in, afraid that he might otherwise come up with other questions.
They didn't find Trance, though.
„You know what? Why don't we just sit here. I think after this horror, this is a nice place to chill out..."
Beka didn't want him to become suspicious, so she agreed and sat down with him under a tree. He pulled out a book, an ancient one of Tyr's, and read out the title.
„Titus Andronicus. Shakespeare. Tyr says it's a ‚must read'. Do you want me to read it out to you?"
„What, now?" He shrugged.
„Maybe we're lucky and this stuff is so boring that we fall asleep."
She smiled.
„Alright then, read on." He read. It wasn't boring. „Murders, rapes and massacres". Compared to it the Tunnel was but a children's tale. Well, baked Goths were maybe not to everybody's liking – and 14:2 is even as a result of a soccer game a harsh outcome, the more so when it comes to the number of dead people in relation to the surviving characters of a play, but it served it's purpose: at the end of the night Dylan was hoarse and Beka sound asleep and dreaming of heroic Romans.
„Andromeda, I think I'll now get up."
„Aye, Beka." If the AI was puzzled by her XO's abrupt resolve, she didn't show it.
-
„After my attempt to reach Tarn Vedra Dylan asked you to build something for him." It was not a question.
Harper was almost squirming under Beka's stern look.
"Boss..."
"What was it, Seamus?" Now there was a question.
"Boss..."
"Seamus, what was it?"
"Something to block out Rommie's sensors on..."
"Go on," she urged him smiling.
"On the two of you." A fine layer of perspiration could be seen on Harper's forehead.
"What else?"
"What? Nothing."
"Harper! What did he make you do?"
"Your subvocal..."
"Yes?"
"It has a tracing device locked directly to Dylan's."
"Right."
She paced around the machine shop, but then she stopped and smiled. He still was looking troubled.
"Don't worry, Shea. I'm not mad. But I would like you to build something for me, too."
His eyebrows raised until they almost reached his hairline.
"I want to not be traceable for Dylan as of tonight."
-
She watched the chron on the Maru.
"1:59:58... 1:59:59... 2 hours." Beka Valentine sounded satisfied. Her fingers lightly played over the small device Harper had given her earlier that evening. "And now let's find Captain Hunt."
She left the Maru almost running, but a swift look around the hangar proved rather fruitless. It wasn't before reaching the first turn of the corridor leading towards Command that she finally found him. Actually, she almost stumbled over him.
"Dylan!"
He was lying on some kind of camping mattress, a plaid thrown over himself and was sound asleep.
"Dylan," she repeated, this time a lot louder.
He jerked up to a sitting position, his eyes opened wide.
"Okay, Rommie, I found him," Beka informed their ship, the hologram briefly appearing and then disappearing again with a slight nod. "Andromeda, engage privacy mode, authorization Beka Valentine."
Up until now he hadn't uttered a single word.
"Mind telling me what you're doing here at this hour?"
"I... uh... I have some problems... with my back," he stammered somewhat lost. "My bed is too soft..."
"Right, and the deck in your quarters..."
"Actually, the deck here has this..." Their eyes locked. Dylan shut up and scrambled to his feet.
"Come on," Beka urged him quietly, after having stared at him in silence for an instant. She picked up the plaid and started to fold it.
"What are you doing?"
"This time I am the one walking you to your quarters. How long has this been going on?"
"Look, Beka..."
"Dylan, I spoke with Harper. How long?"
He rolled the mattress up, avoiding her eyes. She waited patiently. Eventually he would have to get up on his feet. He couldn't spend the night rolling up a mattress.
"I did it first after the Magog attacked and you nearly lost the Maru on this stupid ice-planet," he said still not looking at her. "It was just two nights. I then did it again after the Bokor attacked us. And after the Cetus. I haven't done it since." He straightened himself up, no longer avoiding to look at her.
They started slowly walking away from the Maru's hangar-bay. He didn't even put up a fight about this. Dylan seemed genuinely troubled.
"But then, after the Tunnel..." He took a deep breath. "It's not that I don't trust you, you know. The few weeks I was gone, first the one with Harper, and then..." His voice trailed off.
"The one on Infinity with Erin," she helped him along, smiling at him encouragingly.
"Right." He cleared his throat. "You were in charge. I knew that you wouldn't do something stupid as long as all the others depended on you."
She slowly nodded her approval, curiously looking at his profile as they walked along. Three months! She was dumbfounded. For almost three months in a row he had been sleeping on some deck or other, as close to her as possible, not letting anyone suspect a thing. She shook her head, amazed. He was one devious person – and one hell of a friend.
"And then..." he continued, but Beka interrupted.
"And then came Abel. And then Abel went away. And you picked up your vigil..."
They had arrived in front of Dylan's quarters.
"Beka," he turned towards her, "I'm not good at guessing. I'm not good at knowing what's on people's minds. But I thought with the Tunnel, with Sid and then again with this stupid Tunnel... I thought..." It was probably as near as she would ever get to hearing an apology from him. But there was no reason. He had been right. She lightly placed one hand on his arm.
"Dylan," Beka's voice sounded warm and rich, "stop. You were right. All those four times... Had you not been there, I don't know what would have happened... In all this time you have been camping in the corridors? Why?"
"I didn't want to ask you directly, I feared that it might have troubled you... But I needed to be close – and to make our meeting together look as accidental and casual as possible." He shrugged again. "I'm just not good at guessing..." he repeated once more, sounding just as helpless as he had done before.
"Of course not," she laughed at him. "You simply aren't purple or golden enough. Besides: if you want to get better at reading people's minds and guessing on their feelings you really would have to come up with a more sophisticated hair-do."
He laughed, opening his doors. But then he stopped.
"Beka, will you be alright?"
She stood tall in front of him, just outside his quarters.
"Of course. I have someone with me... every step of the way."