Hey look, an update. How fun. So this chapter is called Confessions pt 1. It seemed to fit. Next part is Confessions pt 2. Clever eh.

Enjoy.

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Izzie laid curled on her side in bed. She could hear Meredith and Finn laughing and talking across the hall. She smiled slightly. She was glad that Meredith was happy, and she must be happy if she was talking to someone, let alone laughing, this early in the morning.

Izzie rolled over on to her other side and pulled a pillow over her face to block out the light and the noise.

She was going back to sleep.

She was happy they were happy, but it would be easier if they could be happy somewhere else.

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Derek wander sullenly through the halls of the surgical wing. He had heard from several different sources that Meredith was coming back today.

He didn't want to see her.

He had been trying to track down Addison since he had arrived that morning, but she was being rather elusive. He was certain that she didn't know what was going on. If she knew she certainly would have killed him by now.

She probably thinks that we had a fight. And a fight could work to his advantage.

He wasn't going to loose Addison too. Meredith had already walked away without looking back.

So he was spending every available moment with Addison. Before rounds, after rounds, lunch, when ever he had a moment he would go up and try to find her. She usually wasn't around but life even half his messages got to her she would know that he was around, wanting to be with her.

And if she knew that he was around, she would be happy. And he wouldn't have to worry about her getting fed up with him and leaving.

He needed her.

If she left too...

Well he wasn't going to think about, 'cause it wasn't going to happen.

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Meredith smoothed the blankets over the bed. She had to go into work today. She had no choice. She used up all the sick days she could reasonably get away with by saying she was looking after Izzie.

Which was true.

But Izzie hadn't really need her. She was sticking to herself. If she was hungry she would make something to eat. If she was tired she would nap. If she needed to think, she would go for a walk.

Basically Meredith had been hanging out for 5 days. Or hiding out.

Most of the time she enjoyed it, hanging out. Finn had only left once, and only for a few hours to take care of somethings at the office and to grab a few changes of clothes. They had spent 5 days just being together, hiding out in Meredith's room. Finn had brought a huge book of puzzles. It was no secret that they both sucked at them, but they were also both very stubborn. And they had talked, allot. Meredith couldn't remember a time that she had spent so much time just talking with someone. And she was happy.

Except when she was hiding. Physically hiding from Callie who had been in the house quite a bit. And hiding from thoughts of Derek that surfaced whenever she tried to sleep, or whenever the house was silent.

Meredith glanced up as Finn entered the room wearing a white t-shirt and sweat pants. His hair was sticking up in every direction, he hadn't shaved and he was eating a bowl of cereal. He looked adorable.

"Awww, you made the bed."

Meredith smiled at him, "I made the bed."

Finn eased himself onto the bed and motioned for Meredith to join him, "I don't want to go back to work," he sighed offering Meredith some Cheerios.

"Me neither."

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Derek slid into the elevator after Addison and leaned slouched against the back, "Hey."

Addison raised and eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the door, "Hi."

"You left early this morning."

"I got paged."

Derek nodded, "How's your day been?"

"Fine."

"Fine," Derek repeated, "Busy?"

Addison just nodded.

The elevators opened and Addison walked out on to the floor. To her surprise Derek followed.

"Do you have a patient up here?"

Derek shook his head and glanced around the hall, "No I was just coming up to see you."

"Why?"

Derek shrugged, "I had some free time."

Addison sighed in frustraighton over her husbands sudden change in behavior, "Okay," Addison started down the hall, Derek following just behind her.

"Did you need something?" she asked stopping suddenly.

Derek shook his head.

"Did you want to talk to me?"

Again he shook his head.

"You were just coming up here to see me."

He nodded, smiling at her.

For the first time in 5 days, Addison felt that maybe the rumours, and the conclusions she had jumped to, weren't true.

XXXX

Meredith slowly walked down the stairs. She was assigned to Bailey, thankfully, and she hadn't run into Derek, Addison or Callie.

Until now.

Just as she reached the landing, the door below her opened revealing the Shepherds.

Meredith's eyes darted back and forth nervously between them.

Addison eyes slide slowly from Meredith to Derek.

Derek just stared at the floor.

Meredith jumped as the door a floor above her opened and footsteps rapidly descended towards her.

Callie.

Perfect.

Addison gave Meredith one last hard look and turned on her heel, leaving the stairwell.

Meredith sighed heavily.

Derek glanced quickly at Meredith before his gaze landed on Callie. He glanced at the door behind him that was still slowly closing. Shoving his hands deep in his pockets, he walked quickly down the stairs, away from Meredith and Callie.

Meredith sighed again, and continued down the stairs.

"Dr. Grey," Callie called after her.

Meredith flinched, but turned around to face her.

"You've been avoiding me."

"No," Meredith smiled weakly.

"I have spent the last 5 nights at your place, I haven't seen you once."

"Callie..."

Callie shook her hand to interrupt Meredith, "I've tried to like you. I have. Really. For George's sake I have tried to like you, even though clearly you don't like me. But what I saw the other night..."

"Callie I know what you saw..."

"No you don't," Callie interrupted her again, her voice was low and serious, "I watched a woman comfort her husband, her husband, because you broke his heart. She is trying to fix what you broke while your camped out in your room with another man. What world do you live in where that is ok? Start taking responsibility for what you've done. You and McDreamy are not the only people involved. Your inability to keep your panties on, is hurting everyone."

Meredith stood completely dumbfounded long after Callie had gone.

Nothing good ever happend to her in a stairwell.

XXXX

Addison sat quietly in the cafeteria reading the newspaper. Apartment hunting sucked. Everything felt wrong.

She randomly circled another listing, this one had a fireplace.

She didn't really care.

She could feel the eyes on her.

She sighed. People had just stopped looking at her. Now she was certain everyone knew everything. They probably either pitied her or blamed her.

Derek sat down silently beside her.

She ignored him.

The glimmer of hope that she had held on to, the one that allowed her to think that the worst had not happened, was officially dead. Now she was left making contingence plans. She just wasn't sure what she wanted those plans to be.

She glanced at him and closed the newspaper. She was fairly certain that he wouldn't care that she was looking at apartment listings, but at this point affirmation would be like pouring salt on a gapping wound.

"It's been awhile," Addison greeted him sarcastically.

In reality she had probably seen him more in the 5 days since prom then she had in the last month. He was wandering aimlessly around the hospital, avoiding everyone. Except her. It seemed like every time she approached the nurses station, Derek had just been asking for her. And if she had found him lurking around neonatal once, she had found him there a million times. At first this had made her nervous, eventually it had made her happy, now it was pissing her off.

He ignored her, "I was just upstairs looking for you, they said I could find you here."

Addison studied him, "Do you need a consult?"

Derek shook his head.

"Did you want to... talk to me?"

Again Derek shook his head.

"Well then, what do you want?" Addison snapped.

Derek glanced up at her, his eyes full of pain, but his voice hard,"I just wanted to see you. Isn't that what you wanted, Addison?"

"Yes!" Addison exclaimed, gathering her stuff together, "But not like this. Not because you don't have anything better to do."

"Addison," Derek attempted to stop her as she left, "That's not why I am here."

"I know," Addison said cooly "Your avoiding Meredith."

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Callie flagged down Addison as she quickly marched by.

"I need a consult," she explained, "32 weeks, fell on her side when she broke her foot. Seems fine, just taking precautions."

Addison nodded and turned to follow Callie down the hall, as the entered an empty hallway, Callie stopped.

"Why are you still with him?" she asked suddenly.

"Dr. Torres..." Addison began.

"I get that it's none of my business, but I saw them together, and I saw you with him, and I know you know. So why are you punishing your self like this. Why aren't you leaving?

"Dr. Torres," Addison voice was hard and cold, "My best friend just had hid heart broken by someone he loves. You must have friends. Would you pick now to tell your best friend that they are the scum of the earth and potentially tell them that you are leaving?

"Potentially?"

Addison sighed, "He is my husband. And to be perfectly fair, if I were to walk away and say nothing, I would be a bit of a hypocrite. That said, I would like nothing more then to peel his skin slowly from his body with my bare hands. But part of me is hoping that he is going to come to me and confess and tell me that he wants to work it out. Because the most unfortunate thing is, despite everything," Addison paused, "I still love him."

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Meredith watched Derek long after Addison stormed away.

Damnit.

Derek glanced up and locked eyes with her.

Meredith didn't know what to do. She gave him a tentative smile, hoping that he would return it, show her that they were going to be okay.

But Derek instantly looked away abandoning his lunch, he took off out of the cafeteria after Addison.

Meredith sighed heavily and turned away. She couldn't help but smile when she saw Finn heading towards her.

"I made you lunch," he announced as he approached, "Well a client made me lunch but I decide to share."

"I need to tell you something." Meredith cringed when the words came out of her mouth. She hadn't meant to say them and now she couldn't take them back. "It's about Derek."

"Now? 'Cause there is some truly amazing potato salad in here and I really want to eat it before it officially hits room temperature."

"I fell in love with Derek," she blurted out.

Finn smiled with amusement. "Since this morning? Am I really that forgettable?"

"No. No. No your not and not not since this morning. Along time ago." Meredith felt herself begining to ramble, but realized that rambling might be the only way to get out everything that she needed too, "I fell in love with him. And we were happy, and then he had a wife, but I didn't know that he had a wife cause if I did I probably wouldn't have fallen in love with him, or maybe I would have I dunno. but I did and he had a wife. But she slept with his best friend so he was suppose to sign the divorce papers and we were going to be together and be happy and live this amazing life together. But he didn't sign and I begged him to choose me and love me, but he chose her and loved her because she is his wife and he should choose her and love her. So they were together fighting and looking at each other and I was alone, so I got Doc. And then I didn't have Doc, he had Doc, she had Doc and they were this cute little family living in the woods, my McDreamy and my McDog and the woman that stole them from me. And basically everything was going wrong cause they were getting happy and George wasn't talking to me and Izzie was falling in love with her patient and I was alone so I started knitting and I met you."

Finn smiled, "And since then your love life has significantly improved?"

"No, I..." Meredith pursed her lips and closed her eyes, "I had sex with Derek. At prom. He was looking at me and..."

Finn paled.

"I am so sorry," Meredith rushed on,"You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back, it all feels so cheap and I feel... like his dirty mistress again. And that's not what I want I want to be with you. I want to do whatever it is that you have planned. Which is why I told you. I didn't want this to be between us, and it would be even if you didn't know it was between us i would know and.. I wanted to tell you. 'Cause I want this to work and it won't if I hide things from you. So I am not, hiding it. I am telling you and I hope that you can forgive me and ..."

Meredith trailed off as Finn turned and began to walk away.

"Finn..."

"Meredith," he cut her off, "I need to process this. I'll call you in a few days. I don't know what I'll say, but I'll call you."

Meredith sighed and leaned back against the wall.

Damnit.

Damnit, damnit.

"Hey," Cristina greeted her, what seemed like an eternity later, "I've barely seen you since you got back. What's up."

"I think Finn just dumped me."

"What? Why?"

"I had sex with Derek at prom."

Cristina stared, "That rumour's true?"

Meredith nodded.

"Well I'm out $20."

"Sorry." Meredith sank to the floor.

"I don't worry about it." Cristina sank to the floor beside her, "Was it at least worth it?"

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If I could turn back the hands of time and start all over I would,

'Stead of everything bein all bad beby everything will be all good,

I don't wanna lose you but I know what im telling you aint gon' make you wanna stay, probally just make you run away

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Well there is another chapter. If anyone is interested I do indeed have a beta, her name is Addy. If anyone gets that they get a cookie.

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