Intertwined

Disclaimer: Please see chapter uno to seis for elaborations, excuses, and rants. Also, I don't own anything TLC related.

A/N: Yeah, I promised to get out an anniversary chapter, and here it is…almost two months late. Surprisingly, choice 3 won: Syaoran gets caught putting on makeup, with choice 1 coming in as a close second. Don't worry, eventually all of them will make it into the story… cackles

Act VII

Intro

onstage

Eriol beamed brightly as he glanced out at the audience.

"BEEEP! BEEEP!" Most of the audience's rants were being drowned out by the censoring machine. Undeterred, the audience began standing up and hurling things at the curtain.

"WE WANT DREAMER!" One particularly loud individual had cupped her hands around her mouth and belted her lungs out. She then picked up a large can of red paint and flung it at the curtain.

Eriol shuddered and ducked his head back behind the curtains.

"Well," he said cheerily as dreamer raised a stony eyebrow, "at least they aren't throwing flaming torches at the curtains."

Dreamer rolled her eyes.

The audience immediately quieted down when dreamer walked on stage. The spotlight was completely on her, although it was unnecessary, for every eye in the room had fixated itself on her.

"Where's the next act!" The same loud and obnoxious individual who had shouted before struck again.

Soon the room dissolved in a tidal wave of noise.

Dreamer rolled her eyes and began to inspect her fingernails.

People began quieting down when they noticed she was waiting for them to be quiet.

"Thank you," dreamer said when everyone had stopped yelling, "I've been quite busy with life these past few weeks and the play got pushed down my list of priorities. Thankfully, life seems to be slowing down slightly at this point. So I decided to sit down and type this. Fear not, for the play will be continued!"

Everyone in the audience took time to say, "Awwwnn..." to dreamer's devotion and dedication.

She smiled bashfully before continuing. "I've counted your votes, and I'm surprised to say that Syaoran gets caught putting makeup on got the most votes, with menstruation coming in as a close second."

She left quickly, but before one half of the room could start yelling at the other half over the poll results, she yelled into the microphone, "The seventh act of 'Intertwined' will now begin."

End of Intro

"The girls all talking, the girls all talking," Tomoyo sang merrily as she poured syrup on the pancakes.

Syaoran groaned and woke up at the sound of her voice.

Whuz happenin'...he sat up and blinked, looking around for the source of that voice.

"Morning, sunshine," Tomoyo chirped cheerfully as she walked gracefully into the bedroom.

Once again, Syaoran was rendered speechless by the sylph-like woman standing in front of him.

Tomoyo rolled her eyes. "Snap out of it, Sakura. Time to get up and go to work."

Syaoran continued to drool unbecomingly.

Tomoyo snapped.

"Fine, take your breakfast!"

She stomped out of the room, furious. Now it seemed like all Sakura cared about was food.

Syaoran began eating the pancakes while wishing he could pour the syrup all over Tomoyo's body. He sighed and rolled his eyes. No can do while I'm in this woman's body...

-----

Sakura woke to feel an unpleasant feeling in the bottom of her abdomen.

Oh no...Her eyes opened wide with horror and disgust.

She needed to go to the bathroom.

Sakura had never glimpsed an X-rated part of a guy's body, and she never intended to. However...as of now, certain circumstances were pressing...

Sakura ran to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, exhaling. She could do this. Breathe in, breathe out.

Then she collapsed in a heap on the floor. "I CAN'T!" she howled, pounding her head on the marble tiles.

As quickly as she leapt down, she jumped back up again, inhaling deeply once more. Okay, Sakura, listen. You've survived numerous other things, such as Li's prank with the monkey...To prevent further thoughts on that particular prank, Sakura quickly did her business in the bathroom while staring at herself in the mirror.

After she finished and flushed the toilet, Sakura stared at herself proudly in the mirror. You're a true man, Saku. You're a true man.

She froze.

In this case, she was literally a true man.

-----

Syaoran grimaced as he glanced at the clothing Tomoyo had thrown at him.

"Um, Tomoyo..." he said as he pulled a particularly offensive hot pink thong from his head.

"Yeah," Tomoyo barked grumpily as she threw a tube of dark red lipstick at Syaoran's head.

Syaoran dodged the tube. "It's like this, see. I've been wanting to avoid my more feminine side after--"

Tomoyo turned around.

Syaoran was shocked into silence.

She smirked, saccharinely sweet, while exposing all of her pointed, feline teeth. "Now, Sakura-chan, I don't think you want to be arguing with me right now, do you?"

Syaoran nodded quickly.

Tomoyo continued smiling. "I know that you're a driven, independent woman who doesn't care much for dressing like a slut when she's going to work, but right now, I'm really pissed. All you've been doing around me lately is drooling, and I'm going to get revenge for your lack of response to my attempts at starting a conversation. Besides, I'm sure you'll like the masculine attention..."

Syaoran didn't even attempt to tell her he had been expelled from the company for the entire month. It had slipped his mind yesterday, what with all of the birthday hullabaloos and fripperies.

God, the woman could be quite scary when angry. Syaoran made a mental note to stop drooling around her.

-----

Sakura clasped her bra, and then stopped short.

She rolled her eyes at the sight of Li's naked chest strapped tightly by the confining garment. A day ago it would have amused her, but now it was just tiring. She wanted her own body back, flabby ass and all.

She glanced miserably at the black underwear she had bought yesterday. It was sexy all right, but only on a woman, not on a man with huge, muscular buttocks. Besides, if she wasn't careful, Li's friends would start calling her a cross-dresser, and that was something she most definitely wanted to avoid.

Sakura pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of pants, grimacing.

She hoped Li wouldn't be too angry.

-----

Syaoran drove maniacally as he veered sharply around the corner.

He was going to pick Sakura up, and they were going to pay a visit to some of those magicians they had heard Takuchi mention yesterday. But first things first…

Syaoran was going to the mall.

-----

He quickly parked the car and got out, stumbling awkwardly in his pair of high heeled shoes. Syaoran looked down and grimaced at the glaringly bright red shoes, gleaming unpleasantly in the morning sun. At this rate people will start asking me how much I cost…he thought rather darkly.

His arms felt uncomfortable in the hot pink tank top Tomoyo had forced him into. Not an inch of his legs were left to the imagination as they protruded from underneath his sequined, glittery dark red skirt. Syaoran wrapped his coat tighter around his waist. Tomoyo had made him wear a short, faux fur jacket.

Syaoran walked into the mall and looked around, attempting to find the Men's Department Store.

"Umm…excuse me, sir," Syaoran said, tapping the shoulder of a mall personnel.

The man turned around.

Syaoran eyed him nervously.

"Yeah?" he asked, smirking a bit at Syaoran's legs.

Syaoran licked his lips and proceeded. "Do you know where the Men's Department Store is?"

The man looked him up and down.

Syaoran smiled but his mind was retching. Eww…I'm supposed to be checking girls out!

"Say…" the man had wrapped an arm around Syaoran's shoulder. "Forget the Men's Department Store. Let's say we go out sometime, eh?"

Syaoran smiled sickly sweet. He gently removed the man's hand from his shoulder.

"Thanks, but no thanks."

However, the man wasn't so easily dissuaded as he patted Syaoran's shoulder in what was meant to be a comforting manner.

For a moment both of them froze when they heard the slapping sound.

Syaoran almost grinned when the man removed his hand, looking disgusted.

The man walked away, shaking his head and muttering, "What a flabby body! There's even so much fat on the shoulders."

-----

Sakura patted the pockets of her pants and sighed. Where was Syaoran?

-----

"That'll be forty-five dollars, please."

Syaoran slapped the cash on the counter and dashed into the changing room, ignoring the startled looks on the faces of the various customers.

When he was in the changing room, he sighed. Yes..FINALLY! he thought, closing his eyes and pulling off the tanktop.

It had been a complete nightmare as Syaoran had been shuttled from assistant to assistant, all of whom were men, and obviously quite desperate men. They had all taken the cue and assumed that Syaoran was…well, a hooker. And he couldn't blame them either, since, with his heavy eyeliner, lip liner, lipstick, and mascara, he really did look the part.

Not anymore, though! Syaoran thought happily as he finished buttoning down his dress shirt and zipped up his slightly baggy jeans.

He walked out of the dressing room a few seconds later and beamed, carrying Tomoyo's inappropriate clothes in a bag.

However, after several moments, Syaoran began to notice something wrong. People were staring openly after him as he passed them.

Syaoran began to feel nervous. What was wrong?

"Yo, dude!"

He whipped around.

Syaoran's jaw dropped as he recognized his friends.

Without thinking, he ran over and jumped on Nanako. "Hey, NaNa, it's great to see you!"

Nanako struggled to pry Syaoran's arms off of him.

"What the hell?"

Syaoran found himself pushed away from his best friend. Then he almost slapped himself. He was in Sakura's body, not his own.

Yamaguchi shoved his face aggressively in front of Syaoran's. "Dude, are you like, a drag queen?"

Syaoran's mouth dropped open. Then on impulse, he shouted, "WHAT? HOW DARE YOU CALL THE GREAT AND MASCULINE SYAORAN LI A DRAG QUEEN?"

Everyone gasped.

"YaoYao?" Nanako whispered, horrified. "YaoYao, how come you never told us you were a secret drag queen? What the hell—" Nanako broke off to stare at Syaoran's hair and green eyes. "You have a wig? And what's up with the green contact lenses?"

Yamaguchi, Jun, and Juni simply stared, awestruck.

Syaoran took one look at their dumbstruck faces and ran.

His friends didn't bother running after him.

-----

Sakura heard the doorbell ring and ran to open it.

She was about to say, "Finally!" when the word caught in her throat.

Syaoran was standing on her doorbell, wearing a polo shirt and baggy jeans. He looked more masculine than feminine. His makeup was perfect. It would have made a drag queen proud.

"Let me in already, stop ogling," Syaoran grumbled as he pushed past her and into his home.

Sakura could only stare after him.

"Jesus, what the hell is this smell?" Syaoran frowned and sniffed the air. Then his eyes landed on Sakura.

"Wait…I'm too afraid to ask…no, go ahead and tell me. What. The. Bloody. Fuck. Are. You. Wearing."

Sakura smiled helplessly. "Erm…Essence of Moondew? It's quite a flowery and popular perfume."

Syaoran ran up to her and pulled the shirt to his face. "No, no, no! You are totally ruining my sexiness. What the hell is this?"

Sakura's t-shirt was brightly plastered with the words, "I'm not a Woman yet, I'm a Girl."

"Like it?" Sakura smiled brightly and attempted to look optimistic.

Then Syaoran stared at her legs. "Wait…you're wearing red velvet stretch pants."

Sakura shrugged. "So? They're comfortable."

Syaoran stared at her. "They're comfortable," he said dumbly.

Sakura smiled, batting her eyelashes.

Syaoran froze. "Wait…you waxed my eyebrows?"

Then he noticed an even more horrifying detail. "Mascara? Glittery eyeshadow? On my body?"

Sakura laughed, a deep, masculine sound. "Look at your legs, Li." She was enjoying every moment of this.

Syaoran looked down at his legs and roughly pushed up the velvet fabric. "Shaved!" he almost sobbed. "All my precious leg hairs are gone! Oh, MiMi, FiFi, CeeCee! You have all been shaved and thrown into the garbage can!"

Sakura couldn't stifle her giggles. "Oh Liiii…" she murmured in a singsong voice, pulling him up to chest level.

Syaoran's eyes fluttered. "How…how…" he was afraid to ask. "Did you…inject female hormones into my body? Why do I have…mammary glands?"

Sakura smiled. Oh yes, she was loving this. "Yup. I went to the doctor yesterday and injected some progesterone and estrogen. Much better than silicone implants, you know. You're a female now, Li. And you've got a great chest growing."

A loud thump told her Syaoran had fainted.

Sakura giggled as she stepped over Syaoran's prostrate form. Served him right for not coming earlier to pick her up.

Then she felt the cotton balls that she had stuffed into her Wonderbra. Sakura rolled her eyes. Li could be such a gullible fool sometimes.

-----

Outro

Eriol danced onto the stage, wearing a classy ballerina tutu. He was dancing slowly and gracefully to Swan Lake.

"And that, my lovely dears," he sang in a breathy whisper, "concludes Act Seven. Review generously, please."

End of Outro

Dreamer: Okay…I wasn't sure how well that went. Tell me in a review, ok? Next chapter: they go to meet the magicians. And the romance in this fic will get stepped up. After all, it is categorized Romance/Humor.