Sorry it took me like uber long to update! (I love the word uber.) Like all of my extracurriculars kicked in last week, so I was like totally swamped. I've worked out my schedule at the mo (unless the dance director decides to cast me in another piece and make me stay even later on weekdays, UBER GAH), so I've time allotted for everything except more than 5-6 hours of sleep per day (minus weekends). That's kind of bad, isn't it?

On the bright side, I get to do a routine choreographed by Alan from Season 1 of So You Think You Can Dance (my coach and him are buds). He's really tall in real life! Although that could just be because I'm just under 5'.

Oh, and I must make a quick shout-out to Skysong: HA! I skipped a grade! I'm just as young as you! Actually, it sort of depends on what month and day you were born it, but the point is, we were born in the same year (lest I be mistaken for someone older and wiser than I actually am). Oh, and I also don't have Yahoo Messenger, or whatever. My friends are constantly pestering me to get MSN, though, so I'll probably have that in the (possibly distant) future.

The Cast!

Cody – Webber Torque

Rogue – Wanda Maximoff

Irene Adler – Forge

Logan – Kurt Wagner

Ororo Munroe – Mystique

Professor Charles Xavier – Eric Lensherr

Scott Summers – Bobby Drake

Kurt Wagner – Pietro Maximoff

Kitty Pryde – Rogue

Mystique – Ororo Munroe

Jean Grey – Jubes Lee

DISCLAIMER: "I can handle this. Handle is my middle name! Actually, handle is the middle of my first name."

Episode III – Rogue Recruit (Part I)

We open in Mississippi, where there is a school dance going on. Outside, Wanda is leaning against the railing, looking generally angsty. Get used to it. There's gonna be a whole lot more of that.

Webber and his Arbitrary Friend stumble out of the room and onto the veranda where Wanda is. "Body snatcher," the Arbitrary Friend says. "That's the only explanation, man." They both stop when they notice Wanda. "My good buddy Webber is now a pod person," the Arbitrary Friend says. "Gone in an evening from bad to sad, flame to lame. Nurse, he's coded. Personality paddles stat!"

"Oh, come on," Webber says. "I'm just, you know, picking my moment. Taking it slow."

"Webber, I've seen glaciers move faster," the Arbitrary Friend says. "Especially with global warming," he adds. "The point is, there she is. The girl you've been staring at all week. Please tell me you at least know her name."

Webber shrugs.

"You lame-o!" the Arbitrary Friend groans, slapping his forehead.

"Says the boy who still uses the word 'lame-o'?" Webber asks.

"This ends now," the Arbitrary Friend says, and shoves Webber over to where Wanda is.

Wanda turns around. "Can I help you?"

"Uh…dance," Webber says stupidly. "I mean, would you like to? With me, that is. Together?"

The Arbitrary Friend covers his face.

"I'm really just hanging out here," Wanda says, but stops when Webber gets a kicked puppy look on his face. "Why not? After all, where's the harm in one dance?"

"Famous last words," Tabby says.

At Wanda's house, Forge is having a premonition of Wanda rendering Webber unconscious. "No! Don't touch the jive turkey! …Well, I tried. By the way, why am I Irene?"

"Because of the whole Mystique/Destiny thing that was never mentioned in XME," Tabby says. "And Ororo's Mystique, and all."

"…Right," Forge says. "These are trippy sunglasses, though."

Back at the dance, Wanda and Webber are dancing…albeit badly. The Arbitrary Friend notices they're about three feet away from each other. "Get closer, man. Make your move." He shoves Webber over to Wanda – actually, more like on top of her.

"I'm sorry!" Webber says quickly, reaching over and grabbing her by the bare wrist to help her up.

"Oh crap," Webber says right before he passes out.

Wanda, meanwhile, gets flashes of images of Webber's childhood, including a young Webber climbing a tree, a freshie Webber looking at Wanda during lunch in the caf ("STALKER!" Tabby shrieks), and a junior Webber stiff-arming an Arbitrary Football Player out of the way in a game.

"WTF?" Wanda gasps. "WTF is happening to me? WTF am I? WhoTF am I? WhyTF am I censoring myself?" (1)

THE NEW TOTALLY SWITCHED UP X-MEN: EVOLUTION!

At the dance, the Arbitrary Friend is kneeling and trying to shake Webber awake. "Webber? Webber, what's wrong? What did you do to him?" he demands to Wanda.

Wanda turns and runs for the door, but the Arbitrary Friend tries to block her. After getting a quick flashbackish of Webber stiff-arming an Arbitrary Football Dude out of the way, Wanda does the exact same thing with him.

The Arbitrary Friend stares stupidly after her as she runs off. "I thought only Webber had moves like that."

Back at Wanda's house, Forge is on the phone. "That's not what I said, man! I see pathways, probabilities. I predicted what form her mutant powers would take, not when they'd manifest…Yes, I took precautions. The funky skin condition, the way she dressed."

"Oh, is that why I have to wear this?" Wanda asks, glancing at the black long-sleeved meshish top she now wears under her usual tank top.

Tabby nods. "Yeah."

Forge continues. "But she's a teenage girl. I couldn't keep her in isolation…Of course you're coming. I know. And the others, X-Buckethead's team, they're coming, too."

At the Institute, a ninja that looks a helluva lot like Kurt has broken in. "Impressive," Mystique's disembodied voice says. "You got past the automated defenses by using the air vents, but you won't get past me!"

There is a ginormous gust of wind, and the ninja escapes into the ventilation shaft. "Testing me?" Mystique asks more than a little peevishly. "Fine. It's time you remembered why they call me Mystique!"

Ginormous thunderclouds gather in the sky and a cyclone sucks the rain down into the chimney, sending the ninja blasting through the ventilation shaft and bursting through a vent into the Danger Room. "…That doesn't relate to Mystique at all," the ninja points out in a voice that sounds a helluva lot like Kurt.

"Shut up!"

The ninja jumps at her, but is shot back by a freezing blast of water. "Now, that was cold."

"Then let's warm you up," Mystique suggests, and a gun comes out of the wall. The ninja leaps on it, unsheathes his claws, and jams them into the gun.

He gets a major electric shock for all his trouble. Undaunted, he leaps off the gun as it explodes. "Got any other parlor tricks?" As an answer, what looks like a ginormous mixer thingie (ya know, that thing you use to mix dough and flour and stuff) pops out of the ground. The ninja sets out to tear it to shreds when-

"Stop!" Magsy orders. "It is, at the moment, as we can afford, Nightcrawler. And I was afraid the two of you were going to start saying more puns almost as lame as Lance's."

"They already said too many," Rogue said. "Right, Pietro?"

Rogue, Magsy, and Mystique look down at Pietro to see him huddled in the fetal position and slowly rocking back and forth. "Too…many…lame…puns," he mutters to himself.

Kurt takes off the ninja mask. "Hey, when I give a demo, I give a demo."

"Is that demo as in 'demolish' or 'demonstration'?" Bobby asks. "What was the point?"

"The point, young optic-blasting-non-one-eyed-Iceman," Mystique says, "Was to teach you something about finding the weak points in sophisticated security systems."

"That's right, mein Freund," Kurt says. "And I'd say ours needs a little work."

"That was tight," Pietro says from where he's hanging upside down by the tail eating popcorn (having recovered from the lame puns in record time – he is Quicksilver, after all). "I give it two thumbs up."

"The vents were pretty easily breached," Kurt says to Mystique as they watch a video recording of Kurt flipping over the alarm trippers. "We'll need to fix that. Maybe electrify them or install poison gas sprayers."

"Nightcrawler," Mystique says warningly.

"Fine, fine," Kurt says. "Knockout gas."

Rogue shivers. "Is it just meh, or is anyone else seriousleh freaked by all this?"

Everyone just gives her a blank stare – except for Pietro, who keeps eating his popcorn. "Oh, raht. It's just meh? Great."

"Relax, Rogue," Pietro says. "You'll be fine. We're right beside you." He ports right next to her, which (unsurprisingly) freaks her out. "Popcorn?" he offers, holding out the popcorn bowl with his tail.

Rogue ignores him. "Look, guys, it's late. If it's no biggie ta y'all, Ah'm just gonna drop out." She sinks through the floor without another word.

Pietro droops. "She's totally not digging the fuzzy man," he says sadly. "Not that I blame her."

"ANGST!" Bobby yells. Everyone stares at him. "Sorry."

"She just needs time, Pietro," Jubes assures him. "She'll come around."

"X-Geeks, we have an emergency," Magsy says, wheeling in. "Bobby, get the Blackbird prepped for launch. And since it's a weekend, assemble the full team."

"Yes, Sir Prof-Man Sir," Bobby says, saluting. "What's the mission?"

"Cerebro has detected a new mutant in Caldecott County, Mississippi," Magsy replies. "My mental impressions from the scene indicate a highly disturbed individual."

"Gee, I wonder why," Mystique says sarcastically.

Magsy ignores her. "Our mutant is a danger to herself and possible others as well. Hey, where'd Bobby go?"

Bobby walks back in, petting a crow with a saddle on its back and a bit and bridle in its mouth. "Blackbird's all set, Prof-Man," he says. "But how are we all gonna fit on it?"

Jubes smacks her forehead. "I'll go prep the Blackbird," she says, and heads off.

"Okay, Bobby, first of all," Mystique explains. "That's a crow. Second of all, when we say Blackbird, we mean the X-Jet."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Bobby demands, letting the crow fly away.

Kurt deadpans. "No comment."

A few minutes later, the X-Jet flies out of the Secret X-Cave behind the X-Waterfall, with Pietro behind the X-Wheel. "Stealth mode stable," he says. "Leveling off at 10,000 feet."

"Nice job," Bobby says approvingly from the co-pilot seat. "You'll make a pilot yet."

"Awesome!" Pietro says, leaning back and steering with his toes.

"…Or not," Bobby says. "I've logged our flight plan to Jackson with the FAA. Then we'll take the van."

Magsy nods approvingly. "You're getting good at logistics, Bobby," he says.

"Bobby seems so, lahke, together. So cool, and kinda cute," Rogue says to Jubes. "…Wow, nevah thought Ah'd say that."

"Cute?" Jubes asks. "Stiff, maybe. Exacting, not really. But, from a certain angle…"

"He looks lahke he plays for the othah team?" Rogue finishes.

"Yeah," Jubes agrees.

Pietro notices all the attention Bobby's getting, and, since he's such a Don Juan Casanova, gets jealous. "Hey! I totally play for the other team!" he says indignantly (meaning the Brotherhood). "Literally!"

"Pietro," Jubes says. "I don't think you understand exactly what we mean-"

Pietro ports off before Jubes can finish and reappears outside in front of the windshield.

"Actually, Ah think he's got a point there," Rogue says.

Then Pietro loses his balance, tumbles forward, ports into the X-Jet, and keeps on tumbling right into Rogue's lap.

"Okay, EW," Rogue says, shoving him off her.

In Mississippi, Ororo (in Principal Munroe form) is getting out of a plane and climbing into the backseat of a limo.

"You made good time, Ororo," Forge says.

"Our organization's mysterious founder has certain resources, Forge," Ororo says, and morphs back into herself. "What happened! I left the girl in what I thought was your safekeeping."

"At the school dance, her mutant powers manifested, and she accidentally made physical contact with a local boy."

"Absorbing his memories and physical abilities," Ororo finishes. "Wonderful."

"Really?" Forge asks.

"NO!"

"Oh."

"We keep her hidden away in this backwater for the better part of five years, and in five minutes, it all falls apart. We cannot lose her. Especially not to Prof-Magnet. She possesses the potential for limitless power."

"Power corrupts," Forge quips. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Ororo ignores him. "You can see the future, Forge," she says. "Where will she go?"

"Home," Forge says. "Or, what she thinks is home."

Wanda walks up to Webber's house and gets a memoryflash of Webber's dad opening the door. She runs up to the door, feels around on the roof, and grabs the key.

"Oh yeah, no one will see that there," Tabby notes sarcastically. "Great hiding spot for a key. And what happens when it rains?"

Meanwhile, the X-Men (in full X-Geek Spandex™) are waiting in a van outside the Caldecott County Hospital. "Is this really necessary?" Kurt asks.

"Yep," Magsy says. "The boy, Webber, is our key to finding the girl. But he's unconscious, and his mind is elusive. To isolate his memory patterns, I need someone on the inside."

Inside the hospital room, Webber's Arbitrary Friend paces worriedly while Jubes walks in in a nurse outfit. "He'll be okay, right?" the Arbitrary Friend asks. "You'll help him?"

Jubes puts a hand on Webber's forehead. "Yes, we will."

We cut back to Webber's house, where a limo is pulling up. "Now what?" Forge asks. "You won't hurt her, will you? After all, Ororo, she's your-"

"I know, Forge," Ororo cuts him off as the driver opens the door. "Trust me. She'll come to us willingly…" she morphs into Kurt, "given the right incentive."

Inside, Wanda is looking at a scrapbook of Webber's, highlighting his football career. "All this is…me? Mine?" She walks to Webber's dresser. "But which me am I?"

The door bangs open, and Wanda turns to face Kurt. "Who are you?" Wanda demands. "What do you want?"

"You, girlie," Kurt says. "I want you!" He snikts his claws out and jumps at Wanda, crashing into the closet doors when Wanda moves out of the way.

"Stand still and I'll make it quick," Kurt says, getting up. "You're dealing with the X-Men now, and you don't have a chance!"

"X-Men?" Wanda asks. "I don't understand. I just want you to leave me alone!" She picks up a slat of wood and crashes it on Kurt's head, then RLF down the stairs.

Kurt jumps over the railing and morphs into Mystique. "One more turn of the screw and you will come running into my arms."

Further off, Kurt, Rogue, and Pietro are wandering down an alley. "So does this bahte or what?" Rogue says.

"Herr-Bucket says the girl's mind is confused and difficult to pinpoint, so keep looking." After checking in a dumpster (that's always a good place to look), he starts sniffing.

"Got a scent?" Pietro asks.

"Yeah," Kurt says. "I smell fear. Hey, cool, I can smell fear!"

Wanda, in the meantime, is still on the run from Mystique. "One well-placed lightning bolt," Mystique says, throwing a hand grenade at Wanda, "One ex-mutant."

Wanda clambers over a fence and narrowly misses the "lightning bolt". She rolls to a stop in front of Forge's feet.

"Wanda, it's me, Forge," Forge says. "Try and remember. We've never met before, because the last episode I was in was two episodes before your first. I'm Forge. I'm from the 70's, but I got trapped in an alternate dimension until Kurt – well, Pietro now, I guess – helped me – well, someone else now – out of it. I'm also spoiling the plot for future episodes. Shutting up now."

Wanda blinks at him. "…You're weird."

"The police are coming," Forge says. "The X-Men won't risk a confrontation."

"The X-Men?" Wanda asks.

"Yes. Mutant hunters," Forge says. "Come on. I have a friend who can help you."

Wanda gets up. "I don't know. Everything's happening so fa-" She stops as she sees Kurt, Rogue, and Pietro running toward them. "Pietro! What are you doing here? …You look weird."

"Weren't you listening?" Forge asks irritably. "I told you Pietro's Kurt, or something like that."

Wanda shrugs, then points at Kurt. "It's him! The one who attacked me! Run, Forge!" She runs off, leaving a glove in Forge's grip.

Kurt and Friends run by after her. "That's gotta be her," Kurt says.

Wanda climbs over a fence. "Leave me alone!"

Pietro ports in front of Kurt. "Nightcrawler, wait! She seems to be terrified by you. Let me try."

"Says the boy who betrayed her," Rogue mutters.

Kurt and Pietro ignore her. "Okay, albino," Kurt says. "Just don't mess up, capisce?"

"Yes, sir!" Pietro salutes.

"I'll go find Herr-Bucket," Kurt says. "And put on your best face," he adds. "No sense freaking the poor goth out any more than she already is. And keep an eye on the half-pint here," he finishes as Rogue runs by.

"Hey!" Rogue says indignantly.

"Sorry," Kurt says. "But there's too many half-pint jokes to change it."

"No there aren't," Rogue says.

"Really?" Kurt asks. "Oh well, too late now." (2)

……………

(1) – I do tend to censor myself when I'm swearing. I honestly don't know why.

(2) – That would be called The Authoress Is Too Lazy To Check To See If There Really Are Any Half-Pint Jokes. Sorry.