Chapter Two: Perfect

(January 8th, later that day)

Ask anyone, Hermione Granger knew everything. What's that potion you had to brew in the light of a full moon near a volcano? Hermione knew. What was the most helpful plant to cure a stomach ache? Hermione knew. Hermione Granger knew everything, she could tell you the answer to any question -except possibly one about quidditch. She could also perform any spell asked of her, because Hermione Granger was also perfect.

She read the right books, was nice to the right people, made the right grades, she did everything right. Nothing wrong, of course not. Hermione was far too smart to do anything wrong. No, she was perfect. Brave, adventurous, smart, pretty, kind, perfect.

That's what anyone would say if you asked them about Hermione Jane Granger. They would also probably tell you that if you need a girl to go to for answers, go to Hermione.

But what they didn't know, what no one would tell you, is that being perfect is impossible. Alas, it's an image. A façade, a play, fake. It's not real. Perfection is an allusion, anyone can master it. You don't always make the right choices, You don't always do the right thing. But you pretend to. Anyone can be perfect with the right mask and the right acting. When afraid, act courageous. When mad, act calm. When sad, be happy, when worried, confident. See the trend? It's not that hard. Of course you lose your cool every now and then, the mask does occasionally slip. Sometimes it's okay to stop pretending for a while and mess up, then you're normal. And being normal is just as important as being perfect. But you can't slip up too often nor too big, they only forgive you sometimes.

So Hermione Granger is perfect, the perfect actor, the perfect person at pretending.

Until now. Until that night when she ruined her life.

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Hermione Granger wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and shuddered.

Pregnant.

The word was like a sickly sweet poison. Pretty in appearance, deadly in reality. It made her stomach churn with nausea and her throat burn with unexpressed screams. She bit her lips and pressed her forehead to her knees.

Pregnant.

It meant that she would never be an auror. She would never fight Voldemort or score perfect on her N.E.W.T.S. It meant her future was ruined, her life ruined. It branded her a whore, a slut, and a billion other filthy demeaning names. It meant she had messed up worse than she had ever thought she was capable of. Her face burned with shame at the looks she knew she would receive. They would mock her, hate her, pity her, love her, accept her.

Pregnant.

An alien life form was growing inside of her. Not part of her, part of him. Them. He would not love this child of his, as he did not love it's mother. How could she tell him? How would he react? How could she deal with all of this, plus the troubles going on right now? She was supposed to be there for Harry, for Ron, for everyone. Not just herself. She couldn't have a baby when she had such a big future. It would ruin everything.

Pregnant.

She didn't have to be. Hermione knew of girls who had given themselves abortions. There were books in the restricted section of the library, she knew, that girls had huddled over in the past and then hastily rid themselves of their children. A simple potion, painless, quick. She would never have to tell anyone, she would never have to make the all too difficult choices that lay ahead of her. She could bypass it all and no one would be the wiser. She had a choice.

Pregnant.

For now. Hermione sighed and opened her eyes. The room was brightly lit by the sun, the remnants of her potion strewn on the floor. She could tell her teachers she had felt ill this morning and that's why she had not attended classes. It was close enough to the truth. She gathered up all evidence of her activities, using a cleaning spell to get it done quicker.

"I saw you, you know,"

Hermione screeched in terror at the sudden voice and clutched her racing heart. She turned around halfway to see Moaning Myrtle setting atop one of the bathroom stall doors. She was looking at Hermione with a very curious and pleased expression.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hermione said stiffly. But her voice was laced with fear.

"You heard me, I saw you and the potion you made. Girls always do those in here, they think no one knows. But I always see them and I always know. I know something else too," she giggled. Hermione bit her lip and clenched her teeth. Myrtle saw this and her eyes immediately lost their playful air.

"Yes, I know who you did it with. But I won't tell, I never tell. I am not a tattle-tale!" she screeched, then paused and looked Hermione over, "Will you tell him?"

"No, no one will know," Hermione replied. She didn't know how the ghost knew the man who sired her child, but she didn't doubt that she did.

"Ah, of course. The other girls never told either. They went to Madame Tamaya. She made sure no one knew," Myrtle gave off another high pitched giggle and floated down towards Hermione. She was dying for Hermione to ask who Madame Tamaya was.

"Who is Madame Tamaya?"

"Oh I just knew you would ask! She's the witch-doctor. A voodoo lady. You won't find any spells to kill it as good as you will hers. She charges a bundle, but I hear the girls talking, and they say it's worth it. You want to know where she is, don't you?"

"I-I…yes. If you would be so kind as to tell me,"

"She has a shop in Knockturn Alley. I think it's called The Kraken's Lair,"

"Thank you, Myrtle. And…please, please don't tell anyone. I'll be back to myself in a while, and no one needs to know," Hermione said.

"I never tell," Myrtle giggled. She was still giggling as she threw herself down the nearest toilet. She was going to go see the merpeople and watch them. Hermione sighed with relief as she left. She was so close to having it all out in the open. But Myrtle had told her about the lady, Madame Tamaya. There was a Hogsmeade trip the next weekend, Hermione figured could sneak away then. (Authors note Okay, for those of you who are careful Hp readers, you know that this didn't happen. I had to add the Hogsmeade trip for the story's sake.) It would be much safer to buy an already made potion then to risk getting caught making her own. That decision made, Hermione peaked out of the bathroom door to make sure she no one was around. Once she was sure the coast was clear, she quickly stepped out into the hallway. In no time at all she was in the Gryffindor Common Room.

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"Hermione, where have you been?" Ron Weasley asked curiously from his game of Wizards Chess. He and Dean Thomas were halfway through and it looked as if Ron were winning. You could tell by the scowl on Dean's face as well as the broken chess bits near him. Hermione bit back the urge to snap at Ron and instead smiled offhandedly.

"I was just out, where is Harry?" she asked, quickly changing the topic.

"Probably out stalking Malfoy again, I guess," Ron replied, entranced in his game. Hermione shook her head a little and moved up to the Girls Dorm. She was desperately tired and in need of a good nap. Today had been a very long, stressful day. She quickly dressed and crept upon her bed, snuggling in the comfort of her covers. Though she wanted to sleep, her thoughts wouldn't allow her to quite yet.

Should she tell him? Hermione wondered if he would even care. It might just cause trouble, he might be mad. She wouldn't fool herself into thinking there had been much love in their brief encounters, no, it was all lust. At least on his part. Hermione didn't know she felt for him. There was something that led her to think that perhaps she felt deeper for him then she should, but she liked to forget it. If she told him, he might insisting on her having the child. And he might take her away. The only thing worse than having a daughter, would be having her taken away. This was easier. He didn't have to know. Part of her thought that perhaps he had a right to know, but she dismissed it. This was her child, growing inside of her. And it would be her life- not his ruined by the burden. This was the only way. Hermione didn't want to think about it anymore, she closed her eyes and banished the thoughts from her mind. In a matter of minutes she was sound asleep. Hours later, when everyone else was in bed, in her sleep Hermione began to cry.

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"And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be

Perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back now
I'm sorry I can't be

Perfect"

-Simple Plan Lyrics