Wings for Mitsuki
>>Renzie>> Mitsuki's past revealed :) I thought it might be a little quick to release, but I guess it doesn't matter much. A few transitions, that hint at things. You might pick them up, but they're not real obvious.
>>Disclaimer>> Unfortunately, I don't own FMwS :( Maybe when I'm old and retired I'll spend my life savings on buying it...or maybe not.
A/N: Please note that in this chapter, the story switches off with past and present.
Italics : (Mainly) Mitsuki's Past
Regular Text : Present Tense
Okay, I know this belongs up there, but I just want everyone to read this. It's not that important - just something I feel like sharing. Three years ago, I had this really strict humanities teacher. She was reading "The Hobbit" out loud, but I wasn't interested. To me, it was a very boring book(Don't take offense if you like it nn; ). It's such a thick book. Like - who'd ever want to read that? And she said...
"The author of this book spent years writing this story. Next time when you pick up a book, don't skim through it. For all the time this person dedicated, can't you spend a day of your time to appreciate it?"
Just some words of wisdom that I'll remember forever. :) So, anyways...
Chapter 4: An Unspoken Past
Everyone has a past. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But a thing so common, is often overlooked. No one can understand it but you. When people pass you on the streets, they don't realize what you've been through...They don't realize any of it.
When Obaa-chan passed away, I was promptly adopted by a woman in her early thirties. Satsuki, I think her name was. A skinny brunette with eyes so green, they could blind a whole country. At first glance, you'd think she plays the "Evil Step-mother" in Cinderella. High cheekbones, too much make-up, clothes that never really "worked."
How wrong I was.
With her golden heart, my foster mother was almost the complete opposite. Before meeting her, I was just a burden to my relatives - a package on their doorstep. Hence, I refused to be taken in and decided to wait. At least until someone wanted me.
That was how I ended up with my foster family. But even as I started my new life, I didn't talk much with the other kids. Sakurai Eichi, was an exception.
I met him in the summer of my 14th birthday. He was four years older, making him an adult and me a child. Eichi was the one who made me feel comfortable. When I first met him, we connected right away. He had a gentle face. His hair was an even colored blonde, and his smile...oh god - his smile. For the whole two years we were together, I don't think I could ever resist it.
Eichi came from a well-off family in Japan, somewhere. He was abandoned as a child, so he teamed up with Satsuki early on. I guess it's one of those attachment things. Most of Satsuki's foster kids left once they became old enough to support themselves. But not Eichi. I asked him about it once, and he told me with a smile that everyone here was "family." It was impossible for him to leave the place he belonged.
After that, I couldn't help but feel a little relieved...Eichi was here to stay.
He was, after all, irreplaceable...
-
"...Takuto, what are you doing?"
"Eh - this? Studying. What does it look like?"
Mitsuki blinked as her eyebrows slowly went up. "Well, actually. You've been making grunting sounds for the past two hours. Like...'Umph' and 'Gruh'" She tipped her head to the side, catching sight of his paper. "And that looks like doodling."
The boy glanced down at his "artwork" before brushing a hand through his bangs. "Well, you know. I've never been good with poetry."
Just out of curiosity, the shinigami bent down to sneak a peek. "What? Takuto this is the easiest thing I've ever seen! You don't understand this?"
He shook his head with a scowl. "Of course it's easy to you. I'm sure girls spend all their time swooning over poetry."
"T-That's not true, moron. We just have a better sense of understanding these...things."
He gave her a look. The look.
And that's all that it took, to make Mitsuki flush. Well, whose fault was it that poetry was beautiful and addicting and...and...breath-taking ?-! It was like the melody to a song - soft and elegant. Yet at the same time, leaving such an impression. Mitsuki snapped back to the conversation, as Takuto watched eagerly. "N-Nevermind, that."
"So..."
"So...?"
Takuto smiled, leaning his head back. "Are you gonna help me, or what?"
"H-Help you...?" Mitsuki looked at him strangely. "No way, you're on your own!"
Takuto drummed his fingers on the table quietly. He was glancing up, as if to search his mind for an idea. "Mitsuki, you're my favorite shinigami."
"Ahem...don't try that with me. I'm your only shinigami."
"And I'm your only subject," he retorted with a smug smile.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Mitsuki gave him a confused look, before letting out a sigh. "Rrg, fine. Why do I get roped into these things?"
Takuto only replied in a laugh.
He managed to stumble through the entire poem - with her help, that was. In the end, the boy was more than grateful and even offered to treat her somewhere. Mitsuki refused at the time.
For she was already heated by his smile. 'Oh great,' she thought mentally. Why was it she always succumbed?
The little things he did to her...
-
Being so dense, I wasn't able to figure it out. Why were all these things happening? He was just nice...a very nice person. So why the mixed emotions? The feeling like I was hiding something important from myself. I had never heard of a "fluttering chest" syndrome, but maybe - just maybe, -...I was coming down with the symptoms.
When I mentioned this to one of my new friends, she suggested something insane. Kouyama Mitsuki? In love? After all, it was "factual," as she reported. And you know what? The very next moment, I was flat out laughing. It was impossible for me to love Eichi, much less have those feelings returned.
Geez, was I wrong about a lot of things.
The truth didn't come until a few months later. Until then, I was still overburdened with the loss of Obaa-chan. Even though Satsuki and the rest were so kind, I'd wake up and expect my grandmother's warm smile.
The day I found her "asleep," was the day things changed. I made a silent vow that I'd never smile again, even if some councilor begged to differ.
And so, the Kouyama Household became a very...unhappy place.
-
"Ne, Mitsuki. What's wrong?"
Hinako poked her friend in the shoulder, a worried look creasing over.
"Ah, nothing. It's just..." Brown eyes gave away a lie, which couldn't fool the roommate at all.
"Hey, we've been bunking for - how long now?-! Two months. No - three!" The tiny girl put her hands on her hips, offering a consoling smile. "So tell me...what's this all about?"
Mitsuki smiled. Out of everything, these were the times when she appreciated Hinako the most. "It's nothing, really. I was just wondering when...Takuto's death date was..."
Then, all went quiet. The atmosphere didn't seem so peaceful anymore. But Mitsuki had to find out. When she received the letter of notification, the girl had vented out her frustration and...thrown it away. For all she knew, his date could be today. She swallowed.
'Oh, please God. Don't be today, don't be today.'
"Hmm...well, I'm not sure. You'd have to ask the boss." Seeing the look on Mitsuki's face, Hinako gave an innocent smirk. "Don't worry about it. The earliest date I've heard of was...hmm...about four months. You're still getting there."
Mitsuki let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. But even with this reassuring info, she still couldn't help but worry. What would happen...when that time came?
"Mitsuki, are you...sure you're okay?"
"Yea, Hinako." She forced out a smile. Amazingly, it was a complete replica of the real thing.
"I'm absolutely...fine"
-
I was fourteen years old. It wasn't so hard to stay guarded. In that period of time, I learned how to control my tears. How to save them, how to build them inside. Yea...I learned it good. But now, I'm not so sure it's something to be proud of. The night before Obaa-chan's funeral, I told myself over and over again that...I wouldn't cry in public.
She wasn't gone. She wasn't gone. She wasn't gone.
Like a charm, those three words held my tears obediently. I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I didn't want it to hurt more than it already had. In the end, Eichi was the one who broke everything down.
We were sitting outside the Convenience Store, on one of those cheap silver benches. That day was hot - really hot, I remember. I can't recall what he said, but it definitely...flicked the switch. And moments later, tears were spilling along with the words I could never speak. I was talking fast, breathing fast. Everything came out all at once.
Part of me wanted to stop it. But the other needed to hear it said from my very own lips. And so, that's what happened.
Eichi was the first, and last person, to hear it all.
When he nodded with that understanding smile, it came as a surprise. Like for once, someone really cared. Someone wanted to listen.
And that seemed to draw me even closer in. I should've listened to what my heart was saying. Because from the first moment we were introduced, there was this...one thing I had never felt before: The feeling of love.
Only...I was too blind to recognize it. By the time I did, I still couldn't bring myself to confess. Or do anything, for that matter. I was afraid our friendship would fall apart. So instead, I just smiled and positioned myself as "the girl friend."
Ahem, please note that was girl SPACE friend. As in a girl who was a friend. As in a girl who couldn't be honest with herself. As in a girl who wanted to always, always love him from afar.
But before I knew it, trouble wasn't far away. It struck me harder than ever, and it was "goodbye, tolerance" once and for all. I only had a month to be remotely happy.
It ended one night, when I saw Eichi park in the driveway with someone. A girl, rather. And let me tell you - I didn't like her. Not at all.
Her name was Michiko. I can't recall very many details, but I do remember some of her features. Her eyes - a soft blended amber. Brown hair that curled along the edges of her face, and a delicate frame that defined slender.
Unlike some other little girl, she was 18. An adult, just like Eichi. Michiko thought I was his sister, which I guess came closest to the truth.
...In Eichi's eyes.
But even if I wasn't the one he loved, I was still his most important girl. I was happy with that - I really was. Though after "she" arrived, "happiness" became a foreign word.
Every time they were together, I began to notice things more and more. Eichi had stopped spending all his time with me. When we did manage a conversation, every other sentence had to do with "her."
He was still nice, that was for sure. The smile I fell for so many times - it was still there. But it was different now. We never talked heart-to-heart anymore. And slowly, I watched myself get replaced by another. That was when my relationship with Eichi...really began to crumble.
-
"God dammit, I hate this job!"
Sakamura threw down a collection of words, papers scattering everywhere. He pressed a hand to his forehead, inhaling deeply as he looked up. After several moments, he recollected himself and started picking up the mess.
'Chill,' he directed, attempting to reassure himself. 'There's nothing you can do. That was then, this is now."
After gathering the display he had put on, Sakamura returned to where he was reading...No! It wasn't just that easy!
How could she still smile after all that? For the billionth time - STUPID. GIRL. Sakamura shook his head. He had never met a person so idiotic before.
When someone dies, when someone you love... when everything goes wrong, it's only natural to feel sad. Depressed. Mortified. You don't smile, and you don't laugh.
His thoughts raced back to her giddy expression. A never faltering smile...eyes that shined so easily. Then he asked himself for the second time, ' How can she still smile after all that? ' It wasn't something...to be happy about.
But maybe Mitsuki knew that already. She was only...trying to be strong.
Sakamura clenched his fist, but couldn't bring himself to be angry. Only sad in a way that felt unnatural to him. But he couldn't stop the feeling. Thinking over and over again:
'Mitsuki, you don't have to be that way.'
-
Michiko was a nice girl. I could see why Eichi liked her so much. Funny, Talented, Good-natured. But sometimes I tried to make excuses for myself. Any excuse at all, to make myself dislike her.
Then...I realized there wasn't a reason. The only explanation for the way I felt, was jealousy. Hard, cruel, jealousy.
I didn't want to be that kind of person - I really didn't. But was it really my fault if emotions...got out of hand? If the way they touched was different from the way we touched? From the friendly way Eichi hung his arm around me, to the...tender kisses he planted on her lips.
If right then, things were going "downhill", what happened next pushed me off a building. Not just one, but three - each a severe blow to the heart.
The first time I fell, was when he said those...words. No, they weren't "I love you," or anything of the sort. Give me a break. If Eichi had ever said that, he'd be telling another girl...not me. Most likely the one he was marrying at the time.
That's right. Sakurai Eichi was getting married to the girl of his dreams. Beautiful, Slender, Educated, Compassionate, everything I felt I wasn't at the moment.
And, yes. It did pain me. To run up and hug Eichi - only to pretend I was congratulating the brother I never had. When really, my bleeding heart was crying. All over again...never wanting to let go.
The second downfall, was my own fault. "I love you." I finally said it. And...I spent my time wishing I hadn't. I slept that night to the sound of my tears, without a care in the world that I looked just as messed up as I felt.
Being his "girl space friend" wouldn't cut it. I wanted his smile back, along with everything else she stole. I wanted to leave that "space" behind. The "space" that made me just a friend. The "space" that kept us apart. The "space" that made him reject me.
But it was the nicest rejection in the world. He held me close, and told me to close my eyes. He told me that I was important to him, and that he liked me...so much. Only...there was someone else he loved. He squeezed me tighter, and told me not to cry. And when he did, I forgot all about the lessons I had learned. I forgot about "not crying in public." The tears wouldn't stop.
I wondered over and over again how he made me feel this way. I just...didn't know how. But right then, I only wished he'd stop. I could hardly hear a word he was saying through my emotions. And with that...look on his face.
I was young enough to be confused, but old enough to feel the pain. It was...something I became familiar with.
The last fall, was all too literal. It was an accident, it really was...But maybe it wasn't. Maybe, I still can't give up on denying.
When I ran away to that cliff - pouring my heart out on the road...
When I think about it, I think about the cold ground beneath my feet - chilling to the bone.
I think about slipping off the side, but too weak to hang on.
Or maybe, my will to live had flown away...
Thinking , ' If I died today, would he cry? Would he feel regret?'
' If he saw me today, would he keep walking? And pass me like a stranger on the street?'
When I think about what happened, I think about the worst feeling in the world.
I couldn't find a reason. I couldn't find an answer. I couldn't find an excuse. So all I could do, was keep on...
...falling...
This chapter was a little emotional. uu; I hope it wasn't too confusing, but it should've at least answered some of your questions. So how did I do?
>>Leave a review, of course :)