Intertwined

Disclaimer: Profile Page. Also, I don't own T-Pain's atrocious rap song "I'm In Luv Wit' a Stripper".

Act XI

IMPORTANT NOTE: To all Christian extremists and people who just like to start something, this chapter contains a higher level of profanity than usual and some misogynistic bits. Don't take offense. Just to let everyone know, if someone reports me for the objectionable material, don't expect me to re-post.

Intro

offstage

Kero-chan tucked heartily into his pudding.

Gobs of viscous chocolate pudding hit Nakuru in the face.

She jumped up, screaming, "KERO! YOU STUPID STUFFED ANIMAL! STOP DOING THAT!"

Kero immediately lifted his head from the pudding and tried to arrange his crude features into a scowl. "Nakuru, you're no better. If I'm a stupid stuffed animal, then you're a hopeless little girl with a crush," he said (Unfortunately, my dear readers, we live in a place called the real world...and in the real world, both of those accusations ring of truth.)

Nakuru's eyes narrowed into slits, and she began chasing Kero around while screaming, "THAT'S NOT TRUE! TOUYA-KUN LUURRRVVESS ME!"

Suppi-chan jumped out of the way as Nakuru and Kero rushed past, Nakuru attempting to scream obscenities, "YOU FOOKER! YOU BIANTCH!"

Dreamer was crossing out and editing an Act as Nakuru and Kero rushed past. She looked up and hollered, "QUIEETTT! BOTH OF Y'ALL RETARDS! OR ELSE I'M A PULL YOUR ALLOWANCE!"

Kero stopped, causing Nakuru to bump astonishedly into him. Both of them looked at dreamer in wonder.

Nakuru put a finger into her mouth. "She raised her voice..."

onstage

The audience was nearly roaring with contained laughter.

"Yo yo yo! I'm in luv wit a stripper! He shakin' dat ass on da' flo'! Oh yeah, oh yeah!"

Eriol was currently dancing his heart out onstage, shaking his ass while wearing spandex. He was wearing a satiny, see-through black shirt. A few strands of blue chest hair poked tentatively over the top of his collar. Huge black sunglasses shielded his eyes from the crowd's laughing faces, and several chains hung around his neck. He had a fake tattoo on the back of his neck that said, "Stay away: Major Pimp Alert". Eriol ran off the stage, blowing kisses at the audience members, smiling.

Yue then went onstage to loud and wild applause from the audience. Curiously, several...well, several...female members of the audience seemed to have gone wild and were now stripping off bras and underwear, throwing them at Yue. (Yes, Yue does have some sex appeal and he IS also blessed with a dormant libido. Note: This thought is not the opinion of the author.)

Yue dodged the bras and underwear with a dismissive wave of his hand, trying not to seem too jubilant. He looked down at the stage, blinking as he attempted to see through the filmy silk and the flowery lace.

Eriol had scribbled on the wood the words "Mothafuckin' brotha" with crimson lipstick.

Yue raised a well groomed eyebrow and rolled his eyes dismissively.

Sighing, he fixed his audience with a stony stare, waiting for the audience to quiet down.

After the ravenous females and sullen males had turned their attention completely towards Yue, he cleared his throat and unleashed a bombastic speech.

(But you won't have to suffer through that. So let's get to the important part...)

"...and so, after a regretably long absence, dreamer is back with Act Eleven," Yue said. He exited the stage.

Audible sighs emanated from the audience members after Yue left.

-----

Syaoran inserted the silicone earplugs, stuffing them snugly into the opening of his ear canal.

When Touya's snores had first woken him up at a most ungodly hour, Syaoran had jumped up and called the police. No, it was not due to stupidity that he had mistaken Touya's snores for the sound of a burglar breaking into his home; instead, it was due to genuine fright and understandable human nature. Tomoyo, however, who had wisely taken out her pair of earplugs upon learning of Touya's visit, remained oblivious to the fright that was incapacitating Syaoran.

After the police had charged into Touya's bedroom with nightsticks and pepper spray held high, they had to transfer Touya to the emergency room for shock. And who could blame the poor fellow? Waking up suddenly in the middle of the night surrounded by menacing policemen brandishing long...sticks is quite intimidating for anyone of sane mind, which, fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), Touya was. He let loose a bloodcurdling scream, which sounded vaguely feminine to all ears who heard it. He woke up everyone within a ten foot radius.

After a grueling ordeal, during which Touya was treated with various medicines for his shock, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Touya were finally ejected from the hospital. Touya was in a semi-vegetative state, and Syaoran had ordered a set of silicone earplugs to insure blockage of the noise of Touya's snores. Tomoyo was the only one in her right mind. Unfortunately, she could have passed as one of the Legion of the Undead, as her pale skin accentuated the shadows under her eyes. All she needed was some fake blood, and presto, she was the tailored image of a vampire.

It had indeed been an AWFUL night. Syaoran was only too glad to sleep it off, although it was already 1 PM.

-----

Sakura shifted slightly, uncomfortable in her seat. The cushions were stained with tomato juice, and there was a strong scent of onions in the air. She sniffed, hoping she didn't seem too prissy. She wasn't willing to sit around for a month, jobless. Unfortunately, the other Tokyo companies' CEOs were good friends with Takuchi, and they had all heard about her suspension. As a result, she had been shunned from every corporation she had made contact with. Oh well, Sakura thought, staring around the dingy office, at least the pay is half-decent.

The manager of the supermarket cast an amused glance at her over the sheaf of papers.

"Let's see...perfectly equipped to handle everything within the letter-typing vicinity, but no credits whatsoever in the managing department. Sniffy demeanor, hint of a metrosexual air," the manager smiled as she glanced at Sakura's puffed out chest and crossed legs, "Prada shoes, expensive designer suit, and...hmm...flashy sunglasses. I'm sorry, but I really do not comprehend why you are seeking for a job, here in a supermarket, when you could have inferiors prostating themselves at your five hundred dollar shoes."

Sakura bristled. "As you can see, I am perfectly qualified to handle the sundry challenges of a supermarket--"

The manager raised an eyebrow and coolly stabbed her cigarette into the ashtray, creating a fizzing sound. Sakura stopped talking.

The manager cupped her chin in her hand and leaned her elbow on her raspberry juice-stained desk.

"Listen to me. I don't think you understand what I am saying to you. Do you honestly think I'm going to hire some corporate jerk to work here at the supermarket? Are you honestly going to make the effort to trim lettuce leaves with your neatly manicured fingernails? Boy, you may be a cutie, but you can't worm your way into every situation with your good looks." The manager leaned back and stared at Sakura, dark eyes smoldering underneath long, straggly bangs green with bleach.

Sakura stared back out of disbelief. "But look, an undergraduate degree at Tokyo University, an internship at Mikayo Corporations--"

The manager slammed her hands down onto the table. "Get out of my office. This place is not for you. Go back to your shiny corporate office."

Dumbfounded Sakura stood up, nearly tripping over the banana peel on the floor. Satisfied, the manager relaxed in her chair, arms behind her head. She closed her black eyeshadow smeared eyes.

-----

Sakura trudged into the apartment. She stared at Syaoran, who was sitting at the table eating pancakes. He had a grumpy expression on his face.

"Hey," she said cautiously, willing to let bygones be bygones. Hoping Syaoran would take the hint, she sat down across from him at the table.

Syaoran glanced up, catching Sakura's gaze.

"Hey," he said, recognizing the look in the chocolate brown eyes.

Let bygones be bygones.

Sakura allowed herself a small smile. They both looked pretty down today, and she wasn't in a mood to argue with him.

"So...umm...where's Touya and Tomoyo?"

Syaoran held out his hands, shaking his head while staring at his pancakes.

"Don't say either of their names," he muttered. "But if you really want to know, Tomoyo is feeding lukewarm soup to your obstinate brother. Trust me, you don't want to see that sorry sight."

Sakura felt a slight twinge of sympathy for her violet haired friend. "And what occasion calls for the aforesaid Tomoyo to feed soup to my obstinate brother?"

Syaoran sighed. He stabbed moodily at his wheat flour pancakes. "Well...if you must know..." He stuffed a syrupy piece into his mouth. "This is how it went down..."

-----

Sakura looked disbelievingly at Syaoran.

"He screamed."

Syaoran nodded, rubbing at the circles under his eyes.

"Really."

Syaoran tugged at his pink bathrobe, nodding again.

"For real?"

Syaoran rolled his eyes and cut another piece of pancake.

Sakura sighed. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds.

A most curious noise began to issue from Sakura's voicebox.

Syaoran looked up, wondering whether Sakura was really deranged.

"Sorry," Sakura said, still grinning. "It's just that...the whole affair seems rather funny to me all of a sudden."

"Ahehehehe," Syaoran intoned, mocking Sakura's laugh, "you weren't the one who was kept awake by that insane freak who isn't willing to sip soup right now."

Sakura was feeling bubbly, so she ignored the poorly disguised insult hurled feebly at her brother. "But you must admit it...this is rather...entertaining," Sakura said, giggling still. Then she noticed the pair of earplugs dangling from Syaoran's bathrobe pocket and laughed, seeing their color.

"Hot pink?"

Syaoran blushed. "Hey, the nurses gave it to me. They said it would look becoming against my skin tone."

Sakura shook her head. "Uh-uh honey. Not hot pink. It's too flamboyant."

Syaoran opened his mouth to argue the myriad virtues of hot pink, but he was rudely interrupted by the shrill ringing of a mobile phone.

Sakura quickly whipped the phone from her pocket and opened it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, YaoYao, dear."

Sakura assumed a highly confused expression.

"Erm, hi."

"Bad time, darling?"

Sakura put a hand to her forehead. Did Li have a girlfriend? But no, the voice was too dignified for the type of bimbo Li was bound to date.

"Uh...no, this is fine. Umm...what would you like to tell me?"

"IS this a bad time? Because I could always call back later. Is one of your playthings bothering you, darling?"

Sakura took a wild guess in the dark. "Erm, no, nanny."

An angry cough reached Sakura's ears. "Please stop playing games with me, Xiao Lang. My schedule is as tight as it is already, without your silly foolishness. Come, come, it is your mother, you should stop fooling around. Tell your little girlfriend to stop befuddling your head with her games."

Sakura could have bushwhacked herself on the head with a baseball bat. "Erm, yes, of course, mother. I'll tell"--Sakura searched for a name--"Sarah to stop bothering me."

Syaoran's mother sighed. "A waiguoren (foreigner) this time? What happened to the steady staple of willing Orientals?"

"Nothing, mother," Sakura said hastily. "So, what brings you to call me on this fine day?"

"Good news, YaoYao. Do you remember when you first applied for the Chinese National Soccer Team? CNST?"

"Oh, yes!" Sakura mustered all of her acting capabilities to sound as if she remembered.

"Well," Syaoran's mother said, carefully noting her son's false enthusiasm, "their coach has called me recently and said that they are pleased to offer you a position, Xiao Lang. Congratulations!"

Sakura's mouth dropped.

"Xiao Lang?"

"Uhh...does this mean that I'll have to move back to Hong Kong?"

"Oh yes, Xiao Lang. Imagine, the family will be united once more!"

"That is, assuming I accept the position."

There was a slight pause. "Xiao Lang, are you all right? You used to rant to me about the various virtues of the CNST. Now you are second-guessing your original ambition? I think it is a good choice, although I do wish my son would use his brain as well as his body in a job."

Oh, your son uses body more than brain, I can tell you that, Sakura thought grimly. However, she said, "Give me some time to think about it, mother. There are many unforeseen ramifications of such a desicion, assuredly. When is my answer due?"

"Two weeks from now," his mother said gaily, "ponder it, Xiao Lang, but take note of the time. Now if you'll excuse me, I must meet with our Clan leaders. Good bye, Xiao Lang."

"Bye. Thanks for the call."

Sakura hung up. She looked across the table, only to find Syaoran staring right at her, emerald eyes bright. She looked over his body, slightly flabbergasted as she noticed that the length of his bathrobe-clad body was stretched across the table.

"What? What, huh? What is it? Huh, huh, huh?" Syaoran asked, not pausing to draw breath (in spite of the commas the playwright added in the sentence).

Sakura pushed a hand in front of her face. "Don't attack me. Anyway, your mom just called to tell you that you've been accepted to the...er...Nesty?"

"Huh?" Syaoran asked, confused.

"Erm...I mean, the National Chinese Soccer Team, I think," Sakura said.

Syaoran let out a loud whoop and jumped off the table, screaming in joy.

Uh, no.

What really happened was this: Syaoran screamed like a lady and rolled awkwardly off the table, crashlanding on the floor. He jumped up from the floor and started to run around the room like a freely liberated gorilla from the zoo, pounding his chest in a display of...er...masculine prowess?

Sakura rested her chin on her hand and rolled her eyes, sighing as she waited for him to settle down.

Syaoran finally flopped down onto the couch and sighed, closing his eyes and sending a prayer to the USG (Ultimate Sex God, for those of us who are not acquainted with the term) for his landfall.

Sakura raised a sardonic eyebrow and inquired, "Calmed down yet?"

Syaoran looked at Sakura. Then, he patted himself on the stomach and his eyes grew large.

"No," he whispered, looking at Sakura. "NOOOO!" he cried, falling hard on his knees.

Sakura smiled. "I should have told you not to celebrate so soon."

Syaoran stared at her.

"As long as I have your body, we will not be going ANYWHERE. I am not going to leave my country for some...harebrained gamble in a foreign country. I can't even speak Mandarin, for crying out loud, much less Cantonese!" Sakura folded her arms. "I'll call your mother right now and tell her our deal is off."

Syaoran had been growing steadily angrier with each word Sakura had said. "Listen," he snapped, "we WILL be going, no matter what you say. I am not going to pass up a chance like that. It will never come again. Do you know how long I've wanted this to happen? It's been my childhood dream--no, passionate desire! Don't look at me like that--" here he stopped, for Sakura was looking at him with an amused expression on her face "--you're not that dispassionate. Don't you have something you like to do too?"

Sakura started, then shrugged diffidently. "Cheerleading. I suppose it was more detrimental than beneficial for my college application."

"Stop getting so prissy," Syaoran snapped. "Don't employ bombastic, multisyllabic words. Like, oh my God. You're just so...frustrating!"

Sakura grinned, coming out of her post job-rejection depression. "You're beginning to sound more and more...feminine, to go with the stereotype. How do you expect me to play? I can't."

"Oh yes you can," said Syaoran with a dangerous glint in his eyes. "You most definitely can play. That's my body, Kinomoto. My muscles have memory. It's just that the brain currently occupying my body is shit."

Sakura fired up. "Excuse me? My brain is shit? Look who's talking! You think only about luring girls into your bed. And you're calling my brain shit?"

"Oh please," Syaoran said, sneering. "You and your feminine pride," he said, snarling, "You and your HONOR! What's wrong with being promiscuous? All the girls were easy, stupid, obsessed with romance, and complete ditzes. What's wrong with bedding them? They're not complaining!"

"You're sick, you know that? You're a such womaninzing bastard! Can't you place yourself in the woman's place? She thinks you're her soulmate, but you crashland her innocence and escape with her thong. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? What wrong is that you're taking advantage of all of them! They might be suckers, but that doesn't give you the right to play with them like that!" Sakura was standing now, banging her hand on the table to emphasize her point.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you're asking me to be chivalrous. Chivalry my ass. I told those girls to expect nothing from me. It was just a good fuck, nothing more. They're fools and bimbos for wanting more than sex."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "I wasn't asking you to be chivalrous, Li. I just want to treat women as human beings, not as devices to satisfy your conscupience."

Syaoran smirked. "What can I say, Kinomoto? I go through women like water. As far as I'm concerned, there are three types of women. There are the mothers, the ones you'd never dream of banging because they're too homely. Then there are the good girls, the ones you dream of corrupting, the ones who make great girlfriends because of their virginal innocence and upright morality. The ones with a stick up their ass, the ones who are just so damn respectable..." Syaoran's eyes glittered. "And finally, there are the girls and women who are stupid in every way possible. They think fucking leads to romance and love, and they're the ones who give blow jobs for free. They're the real sluts, Sakura."

Sakura started. He had used her name for the first time. Then disgust and loathing overwhelmed her. She looked at the figure sitting across from her, looking at the green eyes and pink cheeks. A monster secretly occupied that body.

Abominable.

Sakura turned aside, anger slowly ebbing away to be replaced by complete disgust and disillusion. There was no doubt in her mind as to which category she belonged, knowing Li meant to hurt her with his description of the good girls.

She turned back to him. "You can forget about the soccer team, Li. As far as I am concerned, I will never do something that will give you satisfaction. Ever again."

Syaoran cursed silently. He should have kept quiet. It was time to try the pity pitch. "Listen...Kinomoto, this is genuine, okay? Not tainted by spite or anything else. It's true," he said, fully meeting Sakura's coldly skeptical eyes. "soccer has always been my passion and drive. I feel most like myself whenever I'm playing the game. It's not about winning...it's more about...a sense of fairness and honor. I put a lot of effort into playing soccer, and my efforts are always rewarded. My team plays better, or my personal skill improves. As for honor...all the players have to adhere to a code. You have to play a clean game, without any dirty tricks, or else you'll get taken out of the game. You can only gain through playing soccer," he said, looking almost pleadingly at Sakura.

Sakura folded her arms obstinately. "No," she said, uttering the monosyllabic word that turned the heat up on Syaoran's blood even more.

He narrowed his eyes. "Fuck you," he said. "Get out of my house. NOW!" He took savage pleasure in the fact that she had to obey him.

Sakura gritted her teeth. "It's my apartment. You can't order me out!"

Syaoran laughed. "Oh yes I can, dear," he said mockingly. "I'll call out...Touya, as you call him. He won't be too pleased to see the object of his sister's sexual harrassment bouncing around the apartment."

Sakura's eyes filled with hatred (or a close semblance of it). She walked stiffly to the door and wrenched it open, hearing Syaoran's chuckle as she left.

-----

Tomoyo's ear was pressed to the door leading to the living room. She winced slightly as she heard the door slam. Interesting...

-----

Outro

Yue stepped out, flaunting his chest.

The audience all moved back as one, shocked at the sight of the bony, pallid chest.

Yue mistook their disgust for poorly disguised admiration. He smiled.

"Until next time, dear aficionados."

End of Outro

-----

Dreamer: Phew, that was more intense than the previous ones! Darker, more raw, and more profane. Don't worry, lighter moments will come up.

Kero: Yup yup yup.

Dreamer: (hits Kero on the head) Shut it, you. Go eat your candy.

(Kero flys off.)

Dreamer: (In response to a review about Sakura's appearance) First of all, lol. Fat implants because she nearly got raped? OMG. Priceless. Anyway, personally, I've never liked Sakura or Tomoyo that much. Actually, I don't like ANY female anime protagonists, because they're usually the sickening epitomes of cutesy Mary Sues: always beautiful, always lovable and perfect. Melodrama might stain their lives, but by the way they act, you'd think life is all about food and rainbows. I thought the Japanese would get tired of them, but no, lol. Their sugary sweetness really gets to me, so I decided to "humanize" Sakura by making her less than perfect--aka giving her features a more serious and realistic edge. Tomoyo, on the other hand, gets to remain oh-so-perfect and "untouchable" by men because...well, you tell me why. ;) However, I understand your need for a gorgeous and protagonist. Rest assured, Sakura is far from ugly in this story; she's just not a goddess. Heh. We all hate the Mary Sues, but we love and can't get enough of them at the same time. Call it ironic. Rawr.