Breathing heavily,I glanced around my room,making sure no one could see how miserable I was. No one was there,not even Jang Keng. Good.

Feeling more ashamed and angry at myself than I had ever been before,I grabbed my lamp and threw it on the ground. It broke almost instantly. I grabbed the biggest,sharpest one I could find,raised up my sleeve,and painfully jabbed myself in the arm with it as hard as I could. Yes. You heard that correctly. I dug the thing in deeper and deeper as blood spilled onto the floor like a sort of small river,grinding my teeth in agony the whole time.

From out of almost nowhere a voice cried out, ''Yumi,stop!''

I paid no attention to it.

''Yumi,stop!'' The voice said again. Still I ingored it.

''YUMI,IN THE NAME OF ALL THE EMPERORS,PAST AND PRESENT,STOP!''

That did it. I took the shard out of my arm,then feebly turned my head in the direction of the voice. It was Ami who had called.

''Yumi,'' She said,concerned and angry, ''what in the world are you doing?''

''It's...it's exactly what it looks like.'' I told her.

She looked at my arm. It was still bleeding heavily.

''Stay right there,'' She said,then left. In a minute or two she came back with a wet washcloth,which she put on my arm without warning.

It stung somewhat,but that wasn't what bothered me. I wanted to be left alone.

''Get out,'' I said to Ami,softly but angrily.

''But...but I need to help you,'' She said.

''Get out.''

''But,Yumi,I...''

''GET OUT!'' And with that she left,leaving the washcloth behind.

I sat against the wall,pressing the washcloth against my arm. It was then I realized that there seemed to be nothing that could ease the pain of being back home. Talking about it did nothing. Taking it out on Buyo and Ami didn't help. Keeping it to myself didn't help.

I looked out the window,thinking. Considering the things I had just done and the things I had done before,did I really deserve to be part of Puffy Amiyumi? Did I ever deserve this?

Once,after a concert,I was signing autographs with Ami when a boy of about 15 came up to me and asked me to sign his hat.

While I was doing so,he asked, ''You're from Osaka,right?''

''Right,'' I said.

''Well,I just got back from vacation out there.''

''Really?''

''Uh-huh. My hotel was in this neighborhood where the buildings were all old and made out of wood and there were those round lanterns hanging everywhere,and the road leading to it had a bunch of trees around it...kinda like an archway.''

''That's where I grew up!'' I said to him happily.

He looked at me and arched an eybrow. ''You're joking,right?''

I shook my head no and gave him his hat back.

''You...living there...'' He started to laugh. ''That's like building a palace in a landfill!'' And with that he put his hat back on and left.

I understand why he didn't beleive me. When you really think about it,I'm not really glitz-and-glamor material. I'm a model's daughter from rual Osaka,and my life as the ''Awesome Goddess Of Rock'' didn't really begin until about a year after my father died. I had a summer job at one of the local department stores at that time,working at the customer service desk. On this paticular morning,I had gotten to the store late and had barely slept at all the night before. It certainly didn't help that customer after customer came to the desk nearly every five minutes with some absurd query,such as ''Do you have this bottle of sake in Extra-Large?''

After about three hours,things began to slow down a bit---for me,anyway. The other man working at the desk,Maki,had to deal with the worst of them and the worst of them were most fussy!

After he told one such customer where the jumper cables were sold,he said to me, ''Consider yourself lucky,Purplehead.''

My ears perked up. ''What did you say?'' I asked angirly.

''I said,consider yourself lucky,Purplehead.''

I slapped him. ''No one calls me 'Purplehead' and gets away with it!''

Soon after the two of us got back to work,our boss,Takahaki-san,arrived.

''Yoshimura!'' He said to me. I hate it when they use my last name.

''Yes?''

''Maki's brother has just joined,and he'll be taking your place.''

I thought this over. ''Er huh?''

''Maki's brother is taking your place. You don't have to work here anymore.''

I was surprised. ''Does my mother know about this?''

''No.'' And with that he bid us both goodbye.

One part of me was happy,and the other part was not. Now what?

I rode the elevator to the top floor,which was outside on the rooftop. I got an orange soda from one of the vending machines as well as a newspaper.

I sat down at one of the tables,and as I read the newspaper and sipped the soda,I tried to make sense of what had happened.

Well,there really was no reason to worry about what was to come,for I saw it,right in front of my eyes.

An ad in the newspaper read:

NATIONAL TALENT SEARCH

Held by Kaz Harada at Titan Studios,Tokyo,Japan

Send in your tapes or come and try out

Deadline: August 13

It was late June,so I had plenty of time to try out. Pleased with what I had found,I took the paper and rode the elevator downstairs. It was about time that I left this place behind anyway---not just my job,but Osaka.

I left the store and walked home,mustering up my courage to tell Mother about everything. I knew she would most likely be upset that I had lost me job,but it really wasn't my fault.

Mother and I seldom talked at that time...the way we used to anyway. Ever since Father died she had become unusally hostile with me. Grief can do that,I suppose.

When I got back home Mother was on the couch smoking her pipe the way she usually did. I sat down with her,and just as I thought,she didn't notice I was there.

''Mother,'' I said gently. That got her attention.

''Yes,Yumi?'' She said,taking her pipe out of her mouth for a moment.

''I have good news and bad news.''

''Is that so?''

''The bad news is...I lost my job.''

Mother was so shocked she dropped her pipe. ''Are you serious?''

''Yes. I was replaced. It-it wasn't my fault,honest.''

''Well,then,'' Mother picked her pipe back up, ''what's the good news?''

''The good news is...'' I gave her the newspaper and showed her the ad.

''Talent search,hmm?'' She said,reading it.

''Yes.''

''And why are you showing this to me?'' She put the paper down.

I summoned all my courage. ''Because I want to try out for it.''

Mother stared at me for a moment,then laughed. ''You...going to that? Ha! What are you going to do,show off that old shamisen to them? Why,they'd kick you out faster than you can say 'wasabi!' Really,just what are you thinking,Yumi-chan?''

''I'm thinking of trying out,Mother,and no,I'm not going to show them that stupid shamisen. I'll bring Gita-san.''

''Gita-san?''

''It's a nickname for that guitar of mine. You know,the one you got me?''

''Oh yes...that thing.''

Mother thought all this over. ''Well,'' She finally said after quite some time, ''if you really think you must go to that...you can.''

''When can I go?'' I asked eagerly.

''Sunday morning.'' She said.

Tuesday,Wendsday,Thursday,and Friday came and went,and before long I was in bed on Saturday night,restless,thinking about what the future may hold. Would this Kaz fellow accept me,or would I have to return to Osaka,bringing sad news to Mother? Oh,how nervous I was! But before long,too much thinking tired me,and the next thing I knew I was asleep.

Sunday morning came,and with it,my first steps on the road to greatness...I hoped. I had packed all my things the night before,and after putting on my skull shirt and spiked armbands,I headed downstairs where Mother and Buyo were waiting to say goodbye to me.

I gave Buyo a hug and told him I loved him,even though our relationship had been rather strained since Father's death.

I did the same to Mother. ''Oh,Yumi-chan,'' She said,a sob rising in her throat, ''please...tell me you'll come back...please...''

''Of course I'll come back to see you,'' I said,growing quite sad myself.

''I'll definitely miss you...'' Mother said.

''Me too...'' I swallowed back my tears. ''But we can't be sad like this all day...I have to get going.''

As I started to walk out the door I looked back. Mother and Buyo were waving goodbye. I waved back,then left.

Just before climbing aboard the bullet train to Tokyo,I looked back. Somehow I felt that my old self,cute little ''Yumi-chan,'' had been destroyed,and in her place was...the future was so uncertain at that time it really didn't make any difference. I sat down,got a few books out of one of my suitcases,then braced myself for the three hour trip.

The aforementioned three hours passed rather quickly,and before long I was standing on the street corner,overcome with a meloncholy sense of homesickness,as well as worry...worry that things wouldn't work out. I felt ashamed of myself for leaving home,leaving behind what was left of my family.

Glancing about gloomily,I noticed a sushi bar across the street. Maybe food would take my mind off of such worry and shame.

Well,my friend,that didn't happen. I sat there just as depressed as ever. The waitress apparently saw my sad eyes almost overflowing with tears,and asked, ''Is something wrong?''

I gulped back my tears and tried to sound as normal as possible. ''I stubbed my toe,'' I told her,and she didn't say anything else to me.

Going back home was so painful,I didn't keep my word about visiting Mother. Buyo had told me that when he went to go see her she had been waiting for me. Perhaps if I faced the pain and went back home,Mother would know how to help me.

I decided to go stay at my old house for a few days and let my troubles go. I packed up my things and left Ami and Kaz a note that read:

Dear Ami and Kaz,

I'm going to spend a few nights at my old house to see if my mother can help me with my problems.

Don't worry.

--Yumi

P.S. Please take good care of my little Koja.

And with that I left.

For the first time in what felt like centuries,I crossed that old tree-lined road. I was quite surpised that I could still find my way around. The round lanterns were still there,the buildngs,just about everything there was as I left it.

I stood on the street corner,the starry night illuminated by the lanterns behind me,when I heard someone say, ''Yumi Yoshimura...from Puffy Amiyumi...?''

I turned around. A little high school girl in her unifrom,like the one I once had,was there. What was she doing out here so late at night?

''Is it really you?'' She asked.

''Yes,it's me.'' I said.

''Oh,wow! Will you sign my satchel?'' She said,handing me the satchel and a pen.

I signed it for her,then gave it back. ''Oh,wait until my friends see this! I think it's so cool that you and I were both born here.''

''I do too.'' I said. I couldn't really think of anything else to say but that.

''Arigato!'' She said,then left.

It wasn't long before I reached my house. I went up and gently knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again,a bit louder. Still nothing. ''Mother,'' I said,knocking once more. This time it worked. Mother answered the door.

My absence was written on her face. She looked older and more depressed than when I had last seen her. It seemed she needed some help as well.

''Yumi-chan?'' She said. ''You're...b-ba...'' She stopped,then hugged me,sobbing. A perfect sort of reunion.

A/N: OH. MY. GOSH. This took me soooo long to finish. Ah,well,it's worth it I guess.

So,how did you like the flashback? I told you there would be one...there you go!

Until the next chapter,please review and do make haste,flame me and my wrath,you will taste!

-------------------------------Shaddie-chan------------------------------------------------------