Chapter Nine
Marissa sat across from her newly hired attorney, a Mr. Evan Taylor, known for being one of the best custody lawyers in southern California and she was thoroughly uncomfortable with his current line of questions. This was their first official meeting to begin going over the case; she had hired him on her visit a few weeks prior. She had expected he would ask her what her demands were from Gerry, what she wanted out of the marriage, her ideas on visitation rights for him, and perhaps when she wanted to file the paperwork and get the process started. Instead, she felt as if she was on the witness stand and being cross examined about her character and not her ability to parent her children.
"Why are you filing for divorce, Mrs. Carnahan," the slightly stocky, balding man of fifty asked her.
Tentatively she responded, "First of all, please just call me Marissa. As for why I want a divorce, I met someone new; his name is Ryan, Ryan Atwood." When all he did was raise his eyebrows and wave his hand for her to continue, she sighed deeply before plunging into the reasoning behind her desire to separate from her husband of almost eleven years. "I haven't been happy in my marriage for a while….well, actually, ever, but I just assumed that was what my life was supposed to be like, but then…..I met someone, someone who showed me that I'm worth more than that, that I matter.
"And no you're leaving your husband for this other man," he pressed.
"Yes."
"And have you consummated this relationship?" When Marissa didn't respond and just stared at the lawyer out of shock he continued. "Did you sleep with him?"
"I um…," she swallow thickly, "I don't see how that is any of your business."
"I need to know how serious you are about this man you are leaving your husband for, when the affair started, as I am assuming you are currently partaking in an affair, and I need to know your intensions with this man. Your husband's lawyer is going to attack you for infidelity and use it against your character to prove you are an unfit parent." Taking off his glasses, he set them down on his desk, the cold, business-like glare being replaced by a sympathetic one in his eyes before he continued explaining. "We will have to figure out how to neutralize that argument the best way we can, and the only way I can do my job is if I know everything you can tell me."
Nodding her head to show she understood, Marissa delved into the topic. "We did not set out to….develop feelings for each other." She was so lost in her confession that she did not notice his small smile at her lack of ability to say the word love. "In fact," she continued, "he started out not really liking me and I was just looking for a friend, but somewhere along the line….we connected. My kids adore him; they're already close."
Shocked, the lawyer stared at her. "Your kids know about your affair?"
"What…..," Marissa fumbled with her words, "no, of course they don't know about the affair. To them, Ryan is our friend…and he is, but he's just more than that to me."
"And do you feel you have a future with this man….what is his name," he looks down at his notes, "Ryan Atwood?"
Blushing slightly and unable to keep a smile off of her face, Marissa answered honestly. "I hope so."
They were both silent for a moment while Mr. Taylor thought silently, only speaking up when he had a slight plan formed. "Now, if you're right and no one knows about this affair so far, we have a chance to keep it a non-issue. We are not under any obligation to share this information with your husband's counsel, but if it is revealed, it will become a major issue in the case. I assume there is no way you would consider ending your relationship with Mr. Atwood, am I correct?"
"I can't do that," Marissa said honestly.
"I thought as much," her attorney admitted," and so you will have to be as discreet as possible."
"That will not be a problem," she assured him. "We mainly do things with my sons, so it will not look suspicious or as if I'm cheating, because who would take their kids along on a date."
"Apparently you," he teased her. "Now, what about your husband; what possible negative ammunition could we use against him? Do you think he ever had an affair? If he did, it would somewhat neutralize your infidelity."
"Nothing that I can prove," Marissa admitted ruefully, "but for the main fact that we have not had sex in years, I would assume he has." When her lawyer goes to comment on this, she holds up her hand and stops him. "I do not want to use that against him though. I don't care whether or not he had an affair. To me, this trial is about who is the better parent, and I do not want to win it by default by bringing out all of my husband's character flaws. If I can help it, there will be no mud slinging in this trial."
"You said flaws, as in plural," Mr. Taylor pointed out interested, "are you implying that there are things we could use against him, perhaps criminal activity or….," he pauses slightly to watch her face for a reaction, "abuse?"
"There was no abuse," Marissa blatantly lied not batting an eye and completely not fooling her attorney, but he did not say anything, "and, as far as I know, his company is on the up and up. Besides, even if there was something I could use against him, I already told you that I want this kept clean. No matter what, this is my sons' father, and I don't want them to hear me badmouthing him."
"Alright," he conceded, "we will do this your way, and, let me just add, that I admire your stance, not that you're making my job any easier, but it is commendable. Let's get down to basics now. What do you want from this divorce and how quickly do you want to get started?"
"I want nothing but my kids, and, as for when,….," before she could continue, Mr. Taylor cut her off.
"Did I just hear you correctly? Did you just say you want nothing from him, no house, no car, no child support, no alimony?"
"Nothing; none of that stuff matters to me, because the only thing worthwhile I got out of my marriage were my sons, and taking anything from him will make me feel as if I'm indebted to him."
"But it's not like that," he protested, "he is responsible for his children, and you, as his wife, are entitled to half of his assets. California is a no fault state, you can't loose what you're entitled to because you had an affair or because you ended the marriage."
"I know that, but there is also a prenup, and I have no desire to fight him on that."
"When do you want me to file the papers," he asked as they walked towards the door.
Prepared for this question, she answered quickly, "after the holidays."
Slightly confused, he spoke up. "Are you planning on working on saving the marriage, is that why you want to wait a few months before filing?"
"No," she brushed off his question lightly, laughing, "I just don't want to ruin the holidays for my sons. This will be hard enough on them as it is. There is no sense in ruining their Christmas, too."
"I should have known," he said while smiling at her. "I'll be in-touch soon Mrs….Marissa."
With one last handshake, she left his office feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her delicate shoulders and placed on those of someone much more prepared to carry the weight.
Later that afternoon, after taking Q to her last vet appointment to have the cast removed from her leg, taking her back to Ryan's, and then picking the boys up from school and dropping them off at a sleepover birthday party, Marissa finally was returning home. She and Ryan had the house to themselves that night, and they had ever intention of taking full advantage of the fact. After her stressful day, she was looking forward to a relaxing, lazy, pleasant night in bed with Ryan, but as she pulled up her driveway and spotted a very familiar car, one she always dreaded to see, she knew her evening would be anything but.
Taking a deep breath and steadying her thoughts, she would need all of her strength and wit to get rid of her guest before Ryan arrived, she pushed the door open and entered her house, prepared to face her worst nightmare: her mother.
"Marissa, where have you been," the harsh, loud, demanding voice rang out over the click of heals as the fit, trim red head made her way from the living room into the foyer. "I've been waiting for you for almost an hour."
Putting her keys and purse down on the sideboard, Marissa turned to face Julie. "I'm sorry, Mom, but I didn't know you would be stopping by today. I was running errands."
Julie obviously expected her daughter to expand upon her statement, but when Marissa simply walked off towards the kitchen, leaving her mother standing there without an invitation to follow her, a flabbergasted Julie stomped her way after her.
"What kind of errands did you run wearing that," she pressed her, the tone of her voice alluding to her annoyance and displeasure with her daughter. "Marissa, I've told you before, women of your standing in the community should not wear jeans. And your hair like that," she scoffed, "let's just say that it highlights the fact that you're not a teenager any more."
"Nor that I've had plastic surgery either," Marissa shot back now fully baited. "What are you doing here, Mother? Shouldn't you be at a spa for the weekend or out looking for the latest scandal to expose?"
"I'm here," Julie answered her while taking the cookie out of Marissa's hand that she was about to eat and throwing it away, "because you're husband asked me to make sure you were behaving correctly while he was gone this time. Rumor has it you've been a completely different woman these past couple of months. Care to explain?"
Brushing past her, Marissa moved towards the family room. "Not to you."
"The gossip around town has it that you're happy, smiling and glowing all the time, almost as if you were a giddy teenager in love for the first time and not a mother of two and the wife to one of the wealthiest men in the state."
"If I've been happier recently," Marissa dismissed with an emphatic wave of her hand, "it has nothing to do with Gerry, and, as for being my husband, he's only ever been that in name."
Catching a glimpse of her bare hand, Julie narrowed her eyes and moved closer to her daughter, ready to pounce. "Where are your wedding rings," but before Marissa could respond, the front door was opened, startling Julie, and giving Marissa a chance to escape.
Calling out ahead of her as she made her way towards the foyer, Marissa greeted the latest arrival. "Mr. Atwood, you're early!" Stepping into the room and joining Ryan who had a confused expression on her face, she whispered quickly to him, "my mother is here," right before Julie walked in behind her. "Mother, this is Mr. Atwood, the man who remodeled the kitchen and bathroom for us; Mr. Atwood, this is my mother, Julie.
Ryan went to put his hand out to shake Julie's, but she cut him off before he could say anything. "What is he doing here, Marisa," her eyes raking over him carefully full of questions and suspicions. He knew they were treading on thin ice.
"He….um….," Marissa struggled, unsure of what to say.
"It's customary ma'am," Ryan answered for her. "I just came by to make sure everything I replaced was working properly. If you'll just excuse me, I'll head up the bathroom now and leave you to your business."
Julie watched him walk out of the room and up the stairs before she turned to her daughter, but she did not happen to catch Ryan stop at the top of the stairs in order to listen into the women's conversation.
"What are you up to, Marissa," the older woman asked her daughter harshly. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be married to Gerry, and you're going to go throw it all away by sleeping with a tradesman!"
"Do not talk about Ryan like that," Marissa screamed at Julie before she even thought about her actions, her anger so strong she was practically choking on it.
"So, it's Ryan now," Julie questioned, not even giving the younger woman a chance to respond. "Do you know how hard I worked to get you to where you are today? If it weren't for me you wouldn't have any of this!"
"Yeah, I wouldn't," Marissa laughed ironically, "without you to meddle, control, or manipulate my life, I would have gone to college, I would never have married Gerry, and I would not be trapped in a loveless marriage!"
"Don't be melodramatic, Marissa," Julie dismissed as she rolled her eyes at her daughter.
"Don't be melodramatic; are you kidding me, Mom? You refused to help me with college, threatening to disown me if I didn't stay at home and pursue, as you called it, our future security, you threatened to kick me out of the house, leaving me with no place to live if I did not marry Gerry, and you switched my birth control pills with placebos to ensure that I got pregnant right away to keep Gerry from leaving me because I gave him an heir. Just where exactly was that not manipulating and controlling my life?"
"And if you weren't so selfish," Julie chastised her, "you'd be thanking me right now for doing all of that." Marissa attempted to walk away from her, but Julie grabbed her roughly by the arm and spun her around, holding Marissa in front of her as she moved in and spoke one last time, her voice threatening and void of any warmth. "Now you listen to me, you better stop whatever you are doing right now, go back to the meek, mild, and submissive wife you were a couple of months ago, and keep Gerry happy. I do not intend upon giving up the kind of life I lead just so you can fuck some attractive, low class, construction worker! If for no other reason, consider your children. I'll be watching you," and with that she spun around on her heal and waltzed out of the mansion leaving a visibly shaking Marissa crying in the middle of her foyer.
Ryan was at her side in seconds, his arms wrapped around her as she fell in a heap onto the floor, her emotions ranging from pain and hurt to anger and bitterness. He just held her tightly as she cried, rocking her gently in his arms, and caressing her back, trying, with his soft, delicate touch to show her that she was not alone, that he was there for her, that she did not have to be scared of her mother any longer while muttering wordless reassurances into her hair.
Startling him, Marissa pulled away from his warm, comforting body, hastily wiping her face before she cupped his in her smooth, graceful hands and looking deeply into his eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered profusely before leaning her forehead against his. "She had no right to say those things about you. She has no idea who you are….what you mean to me, what you're like. I'm just….I'm so sorry." As soon as she finished talking, she collapsed in tears once again, letting her body fall against his.
"Marissa," Ryan spoke softly yet with enough force to capture her attention and show that he was completely serious. "I don't care about what your Mom says or thinks about me. I know what she says is not true, and I know that you don't believe her. What I care about is how she makes you feel, and if I had my say, she would never come near you again." As he continues to speak, his voice rises in volume and anger enters his tone. "When I think about what she did to you…..," but his words are cut off as Marissa crashes her lips into his and takes his mouth in a greedy, insistent, desperate kiss.
Giving him no time to think and just react, she immediately begins shedding him of his clothes, literally ripping his shirt off of his body and fumbling with his belt in an impatient, hasty manor, too frantic to be with him to make her hands work properly. Standing up with her still in his arms, Ryan took over for her and quickly took his belt and then pants and boxers off, dropping them right on the floor. Naked and needing her, he tore at her clothes leaving a trail of them up the stairs as they made their way to her bedroom.
Impatient, he lifted her up onto his body, as she wrapped her long, lithe limbs around his strong, sweaty torso, and entered her there on the stairs as they continued to stumble to her room, blind in their passion, her head thrown back in ecstasy his greedily kissing and sucking on her aroused and glistening breasts.
Finally finding the bed, they fell onto it together, bodies still completely entwined. Through her pain and anguish and his anger and rage, their tenderness and devotion shown through, turning their frenzied, rough, comfort sex into a passionate, soothing, warm embrace where each reaffirmed their feelings for each other and were reassured that they were where they should be, with who they were meant to be with. As the evening hours passed by, they came together time and time again intimately, healing the wounds Julie had so callously created and strengthening their commitment to each other so as no one could hurt them like that again.
Over a week had passed since the fateful night Ryan and Marissa shared together, and although no one else knew what had transpired between them, the changes it brought to their relationship were insurmountable. The final wall had been broken down, their last barrier around their hearts melted, and gone with those guards were the doubts and reservations they had both secretly harbored. Neither knew where their lives were headed, but wordlessly they both knew that they would travel the journey together, as one.
Instead of throwing a birthday party for Garrett as he turned ten, Ryan had suggested to Marissa that they surprise him with tickets for the four of them to go to a football game together. Marissa had loved the idea, so the plans were set in motion.
The Sunday of his birthday Ryan had come over early for lunch, lighting up the grill and manning it while Marissa made the birthday cake and wrapped Garrett's presents….well all but one of them. They had had lunch together, Ryan, Marissa, Garrett, Cooper, and a sly Q who sat underneath Cooper at the picnic table awaiting his steady supply of table scraps. The meal had been followed by the opening of the gifts and then a rowdy rendition of Happy Birthday as Cooper and Marissa decided to challenge each other to see who could sing the loudest. Surprising them all, Q had won as she felt inspired to howl along with the mother and son pair, and by the end of the song, the two adults and children had quit singing completely to cry in laughter at the completely original and entertaining ham of a golden retriever.
Wanting to try out the new bat Ryan had gotten him, Garrett had pleaded that they play a little ball in the backyard; Ryan was only too accommodating, claiming he had prepared for that and his glove was in this truck. Volunteering quickly, just as they had hoped, Garrett set out to bring the glove back in for Ryan and found the tickets sitting out obviously, returning with the thin slips of cardboard and not the glove.
"What are these," he asked confused. Noticing the date, he looked up at Ryan and his Mom. "But these are for today. You're not staying all day," he questioned softly, his voice miserably unhappy.
"Sorry, buddy, but no I'm not staying all day," Ryan answered seriously before letting a brilliant, large smile take over his face, "and neither are you, your Mom, or your brother." When Garrett just stared at him bewildered, Ryan laughed and continued. "We're all going to the game together. Happy Birthday, Garrett."
Before he knew what was happening, Garrett was hugging him, his small little arms, surprisingly strong, as he held onto Ryan's neck as tightly as he could. Hugging him back just as securely, Ryan couldn't help but close his eyes for a second as he took in the situation and realized just how much the simple yet sincere embrace meant to him….what this little boy meant to him.
Looking up at Marissa, he noticed that she had tears in her eyes and was holding a very annoyed and bored Cooper close to her. When it seemed as if Garrett was never going to let go of Ryan, Marissa spoke up her voice catching with emotion. "Mommy got you both jerseys to wear this afternoon. Why don't you run up to her room, they're on my bed, and put them on?" They did not have to be asked twice, and as they took off up the stairs at breakneck speeds, Marissa yelled up after them, "and brush your teeth while you're up there."
Silently, Ryan walked to Marissa, and unable to control the feelings that were coursing through his body at the moment, took her lips in a tender kiss full of wonder, amazement, devotion, and awe. It only lasted a moment, for they were still unprepared to share their relationship with the boys, but the promises it held were enough to fill a lifetime.
It was well after two in the morning when the little group of four returned home to find Q waiting up for them quietly and an empty house. Both boys had fallen asleep in the car on the ride home; sitting in bumper to bumper traffic for over an hour after one of the most exciting days of their young lives wore them out. So, in order not to wake them, Ryan was carrying a slumbering Garrett while Marissa had Cooper and they made their ways up the boys' rooms.
After laying Garrett in his bed, Ryan went downstairs to take Q out and make sure the house was locked up and secure for Marissa, while she went in and helped each son change in pajamas, both sleeping throughout the entire procedure. Going back up the stairs, Ryan met Marissa outside of Garrett's door and walked her to her own room.
They had been so focused upon how tired the boys were that Ryan had not noticed before that very moment just how exhausted Marissa was. Wordlessly, he led her to her bed and sat her down gently, moving to her dresser to pull out a loose, comfortable, long, silk nightgown. She might have tucked the boys in, but he was going to put her to bed.
Enjoying his tender touches, Marissa just sat there letting Ryan slowly undress her, savoring his nearness and the feeling of his hands upon her tired body. He took her shirt off first and then her bra before slipping the gown over her head and easing her down onto the bed. Slipping off her shoes and removing her pants, he took the discarded clothes to her bathroom and put them in the hamper before returning to her side.
Lulled into a soothing calm, Marissa's eyes drifted shut until she heard Ryan return. Opening them, she found him pulling down the blankets on the opposite side of the bed before he came back around to her and picked her up effortlessly. Making his way to the turned down side, he put her back down and pulled the sheet and comforter up, tucking her in. Turning off her beside lap, the room was lit only by the beams of moonlight filtering in through her bedroom windows, but it was enough to let them easily see each others faces and to gaze into each others eyes.
Leaning down, he took her lips in a soft kiss, only letting his own rest against hers for a moment before pulling away and doing the same thing to her nose and forehead. Letting his hand rest against her cheek, he cupped her face in his strong, capable hand while their eyes met once again. Without a second thought, his voice rang out confidently in the room, loud enough to express his sincerity but quiet enough so that they were the only two people in the world who could hear.
"I love you."
Sliding over in bed and opening up the cocoon the blankets made for her, she motioned for him to lie down with her. Settling into his arms, their gazes locked again as she haltingly confessed the same sentiment.
"I love you, too."
Taking his mouth into hers once again, this time their kiss full of promises and commitment, they both knew he was not going back to his house. His home was now with her.