Spring Showers
Chapter Seven: Just The Way the Cookie Crumbles
"Oh boy, that was a heavy one." RJ wiped some of the sweat off of his brow.
"Good job, Tiger." Stella commended her lover for his hard work. "Thanks for getting the box down from the wagon."
"Ugh." Verne, Ozzie, and RJ groaned and grumbled.
"Why does he get all the credit?" RJ asked cynically.
"Just forget about it. You know how Stella has been doting on Tiger a lot lately." Verne reminded him.
"It's romantic, I'll admit, but it's hell on my back." Ozzie rubbed his back, feeling sore after having taken down all those packages of food.
"Hey RJ!" A voice called to him.
"Huh?" RJ looked over his shoulder. "Oh hey, Heather!" RJ smiled.
"You wanna listen to this CD I got from that house?" Heather showed him the shiny disk she had taken from the house. "I've heard some of the music before and it's really good stuff." Heather added.
"Hmm, Ben Folds, eh." RJ looked at the CD. "Sure, why don't we listen to it?" RJ agreed.
"Cool!" Heather smiled. "Come on, let's get the CD player." Heather said, grabbing RJ's hand and pulling him along to where she kept her CD player. It was only a short distance walk before they got to Heather's little personal space. From a rather intricate but waterproof, wooden box, she produced the CD player and the accompanying headphones.
"Put on the tunes, Heather!" RJ chuckled. Heather popped in the CD and pressed the PLAY button before running back and sitting next to RJ, placing an ear to one of the headphone speakers. The machine came to life, the plastic disc inside starting to spin and whine, the intro riff beginning to play.
♪…Let me tell y'all what it's like
Watching idol on a Friday night… ♫
Heather started to sing to the song, surprising RJ with her voice. RJ had to admit that Heather actually knew how to sing very well, her voice articulating the lyrics nicely.
♪…In a house built safe and sound
On Indian burial ground, Sham On… ♫
"Come on, RJ. Sing along!" Heather encouraged RJ to sing along with her.
"Okay, I'll try!" RJ always liked how lively Heather was.
♪…We drive our cars everyday
To and from work both ways
So we make just enough to pay
To drive our cars to work each day … ♫
Heather jumped up and RJ followed. She was engrossed into the song, nodding her head to the beat, singing out the lyrics of the song. RJ followed suite, enjoying the song, trying his best to follow it.
♪… We're rocking the suburbs
Around the block just one more time
We're rocking the suburbs
Cause I can't tell which house is mine
We're rocking the suburbs
We part the shades and face facts
They got better looking Fescue
Right across the cul de sac … ♫
RJ was getting the hang of it, singing out the lyrics that he could catch, wrapping his arms around Heather and dancing to the rhythm of the song. She laughed when he tried to say "Fescue" and "cul de sac," and only laughed more when he joined her in laughing. They just reveled in the silliness of it all, ignoring everything else outside of the headphones.
Including the call of a young, red squirrel.
"Hey RJ!" Hammy called out, trying to find his best friend. He carried with him one of the chocolate chip cookies that RJ had given him. He had finished a few more of the cookies during his search for the raccoon, but he held onto the one last whole, chocolaty sweet cookie, intending to share it with RJ.
He moved around a couple of bushes, trying to see any sign of RJ until something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He moved over to a small break in the bushes to see a sight before him.
"RJ." The words died on his lips, barely escaping as a whisper. He felt his whole body tighten all of a sudden, trembling with confusion at what he saw.
RJ and Heather were laughing up a storm, singing out loud, incoherently at points, dancing and smiling all the way through. They were having the time of their lives.
♪… We're rocking the suburbs
Feed the dog and mow the lawn
Watching mommy balance the checks
While daddy juggles credit cards … ♫
They sang to their hearts content, swinging each other around, their words synching the lyrics to the unknown song.
They were mocking him. That is what he thought. Hammy couldn't help but feel somewhat betrayed seeing them like this together. His hands tightened around the cookie, pieces of the sweet treat starting to fall to the ground.
♪…We're rocking the suburbs
Everything we need is here
We're rocking the suburbs
But it wasn't here last year … ♫
He wanted so bad to… to… Hammy smashed the cookie in his hands, the various sized crumbs scattering at his feet. He ground his hands together, wanting to crush every little bit of the cookie to pieces. He choked back a sob, trying to reign in the rush of emotions, fighting to keep himself from breaking down. He wanted to turn away from the scene playing out on the other side of the bush, but couldn't help himself, wanting to know what will happen. He grasped his head, trying to keep himself stable long enough to watch a little bit longer.
♪… We're rocking the suburbs
You'll never know when we are gone
Because the timer lights come on
And turn the cricket noises on each night
Yeah, yeah, we're rocking the suburbs
Yeah, yeah, we're rocking the suburbs … ♫
RJ and Heather gave out the largest burst of laughter, nearly sending Heather falling to the ground. However, RJ grabbed her hand and pulled her back up, right into his arms and into a hug.
And RJ looked so happy. He looked so happy to be singing and dancing with Heather. This was the happiest he had ever seen RJ in a long time.
A sudden rush of wind tossed dust and dead leaves up into the air, the only trace of Hammy's path into the forest. He ran as fast as his muscles could muster, trying to get as far away from the log, from the family, from RJ.
His heart was breaking, shattering into sharp, jagged pieces, cutting him deep inside. He was crumbling, just like his chocolate chip cookie for RJ. The crumbs now lay in the dirt, its sweetness now gone.
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CCCRRRAAACCCKKK!
Lightning streaked across the clouds, lighting up the night sky, overshadowing for a second the bright lights of the suburbs below. The clouds above rumbled ominously, a premonition of the coming downpour, threatening to crash down into the ground below.
Hammy stared out blankly to the horizon, passively watching the sky and the suburb light up. A storm was brewing within himself, also waiting to burst at any given moment. It collected in his heart, overshadowing the warmth, innocence, and lightheartedness that often filled his heart. It was so hard to feel anything, his body numb and unwilling to move. He just wanted to lie there, alone and defeated.
His legs had carried him some distance away from the family. He didn't know nor did he care that he somehow ended up by the hedge. He just wanted to be away from everything else. He looked for the highest tree he could find to climb up it, to somehow put even a little more distance between him and everyone else. He could have crossed the hedge, into the artificial world on the other side. But that was the last thing he wanted to do. He wasn't suicidal.
But leaping off of the high branch had crossed his mind more than once.
"It's no good." Hammy told himself, pushing away such thoughts. He didn't want his family to have to go through something like that. It wasn't worth it. However, he couldn't deny the gnawing pain in his chest, the unbearable heaviness of the broken shards of his heart pressing his body against the branch, as if to seal himself to it forever. And he didn't want to get up either. He just wanted to lie there and wallow in his misery.
He couldn't approach anyone in his family on his own. It took a moment of weakness and tribulation for him to confess his deep, embarrassing secret to his father figure. He expected to be berated for having such feelings, feelings for someone of a different species, and, shockingly, of the same gender! But Verne comforted him. He was there for him when he needed someone the most. Though in his heart he would have wanted RJ to be the one to have come and rescued him, he somehow understood how it was best that Verne did.
"It's too late." In his mind, he admitted defeat. He was jealous, jealous of Heather, that she could have such a relationship with RJ. Jealous that she could make him act so carefree and happy. They shared so many interests together, spent a lot of time together, and so on. A relationship between them could work out. RJ would probably fall for her so much more easily than he would fall for him. "Why would RJ ever fall for me?" He asked himself, hating himself. If he were a mature, beautiful female raccoon, he could stand a chance. But he was not. He was a young, hyperactive male squirrel.
And if RJ and Heather ever got together, he could do something to stop it. But it would do him no good. Nor would he even attempt to do such a thing to them. He cared for them too much to do anything that would hurt them. If they were meant for each other, then who was he to stop it?
"I'm so tired." Hammy blinked. His eyes were once again streaked with red. He somehow managed to hold back his tears while running through the forest. But once upon the tree branch, he cried his heart out, letting out the torrent of sadness and regret that had welled up inside of him. The storm raged on in his heart, the flood of devastating emotions seeming to endlessly surge out.
He found a momentary peace, a calm in the storm, thinking of all the good times he had with RJ, how he taught him so many things and shown him a whole new world. He loved him for showing him the delights to be found in the suburbs, from the chocolate chip cookies to the Spuddies, from the digital cable to the backyard swimming pools. He loved him for guiding him and protecting him from whatever came to harm him or the family.
But most of all, he loved RJ for making him feel special, wanted, needed.
However, the calm soon passed as his mind began to imagine all the good times he could have had if he and RJ… but he would never know. He berated himself, thinking himself to be a fool for believing that he was special to RJ, special enough to warrant the emotions he desired from RJ. He didn't deserve it. And the tears flowed out once more. He was on the verge of crying himself dry once more. But all his energy was gone.
He was tired of crying. He was tired of love. He wanted to give up on it all.
CRASH!
DRIP… DRIP… DRIP
The sky tore with a flash of light and erupted, releasing all the water it had held within itself. In a split-second, the torrent of water came down upon everything. Hammy felt small drops of water pelting him, the water leaking through the dense cover of the foliage above him. He looked upon the rain and resolved to himself.
"I don't want to cry anymore." Hammy decided. "It's not worth it." Tonight would be the last time he will cry. He will cry out to the heavens once more, releasing the anger and anguish within him. He didn't want the emotional baggage anymore. He didn't want any of it anymore.
"No more." He managed to tap into one last store of energy to pick himself up to face the horizon. He felt his eyes tear up as he turned his tired eyes skyward. The sky from then on will cry for him, the rain, his tears. The rain will forever be the tears he will shed because of the heartache of his unrequited love.
"I don't want to be in love anymore." Hammy choked.
CRASH
"NO MORE!" Hammy screamed into the night sky with the thunder crash, crying out once more in agony, the last tears streaking down his face in one final downpour. He gave up on love, but he will still move on. He will continue to live with his family, to get through the seasons, to do what they have always done for as long as he can remember.
"No more… no more… no…. more…" Hammy, with one last sob, collapsed back unto the branch, his body finally giving out, falling out of the realm of the waking and entering the realm of sleep. When he wakes up, tomorrow would just be another day.
He will live on.
Just without love.
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If you have any advice or suggestions, please feel free to review me. All flames will be ignored.
"Rocking the Suburbs" copyrighted to Ben Folds.
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