Title: The Immediate Context of History
Author: Marcia Plome
Fandom: The West Wing
Characters: Jed/Leo, Jed/Abbey
Rating: M for language, allusions to a m/m relationship, and violent references
Disclaimer: The West Wing, its characters and storylines are the sole property of Aaron Sorkin, John Wells Productions, Warner Bros. and NBC Television. What follows is for entertainment purposes only and no copyright infringement is intended.
Spoilers: Major for events seen in flashback during "An Khe"
Summary: Pre-administration, Jed rushes to Leo's side as he recovers from injuries resulting from being shot down and the aftermath.
Warnings: Angst, very major angst. Slash, but well within an M rating.
Archive: Absolutely, just let me know.

Jed leaned his head against the edge of Leo's bed, aware that he was fighting a holding action, and afraid he was losing even that. "Leo, old friend, I need some help here. You've got to get better or I'm going to have to let them do it." Jed knew that Leo would never blame him for making the decision, should it come to that, but he was equally sure, whatever the outcome here eventually was, he himself would never get past it.

Bauer came back with Nurse Ferguson and a debridement tray like the one Dr. Hester had used before. He put his gloves on silently while Ferguson set up for the procedure. "What do you want to use for anesthetic, Captain?" she asked.

"I'm not anesthetizing him," Bauer replied.

She gaped at him for a moment before finding her voice, "Doctor, that's…"

"What would you have me give him, Lieutenant?" he snapped. "I'm dealing with a patient that's not conscious and who I anticipate having under general anesthetic within four hours. That contraindicates anything I'd give him now."

She shook her head, "At least give him something topical. He's been conscious enough this morning that you can't do this to him without something."

Bauer didn't respond, but he did pull something else off the shelf besides the betadine as he began to prep Leo's leg for the procedure. Jed watched him proceed and was struck by the obvious difference in Dr. Bauer's manner in comparison to Dr. Hester's. Bauer was very clearly focused on the procedure to the exclusion of the overall patient, where Dr. Hester obviously had the overall condition in the forefront of his mind even while absorbed in a procedure.

They were doing it again. Leo had enough vision this time to see blurry figures clustered around him. He tried to keep from crying out, but couldn't stop the choked cry from escaping his lips. They were cutting into his leg. He was still tied down, and there was no escaping them. It was agony, and he wanted to scream, but managed to tamp it down to an inarticulate groan. It wasn't supposed to be like this, they were supposed to ask him questions, try to get him to give up information, not just torture him for nothing. He couldn't tell them anything, but at least then enduring this pain would have meant something. Nothing could have prepared him for this, and he suffered as quietly as he could until finally there was no way to keep from begging. "No," he ground out, and then louder, "Stop, please stop."

Jed looked at Bauer, expecting him to stop. Bauer looked up, but did nothing more than to ensure that the restraints were secure before continuing. Nurse Ferguson moved to Leo's side, wiping his brow with a gauze square.

Where were the other prisoners now, Leo asked himself. This was beyond just cutting into him for sadistic pleasure, they were cutting his leg off. Maybe it was medical; the punchout did leave his left leg in pretty bad shape. He just wished he'd have died there under the leaves, instead of in some prison camp with NVA monsters hacking him into pieces. He knew there was nothing anyone could do for him. The other prisoners would be locked in their cells, or enduring interrogations themselves. Even if they could hear him, trying to do anything would only cause them to get the same kind of treatment. He didn't wish that for anyone, but he also couldn't stop himself from his next statement. "Oh God! Not my leg, please don't let them take my leg!" The monsters were cutting it off with him awake.

Jed watched helplessly as Leo clenched his fists and ground his jaw against the pain, each cry that escaped his lips like acid etching Jed's own soul. Jed crossed himself involuntarily as Leo arced just slightly off the bed. The combination of that movement with the pain from Bauer's debridement seemed to blow him past the barriers of tolerance and it was with a considerable sense of relief that Jed watched him collapse unconscious again.

Bauer looked to Ferguson before continuing what he was doing, "Status?"

Her voice was hard when she answered, "He's breathing, Captain."

"BP and pulse," Bauer ordered.

Jed had removed himself to the corner through this, sick at watching the goings on but not about to leave. With Leo blessedly unaware again, Jed leaned against the wall, trying to steady the case of shakes that had taken hold when Leo had made his plea for help. By the time his knees had started to support him again, Bauer was bandaging Leo's leg.

Captain Bauer stripped his gloves off and tossed them into the medical waste bag. "Clean things up in here Lieutenant. We'll check his temperature every ten minutes to see if it's coming down at all." He didn't even look at Jed on his way out of the room.

Jed pulled his chair up to the edge of Leo's bed. He sat there, rubbing circles into Leo's palm with his thumb and letting the buzz of activity flow around him without being a part of it. He knew he should be trying to comfort his friend, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to him. Any hope of getting Leo back the way he'd sent him off had dwindled into the realm of near impossibilities. Even if he let them take the leg now, would Leo have enough brain function left to regain any quality of life? Clearly, amputating Leo's leg was the right decision if it meant saving his life and getting him back. But what if it meant condemning him to the half life of a mentally compromised shell of the man he'd been? Dr. Hester, and for that matter Abbey, had warned him from the beginning that there was a real risk that the three days in the jungle would make even the heroic measures since then just an exercise. Jed asked himself if the Leo he loved would have thanked him for saving his life if it didn't also mean saving his mind. He'd been wavering, watching Dr. Bauer cut into his friend like that had almost convinced him that his obstinance was only delaying the inevitable and causing Leo needless pain. Leo's cry not to let them take the leg had changed that, hardened Jed's resolve. Maybe some part of Leo was aware on some level, maybe it was a sign that cutting off the leg wasn't going to be enough to make a difference. Part of him still felt Bauer was just wrong about everything, but if saving the leg meant he was going to lose Leo, maybe his friend was trying to tell him that was okay.

Losing him was a possibility Jed had dealt with from the day he'd watched him get on the plane at Heathrow. Somehow though, his nightmares had been filled with the images of a jet exploding in a giant ball of fire. He'd never imagined he might have to sit by his lover's side, powerless to comfort him as he burned up from within, scared, terrified, believing he was being tortured. Worst of all, Jed felt, was that through the whole ordeal, despite the fact that he'd give anything to change this fact, Leo thought he was dying alone, in a prison far from home, not in a warm, clean hospital with the person who loved him most in the world sitting next to him. Still unable to offer real hope, he blocked out everything going on around him, and just reminded his friend he was there. "Hey Leo, I'm here, old friend. You're not alone, I'll be right next to you all the way, okay? Just don't give up on me. Keep fighting, you can make it. I know you can."

Bauer came back in and cut straight to the point, "Have you had enough? Can we get on with this now?"

Jed jerked to his feet. "He told you himself that's not what he wants. You're missing something, there has to be another option."

Bauer barked a short laugh, "You're listening to him now? I'm not sure which of you is more delusional. Keep it up and I'll get you declared incompetent and then maybe I can save him."

The fire was running in his veins again and Jed took a step towards the young doctor. "You're an asshole. I know I'm not the first person to tell you that."

"I'm not the one killing his best friend. Go take a look in the mirror before you start name-calling," Bauer growled.

Jed wanted nothing so much as to grab him by the lapels of his lab coat and throw him bodily from the room. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I'm the surgeon that can save his life. All your praying, tears, and hand holding aren't going to make a whit of difference if you don't let me do my job. Listen, I respect what you're trying to do, be the one here looking out for his interests, be sure he's getting appropriate care. But you've done your part as the friend. There isn't anything else you can do for him, you need to let me be the doctor now," Bauer argued.

Jed's reply was cut off by the sudden violent spasms from the bed behind him.

Bauer was only a microsecond behind Jed reaching Leo's side. The convulsions were awful to watch, and there was nothing to be done but be sure Leo didn't hurt himself. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally stopped. Bauer called into the hall for a nurse and went about examining him again. He interrupted his exam only briefly to order the nurse to bring a cart of ice bags.

His animosity towards the doctor no longer an issue, Jed stared helplessly at his friend. "What's happening?"

"The fever has gotten so high he's seizing. It's just lucky that he didn't puncture a lung, or do something else that would push him over the edge." The tone in Bauer's voice was one of concern, not accusation, but Jed couldn't help but hear the implication that this was his fault. "His body can't take much more of this. I'm going to lose a patient, and it's going to be because you're too stubborn to listen to reason."

The nurse returned with a mountain of the blue ice bags, and Bauer supervised as she packed them around Leo and stacked more on his chest. Jed watched her work with his heart in his throat and she gave him an apologetic look before leaving.

Jed dug his fingernails into his palm before throwing Bauer's words back at him, "Something tells me he won't be the first patient you've lost. At least this time you'll be able to blame someone else."

Bauer opened his mouth, but no words came out. Jed watched him gape like a fish out of water for another moment, his eyes shooting daggers, before he stomped out into the hall.

Jed slumped against the wall, waiting for the fallout of this latest outburst and watching Leo cling to life there in the bed.

The door to the room was still open, and Jed heard a shout from down the hall, followed by a crash as something heavy connected with a wall.

He moved to stand in the doorway, not wanting to be in the middle of this, but not wanting to miss it either. Bauer was bent over the counter at the nurses' station, breathing hard. The remains of a telephone lay scattered on the floor.

Jed watched another man in a lab coat take Bauer by the arm. "Get a grip on yourself, Captain. This is no place for temper tantrums."

"They should have just cut the leg off in Udorn, saved this whole mess. It was rotten even then, and they knew it, they just wanted to make it someone else's problem," Bauer raged.

The other doctor released his arm with a movement that was almost a shove. "Fuck you Bauer, I used to be one of those surgeons. If you had the balls to go over and do it, you'd know they do the best they can. Why amputate a leg on a guy you're sending home anyway? It's only luck he's made it this long, but if you were half the surgeon those guys are you wouldn't be sweating losing him now."

"The hell you know about it. I wouldn't be sweating saving him if this asshole long hair would let me do my job. I'm going to lose the patient because some goddamn civilian won't stop waving a piece of paper under my nose," Bauer had at least redirected his anger towards his original target, Jed reflected.

"Bauer, you lose that kid and the old man is going to have your head. Maybe you'd better get him on the phone. I wouldn't want to be you if he walks in here Monday morning to find out that kind of news. Rumor has it that Boarhog Bock made a phone call from Thailand to check on this kid, and you know how far the colonel goes back with Bock, right?" the doctor asked.

Bauer glared at him, clearly angry at having his medical expertise doubted. "I don't have to check in with the colonel on patient care decisions. All I need to do is amputate, it's as simple as that. I can't be held responsible if some civilian keeps me from doing my job."

"Look, the colonel has taken a personal interest in this case. You try that line about not being responsible with him, and you won't have a job to be kept from doing. If you want to spend the rest of your career doing strep throat checks on dependents in Greenland, you just go ahead and let this kid die. Otherwise, you'll need a dime for the phone." The doctor slammed a coin onto the counter and left Bauer to his decision.

Jed watched, his heart in his throat again, as Bauer stared at the counter for a long moment and then walked off in the opposite direction of Leo's room. Jed wondered if he should go after him, beg him to call Hester, maybe even apologize. He finally decided he would likely only make things worse, and that his place, as always, was by Leo's side.

The hubbub had died down somewhat, and Jed told himself it wasn't a sense of inevitability that the nurses were projecting. Lieutenant Ferguson hadn't been back, and Jed didn't know any of the others well enough to ask for their opinion. He took advantage of the relative peace to bow his head and really pray. He'd been taught to pray as a very young boy, and he sent little notes of praise or need up almost instinctively. He could say the rosary while driving, or in the middle of another conversation. That didn't take anything away from what it meant to him or his sincerity in saying it, it was just that the ritual there centered him enough that he didn't have to go looking for a meditative state. But finding the right spiritual place to be able to make a truly thoughtful, needful prayer was different, and Jed struggled a little to shut out his surroundings and find the place inside himself where he needed to be. He finally carved out an island of calm, and made it just big enough for himself and Leo. The Leo in his mind now wasn't the one before him suffering and dying, but rather the one for whose return Jed was praying, the one with shining eyes and an easy grin. Having gotten established, Jed felt himself slip into the state that'd he'd come to associate with an almost grace over the years, and formed his prayers in the raw emotion of his heart instead of focusing too much on the words.

Bent over Leo's bed, one hand on his friend's forehead, he slowly came back to his surroundings. It was just them in the room at the moment, and Jed clung to the fragile sense of optimism that his prayers had brought him. He had the abiding sense that things would be all right. Not necessarily that Leo would live, but that in the greater scheme of things, he would be taken care of, and that even if Jed lost him now, it didn't mean losing him forever. He was still trying to align this new subconscious sense of security with the abject terror that threatened to overcome him at the very idea of facing the rest of his life without Leo when Nurse Ferguson put a hand on his shoulder.

She answered the question in his eyes, "Try to help him hold on. Col. Hester's on his way."

The surge of relief that went through him was palpable, and Jed didn't have the words to answer her. She left him with a brief touch and a reassuring smile. Jed didn't know if this was an answer to his prayer, but he'd take it. If anyone could do anything for Leo at this point, it would be Dr. Hester. At the very least, Jed would have the comfort of knowing that everything that could be done, had been done. He redirected his attention to Leo, still as disconcertingly motionless as he had been since passing out during the debridement. "Hang in there a little longer, old friend. Don't give up on me now." He couldn't lose Leo now, not after everything he'd already made it through, not with help very literally on the way. Sitting there with his hand on Leo's chest, Bauer's words came back to him. Maybe the hand holding wouldn't save him, but if it held him here a little longer, maybe that would be enough.

The school was on fire. He had to get them out of here. He had to let people know. Leo didn't have the breath for it, it felt like someone had his chest in a giant vise. He knew even as he gasped for air that what he had to do was going to hurt, but he couldn't let that stop him. There were little kids in here, people needed to get them out. "Fire! Get out! The building's on fire!" Just the effort required for that much was like stabbing a red hot poker into his side. Something was wrong, he realized. He'd been here before, this wasn't real. He'd gotten those kids out, he'd gotten Beth out. He couldn't breathe then either, but it wasn't because his chest was in a vise, it had been his lungs on fire then. He took inventory again. His side and his leg were in flames, but his head, chest and arms were freezing. It came back to him in a rush, it wasn't the fire he was dying in this time, it was a POW camp in some jungle impossibly far from that Chicago church. He was too tired to keep fighting, and he was in so much pain now he was ready to let the darkness win. He'd heard about your life flashing before your eyes, but he'd always expected it was just something you watched, not something you had to relive. He didn't think he could do this again, not this memory. Why couldn't it be a happy memory he got to relive? He thought one with Jed would be a good one to go out on. It wasn't going to be like that though, and as badly as he wanted this to be over, he couldn't just give up. He struggled for one more breath, realized it wasn't coming, and panicked. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. No! He wasn't done, they could kill him, but he wouldn't surrender. He opened his eyes, imagined Jed there holding on to him. Amazing what the mind could do as it let loose its mortal hold. Found the strength for another breath. Things worth dying for. Fuck them, they weren't getting anything from him. If this were the last surge before death, he'd be sure they knew he'd been defiant to the last. Someone was there, he could sense another person, though he couldn't be sure if it were another American or one of the North Vietnamese. Whoever it was, he'd do his part for the fighter pilot mystique and leave them with something to talk about. He tried to force a grin, "I'm an American officer, can't tell you anything." That had taken everything he had left, and he felt his vision fading. There was a figure walking towards him. An escort? Someone to walk the last mile with him? They'd buried his Da in his dress blues, a fireman to the end, and Leo recognized the uniform before things faded out.

Jed's heart had broken when Leo said fire. It's not like he wasn't going through enough anyway, he had to imagine he was back there, of all places? He'd raged a little at the injustice of it all, and stopped fighting the tears that blurred his vision. "You're not there Leo. It's me, Jed, we're in a hospital in California. Just hold on."

The BANG! from behind him startled him such that he jumped to his feet. Dr. Hester had thrown the door open with enough force that it bounced on its hinges. The difference between last night's relaxed, casual visit and this appearance was breathtaking. Hester was in full dress uniform, his chest covered in medals, the white of his bowtie and vest standing out against the dark blue jacket. Jed looked back down to see Leo's eyes open again, but they weren't focusing, just staring through him. He watched as Leo took another breath, dismayed at the effort it seemed to cost him. He looked back at Dr. Hester, desperate for some sign that he could make things better, and thus missed Leo's comment.

Col. Hester was on his other side then, "It's all right Captain. You don't have to tell them anything, you're home now."

Jed watched in awe as Hester cleared the ice bags off Leo's chest and tossed them on a cart that Nurse Ferguson had just brought in. He had the stethoscope on Leo's chest and the whole room seemed to hold its breath as he listened. He stopped and draped the stethoscope around his neck while Ferguson rattled off Leo's latest statistics. Jed found the stethoscope around the neck look to be somewhat incongruous with the impeccably turned out formal uniform, but the observation only hammered home how unusual a physician Dr. Hester was.

He'd pulled gloves on without even removing his jacket and was unwrapping Leo's leg when he ordered Ferguson to find Captain Bauer. When Hester suddenly stopped what he was doing and peeled off his gloves, Jed thought he'd finished. It was only when he managed to get a fresh set of gloves on just as the alarm by Leo's bed sounded that Jed realized he was functioning on another plane of awareness. Hester already had the mask over Leo's nose and mouth. "Son, you're making this more difficult than it needs to be." He was still bagging Leo when Bauer came through the door.

Hester looked up at him, "Captain, intubate the patient, I'm not done with my exam."

If Bauer resented taking orders like that, he didn't show it, he just reached for gloves and the intubation kit. "Yes sir," he replied.

With Bauer intubating, Hester returned to the exam, "The leg doesn't look discernibly different than it did last night, but he's clearly got an infection raging. Did you exam the abdominal wound?"

"Yes sir," Bauer replied without looking up from Leo.

Bauer cut the bandages off Leo's side, something Jed noted Bauer had obviously not done that afternoon. With one hand on top of the other, he examined Leo's side. Almost instantaneously, he barked at Ferguson, "Call upstairs and get me an OR." Then to Bauer, "Abdomen is rigid and distended. We've got a ruptured intestine in there somewhere and he's gone septic on us. You didn't see this on examination?"

Hester's tone was neither berating, or accusing, but even so, the blood drained from Bauer's face when he answered simply, "No sir."

"All right," Hester nodded, "Get a gurney in here and let's get him upstairs."

He took Jed by the arm and led him into the hall. "I don't have very much time, but you need to know what's happening."

Jed was too overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the last few minutes to resist. He stood there mutely waiting for whatever Hester had to tell him.

"Captain McGarry is in sepsis from an underlying infection. It's my medical opinion, based on his chart and my exam, that the infection is actually peritonitis from a ruptured intestine secondary to the bullet wound in his abdomen and not cellulitis from the leg wound." He looked at Jed to make sure he was following this and then continued, "I need to know if you want me to take him into surgery and try to repair any rupture I might find. Surgery like that can be tricky under the best conditions. In his condition, well, I wouldn't risk putting him through it if I thought we had anything at all to lose. It's your choice though. I can give him enough morphine to make him comfortable for however long it takes, or I can take him upstairs and give it my best shot. I just don't want to give you any unrealistic expectations."

The gurney arrived and Hester looked to Jed. "I'm sorry to have to rush you, but minutes count right now. What do you want me to do?"

Jed didn't hesitate. Leo would want to go out fighting. If Dr. Hester was offering him a chance, any chance at all, it was one he'd want to take. "Go ahead with the surgery."

Hester nodded once and then moved back into the room to take Leo's injured side as they moved him from the bed to the gurney. Even after getting the breathing tube in, Bauer had stood there and bagged Leo, and he continued as they rolled the gurney out of the room and towards the elevator. Dr. Hester motioned for Jed to follow them. "I'm going to make an incision and open the peritoneum. Then I'll have to suction out the cavity and lavage the area. At that point, I'll look for the rupture and attempt to repair it." Hester had stripped off the top layers of his uniform as they rode up in the elevator. As they stepped off, he pointed Jed towards the waiting area. "I'll come find you when we're finished. Surgery like this can take several hours, but let the floor nurse know if you're leaving, just in case I need to find you sooner." He gave Jed a reassuring squeeze to the shoulder and hurried through the double doors towards the surgical suites.