Intertwined

Disclaimer: See my profile page

Act IX

Well, it's amazing--already I have to use the Roman Numeral X. More interesting, however, is the comparison between the numbers on my Stats List: it seems that I've received about 2000 hits for the story but only 72 reviews. Oh, the irony.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: When I refer to Syaoran, I mean Syaoran in Sakura's body. When Syaoran says "Syaoran" in public, he's actually calling Sakura that. He can't call Sakura in Syaoran's body "Sakura", because everyone sees that Sakura is in a guy's body.

Intro

offstage

Spinel sniffed the innocuous-looking cat food.

Hmmm...this seems okay...he circled the food warily, licking his chops. Can't sense anything funny about it.

He wolfed it down, and his eyes bugged.

What seemed to be the brown pellets of cat food were, in reality, large chunks of chocolate and peanut butter, rolled together in a sugar-fest.

Nakura giggled from her place behind the curtains. She slapped Eriol's hand and whispered, "We sure got him this time!"

onstage

The audience buzzed excitedly as they watched the midnight blue cat bounce onstage.

"Oh, hello!" Spinel looked out at the audience, smiling goofily.

"I'm just a little blue pllllluuuuusssshhiiee, learning how to roller-skate," he sang, opera-style, to the tune of "I Love You" from Barney.

The audience looked at his paws and saw that, indeed, they were snugly encased in a pair of red in-line roller-skates. Some giggled while others rolled their eyes, calling Spinel an "...awful old geyser with no taste at all. Can't he see that his bright red skates clash with his blue fur? The nerve of that old crackpot kitty..."

Dreamer looked up from her writing and rolled her eyes.

Spinel began to sing a rousing song, "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! You take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall..."

Finally, dreamer had enough. She pulled off her high-heels and threw them at Spinel.

THUNK

Dreamer stepped out onstage and pushed Spinel's body aside. "Ahem...excuse me. The ninth act of Intertwined will now begin."

End of Intro

Sakura looked at Syaoran.

Syaoran looked at Sakura.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The pigeons flew off the building while the denizens of Old Tokyo rolled their eyes. "Idiots..." they muttered under their breath. Then they pulled off their sunglasses and threw them onto the floor together.

Syaoran looked at Sakura again. "EWWWW! I'm not Narcissus! No way am I going to learn to love you. I'd be loving myself! And I'd have to change my sexuality, because I'm not a homosexual!"

Sakura wished Syaoran wasn't so dumb. "You dumb ass! You have to fall in love with me, as in with my personality!"

Syaoran stopped ranting. The vein in his forehead stopped throbbing. He became less scary. "Oh. I see. I have to fall in love with your personality. But hey--" here he stopped and looked vampire-like "--that's even worse! No way am I falling in love with some...chick who's a dirt bag."

Sakura immediately fired up. "Well excuse me, do you think it's easy for me to love something like you?"

Syaoran bristled. "Something? How am I a thing?"

"Yeah! You know what? You really are just a thing! Just a piece of muscled meat with no thinking capability or anything! And besides, you're so hairy you could pass for the Yemi."

"A what?" Syaoran asked incredulously.

"A Yemi! You know, or maybe you don't, about those hairy things that are reputed to live in the Himalayas," Sakura said, her face livid and crimson.

Syaoran stopped short. "Yemi? Oh, you mean a Yeti! Hahahaha, you don't even know that it's a Yeti, not a Yemi!"

Sakura turned an even darker shade of red. "Shut up...it's not my fault I had a lisp back then..."

Syaoran stopped howling long enough to register this in his mind. "You had a lisp?"

He started laughing even harder, imagining Kinomoto with a lisp.

"It's not funny...how would you like it if people made fun of you for speaking funny?" Sakura asked, her voice slightly unstable.

Syaoran stopped laughing when he realized that Sakura was serious.

Sakura turned away from him, shaking her head. Even now her childhood memories stung.

"Hey..." Syaoran broached hesitantly, reaching his hand out to her. "If it's any consolation, my five sisters used to make me dress up in these long, silky Chinese dresses that had a slit up the side. And they used to put makeup on my face and put my hair up in pigtails. Then they would introduce me to their friends as their little transvestite brother. Like I even knew what transvestitism was back then. I barely knew when my fly was open!" Syaoran clapped his hand to his mouth. Oops...I think I've said too much.

Sakura spun around. "You have sisters? Oh, then that explains a lot. Your feminine streak, for example."

"HUH?" Syaoran jumped up and stared at her. "What? I don't have a feminine streak! It's just that you're in my body, and my body's starting to look feminine. I don't have a choice in the matter."

Sakura batted her eyelashes at him. "Of course you don't..." She turned away from him mysteriously.

"What does that mean?" Syaoran ran to look her in the face.

Sakura giggled. "I happen to know from a very reliable source that you had a Brazilian bikini wax two months ago."

Syaoran put his hand to his forehead as he recalled the rather painful experience. "Oh yeah...that. It hurt like hell, man."

He stopped short. "Wait! You didn't hear that from me! Besides, it was a dare! Nanako was the one who dared me!"

He heard Sakura's laughter down the road.

"Bet you can't catch me!" she cried, smirking. Syaoran could feel her smugness contaminating the air around him.

"Oh no you don't! I'm going to beat you back to the car! And if you don't stop running, I'll drop kick you into oblivion!" Syaoran called after her. The mists of Old Tokyo enveloped him as he ran towards her.

---------

Sakura greedily slurped up the noodles, stuffing her face (literally) into the bowl.

Syaoran sweat dropped as he watched her tuck heartily into her food. He sipped some tea and quickly spat it out.

"Ew...what the hell is this shit..." he muttered to himself.

He immediately recoiled when he felt something hit him on the head.

"What the--"

"Hey you!"

Syaoran looked at the family sitting at the table across from them.

"Yeah?" he growled.

The nanny glowered at him. "Listen girl, I'm a whip yo' ass if you dare talk like that again in front of my little boy!"

Syaoran stared at the six month old baby boy sitting in her lap. "Woman, listen. First of all, that 'boy' is still in diapers. He can't even understand curses. Second of all, you were the one who just said 'ass.' So don't berate me, you bloody hypocrite."

The nanny pulled on her leather gloves. "Wanna talk to these?" She balled her hands into a fist and held them in front of Syaoran's face.

Syaoran narrowed his eyes. "They aren't intimidating at all, fat ass!"

The nanny's eyes disappeared into slits. "What did you just call me?" She pulled a nasty-looking instrument out of her bag.

Syaoran's eyes widened at the sight of it. It was a foot-long pole with two-inch long tweezers at the top. For the umpteenth time, he cursed the fact that he was stuck in a woman's body without being able to grope it, or develop muscles. I can't take on this elephant without my muscles!

"Uh...I think I better get going..." His hands scrabbled for Sakura's shoulder.

"Oh no you don't, girl..." The nanny clicked the tweezers threateningly. "You ain't going nowhere until we settle this shit."

Syaoran had a sudden image of himself, bare-bottomed and red-faced, being slapped on his rear end by the nanny. He closed his eyes. It was too horrifying to think of.

"Hey, what's the problem?" Sakura had finally taken her face out of her bowl and had stood up.

The nanny gestured wildly at Sakura. "Listen, boy, you better control yo' wife's filthy mouth! It's so dirty I need an economy-sized bar of soap to clean it out!"

Sakura raised her eyebrows.

Syaoran waved weakly at her and smiled.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I don't appreciate being called 'boy' by you, Nanny, so excuse you. And second of all, your mouth is none too clean yourself."

Syaoran nodded his head empathetically. "Yeah, what she said!"

Sakura continued. "However, I agree with you. She is out of line. But you must excuse her. She just got out of the hospital."

Syaoran nodded again, glad that Sakura was agreeing with him. Unfortunately, he wasn't paying any attention to what Sakura was saying. "My point. Exactly."

Sakura smirked slightly. "You really must excuse her for her unstable behavior. The psychologist discovered that she has a mental disorder that causes her to be an aggressive sex fiend."

Syaoran froze when he took in Sakura's words. "Hey!"

The nanny looked at Sakura. "So…basically…she's been hitting on me the entire time?"

Sakura nodded reassuringly. "Yes. This is how she attempts to assert her power, you know. By being aggressive to members of her own sex." She steered Syaoran away from the nanny. "I apologize. She's just mentally unstable." She then waved a cheerful bye-bye at the nanny and continued to steer Syaoran up to the front desk.

The nanny nodded satisfactorily. "So basically, she's an asshole. Even her husband knows that. Right. Gotcha."

She then looked down at her young charge. "Bob, you must never marry a crazy dominatrix like that. Understand? If you ever see a woman wearing 50 pounds of black leather and carrying a long whip, she's too much for you to handle."

----------

Syaoran fumed in the car. "I can't believe you let her think I'm from the damn hospital!"

Sakura shrugged. "Hey, would you rather be stabbed by a pair of tweezers or have her think you're a sex fiend?"

Syaoran considered this thoughtfully for a few moments. "You're right. Besides, this just further establishes my reputation as a sex god." He smoothed back his hair and grinned wickedly.

Sakura rolled her eyes but forced a smile on her face. "That's right. You're learning, YaoYao."

Syaoran shrugged off her hand. "Don't call me that."

Sakura smiled serenely.

----------

Sakura pushed open the door of her apartment and sighed. She was ready to go to bed after such a tiring day. Love a beast like Syaoran...yeah right!

She gasped when she saw Nanako sitting on the couch.

"Nanako?"

His head jerked up.

"Nanako, what are you doing here?"

He stood up, his blue eyes stormy.

"Syaoran, we need to talk."

Sakura gulped slightly.

----------

"I'm home!"

Syaoran walked into the apartment and grinned, seeing Tomoyo in a minidress and a flowered apron. Damn...she looks--Syaoran slapped himself.

Tomoyo walked up to him and touched his face. "Sakura...I'm concerned about you...why are you slapping yourself?"

Syaoran grinned and shrugged. "Because I feel like it?" He stopped grinning when he realized how idiotic he sounded.

Tomoyo raised her eyebrows. "Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh to you this morning. It's just...all you seem to be thinking about lately is food."

Syaoran envisioned Tomoyo standing before him clad in a slinky black dress--

"Er, right. Food. What kind of food?"

Tomoyo almost slapped her hand to her forehead in frustration, but stopped. "Food as in the kind of food you eat, Sakura."

Don't say it. Don't-- Before he could stop himself, a lascivious remark popped out of his mouth. "But there's also another type of food..." Syaoran wrapped his arm around Tomoyo's shoulders and leaned towards her, attempting to look down her shirt.

Tomoyo stared at the arm as though it was a snake. She noticed the direction of his eyes and gasped.

Syaoran immediately coughed and grinned sheepishly. "I, uh, I was just practicing my flirting skills."

Tomoyo nodded slowly. She would rather believe that than the other something which was beginning to creep into her mind...

"Right. Right," she said, stepping slowly away from him and subconsciously pulling the skirt of her dress down further, "Listen, um, dinner is ready."

Syaoran smiled like a wax dummy and bobbed his head until she left. Then he banged his head on the wall, muttering, "Must. Not. Flirt. Or. Look. At. Kinomoto's. Best. Friend."

----------

"Listen."

Sakura continued to stare at the floor.

"I saw your other self in the mall today."

She looked up, confused. What?

Nanako took a deep breath and continued. "You were wearing a short auburn wig and green contact lenses. But you embraced me and called me 'NaNa.' Syaoran, only our friends know my nickname. Don't try to deny it, that was you."

Sakura put her head into her hands and did some quick mental thinking. Then she hit on it--Li was wearing Men's clothing today. They must have run into each other at the department store or something.

"NaNa...that wasn't me," she said quickly, prepared to use a sob story, "that was this man who was secretly spying on me. He had a secret obsession with me. Remember that creepy guy we met at the gym a couple of weeks ago?" Sakura prayed Nanako would buy the cheap excuse.

Nanako glared at her. "I don't know what you're talking about. There's no creepy guy!"

Sakura nodded her head vehemently. "Yes there was! There was a creepy guy who kept hitting on me. He told me that he liked men with big muscles!"

Nanako gave him a look.

"Yes, yes! So yesterday this guy said to me, 'I've stalked you for a really long time. Now give me the names of your friends or else I'll put up these videos of your naked ass on the Internet!'" Sakura said, hoping he would listen to her.

His eyes narrowed. "YaoYao, you're feeding me bullshit. I don't believe any of this. And until you can tell me the truth, we're not friends anymore."

He got up and left the apartment.

Sakura sighed and sat back in her chair. Stupid, stupid Li. Wait--that's it! That's the solution to this problem! Maybe Nanako will like me again...Quickly, Sakura sat down and began to formulate a plan.

----------

Outro

Nakuru bounced onto the stage, smiling as though the entire world was watching.

"Hey guys, it's me, Nakuru! And dreamer hopes you guys enjoyed the play, because I sure didn't. Where's my cameo, dreamer? How come Eriol has one?" Nakuru asked angrily.

Dreamer yelled, from the backstage, "It's because you're too flighty. If you could remember your lines I would give you a cameo!"

Nakura put a finger to her mouth. "Oh. Oh well! Sugar! Sugar, sugar, sugar!"

She hopped offstage and the curtain fell.

----------

Dreamer: Hey guys...so I've decided to let more of the CCS cast go onstage and introduce the acts. What do you guys think of that?

Eriol: I think it's crappy. Less of my stage time!

wacks Eriol with heavy book filled with Intertwined Acts Dreamer: Shut up, you. You're not getting any stage time for what you did to Yue and Spinel.

(Eriol walks away, rubbing his head.)

Dreamer: Oops. I certainly hope he doesn't get amnesia...hehehe. Not that I would mind. Thanks for reading! Oh yeah, and thanks to those who have reviewed. I really appreciate it.

Dreamer: Oh yeah, one last thing. There's going to be a shift now. So far, I've been holding up the Humor in this, but there has been no Romance yet. Don't worry, it's coming. After all, Romance is the primary category. It's coming soon...and it might be hitting you guys hard...

Next Act: What is Sakura's infamous plan? Will the action start picking up? Stay tuned!