A 'Rube Goldberg' is a machine that does something incredibly simple with many steps that have absolutely no point. It was created by Rube Goldberg. xD
Chapter 46- Rube Goldberg death machine! w00t
Liz led the three girls out into the backyard and placed the bucket of nails underneath the tree. Then she turned to face her friends, "Well, you see… we're going to kill Cosmo." She said.
"Fascinating." Komodo said, "Any particular reason why?"
Liz paused in thought, "No… not really." She replied with a smile.
Komodo frowned, "I daresay that's not a very good reason. One might even dub such an effort to be rash, despicable and biased on the utmost of levels." She said.
Liz just scratched her head in confusion, "Uh… yeah probably." She mumbled.
There was a long moment of silence and then Komodo spoke up again, "So, are we going to use chain-guns or poison?" she asked with a smile.
Mel stepped forward angrily, "Wait! Komodo was right!" she said, "We can't kill Cosmo; think how crushed Tails will be!"
Liz groaned, "That's why we're doing it behind his back!" she said, "When he notices she's gone we'll just say she…"
"-was called back to her planet by her tree mom!" Dana said, "Count me in! That weed is right up there on my shit list."
Liz smiled then looked over at Mel, "Looks like you're on your own here Mel." She said, "Geez, first Chris and now Cosmo. Why don't you just go hang out with Big while you're at it?"
Mel's face flushed an angry red and she turned and headed to the house, but before she went in she turned and looked back, "I don't care what you say! Chris is NOT gay!" then she ran into the house.
Liz rolled her eyes, "Yeah well Mr. Tanaka recalls differently." She said holding up a video cassette.
Dana and Komodo just stared at it, "What's on there?" Dana finally asked.
"You don't wanna know." Liz said tossing it in her bucket of nails, "Anyway, we have a lot of work to do in just a little time." She reached up and pulled her blueprints out of a branch in the tree.
Dana looked up in the branches and opened her mouth to speak but couldn't really find words to correctly ask her question.
Inside…
Sonic came down the stairs and found Shadow being attacked by a non-existent clock. He stared for a moment but then shook his head sadly, "Umm… Shadow we should really find Tails and Cosmo." He said.
Shadow seemed to snap out of a trance and looked up, "There's a clock trying to eat my soul!" he shouted.
"It's just the house being evil again." Sonic replied, "Come on, we don't have much time!"
Shadow stood up cautiously and followed Sonic into the basement. Tails was sitting on a couch next to Cosmo. She was telling him about how she got to the house; it was a long story involving asking for directions from disturbed passers, three train hijackings, a cab, and a horse and buggy, so I'm just not gonna get into the details.
Sonic grabbed Tails by the arm and pulled him up, "Hey buddy!" he said loudly, "What're you doing down here?"
"Just catching up with Cosmo." Tails said with a smile.
"Umm… hey, Shadow wants to show you something upstairs!" he said shoving Shadow forward.
"I do?" Shadow mumbled.
"Yeah, but… uh Cosmo can't come…" Sonic added.
Tails blinked twice in confusion but then shrugged, "Okay." He said standing up, he looked back at Cosmo, "I'll be back in a minute."
Shadow turned to face Sonic, "What am I supposed to say to him?" he demanded.
Sonic just smiled, "You're the Ultimate Life Form remember? You'll think of something." He said slyly.
Shadow glared at Sonic for another moment then headed upstairs with Tails behind him.
Sonic looked down at Cosmo who was sitting there with a smile, "So Sonic, what have you been up to lately?" she asked.
Sonic shrugged, "Oh just… running around trying to avoid being blown up for the most part." He said.
Cosmo giggled, "You're so funny, Sonic!" she said, "It's no wonder Tails looks up to you so much!"
Sonic smiled weakly at her, "Um… I'd better get going." He said. Then he ran upstairs after Shadow and Tails.
He came into the kitchen to find Shadow holding a frying pan and Tails unconscious on the floor, "WHAT DID YOU DO?" Sonic screamed.
Shadow smiled, "Liz's evil has finally taught me something useful." He said.
Sonic glared at the black hedgehog, "Look Shadow, I'm starting to think this whole thing isn't such a great idea." He said.
Shadow's eyes became wide, "What are you talking about? It's all going perfectly!" he said.
"Yeah but… Tails is my best friend! I feel terrible about tricking him like this… and Cosmo is so nice and sweet. She's never meant to hurt any of us!" Sonic insisted.
Shadow's stare became hard, "You've gone soft on us! I should have known the great hero would do something like this." He shouted raising the frying pan.
Sonic backed away, "S-Shadow! Don't do anything you'll regret later."
Shadow smiled evilly, "Oh, don't worry- I won't regret this!"
Liz stood back and admired her great trap in the backyard, "Ah, it's beautiful." She said a tear forming in her eye, "I think this is how a mother feels."
"You're starting to scare me." Dana said from behind.
Liz glared back, "Starting? I've scared you since the day we met." She said.
"True… so what exactly is this going to do?" Dana asked.
Liz pointed at the trip wire in front of the door, "Well, when Cosmo walks out that string is going to snap. The pet food is going to drop making the hamster in the wheel run which will start this conveyor belt that carries the coffee to the-"
Ten minutes later…
"-and that finally sets off the blowtorch which cuts the last string that drops this two ton weight on top of Cosmo." She finished.
Dana paused, "So… what's with all the different steps? Why couldn't it just be one string that sets off the weight?" she finally asked.
"Because this way is much more interesting." Liz said with a silly smile, "Best part is it all happens in a fraction of a second."
Komodo glanced at the clock in the tree, "It's five exactly." She said.
"Great. Three minutes to spare." Liz said. Just then Mel and Chris came around the side of the house.
"Oh crap." Liz mumbled.
"Hey guys!" Chris shouted, "What're you doing?"
Liz pulled out a red pill and gave it do Dana, "Do your worst." She whispered.
Dana smiled and chased Chris into the front yard. Mel ran after them, "HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Liz smiled at her genius, "Komodo! Go inside and get Cosmo to come out the back door." She said, "Shadow and Sonic should have done their job by now."
"What are you going to do?" she asked.
"I'm going to be filming of course." Liz said pulling out a video camera, "How could something so beautiful not be put on the internet for all to enjoy?"
Komodo shrugged and went around the front so as not to set off their evil trap. She went in the front door and saw Shadow dragging Sonic and Tails' bodies into the garage. She stared for a moment but then headed down the stairs into the basement.
Cosmo was still sitting on the couch waiting for Tails to come back. She looked up at Komodo as she came down, "Hello. Have you seen Tails?" she asked.
"Um… he's waiting for you outside." Komodo said with a wicked smile.
Cosmo smiled at her, "Oh, thank you." She stood up and went to the door and opened it. Komodo looked away just as she opened the door. A moment later a loud splat was heard and Liz scream with joy.
Komodo looked back and saw the door had closed behind Cosmo, thank God. She went back upstairs and out the front door and found Chris hanging from the roof with his Matrix gear on screaming out random quotes and Mel trying to strangle Dana.
She ignored them and went around back where Liz had, unbelievably, already cleared everything. "What did you do with Cosmo?" Komodo asked.
Liz smiled, "The Metarex paid me fifty bucks for her corpse." She said, "Don't know why but I think they just wanted to burn her."
Komodo raised an eyebrow but then just shrugged, "Well… since she's gone now what?"
Liz paused then threw her hands into the air, "TIME FOR POPCORN!" she screamed running into the house.
Komodo followed her into the house and into the living room upstairs. Shadow was sitting on the couch wiping blood off his hands with a rag.
Amy came downstairs and glanced around, "Where's Sonic?" she asked.
Shadow stopped and hid the rag under a pillow.
Liz came in with a bowl of popcorn and sat on the couch next to Shadow, "So, since Cosmo 'decided' to leave, I guess we'll have to tell Tails the heartbreaking news. Where is he, Shadow?" she asked.
Shadow paused for a moment, "Well…" he started, "I think he-"
Just then Sonic and Tails came out of the garage looking dazed, "Oh there he is!" Shadow said with a smile.
Tails stumbled forward then looked into the living room, "Where's Cosmo?" he asked.
"She got called back to her own planet." Liz said, "She said she was sorry that she couldn't say goodbye."
Tails' eyes filled with tears, "Oh…" he mumbled, "Alright." Then he turned and went up the stairs to his room.
"He'll get over her. He did last time." Liz said.
Sonic shook his head and then went up to Shadow angrily, "How dare you attack me like that!" he shouted, "I can't believe anyone could be such an ass!"
Shadow simply shrugged, "Well you wanted to go back on our deal. If I didn't stop you then you would have warned Cosmo."
"Did you see how Tails felt?" he demanded, "I can't believe I actually was part of your evil plan for awhile! You guys are just terrible!" With that the hedgehog turned and stormed into the kitchen.
Amy stared down at Liz and Shadow, "You guys… killed Cosmo?" she demanded.
Liz smiled, "Let's keep that on the down low." She said, "Tails will just feel even worse."
Amy shook her head disapprovingly and then ran after Sonic.
Liz groaned, "What's with them?" she demanded, "Doesn't Cosmo annoy them out of their minds?"
"I think they have souls." Shadow reasoned.
"Perhaps." Komodo said taking some popcorn, "At least now we don't have to worry about any other characters we don't like appearing out of nowhere."
Just then the doorbell rang and a voice called out, "SONIC! It's Sally!"
The three froze in fear just staring into space for a moment. Then finally Shadow pulled out a shotgun, "I'll handle this one." he said as he left the room.