A/N: Hey folks! This chapter was down in one night... last night. My work gave me two days off this week for some reason. Anyway here you go. Thanks to all the reviewers for reviewing. You guys ROCK. ENJOY!
Distribution: Go ahead and spread it around if you think it's good. Just tell me where my baby's going first.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.
Spoilers: Season five AtS 'Destiny'.
Chapter 3:
Okay Mulligan's is a colorful place. It seems to be a half demon half-human bar. Something like Caritas only less bright. There's no karaoke machine, which I guess I'm grateful for, but it's not what I expected. I mean Wesley's been here with him and I just thought it would be something more... British and less demon. Of course it's more of Spike's type of hang out I guess.
Wesley didn't blink an eye when I asked him how to get here. To be honest he had the address already written down. He just handed it to me and told me that he had a ton of work to do when I stood there looking a bit shocked.
I've been sitting in this uncomfortable bar stool for at least fifteen minutes. He's late, but what's new with Spike. He can never show up on time for anything. Of course he did say he probably would show up. He better because I didn't want to com here for nothing. I could be at home... sleeping or doing something more important than this.
"Hey stranger. Care to buy a girl a drink?"
I look to my side to see a girl... no make that a vampire slinking up against me. She's got raven colored hair and emerald green eyes. She's wearing the skimpiest outfit I've ever seen and I've seen a lot. She's batting her eyelashes at me in what I guess is supposed to be a charming way, but it looks like she's got something in her eye.
"No, that's okay." I say going back to my whisky. I see her pout in the corner of my eye. I really should kill her and half of the people in this place, but some how I don't think that's the best way to announce my presence.
"Oh come on. I know I'm new at this whole seduction thing, but you could at least give a girl points for trying." She says to me.
"You're not a girl."
"Yeah well you're not exactly a real boy either."
"Look you don't wanna talk to me. You don't wanna try and get into my pants. It's not a pretty sight."
"Looks pretty good from where I'm standing." She says and I can feel her eyes looking me over. I've noticed it a few times before with women. "Really I'm here waiting for someone." I say.
"Well aren't we all?" She asks me all with what I can only describe as a 'duh' expression on her face.
"I'm waiting for a specific someone. Maybe you know him. About yeah high. Leather coat, bleached hair, and an annoying personality." I say.
"You had me till the annoying part. Depressing is more like it. Guy comes in here at least three times a week and just sits at the bar and stares at his drink. I've tried to hit on him a few times, but got nothing. Guess this explains it." She says.
"What do you mean?" I ask. "Why don't you tell me? You're the one that's waiting for him." She says.
"It's not like that... it used to be like that, but its not like that anymore. This is just therapy."
"Is that what they're calling it nowadays."
I sigh. Why does everyone seem to think that Spike and I are having sex?
"Really it's not like that." "Sure it isn't. Should have known you were gay. All the good looking ones are."
"I'm not gay!"
"No, he was just born this poofy." I turn around to see Spike standing behind me.
"You're late."
"Yeah and fashionably so. Tammy, why are you hitting on the poof. Well running that dry?" Spike asks her. She makes a face at him and flips him off.
"It just so happens there are plenty of guys that want me. You're just weird is all. I bet if I looked a little bit more like him you'd give me the time of day." Tammy says pointing to me. Spike smirks at her.
"If wishes were horses." He says which seems to piss her off more.
"Whatever. Have your gay sex. See if I care." She says storming off. Spike sits in the seat that she was sitting in and orders a beer. The bartender gives him one and Spike pulls out a bottle opener from his jacket.
"Always let vampires get away." I ask.
"She's really not that dangerous. One of those ugly duckling daddy wasn't there I'm going to shag everything that walks to find that father figure. We seem to have a lot in common." He says.
"She's a vampire Spike."
"She's needier then Harmony, Angel."
"Fine, whatever. Let her go off and kill people. You're a real hero."
"I didn't see you tripping over your feet to stake her. Course I wouldn't blame you. Chit's like the village bicycle. Tried to play coy I bet." Spike says.
"I didn't want a whole bar of demons to know I was fighting for the good side." I say.
"Well neither did I. They aren't all bad demons. The occasional bad ass comes in, but that's it. Most are harmless."
"Except the vampires." I say.
"Well, yeah, I guess. Look we didn't come here to discuss this stuff. We came here to discuss... us."
"What's there to discuss? I told you how it is. I don't know why you keep dragging me in with your stupid schemes." I say.
"Look I thought we came to an understanding. I've got issues, you've got issues. We can both get rid of those issues if you try."
"I don't have issues. My only issue is you!" I yell at him.
"Exactly and my only issue is you!" He yells back at me.
"What problems do you have with me Spike! How did I screw you over?" I ask.
"Oh just by existing! Geez, Angel, you really don't feel bad about anything you did to me?" He asks and his voice is so small. I didn't know he could sound so... wait yes I did. I just thought that that person was long gone.
"I didn't say that. I'm not saying that." I say.
"Then what are you saying because whatever it is you're doing a helluva a good job NOT saying it." He says to me.
"I don't know... okay I don't know."
"Oh that can't happen. Angel knows everything. Angel's the bloody hero. Angel will solve all your fucking problems and save the girl and keep the poofy hair. Never used to be the strong silent type, Angelus, don't start now." He says.
I throw him a glare for good measure. He calls me Angel, for the most part anyway. Some times it's poof or something equally degrading, but for the most part it's Angel. He only says Angelus when he wants to get my attention. Well, guess what Spikey you've got it.
"What do you want me to do Spike? Apologize for treating you like an evil soulless thing. Sorry, you de..."
"Don't you dare say I deserved it Angel. Make up you're bleeding mind. You tortured me so I could be a monster and now you're saying I deserved it because I was a monster. What the fuck!" He says.
"I never made you anything you didn't want to be."
"Bullshit! I was made to be Dru's little plaything and I know it, but I lasted much longer then you thought I was going to last. Final started taking a sick interest in me after I was still around by a year didn't you. I was your little hunting partner for as long as it would last, but when I lasted is when you really started to get bothered."
"I wasn't bothered by you." I say to him and he gives me a perplexed look.
"That was you not bothered. Bloody hell I'd like to see how you are with people you are annoyed with."
"Did I treat you like that much of a shit? I thought you said there were good times?"
"Well, yeah, but those were few and far between. Come on Angel either you were on my ass for being too human or you were on my ass for being too good a vampire or you were literally just one my ass." He says.
He has no problem discussing everything in our past. Including the sex, which was... okay it, was good, but like Dr. Sarah Johnston said it can't be the only thing between us. Not that I want there to be anything between us... not that there is anything between us. Just a hundred or so years of bad history.
"Spike I was evil. I did bad things when I was evil. If you want me to apologize for something I did a hundred years ago then fine I'll apologize. I'm sorry for treating you so badly when I was Angelus." I say.
"Bloody hell forget a hundred years ago. I'm talking mostly about six years ago." He says.
Six years ago. That wasn't what I thought he was talking about. Didn't he say I was a bad Sire? That would mean he was talking about how is was when I raised him. I wasn't raising him six years ago. Hell I wasn't even... oh.
"You mean in Sunnydale."
"For the most part you were a good Sire. Tough, but fuck Darla was around. I saw how she treated you. Not much better then a piece of shit in her perfectly cut lawn unless she was looking for some violent kill or fuck. That's all behind me really. I mean yeah you were an asshole and I still hate you for that, but you were nothing like the old Angelus six years ago. You were... meaner." He says.
"I was?"
"Oh come on you must have noticed some change. I mean you never used to be that bad." He says.
Great now he has me brooding. I didn't notice a difference. I seemed like the same evil bastard to me. I mean it's all still kind of hazy, but I seemed like the same me. A little obsessed with Buffy, but still pretty much the same. Now I'm told I was worse.
"I used to think if Darla wasn't around you'd be... I don't know... nicer. That she was the cause of it all. Used to curse her name all the time hoping some lucky peasant would just stake her good and proper so she'd be dust in the wind. Suddenly I realize I was lucky to have Darla there. She may have wanted to kill me most of the time, but she kept you occupied. You needed me around to keep Dru in line so you and the bitch could fuck like bunnies. So when there's no Darla there it's worse isn't it. She's not there to keep you from torturing me. You can devote all your attention to it. Funny how I thought that's what I wanted when I was a fledge." He says.
"Spike it wasn't like that. Whatever I did to you in Sunnydale... I don't even remember most of it, but the parts I do remember... I didn't do those things to hurt you. I did them because I could." I say.
"You hurt me because you could? That doesn't sound like an apology, Angel."
"I thought we weren't apologizing?" I say. Ha take that. I'm using your own psychobabble against you.
"Okay fair enough. No apologizing. Though you have to do the most when it does come time to apologize. You say you don't remember, fine let me remind you. Let me remind you of all those nights you used to fuck Dru till she bled and was screaming for you to stop. Let me remind you of those times you'd tip me over off of my chair and even when I would beg you to put me back even tried to seduce you into doing it you'd just stand there and laugh." He stopped to take a drink of is beer.
"Let me remind you how you used to fuck me. How you used to make me bleed and scream. How you used to humiliate me and never once gave me any of your blood so I could stay your little whipping boy. How you used to let the minions... just so you could hurt them because I was too beaten to 'play' with. Yeah you were the same Angelus you were back in the day... and I'm the bloody queen of England." He says and emotion is right on his face. I really honestly don't remember much of what happened in Sunnydale. It's a just a blur of blood and screams and death. I guess I just never realized how many of those screams were from Spike.
"You humiliated me and made me feel like less of what I was just because you had issues. Well guess what the apple never falls far from the tree and neither do the problems."
"I... I don't know what to say. I'd never do those things now."
"You know sometimes I wish you would. Because this," He says motioning between the two of us.
"This is just sad. Two vampires who used to be somewhat friends don't even know how to act with each other. You're so busy brooding you don't even notice I'm around. At least when you were torturing me I knew you knew I was there."
"What the fuck! What is it you want me to feel sorry for Spike. Torturing you or not paying attention to you? Do you even know?" I ask.
"No I don't know. I don't know what I want. I just... there was something there. There was always something there between us Angel. Do you remember France?" He asks.
That's a loaded question. I was there twice with Spike. Once with the girls and once when it was just the two of us. Darla and Dru had left to be with the Master. I had refused to go because I hated seeing him. Spike was too young to be viewed by the Master so we stayed in Whales. Of course the weather got bad there and Spike had some how talked me into going to France. He always did like France.
Flashback
Okay here's where the story got a little to smutty for I thought I could some how edit it, but there was no way. I had to take out the whole flashback scene if I want to stay on here. But don't fear... the whole thing can be viewed on my website which can been found in my profile cause for some insane reason the address doesn't show up here when I type it out. Must have something to do with formatting. That should take you right to all the smutty goodness.
End Flashback
"And then we rode off into the non-existent sunset and shagged until the girls came back. Then you started to acting like an asshole again." Spike says and suddenly I'm vaulted back into the present.
"It was a nice night." I say in a low voice.
"Yeah it was. One of my best. I thought I was the Big Bad until you knocked me down a peg. I always thought you did it to piss me off. I never knew just how young I was back then."
"So what are we doing here Spike. I'm not exactly sure. You're the one who's been doing this therapy thing longer."
"Well we certainly can't focus on only the good despite what we'd like. There was just too much bad to focus only on that." Spike says.
"I'm not sure what you want from me. I was who I was. I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I acted like such a prick when the girls were around, but I did. If it makes you feel any better he did care about you... in some weird vampire way." I say.
"I always knew that, Angel. I always knew that my Sire cared. That's why it was so hard for me when he just took off. That's why it was so hard for me when he came back again only to have him different."
"Geez how many issues do you have."
"A lot. Too many to count. I'm not exactly sure what I want from you Angel." He said.
"If you're not sure then why invite me to your therapy session."
"The Doc said it was a good idea. Apparently she didn't trust us to work out the issues ourselves. Thought things might come to blows."
"It's the way with us."
"We're either fighting or fucking right. That's the popular conception anyway."
"I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what I want from you. I didn't think I wanted anything from you." I say.
"And now."
"We have issues Spike. I was joking when I said that you needed a therapist, but... my way isn't working and we can't just pretend the other doesn't exist. We sort of do the same thing unlife wise. Maybe this... therapist idea isn't so bad." I say and I know I'm caving and I hate every minute of it, but he's right. I wonder what there is to the Angelus of Sunnydale being different from the one that Spike knew. Maybe he's on to something.
"Uh huh. Course brooding really isn't working for you. Caving, it's something that I never thought I'd see you do."
"I've changed Spike."
"Yeah well so have I." Spike says and for the first time since he came to us from that amulet I'm starting to see just how much he's changed.
"I have to go. Things to do, you know how it is. If you decide to go to the next session with the Doc then it's at three on Wednesdays. Come don't come. It's up to you." He says putting down some change for his beer. He gets up from his bar stool and walks to the door.
"Angel?"
"Yeah." I say turning towards him.
"Is it just Angelus that cared?" He asks me.
"I... I don't know. Get back to me on that one."
A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed. Please review. Hope you all went to the site. I know, it's annoying to have to do something like that, but when there's just too much smut that things are considered NC-17 I know I can't post it. All right please review.