Chapter Six
It took Marissa a few minutes…..okay about twenty….to calm down enough to go in search of Ryan. Knowing he wasn't upstairs, she skipped that portion of the house and crept down the stairs, finding the quiet of her home unnerving. At first she found it strange that he was no where to be found, but then she realized he was probably just outside, getting fresh air and calming down himself. She was wrong.
Walking back inside, thoroughly puzzled, she wandered aimlessly around the house until she found her way to the foyer. There taped up on the door was a note clearly in Ryan's cramped, jumpy handwriting. Plucking the small piece of paper off of the door, she read it out loud to herself, her voice echoing through the empty, sleeping house.
"Marissa, I couldn't stay. I took a cab home. I'll be at work in the morning, Ryan."
Balling the piece of paper up, she threw it aside frustrated. Suddenly her pain and anguish over the fact that he had pushed her away was forgotten as an undeniable and ridiculous sense of anger overtook her body. Grabbing her keys from the sideboard, she threw the front door open and ran to her car, not even bothering to change her clothes or put shoes on. She was too mad to think rationally.
It did not take her long to reach Long Beach, the roads void of traffic providing her with a clear route and her animosity towards Ryan providing her with a lead foot, combined together to make her trip there perhaps the fastest of her life. Pulling up to the curb in front of Ryan's small cottage, she was pleasantly surprised to see that his cab had just gotten there. Now, no matter what, she would get the confrontation she wanted; he could not ignore her if she challenged him in his front lawn.
Jumping out of the car, not bothering to lock it and completely oblivious to her state of undress still, she stalked her way towards an unsuspecting Ryan who stood by the driver's side of the cab paying the driver.
"What the hell was that," she shouted while pushing roughly against his arm, throwing him off balance in his unsuspecting stance. "YOU kiss ME and then run off saying that I can't do that! I want to know just exactly what I did wrong!"
Hands on hips, eyes blazing, hair blowing recklessly in the strong, summer breeze, Marissa was a force to be reckoned with. If Ryan would have been paying attention he would have noticed the cab driver snickering at him quietly from the safety of his car, but he was too focused upon the incensed woman in front of him. Blindly, he handed money to the driver, totally unaware of how much he was paying him and not caring. Satisfied with his large tip and not wanting to watch the inevitable blow out that was about to occur between his former passenger and the beautiful, crazed woman, the cabbie backed out of the driveway and made his way down the street.
Without a word, Ryan turned his back on Marissa and walked towards his front door, keys already in hand. Despite everything that had happened and the irritation he felt growing within himself, he could not help but notice the way she looked. With just the loose, old t-shirt on, sans bra, her firm, plump, round breasts had been very noticeable as her chest heaved when she yelled at him, the cool breeze of the ocean making her perky nipples stand out against the material of the shirt which just grazed the top of her thighs. The fact that he was so visibly attracted to her even when he was this annoyed seemed to just push his fury to a level where a confrontation between the two of them was inevitable.
"Ryan, don't you dare walk away from me," Marissa hissed coming, once again, to stand in front of him, pushing him over the edge.
Lowering his voice to whisper, his tone so cold Marissa realized she would have preferred he had screamed at her, he met her icy gaze and spoke rapidly. "I am not doing this at 3 AM on my front lawn where all the neighbors will hear everything we say! If we're doing this now, we're doing it inside!"
He walked ahead of her, surprised when she didn't fight back or argue with his demand that they go inside, and unlocked the door, moving aside so she could walk in first. Perhaps because he was tired, maybe he didn't want to draw any more unneeded attention to them, or it could have just been the fact that he wanted his environment to reflect his emotional mood at the moment, dark and foreboding, Ryan left the lights off when they entered the living room.
Almost as if they were opponents in a boxing match, Ryan and Marissa went to separate corners of the room and stood rigidly waiting for the other to speak. After a few seconds Marissa could not take the silence any longer. Unlike before when she attacked him verbally, her voice was softer, almost childlike in quality, and vulnerable.
"Why did you do that; why did you kiss me like that and then walk away from me," she asked him.
If Ryan had been able to see her eyes he would have known that she was utterly confused and believed that she had done something wrong, but he couldn't, and her voice, sounding so innocent, just seemed to exasperate him even more. "I don't know Marissa," she shot out accusingly, "why don't you tell me!"
"I don't know," she answered back, with each word her voice regaining some of its earlier resentment until she was once again screaming at him. "Maybe you realized you weren't that attracted to me after all, and if that was the case, sorry I don't look my best at two in the morning after a long, emotionally draining weekend. The next time you want to kiss me, why don't you warn me so I can make myself presentable so that I don't disgust you!"
"You have no idea, do you," he asked incredulously as the space between them began to melt away when he took a step closer to her letting his eyes, since she couldn't see them, roam her shadowed body. "God Marissa, that is so far from what's the matter here! Don't you get it? I want you all the time! I want you when you're dressed to the nines and trying to turn me on, I want you when you're totally oblivious to your looks, I want you when you're playing and laughing with your children, and I want you when you're in your baggy sweats and crying! I have never NOT wanted you!"
"And how am I supposed to know that," she snapped at him testily. "It's not as if you've ever said anything to me about it or tried anything before tonight!"
"It's called self-restraint; you might want to try it sometime." His sarcastic comment sent her into a tailspin of rage.
Stomping towards him, she pointed an accusatory finger into his chest, backing him up against the wall. "You DO NOT get to say that to me when I was not the one who kissed you!"
"Please, you were begging for it since the day I met you," Ryan dismissed her, suddenly regaining the power in the argument. Pushing himself off of the wall, he moved in closer to her their bodies only separated by a few inches and stared into her fiery sapphire irises. "This has nothing to do with attraction or lack thereof, and you should know that. This is about you!"
"Me," she asked incredulously backing away from him but he only followed her. "How exactly is this all about me?"
"Marissa, how could it not be about you? You're married for Christ's sake! I mean, what are we doing here? Am I the latest distraction for you to amuse yourself with while you're lonely and bored," he asked, the pain evident in his voice as he laughed self-deprecatingly at himself. "Sorry, but I'm not signing up to be anyone's fun on the side, not even yours!"
"I'm not a slut, Ryan," Marissa shrieked back at him, hurt that he would think and say those things about her and irate that he would presume such a thing. "I've never even thought of having an affair before, let alone wanted to. I did not set out for this to happen; it just did, and now here we are, and, I'm sorry, but I want this."
"This, this," Ryan taunted her, "what the hell is this; what the hell is going on here between us, Marissa?" When she didn't say anything, he just pressed on. "Tell me, Marissa, what is this, a distraction from your boring life, an experiment to see what it's like with someone from the other side of the tracks, or are you just out looking for a good time? What the hell is going on between us!"
Lowering her eyes from him, she whispered so softly he could not hear what she said, "I don't know."
"Speak up Marissa," Ryan ordered, "Either tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling or get the hell out of my house."
When she didn't speak up immediately, he turned away from her, crossing his arms in front of his chest out of frustration, and remained in that rigid position even after she started speaking, voice strong and determined, sure of herself and heartbreakingly honest.
"I don't know, Ryan. I've never felt this before, and I have no idea what it all means. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about you. It's as if you took over my mind and completely eradicated every other rational thought I used to have. I wake up thinking about you. I think about you when I'm cleaning, cooking, talking to others, you're even in my thoughts when I'm physically with you in my dreams. Yes, I'll admit that at first I was just attracted to you. I was bored, you were there, and it was a rush for me to flirt with you and try to get a reaction; it was gratifying when you would notice me, but then something happened. This…us…we happened. You gave me a chance, listened to me, talked to me, let me comfort you when you were worried about Q, and then what you did for me yesterday, taking me to see my sons and spending the day with us, I will NEVER forget that. No one has ever done something like that for me, and I'm not willing to give that….this….you up. I have never wanted anything or anyone more in my life, and in this moment, right now, I don't care what the consequences are." Taking a step towards him and feeling emboldened when he did not walk away from her, she approached him, standing to his side, watching his face, and put one hand tentatively on his shoulder before speaking again. In a soft, pleading voice, she continued knowing that this was her one and only shot to convince him of how she felt. "I need you Ryan."
As the silence and tension refilled the air, Marissa slowly pulled her hand away from him. The fire and passion she had used to fuel her rage had long since vanished, and the emotion and feelings that had compelled her to open herself up to him and make herself vulnerable were painfully aware of the fact that he had yet to say anything and, in fact, refused to meet her eye. Unable to take his rejection a moment longer, she slipped outside of the door and ran towards her car as the tears she had held at bay until that moment fell down her exquisite face in loud, agonizing sobs.
Too lost in her own pain, she never heard the door open softly behind her or the quiet, husky, pained voice calling her name behind her.
"Marissa," Ryan gasped out, his breathing erratic and strained as he battled the emotions threatening to erupt within him, but she did not hear him and continued to move towards her car. Just as she went to open the driver's side door to climb in and disappear from his sight, he desperately called out for her again. "Marissa, please, wait."
She froze. Literally and figuratively, Marissa froze right where she was standing unsure if she had imagined that he had asked her to wait, that he had called out her name, that the tone had not been angry or hurt but desperate and longing and unsure of what she was to do about it. So instead of doing anything, she just stood there rooted by her SUV waiting for a sign from Ryan, waiting for him to do or say something else.
The fact that she did not just ignore him and completely walk out of his life by driving away was enough to bolster Ryan's confidence and he asked her again to wait. "Marissa…..just don't go….at least not yet, not like this, please."
"What, Ryan," Marissa yelled at him, her tears forgotten. "What else do you want me to say, want me to do? Was opening myself up and asking you to want to be with me, too, not good enough, was embarrassing myself by actually admitting how desperate I am for someone to care about me not enough to prove how much I care, was making myself vulnerable for you, something I've never done before, not a big enough sign that there is something powerful going on between us, huh Ryan, what the hell do you want from me!"
He went to say something but she was too irate to notice and just continued to shriek at the top of her lungs, oblivious to those who could see and hear them in the neighborhood.
"What, do you want me to beg, get down on my hand and knees, humiliate myself so that you can laugh in my face and tell me that you don't need me the way I need you, because I'm sorry Ryan, I can't do that!"
There was only one word that Ryan could think of, and he knew that he owed her more than that, that she deserved to hear something more than just, "Stay," but until he knew that she would at least hear him out, that was the only word he could utter. Surprising him, she didn't leave.
Although she did not say anything, she stood there, silently, and just waited for him to voice a reason why she should not turn her back on him forever.
"I need you, too," he whispered, the pleading quality of his voice vividly apparent. Taking another step closer to her, he spoke up again, his eyes begging her to listen, to believe what he was saying. "I want you to stay…..with me. I want this….I want us more than anything that I've ever wanted before in my life." Taking another step closer to her, he continued talking. "Marissa, please!"
Laughing, she strode across the grass quickly coming face to face with him, once again back to a screaming rage. "You think that that's enough for me? I made a fool out of myself for you, and you don't even apologize! Well, I'm sorry, Ryan, but…."
That was all she got to say before he cut her off by grabbing her forcefully and pulling her into his body, colliding his mouth with hers and forcing it open immediately so that he could take her tongue into his mouth and fuse their palates together as one. As soon as he touched her, she melted and collapsed into his arms, all the anger and frustration she had previously been feeling turning into a feverish desire and need.
Causing her to moan out in complaint, he pulled away from her long enough to pant out an apology. "I'm sorry," he acknowledged, his voice thick with passion.
Breathing heavy, Marissa shocked by Ryan by merely teasing him. "Ryan, just shut up and kiss me already." And that's exactly what he did.
Sliding his hands underneath the bottom of her t-shirt, he cupped her ass and pulled her up by it so that she had to wrap her long, slender, sexy legs around his torso, high enough so that she had to bend down to reach his mouth. He received a pleasant jolt when he felt that she was merely wearing a thin, silk thong underneath the shirt and leaving little to his imagination, making it extremely important that they move inside as soon as possible.
Stumbling blindly, refusing to take his eyes off of Marissa's as he kissed her, reveling in the way she was looking at him with every emotion clearly expressed in her shining irises for him and him alone, Ryan made his way into his house, kicking the door shut behind him, and proceeded into his bedroom.
His brain was too focused upon the sensations her kisses were evoking in him and at how aroused he was quickly becoming to realize that while he carried her into his bedroom she was making fast work of his clothes, un-tucking his t-shirt, un-buckling his belt, and unbuttoning his pants.
Reaching his bed, he laid her down softly on it, stopping momentarily to stare at her gorgeous face knowing that they were about to be as close as to people possibly could. Finally realizing that she had practically undressed him already, he finished the job and removed every last piece of his clothing.
Marissa couldn't help herself; she had to watch Ryan as he stripped off all of his clothes, savoring his body and making a mental note to herself to demand a real, long, slow, sensual strip from him sometime in the future. Obviously this will not be a one time thing, Marissa thought to herself, letting a little giggle escape her swollen lips. And, I guess, it would only be fair if I returned the favor. Before any other 'plans' could be made, Ryan's naked body enveloped Marissa's and all rational thought was lost for the night.
Neither of them were patient. After the sexually charged day they had shared and the combustible fight they had just ended with what they both now considered the best kiss of their lives, they needed to be with each other immediately. They could not waste their time with foreplay or teasing, tender embraces.
Wanting to be naked as well so that she could feel Ryan's skin pressed up against her own, Marissa rolled their bodies so that she was on top of Ryan, straddling his waist. Without breaking the intense lip lock their were sharing, she pulled her own shirt off and pushed his back down against the bed so that she could lay on top of him, pressing her now nude, exposed breasts into his taunt, muscular, tanned chest. It only seemed to arouse Ryan even more, and her thong was recklessly taken off and strewn across the room.
Startling her, Ryan's voice broke through the desire clouding Marissa's mind. "Are you sure about this," he asked tenderly, of all things, needing to be positive that this was what she wanted and that she had no doubts.
To answer him, Marissa did something more forward than she had ever even considered doing before in her life, but, for some reason, with Ryan she was not embarrassed or bashful in bed. Grasping his hardness in her hand, she guided it to her core and slid her own body down on top of it before lowering the rest of herself down on top of him so that her lips were tickling his.
Taking his bottom lip between her teeth and biting it softly, she spoke in a husky whisper never letting her eyes stray from the man's she wanted. "Make love to me, Ryan….. please."
That was all he needed. As soon as those words left her mouth, he began to move inside of her slowly at first but within a matter of minutes neither of them could restrain themselves and the weeks of pent up passion exploded into one wild, hard, steamy round of sex.
While their bodies still rocked together moving perfectly in time with the others, Ryan attempted to switch their position, to regain the top, but, surprising him, Marissa would not let him move, holding him in place with her legs.
Close to orgasm, Marissa sat up abandoning Ryan's lips so that her screams and moans could escape the confines of her mouth, and even though he missed the intimate contact, being able to watch her enjoy herself was mesmerizing. Letting his hands stray to her breasts, he cupped them and massaged them while her hands ran through her hair, her head thrown back in ecstasy. Her breathing was labored, chest heaving, mouth panting, calling out his name ever few seconds in a guttural, low cry. Never had Ryan seen something so amazingly feminine or beautiful.
It did not take long for them both to climax, Marissa first, throwing Ryan into shockwaves of pleasure as he joined her. Collapsing onto his chest, Marissa smiled lazily and left sizzling trails of kisses all along his neck and collar bone, occasionally nipping softly at the skin while Ryan wound his hands through her long, slightly damp, blonde tresses massaging the base of her neck gently. They just held each others naked bodies, Ryan still inside Marissa, while they both regained their breath.
Mind flooded with contentment, eyes closed enjoying the sensation of Marissa in his arms…..finally….the first thing Ryan was aware of after he had come down from the high of his orgasm was the feeling of Marissa gently moving her body against his, instantly reigniting his passion for her.
"Look who's up again," she whispered in his ear before moving her lips down to a particularly sensitive part of his neck and sucking on it.
Confused, Ryan said, "I wasn't sleeping."
"Who said I was talking about you, per say," she shot back without a blink of an eye before taking his mouth in a leisurely, erotic kiss and ending it way to early for Ryan's taste. "You know," she continued playfully, letting her hands find their way to his abdomen to lightly trace his happy tail with the tips of her fingers, "I've not had enough of you yet, not even close, but this time," she moved her hands back up to his mouth, letting him take two of them and suck on them playfully, "this time we're going to go really, really slowly."
Before she knew what was happening, Ryan flipped them over so that he was on top of her. Pulling out of her warmth and eliciting a moan of complaint from Marissa, he reached over to his bedside and flipped on a lap illuminating the room in a soft glow.
"Slow and so I can see you," he added before blanketing her body with his again.
They began playfully that time, letting their hands and eyes explore each others body. There was no rush. As far as they were concerned they had all the time in the world to be with each other. Their initial, base, animalistic need for the other had been met, and replacing the frenzied, hard pace of their first bout of love making was a soft and sensual coupling.
Falling asleep in each others arms, their desire satiated for the time being, their bodies entwined so tightly it appeared as if they were one, and their minds, hearts, and souls content for the first time since they had seen the other, they faded from reality and met in their dreams just as the sun broke through the horizon, dappling the lovers in a soft, golden haze of warmth as stray beams of sunlight sifted through the open window, only partially covered by a thin sheer, as the new day ushered in a new relationship for the peacefully slumbering couple.