Chapter Five: Kryptonite

(March 1st)

Hermione groaned in disgust as she looked at herself in the full length mirror in front of her. She was in her third month and had gained over fifteen pounds. Her diet now ranged from five to six meals a day, with snacking in between. She felt like a blimp, and was beginning to look like one to match. She sighed and patted her belly in a semi- protective manner. She was beginning to show. Hermione turned to her side and glanced at her mirror's image. Yes, she was most definitely beginning to show. Her belly was slightly larger through her uniform. Of course the change was more noticeable when she was naked, but thankfully no one saw her that way so it wasn't that obvious.

She smoothed down her hair and gently touched her swollen breasts. They were very painful, especially at night. Hermione was used to sleeping on her stomach but couldn't do so any longer. She knew that her breasts were beginning to prepare for paths to run milk through. The only plus side of this agonizing process, was that they were larger. Hermione smiled a little at that, thinking how funny it was for to even think of that as a plus.

Right now things were actually pretty easy, she knew they would get harder. Her second trimester would be when she would really begin to show, and she would have to apply concealment charms daily. At least the vomiting would be done by then though. The pills that Laddie had given her worked okay, but she still woke up often with the urge to puke.

Well, however fat she was at the moment, she still had to go downstairs. It was Ron's birthday and she was dying to get him the gift she'd picked out for him. She usually got him books, but over the years she began to realize that despite her most desperate wishes, Ron was not a reader. So this year she'd taken the time to get him something she thought he'd actually want. It was a very excellent Wizards Chess set. Hermione had had to send off for it in the post, and it was very expensive. The pieces were made of thick crystal, and guaranteed to always fix themselves after a play. The most remarkable thing about it however were the personalized touches that Hermione herself had added. It had taken her two days, but she had personalized it as a Gryffindor chess set. Half the pieces were now a deep ruby-like crimson, the other half a shining gold. The board was checkered likewise. It was also charmed so that the pieces would emit a lions war when they dealt a blow to another, ad well as enchanted so that the pieces were more likely to be trusting of the owner of the board, and less of the opponent. So it was a bit of a cheat, but the enchantment could wear after a while. She had added that as an afterthought, thinking that perhaps it would make up for the canary incident she had inflicted upon Ron earlier in the year. Not that he had been entirely innocent, but she could rightfully say that most of her anger was her moodiness from her pregnancy, and not his actions with Lav-Lav. Hermione picked up the board- wrapped neatly in red and gold paper of course and headed downstairs.

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"What?" Hermione asked Ginny, pale and suddenly weak in her knees. Ginny took a deep breath and explained to her friend again.

"Ron's in the infirmary, he's been poisoned. I think Harry saved him, but he's still not well," she said softly. Ginny knew that Hermione cared deeply for Ron, probably more than as a friend, and she knew that she was very shocked by the turn of events.

"Can I see him?" Hermione asked weekly. Ginny shook her head and explained that Madame Pomfry wasn't letting anyone in at the moment.

"I am going to see him," Hermione stated, her eyes ablaze with fierce determination. Ginny stepped back and decided to go ahead and let Hermione go. She wouldn't be allowed in, but she was not about to stop Hermione either. She followed her friend as she marched up to the infirmary's doors.

"Excuse me Miss. Granger, but no visitors at the moment. Come back in an hour or so." the well-wishing nurse told her.

"I am here to see Ronald Weasley and I demand to see him!" Hermione cried, pointing angrily at the closed door. Madame Pomfry took Hermione's hand and led her to away to a room with several chairs. Hermione tried to jerk her hand free, but the woman's grip was tight and she found that she could not.

"Have a seat please, you can see Mr. Weasley soon," she told the distraught girl softly. Hermione just glared at her in anger and made a rather crude gesture at her retreating back with her finger. Ginny saw this and smiled.

"Are you okay?" she asked Hermione.

"No, I am not. What if he dies? What if he isn't okay? And to think that the last things I said to him were so horrible…" Hermione started crying. She pulled up her knees to her chest and buried her face in them to hide her sobs. Tears dribbled slowly down her face and onto her lap. She didn't notice Ginny setting down beside her, or that the girl began to pat her back softly. A drop fell in her head and she looked up to see tear's in Ginny's eyes.

"Oh Ginny, don't cry!" she exclaimed.

"Bother, I can't help it. With you crying I couldn't help but cry," Ginny replied, dabbing at her eyes roughly with her sleeve. Hermione laughed, one of those dramatic laughs half nerves and sat up straighter. Her and Ginny looked at one another and smiled. It was unspoken, but strictly understood that neither would ever bring up this moment again. Just then Pomfry entered the room, a scowl on her face.

"Mr. Potter has requested your presence on the behalf of Mr. Weasley. I would never allow such a violation of my rules, but the headmaster has condoned it. You have fifteen minutes exactly," she told them, sniffling slightly. It was quite obvious that she wasn't used to having her authority questioned, much less thrown aside. Hermione jumped from her seat in positive glee and ran to the infirmary. She threw open the doors with a dreadful bang that made the nurse wince, and ran to Ron's bed. He was setting up, pale, but alive. Harry was by his side looking very amused, and both were staring at her.

"Oh Ron! Thank Merlin you're safe!" Hermione exclaimed dramatically, throwing herself across Ron's chest and hugging him so hard he would say the next that he swore his ribs had been cracked.

"Mi-knee," he said between her loving grip of death. Hermione backed away and stared at him with tears in her big brown eyes. Eyes that Ron found to be quite lovely at that moment.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything? You're positively freezing! Poor Ronald, I'll get you another blanket," Hermione said, walking over to the bed beside Ron's where a second year was watching her display with much interest.

"Do you need this?" she asked, grabbing the blanket off the now stunned boy before he even had a chance to reply. He clutched the thin sheet she left him as if she was going to steal that one too, but she turned back to the boy beside her, and he relaxed his grip.

"Here, Ron," Hermione said, throwing the thick quilt over his body. She began tucking it in and patting it down when she noticed everyone's silence. Ron was gaping at her as if she were mad, and Harry was barley containing his laughter. She scowled and threw her hands up in the air in defeat.

"What? What is it?" she asked angrily. Harry just smiled and told her to set down. She did so hesitatingly after checking that Ron had a full cup of water by his side.

"Miss me much?" Ron teased, noticing with glee how her face began to flush slightly. Perhaps she did care for him, in an odd over-bearing kind of way.

"A bit, I suppose," she admitted, smiling as he grinned at her. It felt so nice to be on good terms with him again. She grabbed his hand without thinking and looked at his face seriously for a moment, "Ron I thought you were dead. Gosh I feel so horrible for the awful way I've been acting lately,"

"Oh Hermione, don't feel bad. I've been acting like a prat too. It's just that Lavender's been bothering me and maybe I've taken it out on you. Forgive me?" he asked, knowing that she would.

"Of course," Hermione said, her day improving immensely as she registered his annoyance with Lavender. She smiled as she patted his hand and listened to Harry discuss the events that led to his being poisoned. It seemed all too soon that Pomfrey returned, saying that the fifteen minutes were up and that Harry and herself must leave while Ron's family visited. She took a quick look at Ron behind her before the nurse closed the doors to prevent them from coming back, and flushed warmly when he winked at her. She started her way back feeling much better than she had felt all day.

Her mood dropped as she walked past the great hall. Pansy Parkinson was standing near the Slytherin table, entangled in the arms of Draco Malfoy. The two were practically unidentifiable as two distinct people. Okay, slight exaggeration. Pansy had her arms thrown around Malfoy's neck and her hands were entangled in his hair. His hands were in several inappropriate places, his knee was pressed against her groin. Hermione watched the heated make out session for a minute before moving on. She was feeling a great mix of emotions. Of course the first was disgust that the pair would have such a heated open display of affection in a public area, but she also felt a bit sad. Well not sad exactly, but perhaps sympathetic. She wondered if Malfoy knew about the child that had been inside of Pansy's just weeks earlier. Had he asked her to rid herself of it? Had she protested? Or had she been willing? Hermione began to wonder what her own child's father would have done in Malfoy's place. Her thoughts were deep as she walked into the common room. She entered the Gryffindor portrait to find Lavender surrounded by her friends, tearful and whimpering. Padma offered her a box of chocolates to help aid her friend's woes, but Lavender looked away and motioned for them to be removed.

"Oh Ron," she groaned, slumping down in a dramatic flair. The girl muttered their condolences and assured her that Ron was going to be just fine, and of course he missed her immensely at the moment and would request to see her the moment that he opened his eyes. It was at this moment that Lavender noticed Hermione's presence. She had tried to make it up the stairs to the girls dorm as quickly as she could, but obviously wasn't sneaky enough. She was caught.

"Did you hear about my poor Ron?" Lavender asked sadly. There was, however, a challenge to her tone. She would be very glad to be the first to relate the news to Ron's best friend. Hermione was always too close to her Ron for Lavender's comfort. Hermione smiled sadly and sighed.

"Oh yes, I'm afraid that I did-" she began. Two things happened at that moment- Ginny walked in, and Lavender interrupted Hermione.

"That wench Pomfrey isn't letting me into see my baby! Can you believe it? The horror! Poor Ronnykins is probably setting there, wondering where I am, missing me dreadfully!" Lavender exclaimed, her voice rising higher and higher with each word. Parvati patted her hand and nodded sympathetically.

"He'll ask to see you, don't worry, that woman can't come in the way of you're love. The second he wakes up, you'll be there," she comforted. Ginny raised her eyebrow and had to concentrate to hold back a chuckle.

"Did Ron to back to sleep?" she asked, waiting for Lavender to bite her bait. She wasn't disappointed.

"Back to sleep? He was awake? Did you see my poor baby?" she asked hysterically. Hermione covered her mouth with her hand, barley able to suppress a nasty retort. Though she was resolved to not hate anyone, she really loathed Lavender sometimes.

"Oh yes, I saw Ron right after Hermione did," Ginny said.

"What? Pomfrey let you in? Hermione?" Lavender was confused. Hermione had seen Ron before she had?

"Yes, I went in after Ron requested that Hermione see him. Harry was already there, then the family got to visit. He didn't ask for you? Oh my, I thought he would have. How insensitive of me," Ginny said, smirking slightly. She turned to go up the stairs, having to give a stunned Hermione a small nudge before she began moving as well.

"Why did you do that?" Hermione asked her once they reached the Girl's Dorm. Ginny chuckled and made a disgusted face.

"I can't stand that girl. I hope that she thinks Ron hates her and breaks up with him," she answered. Hermione stared at her bold friend and laughed out loud. She said goodnight to Ginny as she went to the 5th year girl's dorm. She took her time getting undressed and putting on her soft night gown. She should remember to look up a way to conceal her pregnancy in the next few days. As she climbed into bed, she couldn't help but allow her persistent thoughts to travel once again to her daughter's father. Watching Malfoy and Pansy made her feel like perhaps she should tell her own baby's father about their child. Their daughter was half of him, didn't he deserve to know? On impulse Hermione got up and grabbed a book, a piece of parchment, and a Muggle pen. She started to draft a letter to him, the paper on top of the book to provide a hard surface, and the pen in her hand.

"I have something to tell you. I need to tell you something. I'm with child pregnant. I know the child is your's. I don't know what"

Hermione crumpled the unfinished letter and threw it in the rubbish bin next to her bed. It was no good. She wouldn't send it anyways, she couldn't. She was scared. Her eyes began to fill up as she remembered their relationship. Without thinking she picked up her pen and began to write again.

I don't know how to begin this letter, I don't know what to say. I can't help but remember when we first began our relationship- if you can call it that. I didn't expect anything from you, you should know that. I was content to be with you for just the small precious bit of time we had together. I was so surprised that you wanted me, even more surprised when you began to confide in me. Do you too still remember those nights when you lay your head on my chest and told me your dreams? I can't forget them. And believe me, I do try. I wasn't devastated when you ended us, I had seen it coming. I started our affair knowing that it was going to end. But I was hurt, I have to admit that. And I suppose I am still hurt. But I remember the blissful days with you, and I forget the hurt and feel only longing. Yes, I still long for you. Do you ever long for me? I don't believe that you do. When you told me you hated me, I believed that. And now… now I'm pregnant with your child. Yes, our unborn creation is growing and beginning life within me. Sometimes I want to tell you this, but I am afraid. I know you won't do the right thing and marry me for our daughter's sake. You aren't that kind of man. I gave up my dreams of fairy tales, happy endings, and nights in shining white armor a long time ago. You might hate me as well as her, condemn us both, perhaps you would force me to abort our child. But more than that, I am afraid that you would want her for yourself. You would want to raise her and you would poison her mind with your world of blood and hate. I just don't know what to do. She is the only proof that there was passion ever between us.

I wonder what I will tell her. If I will keep her. Shall I tell her about her father? That he was a good man? A bad man, the product of an affair or lust? Or will I not tell her anything? I don't want this responsibility, I don't want to have to make these decisions. I want to throw them into the wind and watch them float away. I don't want to have to face them. I don't want to wake up ten years from now and realize that I've made the worst mistake of my life. Oh Merlin, I hope I am ding the right thing. I'm too young for this. This shouldn't have happened to me.

I miss you, I hate to admit it, but I do. I miss your touch, your kiss, your breath in my hair. But I don't miss your hurtful cold eyes, or your painful words. I wonder how I got myself into this, how I let things go the way that they did. I should have been smarter, more careful. Perhaps I should have never allowed us to happen in the first place. But I did allow it to happen and I must reap the consequences. This is our mistake, and I will bear it with as much dignity as I can. I will be strong and do this alone, without your help. Not that you would be of much help anyways. We're two condemned souls, trapped within our sins. The sinner part of me wants you still. But the mother part of me, the part of me that will give birth to our child, doesn't want anything to do with you ever again. That part of me wins. I will remember you with your fleeting sweetness, your constant anger, and your part in creating my daughter. But no more that that.

-Hermione

She folded the letter three times and placed it in the bottom of her trunk. She wouldn't send it, but keep it always as a reminder. Hermione walked into her bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She wished more than anything that she were eleven years old. Just at Hogwarts, happy, innocent. She wouldn't have to worry about any of this. But she wasn't eleven, happy, or innocent. And she had to worry about all of this. But she was strong and she would make it, like she always did.

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"You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
Never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
Not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground"

-3 Doors Down lyrics

Thank you so much for reviewing :) It's been really hard for me to find time to write, things are crazy right now. I'm just about ready to pull out all my hair from school stress, and I just got three newborn kittens I'm having to raise till their old enough that we can give them away. It was really a surprise that was got them, but now we have to take care of them. I've also got my birthday comming up :) Just saying! lol. And of course tons and tons of homework. Urgh. Well I'll have anew chapter up next week, no fear. Because I already have it written. I'm also writing more in Gender Changing Toffees (my other fic, a humor one). I've almost got Chapter Ten of that one done and am planning to finish the story soon. Yay :) Well keep on reviewing, the reviews make my day :)

-Emily