Chapter Fourteen

Marissa had a lot on her mind, not the least of which was the trial. To put it mildly, the proceedings with the custody trial were not going smoothly for Marissa and Ryan. Gerry's lawyer had presented their case first. Although one witness, his current nanny for the boys, was used as a character witness for him, the majority of their witnesses were there to paint Marissa and, at times, Ryan as well, in a bad light, the worst of which had been her mother. Shocked by what she said about her, Marissa knew that Julie had worked out some sort of monetary deal with Gerry in order to show her daughter in the worst possible light, and it worked.

Always the melodramatic actress, Julie appeared in her most conservative, Grandmother suit, handkerchief included, the day she was called as a witness. Sitting on the stand, she had delved into Marissa past, bringing up her lack of education, resulting in the fact that she would not be able to provide for her children in the same vein that Gerry could. She exaggerated and sensationalized the fact that Marissa had a tendency for depression, but completely skipped over what might have elicited that response in her daughter in the past, never once saying anything negative about Gerry. Finishing up her damaging testimony, only some of which Mr. Taylor, Marissa's lawyer could refute or disclaim, Julie gave her version of the fateful day in October when she had stopped by to see Marissa, and Ryan had showed up as well. That combined with Marissa's apparent pregnancy, she had refused to hide it, too excited about her unborn child, embracing her newfound curves and highlighting her bump by wearing clingy, wrap dresses, dresses that Ryan said she looked amazing in, made it evident that she and Ryan had been having an affair for quite some time before they were caught.

Sticking to her word, Marissa had refused to sling mud at Gerry. Instead they had relied upon character witnesses. Calling professionals such as teachers, administration, and doctors who had seen her with the boys, her lawyer had shown how much of a devoted, loving, and attentive parent she was. They had even called upon a character witness for Ryan, so as to show that he would be a reliable, steady, supportive parental figure for the children once they were married. Although they had helped their cause, there was nothing that could erase or eradicate the fact that she was the cheating wife who had broken up a household which, to the outside person looking in, was a happy one.

The next day was the last day of the closed court trial, and, despite Marissa's best efforts to fight the decision, the judge was going to meet with the boys, privately, in chambers to speak with them about their parents and their preferences as to where they wanted to live. Marissa's attorney was excited about this development, something he had spoke to the judge about without consulting Marissa, insinuating that there was more to this case than what met the eye, but Marissa did not want her children subjected to a trial, to being interviewed, or to being put in a position where they could determine the outcome of the case, perhaps alienating one of their parents in the process. Despite her objections, the judge had been adamant. Following his meeting with Garrett and Cooper, he would make his decision the next day.

To add to the weight already on her shoulders and the inevitable stress that a trial such as the one they were involved in would cause, there had been a message on her cell phone that afternoon from her boss. During normal circumstances, the message would have been good news, but with their future uncertain, it just confused Marissa even more. Ryan, seemingly sensing her distracted and anxious mood, had insisted that he give her a backrub. After playfully fighting with her about dinner, he had forced her to take a relaxing bath while he went out and picked up supper for them. They had eaten in relative comfort and peace in the living room, curled up on the couch while watching a movie, but as the evening wore on and the silent stretches of time seemed to only grow and compound, he realized that something else was bothering her besides the trial. He knew she would talk to him eventually once she had her ideas sorted out in her own mind first, but, while he waited, he helped her relax by giving her a massage. It had seemed to help. Her breathing regulated, her body became less tense, and, as he continued to caress and knead her sore muscles, he felt her softly fall into his body, letting his strong one support hers, a sign that she was ready to talk. Startling Ryan slightly, Marissa spoke softly, initiating the conversation.

"I got a phone call today," she began, her voice tentative and shy. "It was my boss. She called to let me know that there was an opening at another hospital where I could work and they'd pay for my LPN training as part of my salary. I guess," she literally shrugged, "they're really short staffed and desperate for new nurses."

"Well, that's good news, isn't it," Ryan asked, confused as to why this information had sent her into a tailspin of silence, deep thought, and apprehension. Continuing, he pressed on. "Which hospital is it? How much farther would your commute be?"

Sitting up in bed so she could see his expression when she told him the rest of the news, Marissa took Ryan's hand in hers, needing to feel him close to her. "That's the thing," she began hesitantly, her fear written plainly all over her beautiful face, "I wouldn't be able to commute; we'd have to move….to Santa Rosa."

Uncertain, Ryan questioned, "Santa Rosa…."

"It's just outside of San Francisco, but that's all I know about it. I don't know if it's a good neighborhood to raise children, what the market would be like for your job, or what the real estate is like there." Swallowing thickly, she pressed on. "I really don't know anything other than the fact that this would be an amazing opportunity for me, but there are so many ifs, so many unanswered questions." When he was silent for several moments, merely staring off into space with an overwhelmed look upon his countenance, she began to get frightened. Needing him to say something, she let go of his hands and gently cupped his face to lock gazes with him. "Ryan, please, say something….anything. You're scaring me here."

"I just….um…..wow," he stumbled out. Giving her a sideways smile, her apprehension began to diminish as he continued, finally capable of comprehendible sentences. "I've got to tell you, this is the last thing I was expecting you to say to me today, but it's exciting, isn't it? I mean….getting a fresh chance. Just you, me, and our family living somewhere where no one knows what happened, where we wouldn't be judged for falling in love under less than ideal circumstances, where we could make a future….together." Stopping to think, his eyes left hers briefly as he searched his mind for an answer to the silent question he was asking himself. "I don't think it would be a problem for me to relocate my business to well….anywhere that you might have to move. My credentials, my references will travel with me, so I think the big question will be…."

"The boys," she finished for him. He nodded to show that he was thinking the same exact thing. "I'm not worried about them changing schools. They're young, well adjusted children. I think they'd be excited to move, but we have to win custody first."

"And what if we don't," Ryan questioned. "I know you want to be positive, but Marissa, let's face the facts. The trial has not gone our way so far. There's a very good chance Gerry will win custody."

Her strong resolve crumbling, silent tears slipped down her face, each one stabbing Ryan in the heart because he could not take this pain go away for her. "I know it's foolish and unpractical, but I just keep thinking how could a judge give my boys to a man who does not even know them, a man who does not know how to love." Taking her in his arms, they leaned back against the headboard of the bed, Marissa letting Ryan's strong arms support and comfort her while he methodically, soothingly ran his hands across her stomach, silently reminding both of them that despite all their current issues they did have one thing to be thankful for, their healthy, growing, unborn child. "If we don't win custody," she almost choked out, the sheer idea sending her mind and body into panic, "I can't leave them here; I won't be able to leave them behind."

Kissing the top of her head, Ryan pulled her even tighter to his body, desperate to offer her some form of reassurance. "Oh, Baby, I know that, and I'd never ask you to leave. At this point," he admitted, a blush creeping onto his ears, "I'm not sure I'd be able to leave them behind either. I know I'm not their father, but I….I feel like their Dad."

Knowing what he was trying to say and falling in love with him even more for it, Marissa, for the first time that evening, smiled. "They love you, too," she simply stated, kissing the arm that was wrapped around her body.

After a moment, Ryan spoke up. "So we wait," he said calmly. "Let's see how tomorrow goes, and from there, we'll make our decision." Turning off the bedside lamp, they settled down into the bed together, Marissa's body cocooned into his. "No matter what happens tomorrow," Ryan's voice broke the silence, "we're going to be okay. I don't care what we have to do or how long we have to fight, but we will bring your boys home. I promise."

With Ryan's comforting words echoing through her mind and his body wrapped around hers, Marissa was finally able to relax and fall asleep, resting her exhausted mind and body, something she needed to do desperately, not only for her health but that of their baby's as well.

Groaning inwardly as she saw Gerry walking into the conference room at the same time that she did, Marissa silently calmed her own angry thoughts down. Remaining composed, she took a seat beside her lawyer as Gerry did the same thing. Ryan had dropped her off at the door of the courthouse before going to park the car. Ever worried about her, he did not want her on her feet any more than necessary. While sitting there, Marissa, who's back was towards the door to the judge's chambers, and Gerry, who was too absorbed with a his blackberry, did not see the Honorable Judge Henry Wallace enter the room as he hung back to watch the two contesting parents interact with their children. He, through his secretary, had conveyed to the children's nanny that she was to bring the boys up a few minutes early and let them speak with their parents. Although a risk because the adults would have the opportunity to sway their children's opinion, he needed to see both Marissa and Gerry in action as parents. The plan did not disappoint.

Looking up when she heard the door open, Marissa expected to see Ryan walking into the room, but when she saw Garrett and Cooper, both slightly scared and fidgeting in their formal suits, she immediately jumped out of her seat and ran towards the two boys who were already sprinting towards her. Kneeling down so that she was at their level, her arms flew around their little bodies as they clung to her desperately, burying their faces in her neck. After a moment, Marissa pulled back wanting to see their faces again, a smile spread across her own and tears of joy threatening to pool out of her eyes.

"I've missed you two so much," she said as she hastily wiped her tears away. "How have you been? How's school? Have you been doing your homework, listening to your teachers? Have you been looking after each other?" Her questions spilled out one over the other, giving the boys no chance to answer any of them. "Let me get a good look at the both of you."

As they stood in front of her, grinning excitedly, Marissa playfully inspected them. "I swear, Garrett, I think you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you. Have you been eating your vegetables," she teased.

Laughing, Garrett responded, "Yes, Mommy, and have you been eating your vegetables?" Confused at his question, she just stared at him blankly, making him chuckle again. "The baby, Mom, I can see it in your tummy."

Ruffling his hair, Marissa stood up and moved towards her purse. "Trust me, Ryan makes the baby and I eat well. Do you want to see a picture of the baby?" Nodding their heads, both boys moved with her and stood by her side, practically on top of her, as if they were afraid she'd leave again if they let her out of their sight. Pulling the picture out of her purse, she handed it to the boys. "That was taken a couple of weeks ago. See, look here," she pointed out, "the baby is sucking its thumb."

Grinning broadly, Cooper looked up at his Mom revealing that he had lost a tooth. "Where is Ryan, Mommy?"

"He's parking the car," she explained before gasping in feigned shock. "Did you loose another tooth? Did the tooth fairy visit you?" Suddenly, the smile on the little boy's face fell away only to be replaced with a frown. "What's wrong baby," Marissa asked in concern, sitting down in a chair and pulling Cooper onto her lap. "Please tell Mommy what's wrong."

"It's just," Cooper began, sniffling slightly, "Father said that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy, that only babies believe in stuff like that, so I'm not allowed."

Hugging her sad son tightly, Marissa kissed his head, talking quietly in a soothing tone. "I'm so sorry, honey." At a loss for words and furious that Gerry did that to him, Marissa could not say anything else and was relieved to see Ryan walk into the room, because as soon as Cooper saw him, he leapt out of her lap and ran to Ryan. Jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly, Marissa couldn't help buy smile at the sight her fiancé and youngest son made in front of her. Standing up, she took Garrett by the hand and they went to join them.

"Hello to you, too, Cooper," Ryan chuckled pulling Garrett to his side as he hugged him as well. "And how have my best buds been lately?"

"We have a pet snake in science class," Cooper shouted out in excitement. "The girls really don't like it, but the teacher lets me take care of it. I named him Ted because Garrett told me your favorite baseball player of all time is Ted Williams."

"That he is," Ryan agreed, ruffling Garrett's hair affectionately as he put Cooper back down. "And how about you, Garrett, anything exciting happen since your Mom and I saw you last?"

Thinking for a moment, Garrett responded, "I kicked a grand slam last week to win the kick ball game in gym, and…..oh, I read more books than anyone else in my class last month."

"That's wonderful, honey," Marissa beamed at her son, hugging him again. "We'll have to do something to celebrate soon."

"How's Q," Cooper asked all of a sudden serious. "Has she missed me?"

"Terribly," Ryan emphasized. "She refuses to sleep anywhere but your bed now. She can't wait to see you two again."

As the four members of what was obviously the true family in the room continued to talk and catch up, Gerry finally finished his email. Noticing what was going on, he quickly moved out of his chair and to the boys' side, taking them both by the hand and attempting to pull them away from their Mother and Ryan.

"That's enough," he admonished them strictly. "What did I tell you? You were supposed to sit down and sit quietly until the judged asked to see speak with you!"

Before anyone could say anything else, the judge quickly stepped in stopping both Ryan and Marissa from arguing with Gerry. "That's alright, Mr. Carnahan, the boys can come with me now."

Instead of looking at their father for permission, they turned to Marissa with pleading eyes. "It'll be alright, boys. He just wants to ask you a few questions. Just tell him the truth, and everything will be fine," she told them soothingly.

Shredding her heart, Cooper began to get tears in his eyes and Garrett took his hand to offer his little brother some comfort, despite the fact that his own lip was quivering. "Will we get to go home will you today, Mommy," Cooper asked. "I want to live with you and Ryan."

"We'll see, baby, we'll see," Marissa answered her distraught son, taking both Garrett and Cooper in her arms once more for a quick hug. Pulling away, she plastered a fake smile on her face in an attempt to calm their nerves. "Now, go on, the judge is waiting."

As they disappeared through the door into the judge's chamber, Marissa's tranquil exterior cracked. Wanting Ryan, she made her way towards him only to be stopped by Gerry. "I see mine is bigger than his," he smirked nodding towards the engagement ring on her left hand.

Looking him up and down, the disdain she felt for him evident on her face, Marissa replied smugly, "not even close," as she moved away from her ex and into the waiting arms of her fiancé.

Wanting to put the two Carnahan boys at ease, Judge Wallace had borrowed his grandson's Playstation, setting it up in his office. As the three of them sat down to talk and play, he began their conversation causally, calming both Garrett and Cooper down quickly.

"Do you boys like to play video games," he asked, handing them both a controller as he picked one up himself. "I hope you don't mind but I brought Madden with me. It's my grandson, Lucas's, favorite game."

"Yes sir," Garrett answered him politely. "Ryan plays video games with us all the time when we get to stay at his house."

"You boys can call me Hank," the judge told him kindly.

"Like Hank Aaron," Garrett spoke up again, this time his voice showing more animation. "Ryan told me all about him when he gave me his baseball card to add to my collection."

"I guess it's like Hank Aaron," the judge said with a smile before moving the conversation in another direction. "So I take it you two like your Mom's fiancé, Ryan?"

"He's really cool," Cooper piped up eagerly. "He plays baseball with us, takes us to games, tells us stories, and he has a dog, Q. She got hurt during the summer, but she's all better now."

Prying further, he pushed them on. "And is he nice to your Mommy?"

"She's always happy when she's with Ryan," Cooper answered him, his eyes never wavering from the television screen, but Garrett put his remote down letting Cooper take the lead and turned to look at the judge seriously.

"She doesn't cry with Ryan, and she's never sad or quiet when she's with him."

Finding this interesting, the judge quit playing as well. "But she cried and was quiet and sad with your Father, Gerry?"

"Yeah, well, we all have to be quiet when he's around. He gets mad and does bad things if we're not," Cooper replied softly. "That's what made Mommy cry, when our Father got mad. He would yell at her, and…."

"And what, Garrett," Judge Wallace inquired. "What else would your Father do to your Mother?"

Picking up on the conversation, Cooper stopped playing the video game and lowered his head to stare at his hands. "Mommy doesn't know we know," he spoke up.

Now worried, Hank moved his chair so that he was sitting in front of both boys, making them look up at him. "I need you both to be really brave and tell me what would happen. Whatever you tell me stays between the three of us. I won't say anything, so you won't get in trouble, I promise."

Sharing a hesitant look, Garrett finally spoke up. "Sometimes, when Mommy wouldn't listen to what Father told her….he would hurt her."

"Hurt her how," the judge asked for more information.

"He would hit her, push her down, squeeze her arm really hard so that she would cry out, and, once, when he was really mad, I saw him kick her." Stopping for a second to wipe his tears away, Garrett looked up at the older man sitting across from him. The judge could swear he was silently pleading for help with his eyes. "Mommy never told us what happened, but we'd see it sometimes. She always told us it was an accident when we asked about her boo-boos."

Sitting back in his chair, Judge Wallace acquired the classic thoughtful pose by putting his hand on his chin. "And what about Ryan, has he ever hurt your Mom like your Father used to?"

This time it was Cooper who answered, his voice strong, confident, and slightly annoyed at the implications the judge was making. "Ryan would never hurt Mommy. He loves her."

"I didn't think he would either, Cooper," Hank assured the little boy. "I just wanted to check." Standing up, he moved towards his desk. "I have some work to do, but why don't you two keep playing your video games. If you're hungry, there are some cookies on the table behind you, and there's some juice in the little fridge there by the wall." Showing the two boys where they could find the refreshments with a wave of his hand, the judge sat down to his desk, eager to write up his verdict.

Walking into the conference room, Judge Henry Wallace had to keep the smile off of his face; he needed to remain the constant professional, but it was decisions like the one he made today which made him love his job. Sitting down at the front of the table, he let his eyes wander over the two parties awaiting his verdict. On the right side of him sat Gerry Carnahan, respected businessman working away diligently on his blackberry, shrugging off his lawyer's attempts to make his shut it down, while, on the left side sat Marissa Carnahan and her fiancé, Ryan Atwood. Their eyes were glued to the judge, and he could see their hands joined as they gave each other support. Clearing his throat, he looked down at the statement he had prepared before walking into the room and decided to forego the speech and, instead, speak from his heart.

"As you may have assumed, I am sitting in front of you right now, because I have reached a verdict, but this has not been an easy case to try. Initially, as is customary, I was leaning towards Mrs. Carnahan, because she is a Mother, and, even though it might be old-fashioned of me, I am always one to give custody of children to their mothers first, but this was before I started hearing the testimony of this case. Once the witnesses began to take the stand, I started to rethink my original position on this case. Adultery is not something I take lightly, and that on top of Mrs. Carnahan's mother's testimony about her tendencies towards depression made me reconsider in the favor of Mr. Carnahan. However," the judge continued, his voice rising in volume slightly as he turned his eyes onto Gerry, focusing on him and stopping his premature celebration, "I had this nagging doubt in the back of my mind that there was a very key piece missing to this case. I was impressed by Mrs. Carnahan's restraint. I know you were not a perfect man to live with. I haven't lived in Orange County for 55 years and not picked up on some of the gossip that travels around about you, but my verdict could not be based upon the idle chit-chat of my wife and her country club friends. I needed evidence. That was when I got the idea to speak to the two children involved in this case, and the sheer fact that Mrs. Carnahan's attorney supported this idea while yours Mr. Carnahan didn't was a red light flashing in my eyes. Watching you both interact with your children, my decision was close to being made. While Mrs. Carnahan was loving, supportive, and kind to both Garrett and Cooper, you, Mr. Carnahan were cold, mean, and hurtful, and the children's reaction to their parents was very telling as well. I just had one further concern." Turning his eyes towards Ryan, he softened them, letting him know that what he was about to say was positive. "When a parent becomes involved with someone else, it is the job of the judge in a custody trial to also determine whether or not that new person who will ostensibly become a parent as well is fit to hold that role. I wanted to talk to Garrett and Cooper to determine what they thought of Mr. Atwood, and I was pleased to see and hear that he seems to care as much for them as they do for him. While talking to the boys about Mr. Atwood though, a very interesting fact came up about the relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Carnahan, only cementing my decision. This fact, which will remain private between the two children and myself, has finalized my decision that sole custody will be granted to Mrs. Marissa Carnahan while Mr. Gerry Carnahan will receive supervised visitation rights twice a year. This case is dismissed."

Standing up from his chair, the judge made his way to Marissa's side, signaling to her that he would like a private word. Putting his hand out, he shook her hand, a smile spreading across his face. "You are a very brave and classy woman, Marissa, I hope that I can call you that. I just want to let you know that you have raised two remarkable children. Enjoy them and the little one on the way. It was a pleasure granting you custody." With one last smile, he went into his chambers to tell the two waiting boys they could finally go home where they belonged, with their Mother.