Intertwined
Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. I do own the plot, though, and Nanako, Yamaguchi, and the twins. I don't own "Hey Ya" either.
Act VI
Intro
onstage
"Ohhhhh...let's be annoying, annoying, annoying, let's be annoying at piss off Yue! Ohhhhh...Yue is so ugly, so ugly, so ugly, Yue is as ugly as my great aunt's face! OHHH..." Eriol was bouncing up and down and wiggling like an idiot.
Meanwhile, Yue glared daggers at him.
Dreamer sighed.
They had just gotten back from the hospital about a day ago, and things were not going well.
Yue was confined to a wheelchair, and he had a bandage strapped tightly around his mouth, due to an injury Eriol had given him.
Eriol, on the other hand, was completely healed. However, he had decided to take advantage of Yue's inability to speak. He was now singing insulting songs about Yue at every opportunity he had.
Dreamer just continued to shake her head.
She stepped out onto the stage and bowed to polite applause.
"The sixth act of 'Intertwined' will now begin. Thank you all for your continued support of my play. I'll try to turn out more acts...if you turn out more reviews. Anyway, thanks once again! So sit back and enjoy the show..."
The lights centered on the stage and the curtains rose.
End of Intro
Sakura's vein was throbbing, Syaoran noticed.
That did not bode well. It did not bode well at all.
Tomoyo was staring at Syaoran with a faint line of annoyance between her brows. "Ahem," she said, narrowing her eyes slightly. "Introductions, please?"
Syaoran smiled coyly at Tomoyo.
"This, my lovely darling, is Mr. Syaoran Li, the best-looking man in the entire world, and the smartest, and the most...handsome, of course. I am blessed to be his associate at work."
Sakura gritted her teeth. Sweat dripped from her hair.
Tomoyo quickly noticed.
"Erm...would you like something cold to drink? You look...awfully hot," Tomoyo's voice trailed away.
Syaoran smirked at Sakura. "Of course, he's marvelously hot. Not like me."
Sakura was about to lunge at Syaoran and pound him to a bloody pulp. However, she rememberd that, if that happened, Tomoyo would be a witness against her in court. So she restrained herself with difficulty and said, with a dignified voice, "If you'll excuse me, Ms. Daidouji, Mr--Ms. Kinomoto and I would like to speak alone, for a while."
Tomoyo looked at Syaoran, who put on a bored expression and nodded.
Then she did a double take.
"Wait...how did you know my name?" Tomoyo looked at Sakura, confused.
Syaoran smirked as Sakura blushed slightly. Slip of the tongue...tut, tut, tut. "He knows your name because of your widespread beauty, sugar." Syaoran dipped another strawberry into the whipped cream and sucked on it, raising his eyebrows suggestively at Tomoyo.
It was lucky that Tomoyo was endowed with enough good sense to leave the scene immediately.
For it was bad.
Oh yes, very bad.
Sakura closed the door softly, a very ominous sign for the hot tempered girl.
She turned around slowly.
Syaoran gulped. Wow...I never knew I looked that intimidating when I got angry...
Sakura smiled horribly and sat down.
Still smiling, she said, " What.The. Flying. Fuck. Have. You. Been. Up. To."
Syaoran took a deep breath, and related to Sakura all the events that had happened up until this point. He finished by asking incredulously, "Dude, did you seriously forget your own freakin' birthday?"
Still smiling, Sakura merely said, "Slipped my mind."
Five minutes passed. Sakura was still looking at Syaoran and smiling in that horrible way.
Syaoran gulped again.
He dipped an innocent-looking strawberry into the bowl and swirled it around in the whipped cream.
"Eh...strawberry?" He offered the bright red fruit to Sakura.
She slapped it out of his hand.
It smacked the wall and burst, oozing a pasty red juice that mixed with the white whipped cream.
Syaoran smiled meekly.
"Guess not."
----------
Yamaguchi smiled dotingly upon the girl he was dallying with.
"Mmm..." he murmured as he twirled a lock of the girl's brown hair around his finger. "What's your name?"
The girl giggled. "I'm Chika."
Yamaguchi's jaw dropped. "No kidding! Hey...do you know anyone named Syaoran Li?"
The girl's coy expression immediately dropped to the ground.
"Don't even talk to me about that asshole's hairy baboon's ass!"
She got up from the seat she was sitting in and stomped off the bus.
Yamaguchi scratched his head in confusion.
The bus driver had observed the whole scene with interest. He rolled his eyes.
"Womanizer..." he muttered.
----------
Syaoran eyed the ketchup stains on Sakura's shirt.
"YOU..." he said loudly, effectively cutting off Sakura's rant. "You've been eating my frozen dinners, haven't you?"
Sakura looked down and stared at the large red blob of ketchup.
"Oh." Sakura looked back up at him.
Now it was his turn to glower frighteningly.
Syaoran poked his finger into Sakura's face. "So you have been eating my frozen dinners, eh? What did I say? Do not abuse my body in any way! Do not harm my abs! Do not mess up anything muscular on my body!"
Sakura's mouth froze in an O. Then she sighed. "I guess it's no use. Fine, I'll admit it. I've been eating McDonalds and Burger King's simultaneously. You see, it's like this. I took a large bite of a burger, and then I immediately topped it off with a large McFlurry. Then I--"
Syaoran's hands were clamped to his ears. "Nooooooooo!" he cried, wailing loudly and thrashing on the floor. "Noooo! I can't believe that you've been abusing my body like this...you beep !"
Just then, Tomoyo knocked on the door.
They both froze.
"Sakura?"
No answer.
"Sakura? Is everything all right in there?"
Sakura was mouthing furiously into Syaoran's ear. "Answer her," she hissed.
Syaoran coughed, and then put on a falsetto, girly voice. "Oh no, dear, everything is perfectly fiiiiinne!" he drawled, his voice shrill and girly.
Tomoyo frowned. "But I heard moaning inside there...are you guys doing anything inappropriate? It sure sounds like it. If you are, then I recommend that you use protection." Then she walked away.
Before she even finished, Syaoran and Sakura were both crimson in the face and gagging.
Anything inappropriate? With him? Wow, I've never even thought of--of--ANYTHING even remotely related to that! Sakura fumed silently.
Hanky-panky? With her? No way Jose! I'm not going there! She's probably going to end up as a fat forty-year old virgin, Syaoran thought, rolling his eyes.
He sighed again, and rubbed his temples. There was a headache coming on. He knew it was time to make a deal.
"OK, Kinomoto, listen. I'll stop looking at your friends' bodies if you stop eating all those frozen dinners and fattening my body up."
Sakura tapped her chin thoughtfully. It was time to make a concession.
----------
Syaoran closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
He pulled off Sakura's clothes and dropped them to the floor. Then he picked up the first thing next to him and pulled it on.
He opened his eyes and looked down.
He was wearing a frilly nightgown covered with ribbons and frills.
Oh, the horror.
Syaoran covered his eyes. Here he was, stuck in a granny's nightgown. God, but Sakura did have a lovely sense of fashion.
"Hey Sakura."
He looked up, and then immediately looked down. Tomoyo had just entered his room, clad in a silky, almost see-through nightgown.
Tomoyo wrinkled her nose distastefully. "Sakura, why aren't you wearing the thong and bra set Chiharu gave you? I thought you hated old granny-style nightgowns."
Syaoran sought vainly for a response. "Well, it's just that my grandmother used to wear these sort of nightgowns, and I've always aspired to be like my granny," he ended up saying lamely.
Tomoyo's eyes widened. She descended gracefully in her chair. "Wow. I never knew that you wanted to be like your grandmother. Wasn't she a bit...erm...batty? From the way you described her previously, it sure sounded like it."
Syaoran hated himself for doing it, but he had to continue with this act. "My, what are you talking about? My grandmother was a lovely, beautiful woman. Even at eighty years old, her chest never sagged and she always used birth control!"
Tomoyo's eyebrow rose. "I thought that your grandmother was a wrinkled, bony woman who walked with a cane and chewed garlic every waking moment of the day." Her eyebrow rose even higher. "By the way, how did you know whether or not your grandmother used birth control? I mean, you weren't there when she...you know..."
Syaoran nearly vomited, but kept a calm smile on his face. "No, but I do know that she was inordinately fond of thongs. In fact, they were like her...favorite plaything!"
The words burst from her mouth before he could recall them. He clapped a hand to his mouth and waited, wide-eyed for the repercussions.
Tomoyo looked as if she was having a hard time deciding whether she wanted to laugh or cry. She finally settled for a shaky laugh. "That's...that's...very...intruiging, Sakura. I never knew that...she liked thongs...she must be a very...cantankerous woman."
Syaoran smiled sweetly. It was actually fun seeing Tomoyo speechless.
"You know what else?"
Tomoyo turned to look at him.
"My grandma always told me..."
Tomoyo leaned even closer.
"...that she didn't like men with flabby rear ends. They slowed things down when they rolled," Syaoran said matter-of-factly.
----------
Sakura jumped up and down on her bed, sending pillows flying. After the first disastrous episode in the gym, she had closed her eyes and changed her clothes. She then shuddered. Her chest hairs were too frightening to even look at.
She put her hands to her face and gingerly touched her face mask. She had put seaweed face mask on her face the instant she had come home, and had also spritzed herself with some heavy perfume. She grinned as she eyed the recently bought products on top of Li's dresser. She had bought some...feminine products for herself at a store after the confrontation with Li. After all, though she was in a man's body, she was still a woman at heart. Sakura thumped her chest proudly.
"Hey-hey-hey! Guess who it is...it's Muscular Sculpture Man! The one with huge muscles...oh yeah! You can't beat me, can you?" Sakura jumped down to the ground and flexed her muscles in front of the mirror.
She pretended that there was music playing.
"Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture!" Sakura yelled, grinning maniacally as she watched her body respond to her mind's wishes. She was actually shaking her ass like there was no tomorrow!
"Dude."
Sakura froze, mid-shake.
"Dude, what the hell have you been doing?"
Nanako was standing casually in the doorway with folded arms. He was watching her, his eyes dancing with amusement.
Sakura stood there, frozen and completely humilated.
Nanako grinned and strolled up to her, his crystal blue eyes alive. "Yo YaoYao? You awake?"
Sakura was instantly aware of how ridiculous she looked. Her entire face was completely green, and she was smelled like "Essence of Moondew". Nanako must have thought that his friend was...extremely gay. At least she hadn't bought anything pink.
Nanako shook his head. "Wow, YaoYao, you really are getting quite feminine. Let's see...first we find you pigging out on frozen dinners and plucking your eyebrows. Then I find out that you have a boyfriend. Come on, tell me, have you been in the closet all this time? It's okay to come out now, really. We're your friends, we won't care if you're gay."
Sakura was still frozen. "Erm...you see...it's like this...uh...you're my boyfriend!" She cursed herself for saying that she was going to see her boyfriend when she left the gym.
A puzzled frown rose between Nanako's brows. "What?"
Sakura thought quickly and berated herself for her slip of the tongue. "Eh...eh..." Nanako's vibrant stare wasn't helping her train of thought.
"Well, it's like this. I've gotten into the habit of calling all my guy friends 'boyfriends'. You know, how girls always call their female friends 'girlfriends'? Well, I just call my male friends 'boyfriends'. Hehe...it doesn't really mean anything. And besides, I AM NOT GAY!" Sakura practically yelled at Nanako.
Taken aback, Nanako raised his palms placatingly. "Okay, YaoYao. I know you're not gay. But...er...listen, I just wanted you to know that your friends will always be behind you no matter what. Er--"
He was cut off as Sakura walked to the bed and sat down, sighing. "NaNa, it's okay. I know suppression and denial aren't healthy psychologically, but I'm really not gay. I'm just...trying out something new. I'm plucking my eyebrows because I think it's not nice to have messy ones. And I'm wearing a face mask and perfume because I want to get in touch with my more feminine side. See, it's like this. I have this theory that I'll get closer with females if I act like one. I'm trying really hard because I want to improve my relationship with the women in my life."
She looked up.
Nanako was standing there open-mouthed.
Sakura gulped nervously, wondering if he would buy it. It was the best she'd come up with on the spot.
"YaoYao--I--" Sakura was shocked to see tears in his eyes.
"YaoYao--that was the most mature thing you've said all your life."
Sakura started.
Nanako leapt forward and grasped her in his arms, cutting off her air and giving her a bear hug.
When he finally pulled away, she was shocked to find him wiping tears of joy away from his eyes.
"YaoYao...you sounded so mature back then...I'm so happy that you're finally growing out of your immaturity...this is making me so happy...and I'm rather relieved to find out that you're not gay after all...I came tonight to check up on you...found the spare key under your doormat...but it turns out that you're perfectly fine on your own..."
Sakura patted Nanako rather awkwardly on the arm. "It's ok...I finally decided that I'm not going to act...er...immature anymore..."
Nanako nodded, then straightened. He thumped Sakura on the chest and grinned. "You've made me proud, YaoYao, you've made me proud."
He backed out of the room, still grinning.
Sakura waved a tentative good-bye when he walked away down the hall.
It was only after the door slammed that she dare let loose the laugh that had been tearing at her throat.
Outro
Yue sat in his wheelchair onstage.
He raised a hand and his fingers began moving rapidly.
The curtains fell and the audience stared at each other in confusion, for Yue had used sign language.
End of Outro
Dreamer: (waves hand sheepishly) Erm...that chapter was what I called a weird chapter...erm...I'm not sure how to describe it...but expect more updates soon, although I can't even give a tentative schedule. I'll definitely give you guys an anniversary update though!
Dreamer: Oh, and please tell me if the humor is getting out of hand. Does anyone find the dirty jokes offensive?
VOTE
Dreamer: OK guys, here's my plan. I want to know what you guys want to see most in the next chapter (aka the anniversary chapter). Pick one of the following:
1. Syaoran's menstruation
2. Syaoran & Tomoyo have some "girl time"
3. Sakura gets caught putting makeup on her face
Personally, I'm trying to save the menstruation for a later time. (Save the best for last winkwink nudgenudge ) But--it all depends on you guys! Pick one of the three and I'll write the chappie for you, quickly this time.
Dreamer: btw...Happy New Year!
Eriol: Oh yeah baby, oh yeah! A new year for my sexiness!
Dreamer: (wacks head) If you're good...I'll give you and Yue a cameo appearance in the next chapter!
Eriol: (grovels on the floor) Pleeeaaasseee?
Dreamer: (winks) It all depends on my lovely reviewers!