In the morning I turned and opened my eyes, only to shut them in pain. Crying all night had left them sore and the direct light from the window didn't help. I sat up and saw Kat sitting on her bed, facing away from me.
"Kat…" I whispered, my voice hoarse.
She turned her head slowly. "Yes?"
"I…I'm so sorry." I gulped, afraid of crying again.
"OK."
She was angry. I would be too.
"Kat." I stood up and walked over to her. I sat on the bed and reached for her hand, but she withdrew.
"Don't."
"Kat, just let me try and explain…"
"Do you have any idea how hurtful that was? You get so pissed at me for no reason then won't even let me touch you and start screaming at me!"
"I'm sorry! That was wrong and stupid and I shouldn't have done it." I looked down and squeezed my eyes shut.
"Then why did you?"
"Because I'm terrified." I choked on the word but I had to say it.
"Of what, Mouse?" she touched my face lightly.
"Of you being Paulie." There! I had said it! What I could barely admit to myself. That was where my fears were.
"I'm not."
"How do I know? How do I know that I won't get scared and withdraw and then you'll go all psycho and jump off a building?" I started crying and she leaned forward and wrapped herself around me.
"Because, Mouse, I love you, and I think you love me too. I look at you…I know you're scared, I know its frightening, but its love. And even if you leave I'm not going to throw myself off the roof. Love's supposed to be wild and idiotic sometimes, but not insane. I'm not crazy, Mouse."
"I…" I kissed her softly, running my hands along her back. "I do love you. I really do."
"I love you too, Mouse. Truly." she nuzzled against my face.
We looked into each other's eyes for some time, then she playfully pulled me back as she leaned back and laid down. I wrapped myself around her and she kept her strong arms on my back and arms. I could hear her heartbeat drumming against my ear, fast but calm. She looked down, kissed my forehead, and whispered that she loved me again and again.
And that's when it just washed over me. Kat wasn't Paulie, and I wasn't Tori. Kat was Kat and I was Mouse. We were completely different people, and we wouldn't follow the same paths. What happened with Paulie and Tori was something unchangeable, like a tree being struck by lightning and falling to its death. But just because that happened doesn't mean the tree next to it will die too. I looked at Kat and I knew that we were different. I knew that we were in love and that nothing could change that.
We were a cat and mouse, nose to nose, heart to heart, and ready for anything.