Title: The Immediate Context of History
Author: Marcia Plome

Fandom: The West Wing

Characters: Jed/Leo, Jed/Abbey

Rating: Mature for language, allusions to a m/m relationship, and violent references

Disclaimer: The West Wing, its characters and storylines are the sole property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, Warner Bros. and NBC Television. What follows is for entertainment purposes only and no copyright infringement is intended.

Spoilers: Major for events seen in flashback during "An Khe"

Summary: Pre-administration, Jed rushes to Leo's side as he recovers from injuries resulting from being shot down and the aftermath.

Warnings: Angst, very major angst. Slash, but well within a Mature rating.

Archive: Absolutely, just let me know.

Jed stepped back across the room to Leo's bed, bothered but not surprised that Leo hadn't moved at all in the time he'd been speaking with Dr. Hester. Hester's less than subtle hint that he talk to Leo seemed like an order, but he really didn't know what to say. He was too tired to be creative, and one-sided conversations were awkward under the best of circumstances, which these obviously weren't. "I'm back. Just stepped out for a minute to talk with your doctor. He seems like a good guy. He says you'll be okay when they get your fever down." Jed tried to go on, but just couldn't think of anything to say, so settled for saying the rosary, one hand fingering his beads and the other on Leo's shoulder.

When he finally came back to himself enough to look at his watch it was after five, and he knew he needed to call Abbey before it got any later. He stood slowly, stretching out the kink in his back from having sat for so long. "I'm going to go call Abbey. I'll be back in a little bit." He instinctively waited for a response, knowing even as he did so that it was irrational.

Jed stopped at the nurses' station to ask where to find a pay phone. This wasn't going to be an inexpensive call, but Abbey needed to hear from him, and he needed her input about Leo. Shutting himself into the small booth, he put the call on his American Express and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sweetknees." Her voice was the best thing he'd heard all day and a refuge from the strangers who'd given him nothing but bad news.

"How is he?" she asked, getting straight to the point.

Jed had held it together all day, enduring one emotional blow after another, but that question from her was all it took to open the floodgates. "Abbey," he started, and then just broke down and sobbed, one hand still holding the phone to his ear while he braced an elbow against the glass wall and dropped his head into his hand.

She made small comforting noises over the phone, and while Jed wished she were with him to hold him up through this, he was comforted by the fact that she was taking care of things in London so he could be here.

When he got control of himself again he tried to apologize, but she wasn't having any of it. "He's your best friend, and then some, and I can only imagine how hard this is for you. How bad is it?"

Jed paused, trying to figure out how to tell her, knowing that the news was going to hit her hard, after all, she cared deeply about Leo as well. Finally, he decided to admit what he couldn't tell anyone else. "Abbey, I – I didn't," he swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat, before finishing in a hoarse whisper, "I didn't even recognize him."

"Oh Jed," her voice conveyed her understanding of what that admission must mean. "What do the doctors say?"

There were times when having an almost eidetic memory was a bad thing, like when it enabled one to mentally replay, over and over again, the exact tone of the doctor's voice as he gave you the details about your lover's condition, but it did make it fairly easy to recount said details for Abbey. He could hear her scratching notes on the pad of paper she kept by the phone.

When he finished, Abbey was silent for a moment before asking, "How are you doing?"

"I, well, I haven't really had time to think about it," he responded. Taking a moment to let the question process, he added, "I feel so out of place here. It's all military people, even the nurses, and I just don't belong. I don't even know what I'm doing here."

"You're speaking for Leo, Jed, that's what you're doing. You know that," Abbey answered.

"Yeah, I know," he conceded. "But Abbey, there are so many machines, so many people, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Just be there for him, love. He needs you to be strong for him right now," she responded.

"I'm trying. The doctor told me to talk to him, but it's hard to find anything to say to him like this. I just keep praying he'll wake up soon," he said.

There was an odd silence on the line before she answered. "Jed, you understand he might not, don't you?"

"Don't say that!" he exclaimed, "I can't even think about that right now."

"You need to consider the possibility. The doctor told you Leo hasn't been conscious in days, they've got an infection they haven't been able to control, and he's been running a high fever all this time. That can do damage to the brain that's irreversible. Ask yourself if Leo would want to live like that," Abbey said gently.

"He wouldn't, you don't have to tell me that, but there's no way to know yet, is there? He might still be okay, right? The doctor told me if they can take care of the infection, then Leo's odds would be a lot better." Jed's tone hovered between arguing and begging.

"Better than where they are now still isn't good. You know I'm praying just as hard as you are for him to come through this and be himself, but you need to prepare yourself in case that doesn't happen," she warned.

Jed doubted that anyone was praying as hard as he was, but if anyone could be, it was Abbey. "I know you are," he said, "but I just can't let myself think like that. Looking at him in the hospital bed like that, it would be too easy for me to start saying goodbye, and I can't do that," he tried to explain.

Abbey didn't argue the point, she just went on, "Be sure he knows you're there. Think about how much better you'd feel to have him there if the situations were reversed. Even in his condition, just knowing that you're there will probably be a source of immense comfort to him."

"How am I supposed to do that?" Jed asked bitterly. "He's unconscious, with tubes running in and out of him and hooked up to every imaginable machine."

"His doctor is right, I've heard of patients hearing things while everyone thought they were unconscious. So talk to him, but also touch him, hold his hand, squeeze his shoulder, whatever you can get away with," she suggested, "just remind him that you're there and that he's not going through all of this alone."

"I guess," Jed agreed. He couldn't handle that line of conversation any longer and changed the subject to a happier one, "Is everything okay there? How's my Lizzie?"

He could hear the smile in Abbey's voice when she answered, "She's great. She misses her daddy. I just gave her a late bottle if you want to say goodnight."

Jed grinned, it was impossible to let the gloom take over when he thought about his daughter, "Yeah, I'd love to."

There was a short pause as Abbey walked over to the crib, and then he heard her tell Liz, "It's Daddy, baby. He wants to say goodnight."

Jed waited a second, but not hearing anything from the other side he went ahead, "Hi Lizzie, it's Daddy. Are you being good for your mommy?"

He heard a sleepy Liz voice one of the very few words she knew so far, "Da?"

"That's right, it's me. I'm staying with your Uncle Leo for a little while, but I miss you." He could hear her breathing on the other end, but she didn't say anything, so he just added, "I love you Liz, you go to sleep now. Goodnight."

Another second and Abbey had the phone back, "That was sweet. She's all but out, curled up in her blanket."

"I wish I could be there to kiss her goodnight, to kiss you both goodnight. Are you sure you're okay on your own?" he asked.

"We're fine," Abbey reassured him. "Don't worry about us, you just be there for Leo now. Have you called Josie yet?"

He hadn't, though he knew he had to shortly. "No, I wanted to talk to you first. What in the world am I going to say to them?" He'd called from London to tell Leo's sisters about him being shot down and promised to call again after he'd seen him, but he just didn't even know where to begin that conversation.

Abbey took a breath, "Tell them that you're there with him. Tell them that you've talked to the doctors and that they're doing everything they can. Let them know things don't look too good, and remind them to pray for him."

"Leo wouldn't want me to scare them. You know how he is about them," Jed reminded her.

"Jed, this is one of those times when you might have to overrule him. Don't scare them needlessly, but don't give them false hope either. They need to start preparing themselves for what could happen," she replied.

Jed processed that for a moment, he was going to have to be the one that made decisions for a while. He couldn't follow Leo's lead this time, and whatever consequences those decisions brought would be his to live with. He squared his shoulders, bracing himself for the new responsibilities. "So do I," he admitted.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, and he knew it wasn't an apology for pushing him to accept the reality of Leo's chances, but rather an expression of sympathy for what that realization meant.

His throat tightened, and he coughed slightly to clear it. "I should probably get back to him," he said, "but thanks, I needed this."

"Whatever happens, Jed, at least he'll have you with him," she offered.

It helped, some. "Yeah," he said, unable to keep the emotional fatigue that had overwhelmed him from flattening his tone. There was nothing else to say.

Her response made it clear she realized that fact as well. "I should let you go," she said, "I love you. Kiss Leo for me," she told him.

"I love you too," he replied. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, love." Jed heard the click as she hung up.

He walked back to Leo's room and found Leo's condition seemingly unchanged. He stood next to him for a moment and gently stroked his forehead. "I'm back. I was just telling Abbey that they're taking good care of you." He looked through the door to ensure no one was lurking in the hall. "She wanted me to give you this," he said, before placing a gentle and, he hoped, discreet, peck on Leo's unbandaged cheek. "There's more waiting when you're up to it, okay, old friend?" Jed whispered, as he sat down again in what he was beginning to consider 'his' chair with his hand gripping Leo's shoulder.

He was still sitting there when the nurse that had checked on him in the bathroom earlier came in. Seeing Jed in the chair, she introduced herself. "I'm Lieutenant Ferguson. I'm going to check his vitals."

"I'm Jed Bartlet. I'm Leo's best friend," he said, again aware of how incomplete that moniker was.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Bartlet," she answered, getting straight to the business of checking on Leo.

"Um, call me Jed," he said automatically, trying to decide if he wanted to stay for this. Nurse Ferguson was a small woman, not much taller than Abbey, and with the build of a dancer. Her auburn hair was cut short in a bob, and she wore wire rimmed glasses. Her movements were sure and confident but her touch seemed gentle, and Jed decided instinctively that he could trust her alone with Leo. This would be a good chance for him call Leo's sisters without leaving Leo by himself for too long.

"Hey Leo, I'll give you two a moment alone. I have to call Josie, but I'll be back in a minute," he said, letting his fingers slip off his lover's shoulder as he returned Nurse Ferguson's smile before leaving the room.

He got Josie on the phone and filled her in, trying to stay optimistic without sugar coating the facts. He knew she and Liz couldn't afford to fly out and honestly, at least at this stage, there was very little point. He had Leo's power of attorney and was there acting as an advocate. Everyone had said their goodbyes before Leo left for Vietnam, knowing all too well the possibility existed that it might be their last. Bringing them here now, when he wasn't even conscious, would serve no point but to try them emotionally, and Leo wouldn't want that, Jed was sure.

He was surprised to find Nurse Ferguson in the chair next to Leo's bed when he returned. She smiled at him when he walked in, "I just had the feeling you wanted someone here with him. I had a few minutes before I had to check my next patient, so I thought I'd wait for you."

Jed thanked her, adding, "I know it doesn't make sense, I just keep thinking he might wake up and not know where he is, I don't want him to be alone if that happens."

She nodded, "I understand. Once in a while we get a patient in here that's just special, seems like the Captain here might be one of those." She smoothed Leo's blankets and then went on, "I'll be back after a while to run these checks again."

Jed sat down, marveling at Leo's ability to pull people into his influence even in this state. "Josie wanted me to tell you that she and Liz are both doing well. She says not to worry about them, to let them worry over you for a change." Having passed along the message as he'd promised, he leaned his head up against the edge of Leo's bed, "Come on, Leo, come back to me."

"Sir, excuse me," Nurse Ferguson was gently shaking him by the shoulder.

Jed woke slowly. "Call me Jed, my father is sir," he said groggily. Getting his bearings a bit more he apologized, "I'm sorry, I guess I dozed off there. It's eight hours later my time."

"That's all right, I'm sorry to disturb you, it's just that you're right where I need to be to check a dressing," she answered. "Where are you from?"

"Manchester, New Hampshire, but I'm in graduate school in London right now," he said, standing up to stretch stiff muscles and get out of her way.

"Graduate school for what?" she asked, while continuing to check on Leo.

"Economics," he replied. "I'm working on my Ph.D. I've finished my coursework, but I'm still gathering research for the dissertation."

She'd moved to Leo's other side. "That's an awfully long trip, even for a best friend," she observed.

"I guess," Jed admitted, "but I didn't want him to have to go through this alone. I've got his power of attorney, and I thought I should be here in case there were decisions that had to be made."

She paused for a moment, "That's very noble of you." After taking a moment to scribble in Leo's chart, she asked hesitantly, "Listen, do you have a place to stay?"

"Er, I'm sorry," he fumbled, caught completely off guard by what he thought she was offering. "I'm, um, I'm married. I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea. I've got a baby daughter at home, and I'm really not looking to jeopardize any of that." His face was warm, and he knew he was blushing.

She laughed, and Jed wasn't sure whether to be embarrassed or relieved. "I'm sorry, it's Jed, right?" He nodded. "Listen, Jed, I wasn't propositioning you. I only ask because I know that visitor chairs make lousy beds. My roommate is the admitting officer for the temporary officers' quarters here on base and I think there are enough empty billets right now that we could slide you in, if you needed a place to get some sleep and a shower."

"God, I'm sorry. You must think I'm an idiot." He certainly felt like one. He'd never been able to talk with women, and he had the horror stories to prove it. This one would certainly go on the list, and the only good thing about Leo not being awake was that at least there hadn't been any witnesses to his humiliation. She was right though, he obviously wasn't going to be able to stay at the hospital indefinitely. "To tell you the truth, I hadn't even thought about it," he admitted to her. "I was pretty focused on getting here and after I did, well," he trailed off.

It was obvious she understood the implication, though he hadn't been able to voice it. "It's all right."

"So do you offer rooms to every visitor that comes through here?" he joked, trying to recover from his earlier gaffe.

She smiled, and jabbed back, "No, just the ones I expect are going to haunt the place. I know how Europeans can be about personal hygiene, and I figure people will thank me if you manage to get the occasional shower."

He ducked his head, acknowledging her point, but found he suddenly felt much better about the care here, between her and Dr. Hester, Leo would get better, Jed knew that he would. "I think I might take you up on that, if you won't get your friend into trouble."

"It'll be fine, you'd be surprised how much leeway we have as long as the brass is kept happy," she said. "She's on duty for another couple hours, I'll tell her you're on your way as soon as visitors' hours are over?"

Jed flinched, he hadn't even considered that visitors' hours would be an issue. Abbey had been on the other side of the medical world for long enough now that Jed took for granted that hospitals functioned around the clock and had forgotten visitors were typically restricted at civilian hospitals, not to mention somewhere like this.

Nurse Ferguson gave him an appraising look and touched Jed softly on the arm, "It's okay, sometimes we get people for whom visitors' hours don't apply. Something tells me you're going to be one of them. Just be sure you make time to get some rest. You're no good to him if you're too tired to think straight."

He knew she was right, but it didn't make leaving Leo lying there helpless and alone any easier. Still, both Col. Hester and Lt. Ferguson were on duty now and Jed felt like Leo was in pretty good hands. He could go check in and get cleaned up, maybe even get an hour or two of sleep and be back before the shift changed and he needed to be around in case the night shift was any less competent. "Thanks," he told her, "I'll head over there after a while. I really appreciate you doing this for me."

"Don't worry about it. There are entirely too few of the really good people left in this world. We have to take care of each other," she said, giving him a smile off the front page of a fashion magazine before leaving him alone again.

Jed sat down, the exchange with Nurse Ferguson, pleasant though it had been, had worn on him. He'd been running on reserves for a while now, the combination of the adrenaline roller coaster, jet lag, and simple physical exhaustion. Jed knew she was right about needing some rest, but he was sick at the idea of something else going wrong with Leo and not being at his side. He knew if he stalled much longer he'd just pass out again in the chair, and that wasn't helping anyone right now. "Leo, your nurse there has set me up with a room. She's made it pretty clear that she's not interested in me, so I'm thinking she's trying to get you alone. I'm going to go check in and get cleaned up, don't do anything I wouldn't do," he tried to tease, but the tone came off as flat even to his ear. "Seriously Leo, I'll be back before you know it, you just hang in there, okay?" This time his tone was plaintive, and Jed wasn't sure it was an improvement but he needed to leave or he was going to break down again and he didn't want to do that here or now. He squeezed Leo's shoulder and then turned and left, running his sleeve across his eyes to be sure he was fit to ask Nurse Ferguson for directions to the hotel.

Jed found the directions easy to follow and the destination within easy walking distance from the hospital. Nurse Ferguson had called to inform her roommate of the situation, and Jed was set up with a small but sufficient room in no time at all. After a quick shower, he dressed again and stretched out on the bed, promising himself it was only for an hour or so and then he'd head back.

He hurt. Leo couldn't focus on anything else, the pain was all encompassing. He was at the bottom of some kind of dark well, and his thoughts were muddy, but there was no mistaking the pain. He didn't know what he'd done to abuse his body this time, but his side was on fire and his leg felt like it was in some kind of vise. He could see colored streaks of light, and he made no attempt to fight the oblivion as it reclaimed him.