Spring Showers

Chapter Five: Confessions

Hammy blinked and looked around himself, wondering where he was.

"It's so dark." Hammy thought, no being able to see past a foot or two away from where he stood. Nothing looked familiar to him, scanning for the area for some kind of landmark, hoping to get his bearings and figure out a way home. But he could see nothing but darkness around him.

He started to move, hoping that if he could run into something familiar in his path, he could plot his way back to the others. But, even as he moved, even until he was running at his fastest speed, all he could see was a continuing darkness.

"Where am I?" Hammy fell to the ground, tired from the run. He was getting worried now. He was lost and he had no idea how he would get back home. He tried to think, but he only worried himself more and more.

Once he had regained his breath, he stood up and decided to try heading back the direction he came from, thinking that he may have just moved in the opposite direction from his way home. Hammy once again started to sprint until he noticed a light in the distance. He decided to run to it, hoping that it may point him the way home. He stopped short when he saw what was under the light.

"RJ!" Hammy felt overjoyed finding him. He sat there, facing the opposite direction of Hammy. "RJ, it's me, Hammy!" Hammy ran up to him to give him a hug.

"Huh? HEY! LET GO OF ME!" RJ struggled against Hammy's hug and pushed him off of his back. "Who are you?" RJ demanded to know who this stranger was, calling out his name and giving him hugs for no reason.

"RJ, it's me, Hammy!" Hammy repeated, jumping up to attempt another hug.

"Hey! Get away from me, you weirdo!" RJ pushed him back, this time with more force, enough to send Hammy crashing backwards to the ground.

"RJ, what's wrong? Don't you remember me?" Hammy's breathing started becoming erratic as anxiety started to fill him.

"Leave me alone, you freak!" RJ backed away from him, emitting a slight growl.

"RJ, please! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE OUT HERE!" Hammy frantically shot towards RJ, trying to hold onto him once more.

"HEY!" This time, RJ didn't say anything. This time, he acted. As Hammy's hold tightened around RJ's body, RJ extended his claws and slashed Hammy's arms. Immediately, Hammy howled in pain. His grip loosened, and RJ broke his hold, taking the squirrel into his own hands, and this time throwing him back a good distance away.

"MAKE ONE STEP TOWARDS ME AND YOU WON'T LIVE TO REGRET IT!" RJ snarled, baring his teeth and claws, threatening Hammy. Hammy scooted back, afraid of how RJ looked upon him.

"But, RJ…" Hammy's voice began to crack, trying to keep himself from crying.

"LEAVE ME ALONE, HAMMY! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU! I HATE YOU!" RJ roared. Hammy sunk to the ground, cowering and shaking, afraid of RJ. Seeing that the squirrel had no intention of making any further advances to get close to him, RJ turned and walked away.

"RJ." Hammy could barely whisper out before he began to cry. He couldn't stop himself from breaking down, remembering the last words RJ had said to him.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Words of disgust.

"I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!" Words of abandonment.

"I HATE YOU!" Words of hatred.

Hammy's vision grew darker and darker. But he didn't care. He did not fight the darkness. He allowed it to slowly surround him, consume him. Soon, there was only the sound of sobbing that echoed from the void. Then nothing.

"NO!"

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"NO!" Hammy woke up screaming, startling everyone around him.

"Hammy, Hammy! You're okay! You're safe! You're home!" Verne rushed to Hammy and took the now shaking squirrel into his arms. "Shhhhh, calm down, Hammy. We're here, we're here." Verne assured him, gently patting his back to calm him down. Everyone else approached Hammy, checking for themselves to see if he was okay.

"Hammy, are you alright?"

"Hammy, what happened to you?"

"Hammy, do you want something?"

"Hammy…"

Hammy's ears perked up and he let go of the hug he had with Verne.

"You really scared me there, Hamsquad." RJ said with an uneasy smile and chuckle as Hammy stared back at him. Hammy jumped to him.

"RJ." Hammy clutched onto RJ, as if for dear life, just wanting to be as near to him as possible. "You don't hate me, do you?" Hammy asked with held breath, anxiously waiting a response, verbal or physical.

"Hammy, why would I hate you?" RJ replied to Hammy, happily returning the hug. "You're my best friend, remember?" RJ chuckled softly.

"Thanks, RJ." Hammy squeezed him tight, never wanting to let him go. "I'm so sorry about last night." Hammy said.

"Hmm? Last night? What do you mean?" RJ asked quizzically.

"Oh." Hammy sighed. Figures. He doesn't remember anything from last night. "It's nothing."

"Hey Hammy." RJ started, feeling Hammy's hug weaken somewhat. "You want me to get you something to eat? You've been out quite a while."

"Um, yeah." Hammy pulled back his arms and nodded to him. He tried his best to smile, but only managed halfway. RJ ruffled the fur on the squirrel's head and smiled. Hammy pulled back the edges of his mouth, forming a slightly larger smile, if only to satisfy RJ. However, as soon as RJ and a few of the others left, he dropped the smile completely. He had no reason to smile.

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"Hey Hammy, feeling better?" Verne asked as Hammy finished up his bag of nacho chips. Everyone else had gone to sleep already, so only the two them were left alone.

"Yeah, Verne. I'm feeling a little better." Hammy replied as he finished the last nacho chip. He turned the bag upside down, catching in his mouth the nacho crumbs and nuggets of extra flavoring left at the bottom of the bag. He licked his lips before crumpling the bag up. Tossing the bag aside, he looked to his arm, now bandaged up. It did sting a little, but it barely restricted his normal body movement.

"Hammy, what happened last night?" Verne asked.

"Oh." Hammy took a sudden interest at the different strings that stuck out of the bandages. And he never noticed how much the nacho cheese powder matched the color of his fur. Or how the nearby bush suddenly looked like a great place to hide and…

"Hammy." He felt a paw on his. Hammy looked to Verne and saw the same look of concern he had seen when he had found him. "You can trust me." Verne said. "If… if you don't want to talk about it right now, I understand." Verne added, not wanting to add to any of the pressure that was already pressing on Hammy's mind.

"Verne…" Hammy frowned somewhat, but upon looking to Verne once more, he sighed. "I don't know what's going on with me." Hammy covered his face with his hands.

"So, talk to me." Verne said. "I won't laugh." He assured him.

"You already know my little secret." Hammy sighed, his voice slightly muffled by his paws.

"Yeah. You like guys." Verne stated, still somewhat unnerved by the fact, but not completely against the idea.

"No, I don't." Hammy pulled back from his hands and looked at Verne. "I love RJ." Hammy clarified sternly. "There's a difference."

"Oh, sorry." Verne apologized before looking away and falling quiet. "Good job, dummy." Verne silently berated himself for his mistake. A few seconds of awkward silence past before Verne figured what to ask Hammy next. "So Hammy…" Verne broke the silence. "When did you start having feelings for RJ?" Verne asked.

"I don't know when I started feeling this way." Hammy replied. "I always liked RJ since he joined the family, but more and more, there were these feelings I had that just kept on growing and growing. I wanted to hang out with him more, wanted to know more about him, wanted to make him happy. I wanted to be there for him when he needed me, talk to him when he needed to talk to someone, and anything else he may need me for." Hammy explained.

"Well, then…" Verne started, but was cut off by Hammy.

"And he always liked hanging out with me. He would listen to me when I needed to talk, work with me to get something that we can use. He would make me feel happy." Hammy said. "I know he knows that he makes me happy. I know he knows I would do anything for him. I know he knows that… no." Hammy stopped.

"No?" Verne wondered why he stopped.

"It's about last night." Hammy continued. "I guess that 'beer' made me forget myself and I…" Hammy paused once more, the memory of last night playing over in his head. "I started to come onto him." Hammy covered his face once more, feeling ashamed of his actions.

"Oh. I see." Verne started to understand what had caused Hammy to break down the way that he did. "Was he angry about it?" Verne asked.

"That's the thing." Hammy felt like sinking down, just as his heart was doing now. "He doesn't remember anything about last night." Hammy admitted.

"Huh? How did you know that?" Verne wondered how Hammy knew that.

"I apologized… well, I tried to apologize to RJ for my actions last night." Hammy told him. "But, it doesn't seem he remembered anything from last night. He wondered what I was apologizing for when I tried to." Hammy turned to Verne. Verne could see how hurt Hammy was when he found out that RJ had no memory of last night.

"But if he doesn't remember anything, isn't that a good thing then?" Verne continued to ask Hammy.

"I guess." Hammy had to admit that it would be a good thing. His secret was safe then. "But I wish he did." Hammy didn't want to keep it. "These thoughts, these feelings I have for him, I want him to know!" Hammy stated sternly. "It's eating me up inside!" Hammy nearly choked on his own words. Verne scooted closer to Hammy, seeing that the squirrel was on the verge of another emotional breakdown. But he had to press on. He had to find out what he can so he can help him recover from this.

"Hammy, I need to ask you something very serious now." Verne looked to Hammy and held his hand firmly. Hammy took a quick breath before nodding to Verne, composing himself as best he could. "Do you ever want to tell RJ that you… you… you feel this way about him?" Verne couldn't say the words he intended, but he managed to get the general question across.

"I…" Hammy opened his mouth to answer, but closed immediately, rethinking his answer. He had never really thought about what he would do if he was to confess his feelings, his love… Hammy gulped… to RJ. If ever. "I don't…"

"Do you want him to know?" Verne put the question more simply.

"…"

"Hammy, do…"

"Yes." Hammy looked to Verne, his eyes stern and focused, serious of his answer. "Yes, Verne. I want him to know. I want him to know how I feel about him. I want him to know that I love him more than anything else." Verne held onto his stoic appearance for a few more seconds before his appearance broke and moved to Verne, pressing his head against Verne's shell, seeking comfort and protection.

"But he doesn't seem to feel the same way about me. I even thought I heard him say that he can't love me. I don't know what I would do if he doesn't feel the same way about me." Hammy started to cry once more. If RJ couldn't love him the way he did, what was the point of telling him? What was the point of falling in love at all?

He knew what would be wrong if he and RJ were together. He knew how others looked upon the kind of relationship he wanted with RJ with derision and disgust. But he was willing to risk it all if only for the chance to have it!

But it looked as if he would never have the chance at all. Not if RJ could not return his feelings for him.

Verne stayed up with Hammy, taking care of him, helping him back to sleep for the night, to help him recover from the ordeal of the past 24 hours. All the while, he thought about everything that had happened up to this point, of all the events that led to having Hammy almost constantly breakdown at a moment's notice, bearing such a secret, such feelings for someone who may not want to reciprocate them at all.

As he set down Hammy to sleep, he made up his mind to do something to help.

He decided to have a talk with RJ.

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