Remus

Remus Lupin rolled over in his bed, thinking about the last fourteen years of his life, about losing Peter, Lily, James, Harry and Sirius, and then about getting Harry and Sirius back. He sighed as he heard Sirius gasp from the next room, wondering what could possibly be wrong now – well, it wasn't a matter of possibility, there were billions upon billions of possible things to go wrong, but that wasn't his point at all. As he started to ask Sirius what was wrong an owl came in with a letter. He said, "Sirius, are you o – " but then he looked at the handwriting on the letter, "Holy shit!" It was from James – and it looked old. So it was probably from a timed post office box…sent on his sons fifteenth birthday – go figure.

Hey Moony!

I'm writing this on October 30th 1981, and hoping that it never gets sent, but not counting on it. I'm losing trust in Pete, and I'm losing it fast. Looking back on when we made him secret keeper, he had this glint in his eyes that I just don't feel comfortable with. So sometime tomorrow I'm going to ask Dumbledore to be our secret keeper. I trust you again – and I'm sorry that I didn't before – and I trust Sirius, but Dumbledore seems to be the wisest choice. Pete always followed the three of us because we were more powerful and popular – he could think he'd get that from Voldemort, too, and who's to say he wouldn't? I just have a gut feeling about this – and I told Sirius and Harry to trust that sort of thing, so I'm trusting mine.

I could apologize five thousand times for not trusting you and believing you capable of thinking you to be the spy in our group, and it wouldn't be enough for me. I didn't want to believe that one my brothers could do that to me, but one of them was and – god forgive me for this – I automatically thought of you being a werewolf, and Voldemort looking for support from werewolves. It made sense to me, though it doesn't anymore. In the same way that Sirius has fought against his family's darkness, you've fought against the darkness of your disease – you have since before I ever met you, so why would that change now? So feeling like a total idiot, I beg you to forgive me. You don't have to – I don't deserve it for thinking that of you, but I wish you would.

I guess that I could give you advice like I did Harry and Sirius, but I wouldn't know what to say. Trust your instincts, Remus, they can help. Keep your friends close – help Sirius with Harry, spend time with Sirius – be the brothers you always were before. And if you did manage to forgive me and don't hate me, don't let my death rule your life – I am your brother and I always will be, whether I'm dead or not. If Pete is doing what I think he is – well, I'd love to say I don't hate him, as I've told Harry not to hate, but he's putting my family and friends in danger and that is not okay with me – not at all. So maybe I don't hate him – but I don't like him, I don't love him, and I don't pity what they'll do to him if he is a death eater. He deserves it.

Is that wrong? I know it's him and I know he's doing it, but I don't want to believe that of one of my brothers. What do I do about this? Hopefully he hasn't had the chance to go to the dark bastard yet, but if he has, and I don't get the chance to change secret keepers – don't kill him. Send him to Azkaban, where he belongs, but don't put blood on your hands to get revenge – as I told Harry, revenge makes hate, and hate makes people like Voldemort. I wouldn't want you to do that just to avenge me. It'd end up being rather pointless, don't you think?

I love you Moony, you are forever my brother and I am forever sorry.

Your friend, brother, and fellow marauder,
James Potter, a.k.a. Prongs

Remus smiled through the tears that seemed to be endless now. He had needed to hear some of those things – that James didn't think him the spy, that he still loved him, they were still brothers. And now that he had heard them, he felt so much better. Cleansed, almost. He wondered how Harry and Sirius were fairing after their letters. He could hear Sirius sobbing from the next room – he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad sign, though. Slowly, though, Sirius' sobs faded into silence and Remus started to fade to sleep, and his last understandable thought was, 'thank god for that letter – I think it may have just freed Sirius – in more than one way.