A/N - Well..I worked on this after I posted the last chappy. I don't think it's that long..but I did get it out quick! hehe. Thanks you guys for all the reviews! They seriously keep me going on with this and I love each and everyone of yall:)..Now..this chapter isn't "funny" but it's got a few confessions..heh..hope you like it? Please continue reviewing?
Disclaimer - I do not own Instant Star
Chapter 14 - Do you love her?
Jude's Pov -
So like..I'm sitting here next to Tommy trying my hardest to keep my eyes on the road. He keeps looking at me though..I can see him from the corner of my eye. I seriously don't understand him. He comes back with a fiance..meaning he wanted to make a commitment finally..to Barbie. Well thats fine and jolly..I've accpeted that..kind of. Well anyway, he's the one who left me. He hurt me. He found someone else. Yet, He's the one not moving on.
"Quincy don't tell me you forgot where I live. You just missed my street." I say. He's only been gone a year and he already forgot where I live?
"I didn't forget." He says, this time keeping his eyes on the road.
I don't say anything.
God..why does everything have to be so complicated? I hate life. I hate him. I hate me. I hate love. No..Jude..don't do this to yourself. Love is nothing. There is no such thing as love..it's a mind game. It's an overused, manipulative sack of bull. I know it is. But why do I still feel for the person who hurt me. Who still hurts me. You know..have you ever heard that quote..'Who do you turn to when the only person who can stop your crying is the one who made you cry?'..that person has a point. Who do you turn to?
Well anyway..I recognize this place. It's kind of secluded. And it's dark..oh my god.
Tommy parks the car and gets out as I sit here trying not to gape. Finally I pull myself together and get out.
"Oh my god." I say, closing the car door. Tommy doesn't say anything, he just sits down.
"I haven't been here since.."
"Me either." Tommy says, motioning for me to sit next to him. And I do. He makes it so freaking hard to be mad at him.
We share a comfortable silence for a few minutes. I'm sitting here staring out at the stars and the moon illuminating the water. Yes, we are at the peir.
"I wish I could turn back time sometimes.." I say out of nowhere. Where did that come from you might ask? I have no idea. I just couldn't stop myself.
Tommy looks over at me and tilts his head. Okay so he wants me to explain..I'm not sure if I can.
"I've just made alot of mistakes." I say, looking down at the water. He nods for a few seconds, before turning his head to the water and sighing.
"I know what you mean." He agrees.
"Sometimes I wish I never won the contest." I say.
Tommy snaps his head back at me.
"I didn't deserve it.." I say softly.
"Don't you ever say that Jude." He says, grabbing my hand.
"No one deserves it more than you." He continued. I shake my head and pull my hand back. If only he knew..
"Tommy look at me. I'm eighteen years old and most people hate me. They think i'm fake..or that i'm still that redheaded depressed girl trying to make it with her guitar. And you know whats sad? I am that girl. I'll always be that girl..the girl who should've never made it." I say, picking up some sort of rock that was on the dock and throwing it out into the water.
"Since when do you care what people think?" Tommy asks.
I shrug.
"And besides, that girl made it. That girl had enough talent to get where she is today. That girl posseses more creativity than any other artist her producer has ever worked with. There is nothing wrong with being that girl." Tommy says, looking at me. His eyes were shining in the moonlight and I couldn't help but smile. And then I look away because I could feel the tears developing. I quickly sniff them away.
"Do you love her Tommy?" I ask, fiddling with my hands. He doesn't say anything so I look up. I'm so scared of what his answer will be. Though I am having a hard time believing in love..Tommy is not one to be in love. I don't think he has ever loved anyone besides Portia..if he loved Portia. He doesn't say anything.
"What did you mean you made mistakes?" He finally asks, totally ignoring my question. I suddenly feel my throat close up and my heart starts to beat faster. I really don't want to tell him..I haven't told anyone..
"Um." I clear my throat and then space out.
"Jude?" He asks. Taking my hand in his again.
"You can tell me girl." He cooes. I close my eyes to sheild my tears. And now I'm shaking..wonderful.
"Um.." I say, this time more shakily.
"Last year..when you um..left." I start, opening my eyes. He's staring directly at me and I take a deep breath.
"I couldn't face everyone at my release party..I kind of..left also." I say. He quirks a brow at me and I sigh.
"I went to Mason's concert..and I made a mistake. A huge mistake."
Tommy's face dropped and horror pierced through his eyes.
"Jude..what did you do?" He asks. I was hoping he wouldn't ask. That he'd just leave it at I made a mistake..but of course not.
"I got drunk..and I kind of..met someone there." I say, looking down at the water, afraid to meet his eyes.
"What do you mean you met someone there?" He asks, anger bubbling through his harsh words. No, they weren't harsh..but they sounded harsh.
"I don't even remember Tommy. All I know is that I got drunk and we went up to my room together..after that..I blacked out. I don't know what happened." I say, still holding back tears that longed to pour.
He sighs and I could see him shaking his head..that's not good.
"I'm sorry, Jude." He finally says, bringing his hands to his face and wiping it. It's like he's trying to wipe away all the bad memories..if only things were that simple.
"I had to leave." He said. Didn't I tell him I didn't want to hear his reasons?
"Tommy-" I try to stop him but he hushed me with his hand.
"I had to leave..my sister's boyfriend was beating her and my neice..when my mother found out..she sent Joe down here to get me. I had to leave, Jude..I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't want to leave with a promise that I couldn't keep. I wasn't sure If I'd be back..I didn't want to lie and say I would. I thought if I just left with an easy goodbye it would make things easier on you." He said.
Oh my god..I feel awful.
"Tommy..I am so sorry." I say, looking up at him. He smiles slightly at me and shakes his head.
"He had it coming..my sister and neice are fine." He says.
"That's good." I say. And now I don't know what to say..He had a good reason for leaving..I just hate how he said goodbye.
"Do you love her?" I try again..he smiles at me and then gets up, holding his hand out for me to take. I take it and he helps me up.
"I should get you home." He says, pulling me towards the car. He's never going to tell me..
We get into the car and we take one more look out at the scenery before he slowly drives off.
The drive was short and silent. For once..I didn't want it to end. I felt like the fifteen year old girl who had a crush on her producer all over again. I felt safe. I felt at home.
But..it did end.
We are now sitting in front of my empty house. Didn't you know? My mom decided to take the house off the market and leave it for me and Sadie..Because of course..Moms always with Don..Sadie is usually always gone too so I'm most of the time here alone.
I look over at Tommy who turned off the car and is looking up at my house.
"Your mom's not here?" He asks. I bite my lip.
"Barely ever." I sigh. He nods.
"You going to be okay alone?" He asks. I smile.
"I'll be fine..Sadie'll be home later." I say, shrugging. He nods again.
Then there was more silence. I hate silence.
"Jude.." I hear. I know that voice. I don't like that voice. I look over again.
"We're cool Quincy." I say. He looks at me all concerned and I smile in defiance.
"Just stay out of my love life." I joke. And now he turns his head back to the house and his face shows complete discomfort. Here we go again.
"Be careful..thats all I'm asking." He says. I smile.
"I will." I say before kissing his cheek and stepping out of the car. I give him one last wave before I enter the house and he drives off. My love life? What love life? Jason? Is that what he meant?...He really doesn't want me to be with Jason. Well you know what? I really don't want him to be with Barbie.
A/N - What did you guys think:)