Wings for Mitsuki

Renzie It's been 5 months since the last update nn; Haha. Okay, I know it's been a while. There are a bunch of people who have left very encouraging comments, and everyone had such nice things to say in their reviews ;-; Uwaa, it's leaves me fuzzy inside. Seriously. But I'm sure by now, everyone's forgotten what this story's about xD Hehe. Just look back a chapter or two if you need to remember. Other than that, please enjoy the next chapter!

Disclaimer Mitsuki and Takuto are not my characters. They were created somewhere in Arina Tanemura's brain :D And thank God for that.

Chapter 10: A Bitter-sweet Feeling

Takuto wondered what had possibly convinced him to take it out of the corner.

After so long, the strings had worn down and dust had compiled on the sides. It hardly looked like a guitar that, at one point, had been played and cleaned so often that it could be dubbed religion.

The boy let his fingers graze the strings once, emitting a low strum throughout the apartment. It was a satisfying yet bitter-sweet feeling.

When Takuto had first found out that he had throat cancer, it took him days to figure out what to do. Everything he saw, he looked at with a changed perspective that was somehow...desperate for time. Desperate for life. The world seemed so tilted, but everyone continued on with their routine. Was Takuto the only one who noticed how ugly the world looked now? It was as if he was the unlucky kid whom no one wanted to be. The one who's dreams were shot down before they even had a chance to take off. Why was it that the one thing he loved was taken away? Singing had become a part of him, and ripping it away was like a slow and painful death. On that day...for the first time in years, he cried.

The doctors tried to reassure him that he could still play music. After all, Takuto had always accompanied his voice with the guitar. It was like the soul mate to his vocal cords. But once he left those hospital doors, even the instrument he used to love became painful. Something was missing... something was gone. His voice...why couldn't he use it? How could he possibly play the guitar with that instinct of wanting to inhale air and exhale a melody...while knowing it was impossible?

Even on the streets, when he heard the sound of a musician singing along with their guitar, Takuto grew jealous inside.

It wasn't fair, this disease. It wasn't fair, and he knew for certain that life never was... Countless times, he had remembered asking himself what he had done to receive such cruelty. By the time the Shinigami Mitsuki came around, he had already been expecting some kind of punishment... in this case, it was death.

He had been thinking to himself, 'At least after this, I won't have to deal with it any longer.' A twisted form of optimism, but who could blame him?

Strangely enough, ever since that time, those negative thoughts had stayed clear of Takuto's mindset. He hadn't even thought about his throat cancer until today, when he finally picked up his guitar.

Strumming a simple melody that he had been subconsciously working on, the boy fixed his gaze on the floor. How could it be, that even as the date of his death got closer, Takuto hadn't experienced so much as a sleepless night? Why was it that he hadn't felt that kind of raw loneliness for so long?

The boy abruptly stopped playing the guitar.

The realization came to him easily: It was because of Mitsuki.

Not simply because she was another person, but because it was her.

Takuto laughed a little to himself then, the irony getting the best of him. A God of Death, making a human feel more alive then they have for the past months? It seemed impossible...

Yet he smiled knowingly, and continued to play.

-

The sidewalk was a dark gray from the rain that showered the night before. This was the first thing on Mitsuki's mind as she returned from the Shinigami world.

Apparently, it was that time of year when the season didn't matter, and the weather took on mood swings of its own. After all, it was only two days ago that she had been listening to Takuto's complaints about how hot the weather was. They had had to shut the window blinds to prevent the tiny apartment room from heating up any further. Even more so, the air conditioning had broke the previous week, and the sticky humidity continued to exist. The two of them had resorted to fanning themselves with magazines, afraid of going out into the hot weather to buy a real fan.

Mitsuki laughed, remembering how funny Takuto had looked with his hair pinned up in all the weird places that his hair tie couldn't catch.

With a nostalgic smile on her face, the Shinigami floated to the 5th floor of the apartment. Clearly, she abandoned the idea of an elevator. As her feet touched the pavement, Mitsuki recognized the tone she was hearing as that of a guitar. She stopped to press her ear against the door, and quieted her breathing so that it was barely audible.

Her first thought was: I knew a thief would get into Takuto's apartment! He never even locks the door, that stupid guy.

But then she realized, a twinge of color coming to her cheeks, that maybe she was the foolish one. A thief breaking inside to play their guitar? Maybe not.

Of course it would have to be Takuto. He did have a guitar in the corner of his room, didn't he? She had seen it there once, but had never paid it much attention. After all, the guy had never even taken it out before. Or at least...not in front of her. Mitsuki wondered why he had kept it hidden away.

Even though she could hear him from the outside of the apartment, what Mitsuki saw when she entered the room still surprised her. Maybe not the fact that Takuto was playing music, but more of how he was playing. The boy was sitting there so naturally, his form bending perfectly with the curves of the guitar. His fingertips strummed gracefully with so much passion behind them, as if music had been his oxygen for a long, long time. His eyes were focused on his fingers alone.

There was something about the Takuto in that moment, back-lit by the clouded yet bright sky, that made him seem like a single moment, captured on a canvas. If she were an artist, this would be the one to paint, Mitsuki thought to herself. Entranced by the scene, she leaned against the door frame and allowed it to support her weightless figure.

"M-Mitsuki!"

Takuto's exclamation was off guard and taken aback, but the Shinigami was almost more surprised than he was. She quickly stood up straight at the sound of her name.

"Oh...Takuto. Um, I --" She clasped her hands together, unsure of what to do with them. "Sorry..." The Shinigami tucked a piece of hair behind her left ear, and wondered why she was feeling so embarrassed about walking in on him. He had only been playing an instrument. It wasn't really anything to be apologetic about. But somehow, that image on the canvas burned into her mind, and it seemed as if she had interrupted something special. Something that she couldn't quite understand. And for that, she didn't have the right to be standing there.

"Dummy," Takuto said, laughing at her flustered face. "I haven't seen you in two days, and you can't even give me a proper greeting?"

Her gaze had been still in that small moment, but she recovered by promptly sticking out her tongue like she always did. "Who're you calling 'Dummy', Dummy?"

He smiled then, a warm smile that reminded Mitsuki that the place she belonged was here. There could be no other.

The two of them talked for a long time, as if they had been separated for more than just two days. Mitsuki was relieved for Takuto's usual teasing, and she was also relieved that he hadn't said anything about her interruption. He took the time to ruffle her hair as usual, and for this tiny gesture, she was also glad.

-

Takuto felt a certain satisfaction as he fondly messed up his Shinigami's hair, and was given "the mad face" in return. It was just the little quirk of a smile that gave her away. He knew she could never truly be mad at him at times like these, and perhaps that was why he found her angry face to be so cute.

But more than that, he was just glad that Mitsuki was back. The time passed without her had an empty presence that was always filled when she was around. At this point, he felt relieved at the sight of her face.

"Oh, that's right." Takuto removed a box from the fridge and slid it to her across the counter. "Sesame cakes."

It was amazing how quickly Mitsuki's face could produce a smile. She opened the styrofoam box and breathed in the sweet aroma. Her features fell into a blissful mush. "Mmm...smells so good! Thanks, Takuto!"

"No problem. There was a huge sale on them anyway at the store."

The cost reduction made him look so proud of himself that she had to laugh. "So you're secretly a cheap-o!"

"Eh?! Say that again, you freeloader."

"What! No way -- I've been helping to clean your tiny apartment for weeks! Look at that pile over there. And do you see that over there? And that over there! Sparkling clean." Smiling, she made a victory peace sign with her fingers.

"Okay, okay," he said, waving his hand dismissively. "I take back the freeloader comment. Now eat your food."

She took a bite of the sweet dessert with satisfaction, and Takuto walked over to the couch to pack the guitar back into it's case. She watched him do this diligently, with such a careful grace.

"Takuto," she said to his back, "I never knew you could play the guitar so well. I've never heard you play until today!"

He paused for a split moment, and stared at the music sheets laid out before him, waiting to be put away. His arm stiffened, along with his shoulders, before he agreed distantly with a single, "Yea."

That should've been her first hint, but Mitsuki only continued on to ask, "Why did you stop playing? It seems like something that you really love. Ah -- only from what I've seen, of course."

She was about to go on about how she had never seen him look as happy as he did there, with the guitar in his arms. That was until Mitsuki caught the flash of hurt in his eyes when he turned around.

"Yea, I stopped playing," he said in a soft voice. "...I thought you knew all that. Mitsuki, when I got throat cancer and had to give up singing, I just...couldn't play anymore. There was something missing." He shrugged, as if to brush it all off as something unimportant. Mitsuki couldn't help but see that as defense. "When your dream dies," he explained, "it's painful."

The girl swallowed, feeling like she was on the spot beneath his gaze. His eyes were consumed with sadness. Or was that disappointment? ...Because of her? Mitsuki widened her eyes, somehow confused about how the events had played out. She had only meant it to be a harmless conversation topic...not this.

Mitsuki had known that the cause of his death was throat cancer, but she hadn't known that singing was his dream. There was never anything written about a Human's dreams or passions in the Shinigami report. Merely the cause of death and the date in which their soul was to be retrieved. She hadn't known the passion that lay hidden behind his fingers or the desire he had to sing. What kind of dream is it, when it's shot down so early?

"I'm sorry, I...I didn't know." The girl was answered with silence, which only made her more uncertain. "Takuto--"

"Don't worry about it." He said the words with a smile, but Mitsuki knew better. "You didn't know. Really, I'm not bothered by it anymore."

Maybe her face didn't seem to believe him. Because Takuto said her name softly, and drew her into his arms. Mitsuki wondered in the back of her mind why she was the one being comforted, when Takuto was the one hurting. He was hurting. She wanted to cry for the pain that he was feeling then. Knowing that his past had been ignited by the flame she had lit made Mitsuki's heart ache in regret. All because of her. Because of her stupid ways...

As if she had somehow been saying her thoughts out loud, Takuto reassured her the way he always did.

"Nothing's your fault, Mitsuki...You know that, don't you?"

He stroked the top of her head, and she wasn't surprised to feel water in the corner of her eye. Somehow, he always knew.

-

Sakamura floated through the air of the Human world, letting the wind brush the surface of his cheeks as he flew. It wasn't often he visited places outside of his office, let alone the Human world. But today, he made an exception.

A small part of Sakamura still wondered why he was there, but the majority of his mind -- and heart -- already knew. This was something that the Shinigami had to do, even if every inch of him resisted.

He cringed suddenly as a blob of pollution wafted up his nose. Blegh.

Sakamura had been mulling over the subject for days now. Kouyama Mitsuki. The girl whom he couldn't seem to control his thoughts over, the girl who made him feel inexperienced in actually...caring. He didn't know anyone else who he felt this way around...

But damn. Sakamura gritted his teeth, silently cursing himself for falling into such a trap. Why him, seemed to be the question. Was God trying to punish the Shinigami by forcing him to fall in love? Or maybe it was just some kind of entertainment for the higher world.

If Sakamura fell in love, eventually he would fall out. And he didn't want to experience that. All those years, he'd been a good Shinigami. A great one, even... All the elders agreed.

So what had he ever done wrong?

The Shinigami licked his lips, chapped by the blazing wind. He could see the apartment on the horizon now, it's white rooftop peeking out from all of the others. The Shinigami closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath of air. He could almost feel the melancholy filling up his lungs.

"If I did something wrong...anything at all," he muttered silently. "I didn't have to be punished this way."

The thought never occurred to him that...maybe his love wasn't a punishment after all.

Maybe it was a gift.

-

When he stepped inside the apartment, Sakamura immediately conjured up old memories of his Human life. Everything looked so...tangible. So alive. So real, but he was somewhere lost between invisibility and reality.

Everything in the apartment brought up a different memory. Memories he hadn't thought of in the longest time. Even common things like the clock on the wall reminded him of some incident of his old life. The Shinigami shook his head, now knowing why coming to the Human World was a bad thing. There wasn't a single good memory in Sakamura's past life, so nothing from this world could ever remind him for the better.

But this time, he made an exception. He was here to find Kouyama Mitsuki, and to... to what?

The Shinigami's gaze flickered to the wall, and he began squinting his eyes as if there was a fine print written there. What would he do when he came face to face with Mitsuki? Confess his undying love?

...No. Definitely not. They hardly even talked to each other, yet Sakamura already had these feelings. He stifled a groan of annoyance, and brushed a hand through his jet black hair. It seemed all wrong now. Yet he was already in her apartment(or rather, her subject's apartment), and there was no way he was turning back.

So he would do it. God dammit! He would convey to her, somehow, that he cared about her. Even if it was in the slightest hint that she couldn't even pick up on. He had to do it.

Or else, the burning in his heart would never go away.

That was probably worse than rejection.

Sakamura stepped further into the plush carpet, approaching a room who's door was closed. He knew that he shouldn't have been snooping out someone's house, but he was looking for Mitsuki, and wouldn't stop until he found her. Maybe it was all that pep-talk to himself about this and that. Whatever it was, he grasped the golden knob in his hand and shifted it to the right.

"What are you doing?"

The Shinigami yelped -- a jerk reaction. He spun around, heart beating fast from the scare. A boy stood at the opposite end of the room. Instead of being angry at someone for barging into his home, like Sakamura had predicted, the Human only looked curious as to why a stranger would be wandering around his house.

'This,' Sakamura thought, 'Must be her subject.'

He had seen the boy briefly during that one visit with Hinako, but now his face was up-close. He had clear brown eyes mounted on a soft face, and dark hair was pulled back by a lavender ribbon...Nothing out of the ordinary, really.

But the Shinigami remembered Mitsuki's illuminated expression as she laughed with this person, and he seethed inside.

Sakamura wondered what it was about this guy that made him so special. Just some kid with a purple bow in his hair. A boy who only had so long to live would never make a difference. These thoughts were crude and bitter, and Sakamura flushed lightly. Maybe it was just jealousy talking now.

"What are you doing?" Takuto repeated again, wondering if the stranger had entered the wrong apartment number by accident. However, the slight glow around the edges of the person's figure was a dead give away, and Takuto had a feeling that this wasn't just an ordinary visitor. "You... a Shinigami?"

Sakamura never answered the question, and instead narrowed his eyes in a silent glare.

"Kouyama Mitsuki. I don't suppose you'd know where she is, would you?" The bitterness in that voice was lightly coated, but apparent in a patronizing way. The wheels in Takuto's head were turning as he tried to figure out why the Shinigami seemed to dislike him so much.

"Well," Takuto said, "She left a half an hour ago to check out the new band playing at the Coffee House... She probably won't be back for a while, so I guess you can...wait here if you want."

"Hmph...so she's out, is she?" The Shinigami twitched, irritated that he had come all the way out to this world in order to wait in some Human's apartment.

"So...who exactly are you?" Takuto asked with widened eyes.

Sakamura gave him the snide once-over, in favor of provoking the guy. "I'm just someone from the Shinigami World... Close friends with Mitsuki," he said, shrugging nonchalantly. That was a flat out lie, but a little one never hurt anybody. Sakamura couldn't help but play that game again...

He glanced at Takuto through the corner of his eye, but all the boy said was, "Oh really?"

"Yea, pretty much." Sakamura floated around the apartment, running through various schemes in his head to rile the guy up. The thought of Mitsuki liking this boy was making things blurry, and the lies continued to spew out with only one goal in mind: to make Kira Takuto mad.

"We can talk about anything to each other. I guess we're at that point in our relationship." Sakamura heaved a sigh. "It's too bad she has a duty as a Shinigami. We could be together way more if you weren't in the way."

He saw Takuto twitch visibly, and knew that the words were getting to him. Everything that came out of the Shinigami's mouth was probably stinging him somewhere.

Sakamura glanced innocently at the guy. "...I mean, don't you always wonder what she's doing when she's not keeping watch over you? When she takes those periodic breaks to come back to the Shinigami World? I can tell you that in every moment she's not at your side doing her job, she's with me."

The lie stung Sakamura a little as he said it. Maybe because it was a lie, but he wanted it to be the truth. He put his heart ache away, knowing that he just needed a little more to finally put Kira Takuto off the edge.

"Heck, with the way things are going now, I'd say we're already more than friends." That one was true...on his side at least. Sakamura smiled bitterly at the thought, and floated towards the subject with intent.

"You know...we're together all the time, but she still puts on such a sad face when she has to leave me." Sakamura leaned over and whispered into Takuto's ear like a secret, "And when she makes such a sad face like that, I can't help but kiss her."

It was then that Takuto broke.

"You...asshole!" Takuto clenched his fist at his side, gritting his teeth to stop the shaking. 'I should really punch him,' he thought. 'Teach that bastard a lesson.' The rage welling up inside of him was completely out of the blue, yet he couldn't stop it. He was just so...angry! It was frustrating, the way this Shinigami was talking about Mitsuki. Like she actually liked that brat. As if she was his...

...was she?

Suddenly, Takuto's anger faded into something else. The possibility that...maybe Mitsuki really did love this guy. For all Takuto knew, everything the Shinigami said could be the truth. When he thought about it, it made complete sense. Mitsuki was a Shinigami. A God of Death... For her to fall in love with a human would be impossible...

He shook his head, cursing himself for even thinking about something like that. When had he started to think about Mitsuki that way? When did he start to care about who she was with or who she cared about?

It was none of his business. She was none of his business.

The thought made Takuto feel at his limit. The pain he felt now was frigid and empty, and not at all unfamiliar. Somehow, the heartache he was experiencing rivaled that of the pain he had felt when he first found out about his throat. Thinking about Mitsuki being with someone else was like... he didn't know anymore. He just knew that he needed her. Not in the way that a friend needed a friend, but in the way that...if someone ripped her away now, he'd never be the same.

And the only thing that could make him feel that way was love.

It's funny how Humans realize their truth through pain.

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