This is How You Remind Me -Nickelback
Disclaimer: I do not own That 70s Show or any of it's characters, but I do own the rights to this story, and my added characters, and it's new plot. So please, do not sue me or anything because by rights, I didn't do anything wrong.
(The scene starts out in Red and Kitty Forman's kitchen. Red and Kitty are there, along with the whole gang, who are now about 40 years old...)
Kitty: Isn't it nice, having everybody in my kitchen again? It's so much fun! (she claps her hands together, and laughs)
Red: Yes, it's great Kitty, but I would have thought that Eric and his reign of dumbasses would have left by now.
Kitty: Well, they have. They don't live in the house anymore.
Red: They live down the street. It's like they never grew up, and are still here, making Point Place, Wisconsin stupider than ever.
Eric: Dad, we're right here.
The rest of the gang: (mutters in agreement with Eric)
Red: Shut up.
Kitty: Now Red, the kids downstairs might hear you! I don't want my precious grandchildren hearing their grandpa Red talking with a dirty mouth.
Jackie: Mrs. Forman, they're all over the age of 15. Except Melissa. Trust me, they've heard it. (she glares at Hyde, who shrugs in return)
Kelso: I don't think James has ever heard me use a bad word.
Hyde: How lame are you?
Kelso: I'm not.
Red: (starts to laugh evilly) Oh, yes you are.
Kelso: Ugh! Well, I've got to go to work.
Donna: Yeah, we're still processing the fact that you got your job at the police academy back.
It's really hard to believe that they took you back after setting the whole building on fire.
Kelso: Donna, that was a long time ago. When I was younger and stupider.
Red: You mean when you were younger.
Fez: Oh, I get it!
Eric: Way to go Fez. You've gotten the hang of understanding jokes. How many years did it take? Twenty?
Fez: Do not speak to me. Come Miranda. (he leaves through the back doors, and pulls Miranda with him; Kelso leaves as well)
Donna: Well, I'd better get going too. You know, finding a job. What real women should have. Jackie. Get a job!
Jackie: I don't need a job. Jobs are for poor people.
Donna: And for women with pride.
Jackie: Yeah, go get a job Donna.
Donna: Bye. (she leaves as well, pulling Eric by the collar)
Eric: Okay, I guess that means I'm leaving too, huh. Oh yeah, and mom?
Kitty: Yes, sweetie?
Eric: I don't think Donna's going to be cooking again tonight. She's moody.
Kitty: Don't worry, I'll feed Luke and Claire. (Eric is gone)
Red: (he sighs) Kitty. We are getting older. I'm retired, and you don't work at the hospital anymore. We don't have enough money to feed all of the children who seek refuge in this house. We're like the damn Salvation Army.
Hyde: I can see that this conversation is going to get messy. So, Jackie and I are going to go, and, umm, leave. (Jackie and Hyde exit the scene)
Kitty: Now see what you've done Red Forman? That's the last them, all gone for the night.
Red: See, no it's not. Eric and Donna are going to come back to pick up their kids, and Jackie and Steven are going to realize that theirs are still in our basement as well, smoking something weird for all I know. Well, Scott at least. The foreign guy will come back to get Eleni, since the girl won't leave until the last chapter of her book is done, and Kelso always comes back. I don't even think his kid is here today, and he'll be back.
Kitty: Well, they kids are staying for dinner. We can afford it for one night.
Red: We've resorted to feeding them three times a week. There's more kids than there used to be, Kitty, and that's not even when the dumbasses come as well. Once again, I am not fing Santa Claus!
Kitty: Oh, you'll always be my Santa Claus! Hahaha! (they run out of the kitchen, smiling)
(the scene cuts, and the theme song starts)
(the next scene starts, and the new gang are hanging out in the basement; in Hyde's old chair is Scott with Claire on his lap; on the couch are James, with his arm around Bri, and Eleni who is reading; sitting on a black recliner beside the couch is Luke, and on the floor watching television is Melissa; Coven is not there)
Luke: So, what do you guys figure the dorks upstairs are talking about?
James: (laughing hysterically as Luke says this) Do you know what a dork is, Luke?
Luke: Yeah. I know. It's got two meanings.
James: Yeah!
Bri: James, I told you, you can't talk about that kind of thing in my presence. It's just not right.
James: Sorry.
Scott: God, you are so stupid. Why would you go out with someone who is so controlling?
Luke: Who are you to talk? You're with my sister. Claire. My sister. Why is the world so cruel?
Claire: Shut up Luke. You're only saying that because you hate the fact that your little sister has a boyfriend and you don't.
Luke: Why would I want a boyfriend?
James: Maybe because your sexual preferences are different than they should be, Luke.
Bri: Eww!
Melissa: (looking away from the televison) What's a sexual preference?
Claire: It's whether people like boys or girls better. Dating wise.
Melissa: Okay. (she looks back at the television)
Luke: What are you watching?
Bri: She's watching Power Rangers. Again.
Scott: Wow. Power Rangers. They most pointless show on the history of the planet, shown at least once a day in this hellhole where we spend all of our time.
Bri: God, Melissa, why don't you ever watch anything other than Power Rangers? It's so stupid.
Melissa: Because! I like it.
Claire: You've gotta admit, the guy in red is hot.
Scott: Oh, really.
Claire: Not hotter than you.
James: (to Bri) Do you think I'm hotter than the red Power Ranger?
Bri: No.
James: Ugh!
Eleni: (finally looking up from her book) Could you all be quiet? I'm trying to read.
Everyone else: No. Read somewhere else.
Eleni: (rolls her eyes and goes back to her book)
Bri: So, what are we going to do today?
Scott: Avoid Eleni.
Bri: Other than that.
Scott: Avoid you.
James: I don't like that plan. Last time I avoided Bri, she wouldn't pay for me to go to the movies for two weeks. And we saw three movies!
Claire: Oh, poor you.
James: Yeah.
Luke: Seriously, what are we going to do? I'm sick of the basement. It reminds me of our parents. And, our parents remind me of our grandparents. And our grandparents remind me of getting old. And that makes my think that I don't have a girlfriend. I'm gonna get old alone, guys!
Scott: See, you could work that to your advantage. You could be a major swinger.
Melissa: What's a swinger?
Claire: A prostitute.
Melissa: What's a prostitute?
Luke: Someone who does 'it' for money.
Melissa: What's 'it'?
James: It's when...
Bri: (cuts off James) You're too young to know. Go back to watching Power Rangers.
Melissa: It's over.
Bri: Then watch something else, like Barney.
Melissa: I'm way too old for Barney. I'm going to find mommy and daddy.
Everyone else: (they burst out laughing)
James: Man, I don't even call my dad that.
Melissa: Shut up, you loser. Don't you have curling game to go to?
James: Damn it, I don't play curling! I play football!
Claire: That's even worse. That's just men touching each other for fun.
James: You guys are mean.
Bri: Yeah, leave James alone. Let's bug Melissa again.
Melissa: Bye! (she runs up the stairs)
Luke: I know, let's pants somebody from the Checkers club!
Eleni: (not even looking up from her book) Crap.
(scene cuts and goes to the Hub; Donna and Eric are sitting there, but the Hub is different; it seems to have changed with the times because it's now got a sports theme)
Eric: So, Donna, do you want a burger and fries? (hopefully) Or something?
Donna: No! I want a job! I can't believe I didn't get that interview with McMasters!
Eric: Okay, okay. We'll come up with a job for you!
Donna: Why am I not as good as I thought I would have been by now? I had potential! I could have gone so far, and I blew it off for nothing!
Eric: Well, you took care of the kids, and you learned how to cook, and you paid the bills.
Donna: But not with my own money! I want to be the primary bread-winner! And I can't seem to be able to do that without a job! I should have become a business woman, or something when I was younger. Or politics or something that I'm good at.
Eric: Well, (looking at the signs around him) you could get into politics. There's a vote for mayor in June. You could run a campaign and stuff!
Donna: (excited) Yeah! I could get everyone to believe that feminism is the answer!
Eric: But, women get jobs now. They don't all stay home.
Donna: Did you know that their wages start out lower than the average male? Yeah, not fair, huh. That's why my campaign is only going to have women in it. From all ages, so I can represent everything, and everybody.
Eric: (worried) But, I wanted to...
Donna: (cuts him off) No. this is for women only.
Eric: But...
Donna: No.
(scene cuts to Jackie and Hyde's house, just down the street from Red and Kitty; Jackie, Hyde and Coven are sitting in the living room)
Jackie: Coven, you can't just slack in school. See this paper? This is the note that I took from your principal when he said that you were failing in every course except Art. And trust me, you will not go anywhere in art. Especially if you only have one point higher than a failing mark. Do you not go to class?
Coven: Sorry.
Hyde: Sometimes, sorry isn't good enough. You're doing an extra year of highschool because you didn't graduate last year. So, you're grounded.
Coven: What? You can't ground me. You're not my father. I don't even know my father; all I know is that his name is Dave. And fat chance of me finding him on my own. All I want to do is meet him. Why can't I do that?
Jackie: You can't do that because your father is an inconsiderate jerk, and I don't want him to know you!
Coven: Well, what if I don't want to know you? (he storms out of the room)
Jackie: (as soon as Coven has left, Jackie bursts into tears) Why Steven? Why can't he just believe me about his father? Why does have to be so much like him?
Hyde: I don't know. (Melissa enters the room)
Melissa: Hi mommy! Hi daddy! (she notices that Jackie is wiping back tears) What's wrong mommy? Is it Coven again?
Jackie: It's nothing honey. Just, go play with your brother and sister at the Forman's, okay?
Melissa: I can't, they're making fun of me again.
Hyde: Well, you're a tough cookie. You can take it.
Melissa: But, I don't know what to say back. I don't know as many things to say.
Hyde: Come here, Missy. Say this: (he whispers something in her ear). Do you think that will work?
Melissa: (she grins) Yeah. Thank you daddy! (she gives her parents a kiss, and runs out)
Jackie: Why couldn't Coven be like that? (she starts to cry again)
Hyde: (hugging Jackie) Because he's a man. It doesn't work that way. (the phone starts ringing)
Jackie: Well it should. (she gets the phone off the coffee table) Hello? Oh, hi Donna. Eww, Mayor? But why? You need my help? Now? Umm, okay. (she hangs up)
Hyde: What was that?
Jackie: Apparently, Donna's running for mayor!
Hyde: Didn't see that one coming.
Jackie: I've gotta go. I think I just agreed to be part of her party.
Hyde: Wow. Okay.
Jackie: See you, then. (she grabs her coat, and walks out the door)
Hyde: Yeah. See you.
(scene cuts and goes to commercial; new scene opens in the Forman kitchen with Bri and James standing there, kissing)
Bri: Mmm, that's so good!
James: Yeah. (Jackie and Donna walk in)
Jackie: Get off my daughter!
Bri: Mom! We were just kissing, it's not illegal.
Jackie: Well, as soon as Donna becomes mayor, it will be.
Bri: So, kissing will never be illegal! Come one James. Let's go somewhere without annoying mothers. (she and James leave through the kitchen door)
Donna: Okay, so, I have no idea who else to get to be a part of this party.
Jackie: Well, if you wanted people of all ages, you should have the kids!
Donna: What?
Jackie: Really! It could be you, and me, and Claire, and Bri, and Melissa, and Mrs. Forman! That covers everybody, and you don't have to go through an interview process!
Donna: That's great! We can start next week, after I've got a few ideas going.
Jackie: Good. Meeting adjourned.
Donna: For once, Jackie, I'm in charge. I get to say Meeting adjourned. Yay! Meeting adjourned.
Jackie: (sticks out her tongue at Donna)
(scene cuts and goes to the Forman living room, where Red is reading the newspaper, alone)
Red: (talking to himself) Now this is nice. No kids, no dumbasses, and certainly, no foreigners. (Fez walks in)
Fez: I heard you talking about foreigners, so I see you need me.
Red: No, I need you to go away.
Fez: I have nothing to do though!
Red: Don't you have a wife and a kid?
Fez: Yes. But Miranda is out shopping with her friends and Eleni never does anything.
Red: Well, go away anyways. (Kitty walks in the room, but Red doesn't see her) This is my only free time away from everybody, and I don't want to spend my time with anybody.
Kitty: (clearly unhappy overhearing this) Well now Red! You can't even spend time with me? What is this world coming to? I'm going to bed for a few days.
Red: Kitty, wait! Damn it! (to Fez) Now see what you did? (he runs up the stairs after Kitty)
Fez: Ai. (he turns on the television and sits down)
(scene cuts and goes to Kelso and Brooke's apartment; James is making out with Bri in front of the television and there is a cat in the corner meowing at them)
James: Finally. Privacy to do our favourite thing.
Bri: (stops kissing James) No, James. You mean privacy to do your favourite thing. My favourite thing to do is cheerleading. I would have expected you to know that by now! We've been dating for like, two months!
James: Oh, I knew that. I just thought that it would have been equal by now because I'm getting so into it because you are so hot and I love you so much!
Bri: (overjoyed) Oh James! (jumps up and hugs him)
James: (so that Bri can't see him, he breaths a sigh of relief) I know, baby! (they start making out again, and they don't notice as Kelso walks in holding Brooke's hand)
Brooke: James!
James: (breaking off of Bri, who looks extremely disappointed) What?
Brooke: I don't want any of that in my house!
James: Fine. (he watches Brooke go to her room)
Kelso: (quietly to James) You can keep going, I'll have her busy for, (he looks at his watch) about twenty minutes. (he follows Brooke to her room)
Bri: Eww!
James: Okay. Come on, baby. (they start making out again)
(scene cuts and goes to commercial; credits start in Eric and Donna's bedroom a block over from Red and Kitty's house; Donna is sitting on her bed with a pen in her hand, and a notebook lying open in front of her)
Donna: (it's her voice, but she is writing in the notebook, so it's not actually spoken) 'Ideas for feminism'. No. Not professional enough. 'Reasons why feminism should be acknowledged'. No way! Acknowledged is way too understated. Umm. Crap, this is hard! 'Reasons why women vote Donna Forman'. Yes! That's it! Okay, so why should women vote Donna Forman? Because, she's a strong, independent woman, and isn't afraid to voice her opinions. Good. Wait! Oh, God. I need men to vote for me too! It's alright, Donna. Men could vote for Donna Forman because she's...HOT! That's it! I'm forty years old, and I've still got it! Alright! Hot Donna is back in business! Whoa, that sounded totally wrong. I'm only in business for Eric. But still, this could work to my advantage. Being a woman rocks!