Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive.
"That's why I tell kids like you, the drug game is cool you know, but in some ways it's not cool, but mostly...it's cool." - Gangstalicious (The Boondocks)
Jann and Bayman immediately begin coughing and hacking as they are welcomed by the Los Angeles' pollution. Bayman pulls his shirt over his mouth as they make their way down the sidewalk to where the taxis are waiting outside of LAX.
"Hey, yo, thats our thang!" A man yells viciously and Bayman spins around to see six black guys walking over wearing loose and baggy clothes. The centerpiece of their wardrobe is that their white shirts over their mouths.
"Dis lil white boy tryin to jack our gear!" Another spits and Bayman's eyes begin to water, and not only from the harsh air.
"Wait, wait, he's just trying to not to inhale these fumes ya'll call oxygen!" Jann defends, but the men don't relent,
"He got five seconds to drop his shirt!" The leader yells, pulling out an M16 and Bayman doesn't hesitate to let his shirt back down, "Daz betta. Now kick it!" Bayman and Jann run the rest of the way to the taxis and quickly load into one, locking their doors fearfully.
"This place blows." Bayman groans as the taxi driver turns around and both Bayman and Jann almost choke at seeing the turban, but luckily it's not Leon, just someone else of terrorist decent.
"Where you go?" He asks in a thick, almost unintelligible accent and Jann dives into his pocket and holds out the address that Kokoro gave him,
"You know where this is?" The driver nods and takes off quickly, leaving the airport behind.
The cab ride lasts for maybe ten minutes in heavy, bumper to bumper slow moving traffic before purple clothed gangsters swarm around the taxi. Bayman looks at his clothes confused, wondering what he did this time as the leader rips the driver's door open and yanks him out.
"You can kill me, just don't take my car!" The driver yells as the man throws him on the ground and the other members open Bayman and Jann's doors and reach in.
"We yield, we yield!" Bayman yells as a silver and black haired Asian guy grabs him around the collar and throws him out.
"Saints, away!" The gang takes off down the street, blasting rap music as they go and Bayman and Jann both scurry to the sidewalk to avoid being run over. The driver just cries in the middle of the road, cradling his beaded seat cover.
"Are these the guys you're going to be fighting?" Bayman asks apprehensively, "Because if so, you got more training to do."
"No friggin kiddin. These bastards don't mess around." Jann dusts himself off, angered at being man-handled by a man wearing purple.
Bayman grabs his empty stomach with a scowl, regretting not eating that earwax on the plane, but all of his horrors of L.A. are erased as he sees four busty girls dancing outside the entrance of a restaurant wearing white tank-tops and the tightest, shortest orange booty shorts he has ever seen.
"Dude, dude, dude, dude!" Bayman repeats excitedly, tugging on Jann's arm fervently and Jann turns around and scowls,
"Bayman, we don't have time for that."
"This is my dream, Jann! My dream!!!" Bayman drops down to the ground, grabbing the bottom of Jann's pants crying.
"Hey, we've patented that pose!" The boys looks over and see a gang of five French guys, wearing all white clothes, but their not daunting in the slightest.
"Okay, whatever, but quickly." Jann finally submits and Bayman giggles like a little girl and takes off towards the restaurant that has a big owl for its mascot.
He rushes in and almost wets himself at seeing his utopia, the kingdom from his dreams. Bounce, bounce, bounce, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, and there's probably some faces attached, but who cares?
"Welcome to Hooters!" The greeter smiles widely, but Bayman isn't focusing on her teeth, "You can sit wherever you'd like!" She waves her arm, motioning across the crowded booths and tables and Bayman just can't decide.
"Come on!" Jann drags Bayman across the sticky floor, and throws him down in a corner booth and takes his seat impatiently.
"Duuuude, check those out!" Bayman motions with his head, trying not to point with his arms and Jann turns around and even he's surprised at the size. Those can't be real...
"Hiya, boys! How are ya! I'm Tina and I'm gonna be your guys' server!" The busty blond says a bit too chipper, pulling the menus from her cleavage and tossing them on the table.
Bayman's head falls forwards and hits the table and Jann rubs his ears. The body's cool and all, but that voice has got to go.
"Can I start ya'll off with some drinks? Sweet Tea? Lemonade?" She asks, leaning over and Bayman starts shaking tremulously, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.
"Yea, we'll both have lemonade." Jann says with a dismissing wave and Tina smiles and winks,
"Okay boys, be right up!" She jumps up as she spins and Bayman starts slamming his head into the stained wall.
"This place isn't that great. I mean, sure there's girls, but this food doesn't seem very impressive." Jann observes through boredom, looking over at the other table as a man starts choking on a half cooked chicken wing, "Poor bastard."
"Oh no, he's in trouble!" A girl yells and Jann turns to look as a black girl rushes over and grabs the man from behind and thrusts her fists into his midsection.
"Duuude, give me a chicken bone, give me a chicken bone!" Bayman yells, flailing with his arms as the man spits the bone away and the girl does a celebration dance.
She does some crazy capoeira dance moves, flipping her legs in cartwheels and even Jann is entranced. She finally halts her movements,
"I am the winner!" Everyone within the restaurant starts clapping and she waves blushing and Tina returns with the lemonade and Jann grimaces at whatever's floating in the bottom of the glass.
"Aint Lisa amazing? She's going to school! To become some sort of a...science...dentist?"
Bayman tries to lift his head away from the table to drink some of his lemonade, but he seems to have lost most of his motor skills.
"Can I have a different glass?" Jann asks and Tina pouts as she looks down,
"Are you saying the lemonade I made ya aint good enough?"
"Just do it." Jann orders, pushing the glass away in disgust and Bayman's eyes widen,
"I know you're not demanding anything of this sweet, sweet angel!"
"Yea, maybe a little bit more polite? I'm a pretty girl with big boobs, I demand respect! You should be drooling all over me, peon!" Tina pouts and turns around peevishly and Jann scoffs,
"Don't bite the hand that tips you, bitch, it'll be the hand that slaps you." Jann rises from his seat and Tina screams and as if summoned, a massive white sumo wrestler comes rushing from the kitchens.
"TINNNNNNAAAAA!!!!" He jumps in front of the table and Jann bounds backwards towards the wall, trying to erase the sight from his eyes.
The blubbery, pale man wears nothing but an orange apron over some much too small red bloomer looking undergarments. He shakes all over as he reaches his sausage fingers at Jann,
"You dare make my Tina, cry?! No one hurts my TINNNAA!!!" Jann looks down at the looming, sticky floor, but has no choice. He quickly rushes downwards and slides out of the chair, underneath the table, and scrambles between the man's legs and behind.
"Daddy, look out!" Tina's warning is too late as Jann does a quick leaping roundhouse, sending the massive hog of a man slamming into the table. He dusts his hands off and spins around,
"Any more cooks wanna mess?" Jann asks and Tina scowls and slaps her hands together and then holds her hands into the air,
"Girls, get these two!"
"These two? I'm innocent!" Bayman yells, but they ignore his plea as a knife slams into the wall right next to his head.
"American girls don't care about innocent or guilty, just run!" Jann pushes Tina out of the way as he bolts for the door, dodging Lisa who now has a green Lucha-Libre mask on. He finally reaches the sunlight and spins in an aimless direction and continues running, looking over his shoulder to see a panting and red faced Bayman with twenty pairs of zeppelins in pursuit.
"Nuh-uh, honeys, thats our thang!" Every one spins at a group of muscular men wearing identical, tight fitting outfits to the girls, just in green. Jann can't stop himself from vomiting this time.
"The Spirit Squad is going to save us!" Bayman squeals and the five blond haired men rush forwards to meet the other team.
"Let's hide over there for now!" Jann points to an alley behind a Taco Bell and Bayman longingly looks over his shoulder one last time, but follows reluctantly.
"Those gay guys aren't going to appreciate that. How cool would it be to be ravished by those Hooter Girls? Ah dude, I gotta change my pants...maybe even my skin." Bayman chuckles and Jann opens his mouth to call him twenty different kind of idiot, but a man's voice interrupts his thoughts,
"Yo, boys, wutz good?" Bayman and Jann look up to a tall, slender black guy wearing black shades. The top of his head is bald so there's really no 'straight' way of telling if his green goatee is natural.
"What's up with you? We jack your gear too?" Jann asks, but immediately regrets it at seeing the man's cut off shorts and yellow open vest with some sort of little alien emblem on it.
"Nah, bro, no one's brave nuff to jack ma gear, but lizzen up. Zack Attack totally gon hook ya'll up." The man snaps his fingers and leads the way out of the alley and points at the Taco Bell drive through menu.
"Look, we're not really interested in--" Jann begins, but Zack holds his hand up,
"Lizzen yo, I'm gon teach ya'll how to cheat tha crook'd fast food system! Now look, how much is a soft taco?"
"In America or Japan?" Bayman bursts into laughter and holds out his fist for some dap, but both Zack and Jann shake their heads and leave him hangin.
"Now look, thaz less than a dollar. Same wit the burrito! But look! This is where they getchu! The drinks! Startin at a dollar twenty, you serious?" Zack slaps the large menu angrily and a Hispanic woman sticks her head out the drive thru window,
"Sorry, sirs, but we no serve walk up customers." Zack spins around furious,
"Duz it look like I'm ordering, biatch!" Zack grabs a rock from the ground and hurls it at her, but she ducks down and closes the windows, "Slippery illegals." Zack mutters under his breathe and Jann and Bayman both start tip-toeing away, but he catches them, "Hey, we not done hur yet!"
"Oh of course not." Bayman laughs nervously and he and Jann both walk to the menu.
"So...uh, how do you beat this terrible fast food scam?" Zack cackles diabolically and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a plastic Taco Bell cup,
"Ya bring yo own! Cuz deez dumbasses have da drink station on tha customer side of tha counter. So just order food, and use yo old cup, haha, dat shits hot right?" His eyes are so excited and proud that Jann doesn't want to deny him.
"Oh yea, that's amazing..."
"But what happens when they run promotions?" Bayman asks, truly concerned and Zack nods his head,
"Thats when it gets a bit hairy. You don't wanna get caught with a E.T. cup when Star Wars comes out, ya know?"
"You again!!" Jann's throat goes dry at that voice and he hesitantly looks over his shoulder and almost wants to cry at seeing Leon, not three feet from them.
"This bastard's good." Bayman cries, but Leon's glare isn't focused on the two boys.
"You got every reason to be sweatin like an escaped slave, you fairy!" Leon growls and Zack tries to steady his wobbling knees,
"Look, dawg, she wanted me! It aint my fault...I mean shit, look at yo face and then look at mine!" Zack reaches into his pocket and tosses a mirror at Leon, but with his massive fist, he sends it shattering to the ground.
"Stop throwing mirrors! That's what you got in trouble in the first place! You've stolen one too many men's women, Zacky boy. And now she's sweatin me for child support! She know that black baby aint mine!" Bayman and Jann look one from man to the other and Jann finally holds his hand up,
"So...you're not after us anymore?"
"Nah, boys, I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment."
"Cat fish?" Zack asks, sticking his nose in the air sniffing deeply and Leon growls and charges at him. Zack yelps and spins, running as fast as his legs can take him and both Bayman and Jann stare at eachother,
"We the shit."
The two boys wander around the mean streets of L.A. for thirty minutes with Jann's address and a bum's crudely drawn map for guidance. Jann smiles as he finally finds his destination, but he looks at the building queerly.
"A house?" Jann looks around at the poor residential area and Bayman shrugs,
"Maybe the man works from home?"
"Where's all the other fighters? The man has a bicycle in his drive-way! Where's his Lamborghini?" Jann rushes to the front door and knocks loudly.
The door opens with a creak and a man's emotionless face comes into view.
"You Fame Douglas?" Jann asks impatiently and the man shakes his head with a scowl,
"No, I'm his...'assistant' Donovan. You lookin for the 'oh great Fame Douglas' my 'lord and commander'?" He asks through sarcastic scorn and Jann slowly nods,
"Sure..."
"Yea, cool, he's in the back." Donovan opens the door the rest of the way and motions for the boys to enter the small house.
It's clean enough, but scant, with very little furniture and the cracked walls are empty with the exception of a few art pieces that seem to have printed from a computer. A young blond haired girl walks into the main room,
"Oh, we have company?" She asks cheerily and Donovan looks over,
"Yea...they're looking for your daddy." He says apathetically as he plops down on the sofa and opens a porno mag.
"Would you guys like some drinks?" She asks and Bayman smirks,
"Hell yea, cutie, I could use--" The girl unexpectedly transforms from a cute little go-getter, to...something else,
"What did you just say to me? Did you pig mouth form the courage to call me a 'cutie'?" She asks arrogantly, walking forwards with her head held high, her nose pompously pointed at the ceiling, "Do you wish to say something else?"
"N—no." Bayman walks backwards as a voice calls out from behind an empty door in the back of the room,
"Donovan, dammit! Another red bull, dammit! Now!" Donovan groans loudly, tossing his magazine on the ground and dives underneath the couch. He pulls out a small blue and red can and gingerly rubs it over his crotch,
"Yes, milord, I'm on the way." He then tosses the can down the back of his pants, jiggles around, and then pulls it out, "Hey, China, you wanna see him? Take this to him."
Donovan tosses the can to Jann, and Jann quickly backs up and catches it disgustedly in a canopy with his shirt,
"I need to get to the bottom of this." Jann grumbles and walks in between the girl and Bayman, but stops at the doorknob. This adventure just isn't going the way he planned. How could a man go from such an extraordinary Tea House to this rinky-dink house. He takes a deep breathe, gathers himself, and pushes the door open.
A blast of Aerosmith music slams into him as he enters the dark room, the only source of light coming from the flat screen monitor in which the man sits behind, typing vigorously. Jann studies the back of Fame's disheveled head and steps forwards dubiously.
"Mr...Douglas?" Jann asks and the swivel chair spins around and Jann bounds backwards in shock. The nerdiest white guy he has ever seen, wearing coke bottle glasses, sporting a half shaved mustache and sideburns, and acne from the top of his hairline down to his chin.
"You're not Donovan!" He says in a squeaky voice and Jann lets the can fall to the floor and balls both of his hands into fists,
"You...you're the proprietor of a Fighting Tournament?"
"What?" Fame asks, pushing his taped glasses closer to his eyes squinting and Jann forces his rage back down into his center,
"D.O.A. The advertisement on the Internet?" Jann explains as patiently as possible and Fame chuckles like some hyena,
"Ah yea, the flyer I made with my new Photo Shop program! I spammed it around to ask people for feedback on my mechanics."
Jann grabs his chest, trying to contain his rapid heart and his eyes begin twitching,
"You...you can't be serious...you can't be..."
"You thought it was actually a tournament? Wow, thats great! That means my skills are looking a lot more genuine! One day I'm going to be the best graphic artist in the world!" Jann leaps forwards and grabs Fame by his skinny shoulders and shakes him violently,
"You son of a bitch! I came all the way from Europe! I've been through hell! And for what! I mean at least stay with the Tea House! You idiot!"
"I would've, but Miyako took it from me in the divorce! Hey, stop shaking me! Donovan, I summon you!!!" Fame screams and Jann lets go and bounces backwards and spins around, ready to fend off Donovan, but the man still sits on the couch, flipping through his magazine. Jann turns back around and spits on the floor,
"You've ruined my life, Fame Douglas, and one day I'm going to kill you." Jann demands and Bayman leans forwards into the room,
"I dunno why...it just seems like I should say that." Jann pushes Bayman back out the door and turns around, slamming the door behind him.
"Donovan, why do you work for that piddly man?" Jann asks angrily and Donovan licks his finger and flips the page over,
"His daughter, Helena...she'll be a sex kitten when she grows up." He flips the page again and Helena growls,
"What did you say to me, Slave?!" She leaps at Donovan, but he holds his leg out and kicks her in the face,
"Quit being so stuck up or you gonna get somthin stuck up in you, feel me?" He kicks her again and continues reading...the articles...
Jann hangs his head low and walks out the front door, leaving the house and his dreams behind. Bayman thinks to reach over and comfort him as they walk back to the curb, but he catches a glimpse of a silver haired woman standing beside him. He looks over and smirks at her slutty, immoral black outfit. Barely anything at all really, just enough to cover the naughty bits and some black cat ears to top it off.
"Yo." Bayman giggles and the woman looks over uninterested,
"You're too young."
"Hey, if I pay you, you better deliver," Bayman shakes his fist at her, "You're not a person anyways. Hookers have no souls." The woman jerks her head back around, her eyes flashing fire,
"What would you do if your son was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor, cuz he's hungry, and the only way to feed him is ta sleep with a man for a--"
"Bitch, shut up right there." Jann snaps and the woman chokes on her words, "Taco Bell is hiring, so don't bring me that shit." Tears work into her eyes and she scowls at him,
"One day I'm gonna stop hooking and become an assassin and you're going to be my first target!"
"Good luck to ya." Jann answers callously and the woman runs away crying and Bayman laughs,
"Damn, dude, it's not the end of the world. You know...if this was a movie we'd form some sort of ingenious plan and go back to Switzerland to save all the other children..."
"Is this a movie?" Jann asks, looking over and Bayman shakes his head, "I didn't think so."
"Well what now? Strip Club?" Bayman suggests casually and Jann shakes his head,
"I'd be too tempted to kill the stripp--"
Screeching tires announce a black van, turning the corner precariously and Jann and Bayman jump backwards as it halts right in front of them. The door slides open and five men wearing black and grey fatigues jump out.
"Bayman! You're coming with us!"
"Woah, who are you guys? From the orphanage? The airline?"
"Russian Special Forces, kid, we're looking for recruits." The lead man grabs Bayman around his midsection and the boy squeals, reaching for Jann, but the Chinese boy takes a couple steps back, "Kid, don't you want to avenge your parents? To show the people of Russia that their country doesn't belong to the criminal and the corrupt?"
"No! I don't!!" He yells, still flailing for Jann, "C'mon, Jann, help me!!"
"I'll write to you." Jann answers and tears burst from Bayman's abandoned face and the door slides closed and the van takes off with Jann waving good-bye to this ridiculous chapter of his life. He dives his hands into his pockets, exhales deeply, and starts walking down the sidewalk. He catches a glimpse of a flyer hanging on a light pole and a certain sparkle lights up in his eyes. 'BE THE NEXT TOP VIRTUA FIGHTER'. Jann grabs the paper from the pole with a newfound energy, growls, and barbarically rips the paper to shreds,
"Don't f'ck with me!!"
A/N : Thanks to everyone who read this and I hope you enjoyed it. There were ups and downs like all the rest of my stuff, but hopefully it was good enough to keep you entertained to the end. Don't choke on any Ween Candy!!
-To the Saviors-
-Thunder, always a pleasure, and thanks for stopping by!
-Nissepisse, I hope you enjoyed it to the end. Thanks for the review about the start, because I think that was the rockiest part for me so it really helped!
-James Hanson, yo, thanks for the review. Yea, I don't like Hayate much so I tried to make him a 'villain'. I was stealin ideas from Chan-woo Park's Trilogy in that segment, and that involved a bit of incest so I stuck Hayate and Kasumi in there. I hope you enjoyed it none-the-less.